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Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


I don't know why I have this or where it came from, but presented in raw unedited form here is SA records.txt. I guess use this thread to post a record that you think no one else can beat, or gas, whatever

SA records.txt posted:

Most vinyl records - 2700, dirtbag

Most expensive alcohol bottles - $80, Crimson

Oldest goon - mid 60's, Tokaii

Highest note sung - double high B flat, DeliciousDarkness

Most diet coke drank daily - 2 liters a day, A black person

toilet most likely a portal to hell - Sir Bobert Fishbone

most porn, never gets rear end - 297GB, Handen

Most liquor bottles - 36, biggfoo

Most steam games - a lot, campfire

youngest goon - mastapasta, DOB 10/19/1994

most spidermen dolls - ~9, Rikolai

Most body parts broken - Parthenogenocide

# of MacFarlane dolls - 60, webster876

biggest Harry Potter nerd - reflir

biggest & most diverse beerwall - Bajee

fewest arms - 1, abunchofnumbers

blindest goon without being legally blind - -18 -20 b0nes

biggest goon - ZerglingMinor (as big as a vending machine)

Most self carved "tobacco" pipes - 6, Backyard Blacksmith

Most stitches in foot - 21, url

Most sunflower seeds eaten - 3.8 pounds a month, Wulfolme

Most bowling balls - 14, Unfortunate

Largest object stuck in foot - screwdriver, kobraski

most M&Ms eaten - 3.25 pounds (7700 calories, motherfucker) a week

Most valuable book - limited edition Stephen King, Captain Log

fastest goon, least likely to keep the lady goons satisfied - 4:04 1500m & 8:54 3000m, Date with Ikea

Largest Phrenology collection - Agnostic Prophet

Largest beercan pyramid, biggest fratboy - Jort

biggest MST3K nerd - Mister Kingdom

largest Residents collection - hambeef

most time invested into a video game - No Life King, with the #1 ranking account in Gunbound (3 yrs in the making)

Most $$$ won in lesbian fanfiction writing contest - $2000, Zmobie Dick

most stitches in eye - 71, Priss In Plate

most expensive watch, most smug goon - $3,300, Foxhound

most GB of music - 338, Not an Anthem

most JD bottles, biggest redneck - 38, ReelBigLizard

most dinosaur poo poo - 15 pounds, genesplicer

lowrider with the highest ground clearance - Psylocibe, with 2 or 3 inches clearance

most copies of same album - 11 Out of the Blue albums, Mister Kingdom

tallest, most worthless shoes - 8 inch heels, 13th Duchess

most nights slept in haunted room - Warm und Fuzzy (3 nights in Teslas room)

most likely to be an Abercrombie model, contract crippling cocaine addiction - AKP

most rocks embedded in arm - 5, Jr.

most times a person spent listening to one song, and not socializing - 1300, imav

most DVDs - Sir Robert Fishbone, 1670

highest ACT score at 12, most likely to play by himself on playground - 20, brasstassels

biggest American Nightmare collection - PleaseDie

largest horder of old musical equipment - Cosmik Debris

most countries visited before 18 - insomne, 19

biggest groupie - Rocket Sauce, with 7 Grateful Dead bumper stickers

largest # of jobs held, longest resume - 34, murdered by owls

highest acronym that no one understands - 2ndclasscitizen, with an 84.05 on the UAI (whatever that is)

most penises - two, Captain Arab (pending further investigation)

largest collection of Minnesota Vikings cards - Darth Brooks

largest digital collection of drum samples on a computer hard drive, proved by a screenshot of the folder properties, probably on a computer running windows XP - Panzerchrist, 4.46 GB (4.50 GB size on disk, 4,832,231,424 bytes)

Largest match collection that would make Smoky the Bear poo poo himself in rage - Carousel

most guns (jesus christ) - No Life King

oldest magaizne that ISN'T hustler - LKL, with a june '62 MAD magazine

Most ties that a goon will never wear to a job interview - Bold Robot

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ante
Apr 9, 2005

SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS
I've developed more liquor bottles than that in my last week of quarantine alone

Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い!
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね!
im the uncontested championship title holder of author of largest lone-standing goon main method at ~10.5mb

you can ask shsc or whatever for confirmation

French Canadian
Feb 23, 2004

Fluffy cat sensory experience
Whoa I didn't know we were keeping track!

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005
Gonna contest this:

935 posted:

most GB of music - 338, Not an Anthem



There is a dude in ADTRW who has, like, 1TB of Touhou music.

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008

:blastu::dogcited:
Lipstick Apathy
:rip: zergling

I mean, who would be the new tallest goon? We could figure this out pretty quicky. I'm 6'2".

Willfrey
Jul 20, 2007

Why don't the poors simply buy more money?
Fun Shoe

ShortyMR.CAT posted:

:rip: zergling

I mean, who would be the new tallest goon? We could figure this out pretty quicky. I'm 6'2".

I am 6'4", hope you enjoy your silver medal

Thou I think that can be beaten

My height record should be "Tallest goon who can still get clothes at regular stores"

Willfrey fucked around with this message at 06:23 on May 13, 2020

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

The White Dragon posted:

im the uncontested championship title holder of author of largest lone-standing goon main method at ~10.5mb

you can ask shsc or whatever for confirmation

This... is probably true.


mazzi Chart Czar posted:

There is a dude in ADTRW who has, like, 1TB of Touhou music.

Jesus.

Willfrey
Jul 20, 2007

Why don't the poors simply buy more money?
Fun Shoe
poo poo just remembered my real talent.

On a flat surface, I can completely rotate my hand past 360 degrees, I can get it around 370 or 380

Awesome party trick that freaks people out

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008

:blastu::dogcited:
Lipstick Apathy

Willfrey posted:

I am 6'4", hope you enjoy your silver medal

gently caress!

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

I've had quite a few tropical diseases, anyone else have more than two?

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.

I also hang out with racists.
that seems like an old list, tokaii would be almost 80 if he were still alive, which I'm not sure if he is

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler
My names not in it, voted 1 :colbert:

cubicle gangster
Jun 26, 2005

magda, make the tea
4gb of drum samples was a lot in 2003 I guess. I probably know people who have somehow ended up with that much and never even considered making music.

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler

935 posted:

I don't know why I have this or where it came from, but presented in raw unedited form here is SA records.txt. I guess use this thread to post a record that you think no one else can beat, or gas, whatever


quote:

fewest arms - 1, abunchofnumbers

:aaaaa:

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler

Willfrey posted:

poo poo just remembered my real talent.

On a flat surface, I can completely rotate my hand past 360 degrees, I can get it around 370 or 380

Awesome party trick that freaks people out

I think i can do this but i am female idk if that matters

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl

Ad by Khad posted:

that seems like an old list, tokaii would be almost 80 if he were still alive, which I'm not sure if he is

it's definitely an old list when the "youngest goon" on it is 25 years old now

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl
and yes ha ha we're an aging bunch but i'm certain we've got younger goons around here

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
How many is a lot of steam games.

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012


Most parts of butt lost - GE Cafe

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler

Linux Pirate posted:

Most parts of butt lost - GE Cafe

Most used goon dildo - mr sunshine

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler
For those unfamiliar w this goon legend

sa article posted:

ge cafe aka Home4Kwanzakkah posted:

I decided it'd be fun to gently caress myself earlier this evening/morning. So I greased up Mr Sunshine and went to work. I had fun for 10 minutes and came. Then I was feeling the need to shower, so I did.


This is where things get graphic. Stop here if you don't want to cry.


Shortly after I started my shower, I felt a bit of matter coming out. Not terribly unusual, I just got done pounding my rear end. It landed on the floor of the shower. A few moments later I notice it's moving... strangely as it slowly gets washed towards the drain.


Last chance to stop. It's horriffic.

I nudge it with my toe and, to my horror, realize it's one piece. As in, a connected piece, as if it were... tissue. I think it's a bit of the outer layer of the colon. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I just crapped a piece of my rear end out of my rear end. I get it down the drain as quickly as possible and then sit down in the tub, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I'd had plenty of rear end sex before and not noticed this. Maybe this happened and I simply didn't notice it, or maybe the rear end "sheds" like this on its own occasionally, and no one really notices it (or admits they did). My rear end didn't hurt at all, but it does now, kind of, probably because I haven't stopped thinking about this horror for the last 90 minutes.


So the moral of the story is I really don't want to do this again. It makes me sad because I enjoy anal sex. Maybe others have heartier colons that I. But for god's sake, use condoms. If anything with a pulse goes in there, make sure it's sheathed.

https://www.somethingawful.com/great-goon-database/great-goon-sexy/1/

Kia Soul Enthusias
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom
Toilet Rascal
I'm guessing this is toward the end of the 2000s. When did abunchofnumbers lose his arm?

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



largest spank bank - 7TB (out of 8TB of total space) and growing

most years spent in college earning one single bachelors degree - I don’t want to talk about it but I have the most and I hate it and I pray every day that somebody invents time travel :smith:

Sous Videodrome
Apr 9, 2020

no idea wulfolme ate that many sunflower seeds. man must be oily as a harbor seal

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.

I also hang out with racists.

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

and yes ha ha we're an aging bunch but i'm certain we've got younger goons around here

I give it about 50/50 that there are goons who are younger than this list

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
I want to claim "most times asked if I hate Danganronpa".

Edit: To which the answer is no, in fact I like it.

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I don't think!
Ham Wrangler

Elentor posted:

I want to claim "most times asked if I hate Danganronpa".

Edit: To which the answer is no, in fact I like it.

I liked it too :hfive:

weed cat
Dec 23, 2010

weed cat is back, and he loves to suck dick



:sueme:
I have 1.39 TB of lossless music I've copied directly from discs over the last 8-ish years, plus a couple dozen lossless albums purchased online. currently 60,852 items. Not sure how many physical CDs I have but it might be near dirtbag's 2700 vinyl

edit: come at me Cosmik Debris i have a house full of keyboards. cannot wait to compare whatever the equivalent of "e-peen" is for people who collect huge-rear end instruments

weed cat fucked around with this message at 10:14 on May 13, 2020

Moo the cow
Apr 30, 2020

I. M. Gei posted:

largest spank bank - 7TB (out of 8TB of total space) and growing

weed cat posted:

I have 1.39 TB of lossless music I've copied directly from discs over the last 8-ish years, plus a couple dozen lossless albums purchased online. currently 60,852 items. Not sure how many physical CDs I have but it might be near dirtbag's 2700 vinyl

I guess that when it comes to music/pron, most goons are going to either have libraries of 1TB+ or zero*



(*streaming)

Crimson
Nov 7, 2002

SA record.txt posted:

Most expensive alcohol bottles - $80, Crimson

Wtf I don't remember this. Plus I own much more expensive bottles now. This poo poo needs to be kept current.

Helios Grime
Jan 27, 2012

Where we are going we won't need shirts
Pillbug
It is very telling that there are no athletic records listed.

Necros
Jul 23, 2003

Helios Grime posted:

It is very telling that there are no athletic records listed.

theres the goon with the 4:04 1500m and 8:54 3000m

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

I lurked for sixteen years before buying an account and I still don't know how to post good

Ratjaculation
Aug 3, 2007

:parrot::parrot::parrot:



I own the largest variety of beans OP

Sapphira
Apr 7, 2006

935 posted:

Largest object stuck in foot - screwdriver, kobraski
I'd like to enter into the running for this, or possibly a lateral record

I was jumping on a couch and got one of these fuckers straight up into my heel


7.5 cm BUT since I was like, eight it's a bigger object comparatively with body size right

alternatively record for longest object stuck in heel instead of foot, thnx

barnold
Dec 16, 2011


what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

Ad by Khad posted:

I give it about 50/50 that there are goons who are younger than this list

I'm younger than that '94 DOB, suck it olds

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:

I'm younger than that '94 DOB, suck it olds

Sorry u didn't get to grow up before the world went to wolfshit.

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



I've got oldest magazine beat by a mile with some pulp magazines from the thirties and some issues of Mr. Punch from 1888. I'm pretty sure someone can top that, too.

I also have a shitton of steam games which is more than a lot, but I am positive there's lots of goons who have that beat.

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barnold
Dec 16, 2011


what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Sorry u didn't get to grow up before the world went to wolfshit.

oh boy slavery and Jim Crow and murdering gays for fun, what an absolute riot, total shame I missed all of that

anyone born before 1986 should be graciously sucking the literal or metaphorical dick of every millennial for doing the work to make this hellscape planet bearable to live on tbh

barnold fucked around with this message at 14:05 on May 13, 2020

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