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Squizzle
Apr 24, 2008


ďIíll have to get you to excuse me, my friend, I ainít no hat-rack.Ē

Fun Shoe

Roth posted:

I'm finding more and more that blaming poor LGBT rep on China feels like an excuse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1C5HHz382k

blaming china is almost entirely a stalking horse for capitulating to bigots in the big-money markets who never stopped complaining

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BoldFrankensteinMir
Jul 28, 2006

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Darth Vader didn't die, he got sent to another universe where Lighth Vader serves the good emperor against evil rebels.

There, he learns the true meaning of Life Day, which they call Death Day

Roth
Jul 9, 2016


Squizzle posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1C5HHz382k

blaming china is almost entirely a stalking horse for capitulating to bigots in the big-money markets who never stopped complaining

Yeah, and to me lgbt rep in media for a long time always felt like this in the first place

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
mottled gecko

Nap Ghost

Roth posted:

I'm finding more and more that blaming poor LGBT rep on China feels like an excuse.

It is

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~


uhhhhh, heh. we don't blame it on China any more. that would just be provably inaccurate and uncouth!



we say "international market" now.

Angry Salami
Jul 27, 2013

Don't trust the skull.


So it looks like audiences didn't turn on us over our ghoulish use of dead actor's likenesses, so can we do more with that? If, ah, one of our cast met with an... heh... accident, we'd get a lot of press, and then we could claim we were 'paying tribute' by using random outtakes of them to pad out our next film.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



The new bad guys are gonna be xenophobic humans who want to "eliminate" all the "aliens" who "don't belong here." Chewbacca gets lynched to start us off.

Nazis and Centrists still manage to successfully claim this is a "betrayal" of what the original movies stood for and future sequels close out with "maybe if we only kill the bad ones?"

This coincides with the death of US democracy, coincidentally.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.

Side story where Darth Vader's suit is invented by Iron Man.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


Angry Salami posted:

So it looks like audiences didn't turn on us over our ghoulish use of dead actor's likenesses, so can we do more with that? If, ah, one of our cast met with an... heh... accident, we'd get a lot of press, and then we could claim we were 'paying tribute' by using random outtakes of them to pad out our next film.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJOjTNuuEVw

every dead actor doing this

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

Pull in all the greatest dead actors in the world for an avengers style star wars team up over 30 movies.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

We can finally get a digital Christopher Reeve to make Superman 5.

Wait, Superman is a comic book, we own him right?

Jeff, make sure we own Superman and put him in a Star Wars.

BoldFrankensteinMir
Jul 28, 2006

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Then it's settled. We get an all-dead, all-dancing, all-babies cast for our 4th of July Superman Vs Star Wars sing-along spectacular! We'll call it "SuperStars: Just the Beginning!" so we can make fifty of 'em!

Fire up the computers and sacrifice a goat, we have some revenants to conjure!

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Then it's settled. We get an all-dead, all-dancing, all-babies cast for our 4th of July Superman Vs Star Wars sing-along spectacular! We'll call it "SuperStars: Just the Beginning!" so we can make fifty of 'em!

Fire up the computers and sacrifice a goat, we have some revenants to conjure!

I need you to look at this screening feedback. Audiences are calling the celebrity faced babies "grotesque" but when they just look like babies they don't look like celebrities. We're losing $40 Million a day on this

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

Fire the director and hire some more VFX houses, buy them, consolidate them, liquidate the employees, and then have the resulting slurry served here while we figure out what to do.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

I've got it! Everyone likes pets right? Just put the cgi fur on em. They're baby animal celebrity Superman starwars sing alongers now

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~


lol fuckin' The Critic called it with Phillipsvision

Lemniscate Blue
Apr 21, 2006

Here we go again.

Fun Shoe

paragon1 posted:

Pull in all the greatest dead actors in the world for an avengers style star wars team up over 30 movies.

Star Wars: The Expendables!

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

Charlie Chaplin is Mel Bonzo in Rogue Ten: This One Has Hutts In It: A Star Wars Story

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


More bad news; Fans are boycotting the disneyland dexter jettster's diner location on account of they would not serve mickey mouse pancakes. I just got off the phone with this guy from Modesto, he ranted at me for nine hours about how they wouldn't have heard of mickey mouse, that coruscant is 467,000 light years away from earth and walt disney, how they don't eat the same grains in the star wars and how atmospheric differences would make pancakes impossible to prepare in the same conditions as on earth and my god, this man just went on. It was awful!

Cancel my 3 o clock.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Stick a NOT-so-Hidden Mickey in the "Jedi Archives" mural and that'll shut them up.

I mean really, Phil, it's like you ENJOY freaking out over this bullshit.

HUGE SPACEKABLOOIE
Mar 31, 2010

I do believe I may have shit my pants. I hope this accident was worth it for Lowtax' spine.


Lets just throw the entire franchise into a black hole and hope everyone forgets it existed

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


HUGE SPACEKABLOOIE posted:

Lets just cross the entire franchise over with the black hole

Squizzle
Apr 24, 2008


ďIíll have to get you to excuse me, my friend, I ainít no hat-rack.Ē

Fun Shoe

rogue 2: rogue harder

rogues 11

the rogues: tokyo drift

Angry Salami
Jul 27, 2013

Don't trust the skull.


Solo 2: Duo

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~



imagine a conversation between VINCENT and C-3PO

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
mottled gecko

Nap Ghost

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

lol fuckin' The Critic called it with Phillipsvision

prescient

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Pick posted:

prescient

On one hand it was a parody of the the then current Turner media pitfall of attempting to shoddily as hell colorize classic films, on the other, absolutely prescient about the next steps in the process

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010


They'll never see it coming...


So the other day, I'm at Starbucks, and I ask the kid taking my order what he thought about our last movie, and he said that the franchise has become a rotten, shambling husk of its former self, a ghoulish caricature that needs to be put out of its misery instead of being forced to stumble on as an unnatural mockery of everything it used to be.

And it really got me thinking, guys... we need to come up with some kind of Star Wars Zombies spin-off! Have like, zombies that are a result of some sort Resident Evil-style bioweapon experimentation by the Empire gone horribly wrong (or right, depending on what we decide they were actually working on), but, BUT! Halfway through the second act of the first film, we pull the rug out from everyone with DIFFERENT zombies that are animated by some kind of Dark Side of the Force magic or some poo poo!

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?




Hair Elf

Hey guys, I got a great idea, let's make some Star Wars movies with a new plot that isn't just wanking over how cool the characters from the original trilogy are.

Yeah

Ok

Yeah, I guess I can have my desk cleaned out by 5pm today

So how much am I getting in my golden parachute?

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?




Hair Elf

Also, I had a weird dream last night that was a strange mashup of Empire Strikes Back and Terminator 2 and now I really want Disney to give me a couple hundred million to produce that bizzare master piece.

Turns out the real power of the dark side is time traveling

Zoran
Aug 19, 2008

I lost to you once, monster. I shall not lose again! Die now, that our future can live!


The Glumslinger posted:

Turns out the real power of the dark side is time traveling

nah the old eu already covered this territory

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?




Hair Elf

Zoran posted:

nah the old eu already covered this territory

I mean, it makes more sense as an inherently evil thing than force lightning

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
mottled gecko

Nap Ghost

A boba get boba get where boba fett boba fett boba fett

BoldFrankensteinMir
Jul 28, 2006

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Okay it's Harry and the Hendersons but reverse, right? Chewbacca and his adorable family on planet Kashkow befriend a Harrison Ford in the woods.

Yeah I know Han Solo is dead, but this is Harrison Ford, the actor. Oh it's canon alright, Luke Skywalker met Mark Hamill on the Muppet Show, which we also own!

Earth is real and so are the muppets, Star Wars episode XIV. You're welcome.

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004



I had the art department put together this concept art. It's scoring really well with soccer moms.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


Schweinhund posted:

I had the art department put together this concept art. It's scoring really well with soccer moms.



This is amazing. Showed this to my adult son (he's a star wars fan) and he cried, he said this was what the fans were craving. His reaction video currently has over 678,900 TikToks.

Can we make this his dad?

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

Schweinhund posted:

I had the art department put together this concept art. It's scoring really well with soccer moms.



They already did Baby Vader in a Super Bowl commercial though.

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004



nine-gear crow posted:

They already did Baby Vader in a Super Bowl commercial though.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird


Did I loving stutter?

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starbucks hermit
Dec 13, 2016



Fun Shoe

Ok. The kids are all over ytmnd vine tiktok

we need to make star wars properties memeable so that feelings can only be conveyed via edited star wars clips and not actual words

how about this: the start of The Last Jedi, but instead of dismissively throwing away a lightsaber, Luke throws away benjamins? or the latest iphone? or a facemask?

this will buy us time to keep us in the consciousness of upcoming generations while trying to come up with the next movie

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