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starbucks hermit
Dec 13, 2016



Fun Shoe

we need more youtube meme videos

someone make a "the last jedi but it plays twice as fast when someone turns on a lightsaber" movie

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Zoran
Aug 19, 2008

I lost to you once, monster. I shall not lose again! Die now, that our future can live!


el dorito posted:

we need more youtube meme videos

someone make a "the last jedi but it plays twice as fast when someone turns on a lightsaber" movie

that only happens like four times in the whole movie though

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



"So we're already animating the original trilogy, but GET THIS. What if we animate it again...but in CGI this time???"

*snorts a metric ton of coke*

BoldFrankensteinMir
Jul 28, 2006

Darn! Darn! Darn!


We still have the reanimated digital corpse of Peter Cushing, right? Heh I guess he's playing Frankenstein's MONSTER now instead, huh? It's funny because the dead have no agency.

Anyway I'm thinking there's nothing stopping us from doing a Princess Leia and Grand Moff Tarkin buddy thing now, like maybe an AR introduction to a theme park ride where they trade quips about space stuff while you get seated in the log flume?

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008





We did Baby Yoda and it made us a fuckin' mint

so now we do a Star Wars but it's all Baby Yodas

and here's the kicker: every fuckin' Baby Yoda is a different color

we set up a merch contract with M&M's and print Baby Yoda faces on the M&M's and get that fuckin' poo poo into every school lunch program in America

ring a ding ding, baby!

Zoran
Aug 19, 2008

I lost to you once, monster. I shall not lose again! Die now, that our future can live!


Filthy Hans posted:

We did Baby Yoda and it made us a fuckin' mint

so now we do a Star Wars but it's all Baby Yodas

and here's the kicker: every fuckin' Baby Yoda is a different color

we set up a merch contract with M&M's and print Baby Yoda faces on the M&M's and get that fuckin' poo poo into every school lunch program in America

ring a ding ding, baby!

we should probably set aside some money to bribe congress so they’ll reclassify cacao products as vegetables. $5k each ought to do it, they’re such cheap dates

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



Gotta add an, in-your-face, extreme Baby Chewie. In fact, let's give Baby Chewie sunglasses, a backwards baseball cap, and a skateboard. Whenever he's not on the screen, people should be asking, "Where's Baby Chewie?" Also, he should have a time machine.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Bogus Adventure posted:

Gotta add an, in-your-face, extreme Baby Chewie. In fact, let's give Baby Chewie sunglasses, a backwards baseball cap, and a skateboard. Whenever he's not on the screen, people should be asking, "Where's Baby Chewie?" Also, he should have a time machine.
That never tested well. Even when we tried stunt-casting Cardi B.

But get this poo poo. Baby. Palpatine.

And if that fucker lands we have a clear runway for my Emperor Palpateen YA RomComDramedy

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.

FilthyImp posted:

That never tested well. Even when we tried stunt-casting Cardi B.

But get this poo poo. Baby. Palpatine.

And if that fucker lands we have a clear runway for my Emperor Palpateen YA RomComDramedy

Baby Palpatine...who fucks.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


I'm afraid I have some bad news gang. Several thousand computers have been stolen from ILM and Pixar, in what is perhaps the greatest server heist of all time, and data about and including our new star wars movies is leaking out at slowly as it can be uploaded. They have episodes 10 and 11, the script for 12, the REAL episode 9 we were all going to try to sell next year, all the 3d models of yoda, and all of the other characters and worlds, the assets to rango, the file they uploaded wall-e's soul into when he died, the video of harrison ford drunk, TRON, the videos, pictures, and incriminating documents of the cruel zoo where the "puppets" are kept, and that's just what's uploaded now. My adult son tried hari-kari with his lightsaber because he was spoiled but he only poked his stomach very hard and fell over.

Suggestions? Let's Brainstorme people

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


FunkyAl posted:

I'm afraid I have some bad news gang. Several thousand computers have been stolen from ILM and Pixar, in what is perhaps the greatest server heist of all time, and data about and including our new star wars movies is leaking out at slowly as it can be uploaded. They have episodes 10 and 11, the script for 12, the REAL episode 9 we were all going to try to sell next year, all the 3d models of yoda, and all of the other characters and worlds, the assets to rango, the file they uploaded wall-e's soul into when he died, the video of harrison ford drunk, TRON, the videos, pictures, and incriminating documents of the cruel zoo where the "puppets" are kept, and that's just what's uploaded now. My adult son tried hari-kari with his lightsaber because he was spoiled but he only poked his stomach very hard and fell over.

Suggestions? Let's Brainstorme people

Buy your adult son an account

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



FunkyAl posted:

Suggestions? Let's Brainstorme people
Uhhh... let's blame social justice nazis?

Reveal the RDR2-Inspired Boba Fett game we've been working on? The VR Mandalorian side-episodes?

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending


Grimey Drawer

Gentlemen, you've got it all wrong.

You're all trying to make a product. Not only does that cost money, but it also runs the risk of creating something.

What we need is a service where customers give us money for us to do essentially nothing, while they do all the hype and dreaming and marketing legwork for us.

We do need to lay down some fabricated foundation for this, but it'll cost pennies. We'll create a Disney+ show called "Your Star Wars Story", where the weirdos send the show videos of their attempts to make Star Wars, with a two minute time limit. It'll all be mostly poo poo, but the customers will lap it up, because in each show a winner will be picked to compete in a championship bracket of a 5 minute Star Wars video. During this bracket, fans can crowdfund these competitors only through our various Disney services. Half goes to the competitor, half goes to us. After every bracket, the time goes up, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes. Not feature length, oh ho, not yet. During this time, we figure out which of the probable winners is the most morally... flexible when it comes to our intentions. And we can fast track those candidates while throttling the ones who are real fuckin' weirdos and/or won't play ball. At the end of it, we'll call a winner, and tell everyone the winner gets to re-imagine Star Wars to whatever fantasy they want. We'll have a selective cheap documentary crew film it, and release little bits of this sucker.

And it too, will be crowdfunded.

Then, all we gotta do is make sure this winner project remains in perpetual pre-production. Under no circumstances can anything about this other than marketing be allowed to coalesce into a "product". We can string this out for years, baby. Years. We'll just keep feeding him cheap starving artists and writers to both indulge his power trip and distract him with fan demands. Merch? Covered by whatever little gem comes out of the starving artists. We keep the "Story" series going, hell we can have the little director diaries in the show itself of the sucker gushing about his vision, and winner of those seasons either get to dictate something from their thing be in the new re-imagining, or if the current winner stops playing ball we can replace him with the new one, and the bullshit cycle begins anew. All the while the fans keep crowdfunding this dumpster fire and putting money in our pockets.

And if it tanks at any point, it won't cost us poo poo.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


reignofevil posted:

Buy your adult son an account

I'd like to, but he says computers exude "sith electromagnetism," so he won't use one and can't apply for any jobs or turn the light on and of

BoldFrankensteinMir
Jul 28, 2006

Darn! Darn! Darn!


Bootcha posted:

Gentlemen, you've got it all wrong.

You're all trying to make a product. Not only does that cost money, but it also runs the risk of creating something.

What we need is a service where customers give us money for us to do essentially nothing, while they do all the hype and dreaming and marketing legwork for us.

Seriouspost- This nightmare scenario is exactly what George would have done if they'd turned him, he understood the power of fan films 30 years before anybody else. You and I are posting on the web that Troops built. It's proof we don't live in the darkest Star Wars timeline that Lucas told the "white slavers" to gently caress off to the tune of 4 billion dollars donated to schools, because otherwise it wouldn't be John Favreu and Amy Sedaris making Star Wars stuff for Disney+, it'd be Star Wars Kid and Joe Exotic.

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


Let's just sign every hot name in writing or directing to work on a Star Wars movie and then cancel their contract when they either poo poo the bed on another project or refuse to work within our framework of "No you CAN'T take any kind of risk or express an original idea with this property, we just need you to subtly remake these 40 year old movies, again and again, forever and ever"

Bogus Adventure posted:

"So we're already animating the original trilogy, but GET THIS. What if we animate it again...but in CGI this time???"

*snorts a metric ton of coke*

Star Wars Live-Action Remake; All the characters are CG and the sets are digital composites of real world reference photography and the only live-action character in the entire movie is the original footage of Declan Mullholand as Jabba

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


FilthyImp posted:

Uhhh... let's blame social justice nazis?

Reveal the RDR2-Inspired Boba Fett game we've been working on? The VR Mandalorian side-episodes?

I'm afraid that not only have the VR mandolorian episodes leaked, the virtual world we created for it has gained access to the internet and become self aware. They have a few questions for us, and a lot of nuclear codes

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



JethroMcB posted:

Star Wars Live-Action Remake; All the characters are CG and the sets are digital composites of real world reference photography and the only live-action character in the entire movie is the original footage of Declan Mullholand as Jabba
Released exclusive on the Sega CD

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

FunkyAl posted:

I'm afraid that not only have the VR mandolorian episodes leaked, the virtual world we created for it has gained access to the internet and become self aware. They have a few questions for us, and a lot of nuclear codes

Call their bluff, we answer to a higher power.

Chomp8645
Sep 1, 2006

Vvardenfell awaits.



I watched the first two seasons of GLOW and thought it was pretty entertaining so my idea is we make something like GLOW but it's about a team of Twi'lek performers instead.

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008





Detective Pikachu but it's Baby Yoda instead

with the hat and pipe and everything

we'll make a loving mint on the merchandising

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Filthy Hans posted:

Detective Pikachu but it's Baby Yoda instead

with the hat and pipe and everything

we'll make a loving mint on the merchandising
I like this idea. Except it's baby Chewbacca. Idiot.

paragon1 posted:

Call their bluff, we answer to a higher power.
Release the Star Wars Kid virus. It'll be like that last chapter of the Japanese Reengoo movies, except with obesity and shame instead of demonic possession cyber-herpes.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



Okay, so the Skywalker Saga is over. The galaxy is in flux... What we need to do is write a story about a new era of peace. Led by a space company with vision: D'z-NEE.

Angry Salami
Jul 27, 2013

Don't trust the skull.


Is there anything we can do with all this unused Rogue One and Solo footage we filmed before we decided what we actually wanted the films to be like? I was just going through the archive, and it looks like there's enough material to make at least two more films. I mean, yeah, we'd have to stitch together unrelated scenes and it wouldn't flow too well, but we got away with it with Rise of Skywalker, so...

Sharkie
Feb 4, 2013

Something looks fishy.






Golden tickets like Willy Wonka.

Call it the Prize of Skywalker.

The winner gets to find out the true secret of the force it's microdosing ketamine

edit: the project is Frozen, but Elsa has a lightsaber, that's it.

Sharkie fucked around with this message at 12:45 on May 22, 2020

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


Alright, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter turned out great for Universal's parks, so hear me out, we're gonna do Star Wars Jedi Academy - The Path of the Younglings. We get these kids and tell them they're going to be Jedi, we do the Olivander's Wand Shop souvenir stand/theatrical display but with lightsabers, they have a meal in the "Jedi Cafeteria" or something, then they walk into a darkened room where a hulking bodybuilder in a Vader costume is waiting to beat the poo poo out of them.

Listen, they all signed waivers to get into the park without reading them, our asses are covered.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Angry Salami posted:

Is there anything we can do with all this unused Rogue One and Solo footage we filmed before we decided what we actually wanted the films to be like?
Time-travel caper with Yoda's Mother to ensure that.... something. Idunno. Jedi Holochron?

Just rip off Xmen DoFP and use... force projection?

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


I'm uncomfortable with the story potentially endorsing the idea of rising up against the power structure that controls them. Could we introduce a "bad" type of rebel to demonstrate what people should definitely not do so we don't get people challenging monopolies or trying to redistribute wealth?

Maybe we can make it into a whole "good and bad people on both sides" kind of thing so it's safely meaningless.

Angry Salami
Jul 27, 2013

Don't trust the skull.


What if we make the world-building so vague that it's impossible to tell who's the established power structure and who's trying to overthrow it?

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



What if we do that, but PROMISE to explain it in future novels, comic books, video games, and television shows that we release on our own premium subscription channel? Also, we need to make sure we tie part of the story into a popular video game. I've got a nephew who is really into this game called Fortnite...

Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008





Younglings On Ice

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



Dancing with the Star Wars: Regular people are paired up with memorable Star Wars characters like Dengar, Ben Quadrinaros, Jitt and Jot Jawas, ME-8D9, and Slowen Lo! Losers get dropped into a Rancor pit, and we all get to watch them fight the Rancor! (The Rancor is someone in a poorly modified inflatable T-Rex costume, and they chase the losers around while on a hoverboard).

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


Bogus Adventure posted:

What if we do that, but PROMISE to explain it in future novels, comic books, video games, and television shows that we release on our own premium subscription channel? Also, we need to make sure we tie part of the story into a popular video game. I've got a nephew who is really into this game called Fortnite...

Can we make the next one IN fortnite? Like a play the game characters perform? If its live, we can charge $30 a ticket each "performance"

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Buddy I got two words for you:

Space. Racists.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



FunkyAl posted:

Can we make the next one IN fortnite? Like a play the game characters perform? If its live, we can charge $30 a ticket each "performance"

YES!!!

*snorts a kilo of coke*

platzapS
Aug 4, 2007



Planet 66, where the Pixar Cars live

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


Filthy Hans posted:

Younglings On Ice

How well do zambonis clean up limbs and corpses?

Bootcha
Nov 13, 2012

Truly, the pinnacle of goaltending


Grimey Drawer

SlothfulCobra posted:

How well do zambonis clean up limbs and corpses?

If you want to make the ice white and nice, not very well.

But that's the point, making the ice red would totally save on lighting costs.

To illustrate, here are the savings of that. *snnnnnnnnnooooooooooorrt*

starbucks hermit
Dec 13, 2016



Fun Shoe

platzapS posted:

Planet 66, where the Pixar Cars live

Or

Have a spin-off where we make every Disney Princess a Jedi and a galactic senator!

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Filthy Hans
Jun 27, 2008





mind the walrus posted:

Buddy I got two words for you:

Space. Racists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3KX8g00kCQ

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