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frh
Dec 6, 2014

Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.
As a typical goon, I weighed myself last week and I weigh 290 pounds when I am supposed to only weigh 190.

I am tired of feeling like this, but at the same time I am not willing to wait the 1+ year it is "supposed" to take to lose 100 pounds.

Thus my plan is to both simultaneously punish myself for becoming such a fatass and to lose weight fast by only drinking Slim Fast™ brand shakes for the next month or two (however long it takes).

So far I am on day 6 of my Slim Fast™-only experiment. I do not feel hungry and in fact actually feel better. I am overall in a better mood than usual, and I don't really get cravings for anything.

According to the almond milk I am using and the Slim Fast™ nutrition label, I am taking in 140 calories per shake. At 3 shakes per day, that's 420 calories per day total.

I believe this is not going to kill me because I take a vitamin every morning, and the Slim Fast™ brand shakes are loaded with vitamins. So far no hair loss and no scurvy.

After 6 days I am now down to 281, so a loss of 9 pounds in 6 days.

I don't believe I am going to "gain it all back" when I get down to 190 because I plan on doing this for the rest of my life, 2 or 3 days per week. So Tuesday and Friday I will take in less than 500 calories, and the rest of the week I will eat whatever the hell I want.

I can update this thread with how much weight I lost if anyone wants. I am hoping to be 190 by September.

Anyway feel free to tell me what a terrible/great idea this is!

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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

It's an extremely bad idea op. Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight. Even if that somehow doesn't happen, you'll be malnourished and losing that much weight that fast will make you have loose skin that can only be removed by surgery. Suck it up and get on a healthy diet and exercise.

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.
How badly is this wrecking your bowels?

Also......lol

Rev. Melchisedech Howler
Sep 5, 2006

You know. Leather.
Try alternating your days with fasting on one and not on the other. Fasting in bursts is good for you, unlike slimfast.

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer

bradzilla posted:

Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight.

Yes, this is the exact moment you will start producing energy out of nowhere, completely disproving Einstein, the laws of thermodynamics and pretty much the entire known universe.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You don't just up and lose 100 fuckin pounds out of the blue by drinking shakes and decide "Well. This is it. This is how it's done."

That is not how it is done. fuckin lol you're addicted to being fat, go get fat counseling and the medical guidance you need to go along with that. Peace.

frh
Dec 6, 2014

Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

bradzilla posted:

It's an extremely bad idea op. Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight. Even if that somehow doesn't happen, you'll be malnourished and losing that much weight that fast will make you have loose skin that can only be removed by surgery. Suck it up and get on a healthy diet and exercise.

Will it still go into starvation mode if I don't feel hungry at all?

Also it's not like I'm taking in zero calories. I work in IT slave labor and clock in 16 hours a day typically so it's a very sedentary lifestyle.

I lost 100 pounds once before in the early 2000s and did not get loose skin, and I lost it very fast (I exercised 2 hours a day and only ate steamed chicken day in and day out) and I did not get loose skin. I think whether you are going to get loose skin is genetics somehow.

givepatajob posted:

How badly is this wrecking your bowels?

Also......lol

I poo poo a lot the first 2 days but now I'm normal in the poop department.

Big Beef City posted:

You don't just up and lose 100 fuckin pounds out of the blue by drinking shakes and decide "Well. This is it. This is how it's done."

That is not how it is done.

I know it's not. I just don't care. I do what I want babe, don't tread on me

BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK
Jan 26, 2016

by Fluffdaddy
I barely eat anything and I look the best i've ever looked. I average 1200 calories. Low calories are the only consensus way to improve lifespan.

Don't drink Slimfast shakes though lmfao. If you wanna use them as a crutch at the beginning fine but have an "exit plan"

E: there are many ways to lose weight, but they all need to be followed for the long term. However you choose to proceed, consider whether you'll be able to maintain it for 6+ months

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW posted:

I know it's not. I just don't care. I do what I want babe, don't tread on me

Don't post a thread about being fat asking about what a bitch you are for being stupid about fixing that and then act smug about how you totally like, don't care at all omg

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

bradzilla posted:

It's an extremely bad idea op. Your body will eventually go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight. Even if that somehow doesn't happen, you'll be malnourished and losing that much weight that fast will make you have loose skin that can only be removed by surgery. Suck it up and get on a healthy diet and exercise.

"Starvation mode" is not a thing in that sense, if you are on 400 calories a day you will definitely continue to lose weight

https://stevenmkemp.com/why-starvation-mode-is-a-myth/

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/starvation-mode#effects-of-calorie-restriction

On the other hand, its not gonna teach yo how to eat sensibly after coming off the all shake diet, and it's gonna present issues with fibre and probably a buttload of micronutrients. If you absolutely insist on ultra low calorie intake for a protracted period, eat shitloads of vegetables, especially leafy greens as part of that diet. A one pound head of broccoli is like 200 calories and is also actually food.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.

BIG-DICK-BUTT-gently caress posted:

I barely eat anything and I look the best i've ever looked. I average 1200 calories. Low calories are the only consensus way to improve lifespan.

Don't drink Slimfast shakes though lmfao. If you wanna use them as a crutch at the beginning fine but have an "exit plan"

Pretty much this - reduce calories to your lowest sustainable level and you'll steadily lose weight. My biggest concern with this is that you'll burn out with your extremely restrictive diet (and also that it'll get expensive to just buy Slimfasts like this, better get a Costco membership).

Weight loss takes a while, there's no getting around it. As you lose weight you'll lose weight slower too, but just keep at it. I highly suggest incorporating other food in there too - eat some salad on your Slimfast days, or something. Hell, make an enormous plate of fried onions and mushrooms or broccoli for stupidly low calories if you're craving something savory. It is possible to do, and you can do it.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

I'll tell you how i lost weight.

eat 2000 calories a day. get 60 grams of protein. pass on anything that has meat in it, or anything that has a lot of cholesterol in general. eat fruit, veggies, and nuts. starches are ok but dont go hog wild on them. walk a lot. a lot a lot. get a pedometer and do 20000 steps.

frh
Dec 6, 2014

Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

BIG-DICK-BUTT-gently caress posted:

I barely eat anything and I look the best i've ever looked. I average 1200 calories. Low calories are the only consensus way to improve lifespan.

Don't drink Slimfast shakes though lmfao. If you wanna use them as a crutch at the beginning fine but have an "exit plan"

I chose chocolate Slimfast because I have a bit of a sweet tooth and if I were going to fall off the wagon, it would be by eating an entire bag of Nestle chocolate chip morsels in one sitting. I also picked it because the Slim Fast guidelines are "two shakes a day and a sensible dinner" so clearly it's safe/ok if it makes up 2/3rds of your meals, I am just going a slight extra mile.

And using them as a crutch in the beginning is exactly what I am doing. I am anticipating only doing this for a month.

I got the idea because I talked to someone who had gastric bypass surgery and he said he lost like 70 pounds in 2 months and I asked him how the surgery does that and he said "because you can only have liquids for 2 months" and I thought "gently caress that poo poo I'mma save the surgery money and just do what they made him do, eat poo poo doc".

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

this will take months. if you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night to snack, eat later in the day. dry out on the booze for a while.

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

Make an appointment with a dietitian. You need somebody to teach you about nutrition and help you put together a plan that you can stick with.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

you all look horrible anyway

frh
Dec 6, 2014

Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Ehud posted:

Make an appointment with a dietitian. You need somebody to teach you about nutrition and help you put together a plan that you can stick with.

I will as soon as I am at my goal weight.

I know me better than anyone (obviously). If I do what the doctors say and only lose 2 pounds a week I will never, ever bother to lose weight because that's way too slow and I will remain a fat slob forever.

Dog Kisser posted:

. Hell, make an enormous plate of fried onions and mushrooms or broccoli for stupidly low calories if you're craving something savory. It is possible to do, and you can do it.

I plan on eating stuff like this regularly when I hit my goal weight. I am going to be on extremely low-calorie restrictions 2 or 3 days a week so I can have a beer and some pretzels once or twice a week as well.

But I must ask...can you teach me the magic of being able to fry onions/mushrooms/broc while it not being fattening?


Big Beef City posted:

Don't post a thread about being fat asking about what a bitch you are for being stupid about fixing that and then act smug about how you totally like, don't care at all omg

I'm not being smug, I know this is an incredibly stupid way to lose weight. I just don't care that it's stupid. And I am not asking anyone to change my mind. I'm as stubborn as I am dense.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
They wouldn't call it Slim Fast unless it made you slim fast. They'd get sued.

frh
Dec 6, 2014

Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

Icochet posted:

They wouldn't call it Slim Fast unless it made you slim fast. They'd get sued.

Exactly my logic

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Icochet posted:

They wouldn't call it Slim Fast unless it made you slim fast. They'd get sued.

What if it just made people nicknamed 'Slim', fast and the marketing was all wrong? What then, smart guy?

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW posted:

I will as soon as I am at my goal weight.

I know me better than anyone (obviously). If I do what the doctors say and only lose 2 pounds a week I will never, ever bother to lose weight because that's way too slow and I will remain a fat slob forever.

you seem very committed to this unhealthy approach to weight loss

I hope it works for you but it probably won't

Khorne
May 1, 2002
After a few weeks I'd slowly introduce more food. Especially protein and vegetables. Maybe fat too if you aren't getting 30g/day. Losing more than 1% bodyweight per week isn't advised for a ton of reasons far beyond the scope of a GBS reply.

You got the diet kickstarted, you broke the habit of stuffing your gullet nonstop, that's the hard part. Now that you're on the diet path and rolling in progress you should go with something sustainable and nourishing.

I did a diet like that when I was a dumbass teen and it's the wrong way to go. Sustainable weight loss of 1-2lbs/wk is so much better when you reach your goal weight. You keep more muscle mass, you look skinnier at your final weight in contrast with skinny fat or emaciated, you aren't starving your body of stuff it needs, and you don't risk anything.

It took your entire drat life to get to 290lbs, what's a year or two to hit 190. You're going to get back up to 290 if you go back to old eating habits anyway. So dragging the diet out to build up new, good habits during it is all positive.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 15:55 on May 12, 2020

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer

Big Beef City posted:

What if it just made people nicknamed 'Slim', fast and the marketing was all wrong? What then, smart guy?

I'm not sure what would happen then

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

OP: Tell me what about my idiotic plan is a bad idea.
GBS: Well, here's some things that you should do.
OP: Nope, I'm admittedly stubborn and dumb and purposefully not going to do what you tell me as well as ask for even more advice on how to do things that make my situation even worse.

Man you're off to a good start here, op. A real good start.

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004

:derp:   :kayak:                                     

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW posted:

I don't believe I am going to "gain it all back" when I get down to 190 because I plan on doing this for the rest of my life, 2 or 3 days per week. So Tuesday and Friday I will take in less than 500 calories, and the rest of the week I will eat whatever the hell I want.

It's way harder to do this 2 or 3 days per week than doing it every day. It's like if you only smoke a pack of cigarettes every other day. It's easier to go off the wagon completely than going off and on it 3 times per week. So your plan already doesn't seem feasible to me, even if ti doesn't kill you. Just have one normal meal per day, preferably dinner with your family like a normal human being. edit: to be clear you should start doing that now, not after you starve your self for a year.

500excf type r
Mar 7, 2013

I'm as annoying as the high-pitched whine of my motorcycle, desperately compensating for the lack of substance in my life.
Have you considered amphetamines OP

fishing with the fam
Feb 29, 2008

Durr
Start lifting heavy so you become strong fat instead of fat fat. Everybody loves strong fat.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

Two things that helped me a ton:
-Consider soda/beer/sugary juices to be desserts, and avoid as much as possible.
-Find a form of exercise you can tolerate and do regularly. No need to buy an expensive Peloton, but if you can walk safely near your place that would work fine. Podcasts or music help a lot.

Zedd
Jul 6, 2009

I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?



I lost 20KG in a year I was barely able to workout/walk around much due to other issues by actually eating more, and more balanced. And drinking a shitload of water, like 3L a day.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !
Get running shoes

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
According to horse-shoe theory, if you get fat enough, eventually you loop around to being slim again.

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler
Pillbug
We all get thin in the grave, eventually.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Mooey Cow posted:

According to horse-shoe theory, if you get fat enough, eventually you loop around to being slim again.

Alternatively, buy a lot of horse-shoes and wear them about town in your pockets. The added weight will increase your fitness tremendously. Furthermore, once you remove them from your pockets and weigh yourself you'll find that you weigh a lot less without them! It's simple, really.

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
High fat and protein, low carbs/starchy food helped me. Lost the weight fast, then I went to old eating habits because of quarantine and gained 1/3 of it back just as fast. So add exercise into the mix, climb a mountain or something.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
OP what if i told you that through the magic of space-age vacuum technology scientists now have the ability to literally suck the fat right out of you?

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
Hey I lost 70 pounds through the magic of a good work out plan and eating less. I was always a very bad late night snacker, so my big adjustment was to stop buying so much poo poo at the grocery store, so I didn't have anything to snack on.

Weight loss starts in the kitchen and in the grocery store.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993
being high as gently caress 24/7, not playing any sports, and keeping my fridge stocked with garbage has helped me gain 30 lbs this year

i should probably make a plan to fix this soon since the first two aren't likely to change any time soon

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

They say your feet get real nasty from diabetes and what not so the answer to lose weight quickly is simply to ask the doctor to amputate both your legs at the hip. You'll never get feet diabetes and you lose the weight just like that. Blammo.

shovelbum
Oct 21, 2010

Fun Shoe
If you didn't get covid yet you'll probably lose a bunch of weight that way soon

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de_dust
Jan 21, 2009

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.
OP have you thought about getting a prescription for Dexedrine? Just pretend you have ADD.

Slimfast and dextroamphetamine would be a sure fire way to lose it. You won’t even feel hungry.

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