Ah, Chess...

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Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

"Ah, Chess. The eternal Game of Fools" *sips chocolate wine*

# ? May 14, 2020 05:19

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 13:16

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

That guy, he's a real JASCP. ("Just Another Smoothbrained Chess Player")

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# ? May 14, 2020 05:21

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Sorry, Chess players, but life can't be reduced to an 8x8 grid. Real smartoe's limit their game-playing to Monopoly and the Bioshock video game series

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"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? May 14, 2020 05:22

Escape From Noise

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Sorry, Chess players, but life can't be reduced to an 8x8 grid. Real smartoe's limit their game-playing to Monopoly and the Bioshock video game series

I'm sorry but Monopoly is less a game and more of a twisted and agonizing punishment wrought by an angry and vengeful god.

# ? May 14, 2020 06:19

Escape From Noise

3D chess, for people too dumb for chess

# ? May 14, 2020 06:24

posting smiling

when i see a chess player i pity them twice over. an emotionally immature adult, still playing with toys, and a luddite stuck in the dark ages, too dull to reap the rewards of humanity's progress.

when i see someone texting on their phone i praise them twice. they are keen to engage with the fellow minds of their generation, and they are harnessing the cutting edge of human technology to do so.

# ? May 14, 2020 10:03

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

I actually ordered the HAG Tribute Chess Edition (2019) from Fischer chess world cup. :>

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? May 14, 2020 13:14

nut

I knew something was wrong when this �timeless� game supposedly has a special move called, �lookie lookie where goes the rookie�

# ? May 14, 2020 13:21

cda: by Hand Knit

Castles can't move, dumb rear end

# ? May 14, 2020 13:24

nut

me to my computer at the end of the Wikipedia article: wow okay so you can�t even end a game outside Australia also here in gods country we call the little pieces shrimps thank you very much

# ? May 14, 2020 13:33

FutonForensic

you, a chess player, can only see the world in black and white. that makes you racist. I look around this room and see everyone in the colors of the rainbow: the ochre of the Oriental. the umber of the Eskimo. the spoiled milk off-white of the conniving Luxembourgian

# ? May 14, 2020 13:36

nut

FutonForensic posted:

you, a chess player, can only see the world in black and white. that makes you racist. I look around this room and see everyone in the colors of the rainbow: the ochre of the Oriental. the umber of the Eskimo. the spoiled milk off-white of the conniving Luxembourgian

# ? May 14, 2020 13:37

biosterous

FutonForensic posted:

you, a chess player, can only see the world in black and white. that makes you racist. I look around this room and see everyone in the colors of the rainbow: the ochre of the Oriental. the umber of the Eskimo. the spoiled milk off-white of the conniving Luxembourgian

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? May 14, 2020 14:06

Macnult

listening to classical music with my eyebrows arched as high as possible while i take a "what's your chess playstyle?" quiz

# ? May 14, 2020 16:18

nut

me while adjusting my kangol hat in the park to a small audience: you see the king only thinks he is the most important piece, but in reality the most important piece is your mind

# ? May 14, 2020 16:21

Pahilla the Hun: Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post

i learned chess from that scene in the Wire now i just go around knocking over people's checkers games and schooling them

thanks nesamdoom!!

pizzaz plarpin perfect! thanks Tebulot!

# ? May 14, 2020 17:07

Macnult

opting to be the bad boy of chess by mastering the bongcloud opening

Top 10 Reasons to Play the Bongcloud posted:

10. Your current repertoire is too drawish.
9. You want to avoid the reams of theory needed to play the Najdorf or QGD by selecting an opening with less published thought.
8. "Everything is playable at the club level."
7. You are devoted to a de la Maza tactics regimen and don't want to waste time studying openings.
6. You are intimidated by openings with hard-to-pronounce names like Bogoljubov-Indian, Scheveningen Sicilian, Trompowsky, and Konstantinopolsky
5. Your current repertoire is too well-known in your club and you want to surprise your opponents.
4. You can't afford the full version of ChessBase and want an opening where all known games will fit in ChessBase Light's 32,000-game limit.
3. You're interested in an opening for which no GM or IM has published a refutation.
2. You�ve noticed that while dozens of people have published �Anti-Sicilian� books, there are far fewer �Anti-Bongcloud� books.
1. You�re high as a kite.

# ? May 14, 2020 17:37

Macnult

*chuckles* did you just call it ELO? It's Elo, actually. Eeeeelow. Arpad Elo. It's a name.

# ? May 14, 2020 17:39

FutonForensic

chess player: yeah I've been playing the ol chess for a while, memorized a few opening moves that'll really freak you out, haha

me: [mentally projecting the billions of Go moves i could make to obliterate this nerd]

# ? May 14, 2020 18:25

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Chess is 0% skill, 50% memorizing a bunch of combos, and 50% intentionally having breath bad enough to force your opponent to straight up concede

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# ? May 14, 2020 22:09

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Chessboxing: the only sport that gives you worse brain damage than boxing

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# ? May 14, 2020 22:10

cda: by Hand Knit

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Chessboxing: the only sport that gives you worse brain damage than boxing

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# ? May 14, 2020 23:46

cda: by Hand Knit

strange guy: i want to get dumber in an exrtremely specific way until i am so dumb that i cannot care for myself, i poo poo and piss everywhere, and i flee to colombia and do a podcast about conspiracy theories that are true

me: my man have you heard about chess

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# ? May 14, 2020 23:50

cda: by Hand Knit

two gusuys getting into a bar fight except instead of punching eacvh other theyre just jumping aroudn going "KNIGHT TO QUEEN SIX" and stuff until they die of dehydration

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# ? May 14, 2020 23:51

cda: by Hand Knit

yall see the video of that tall skinny motherfucker absolutely nail this brawling dumbass with a roundhosue kick? it was very cool and better than chess

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# ? May 14, 2020 23:55

Heather Papps: hello friend

aleister crowley, walking into a chess tournament: "oh no, these guys are losers. just the biggest nerds - i could dress up like a wizard and still be cooler than these... wait... wait a minute..."
*puff of smoke and speed lines in the direction of the nearest seamstress*

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 15, 2020 00:02

Prurient Squid: Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.

but battle chess on the amiga was good because of the variety of kill animations tho hth.

# ? May 15, 2020 00:13

Heather Papps: hello friend

an illustration of which games are good, with the scary red monster representing every other game in existence, and the blue idiot representing chess

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? May 15, 2020 00:16

nut

me whispering to grand master: the knight is actually the thing that rides the horse

# ? May 15, 2020 00:26

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Heather Papps posted:

aleister crowley, walking into a chess tournament: "oh no, these guys are losers. just the biggest nerds - i could dress up like a wizard and still be cooler than these... wait... wait a minute..."
*puff of smoke and speed lines in the direction of the nearest seamstress*

lol

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"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? May 15, 2020 05:19

Escape From Noise

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Chessboxing: the only sport that gives you worse brain damage than boxing

# ? May 15, 2020 07:20

Escape From Noise

Why is the holy man the horniest chess piece?

# ? May 15, 2020 07:23

Escape From Noise

Every time I see the title to this thread I read it in my head like Orson Welles shouts "AaaaaAAAAAH! The French...champagne!" in those outtakes of for the commercials he did for Paul Masson winery.

Edit: I was just reading the Wikipedia entry on Paul Masson and holy. poo poo

Wikipedia posted:

WineryEdit

Masson shifted part of his production to the Santa Cruz Mountains above Saratoga, California and built his "chateau" on a knob overlooking the Santa Clara Valley in 1905. Now known as "The Mountain Winery", the Paul Masson Mountain Winery is on the National Park Service's National Register of Historic Places, though it ceased making wines in 1952. Instead, it serves as a conferencing and events venue - various events are held at the winery, such as concert series, weddings, and other special events. A famous chess tournament was held there annually for a number of years in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 15:21 on May 15, 2020

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? May 15, 2020 15:15

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Can you imagine you go on what was supposed to be a nice trip to a winery and have it spoiled by the presence of chess :barf:

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"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? May 15, 2020 15:43

Escape From Noise

Roudy chessman hooting and hollering at my wife!

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? May 15, 2020 15:44

wearing a lampshade

cda posted:

two gusuys getting into a bar fight except instead of punching eacvh other theyre just jumping aroudn going "KNIGHT TO QUEEN SIX" and stuff until they die of dehydration

# ? May 15, 2020 15:46

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

why do chess players have to buy ice?

cause they can't remember the recipe

I know this contradicts my stance that chess is just memorization but too bad, I like the joke

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"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? May 15, 2020 15:49

FutonForensic

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Can you imagine you go on what was supposed to be a nice trip to a winery and have it spoiled by the presence of chess

gah! there's a pawn in my merlot

# ? May 15, 2020 16:25

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

they say chess is the game of kings, but it also has horses??

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 15, 2020 17:41

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 13:16

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

patiently explaining to the chess grandmaster that it is actually the pawn that is the most powerful piece on the board while i push all his other pieces off the board with my pawns.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? May 15, 2020 20:36

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Ah, Chess...

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