Germans: The Badgers of Europe

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Germans: The Badgers of Europe

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Resting Lich Face: Feb 21, 2019; This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

Colonel Cancer posted:

The OP, the

# ? May 16, 2020 04:16

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 18:25

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

oldpainless posted:

I�ve noticed germans are usually the villains in movies. And they always a do a good job at it.

A suspiciously good job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVzHVQgqAY4

# ? May 16, 2020 04:17

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

I've known some people who traveled or did study abroad or such in germany and had some negative feelings about them being joyless or stuckup and when I asked for specific examples I found out they mostly meant that society shunned them for inconsiderate behavior like being late to things all the time. Honestly it made me wanna travel there, I plan to someday it's real high on my list of things to do.

# ? May 16, 2020 04:22

EA Sports: Feb 10, 2007; by Azathoth

german women are mondo horny so i assume its just a testosterone thing. like alot of german men have really masculine features so the ethnicity just has an excess of it compared to the norm.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? May 16, 2020 04:24

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

EA Sports posted:

german women are mondo horny so i assume its just a testosterone thing. like alot of german men have really masculine features so the ethnicity just has an excess of it compared to the norm.

# ? May 16, 2020 04:25

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

What I'm getting from the responses so far is that there are a great many Germans who are indeed brooding malcontents, but the rest are actually goofy, funny, sexy folks who party hard and occasionally star in porn.

Perhaps it depends on what side of the wall your family was on? :iiam:

# ? May 16, 2020 04:26

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

The germans that I know are all incel rightwing shitheels born of trad conservatives with alcoholism so I'm going to go ahead and say: yes 100% all germans suck rear end.

# ? May 16, 2020 04:30

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

Yeah I mean the history and sight seeing was extremely cool, part of being an exchange student at the university of Stuttgart we got special access to things like the basement at the art museums during curated field trips and see pieces in temperature controlled rooms that were so old it blew me away

My German prof she also worked for the United Nations as a translator spoke five or six languages fluently she was so nice, my one other professor would come out for a beer with us after class

The whole experience sparked my interest in history I grew up in western Canada so going to cologne over the weekend and seeing the cathedral or Heidelberg and other places with old castles was so foreign to me

Do it ironically fucked around with this message at 04:40 on May 16, 2020

# ? May 16, 2020 04:30

terminal chillness: Oct 16, 2008; This baby is off the charts

Conservative Germans you say?

# ? May 16, 2020 04:31

French Canadian: Feb 23, 2004; Fluffy cat sensory experience

Americans are just overly anxious and obnoxious op. Rest of the world is pretty chill. Have you been to another country?

# ? May 16, 2020 04:32

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Colonel Cancer posted:

The OP, the

Nobody who speaks German could be an evil man!

# ? May 16, 2020 04:39

Linux Pirate: Apr 21, 2012

Germany.

# ? May 16, 2020 04:40

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Gerfewer

# ? May 16, 2020 04:41

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Gerwomen: Ja or nein

# ? May 16, 2020 04:42

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

Aha just remembered something else, my buddy and I went to Munich with two Americans also exchange students and the one american was like guys can we go on this tour during the day before we go out and party, I�m like ok sure where, Dachau

Jesus Christ if that wasn�t the saddest most depressing thing I�ve ever been to, afterwards it was all just beers to forget about how awful people are

# ? May 16, 2020 04:46

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Do it ironically posted:

Aha just remembered something else, my buddy and I went to Munich with two Americans also exchange students and the one american was like guys can we go on this tour during the day before we go out and party, I’m like ok sure where, Dachau

Jesus Christ if that wasn’t the saddest most depressing thing I’ve ever been to, afterwards it was all just beers to forget about how awful people are

Did he not mention it was a goddamn concentration camp why would you assume you'd be in a partying mood afterwards?! :psyduck:

# ? May 16, 2020 04:53

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

I mean yeah he said that and the tour guide mentioned it too before we got on the train to head down but I was a 19 year old kid my only connection to world war 2 was social studies class, Remembrance Day holiday, and probably early internet memes

# ? May 16, 2020 04:58

Sailor Cat: Aug 28, 2019; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

ArbitraryC posted:

I've known some people who traveled or did study abroad or such in germany and had some negative feelings about them being joyless or stuckup and when I asked for specific examples I found out they mostly meant that society shunned them for inconsiderate behavior like being late to things all the time. Honestly it made me wanna travel there, I plan to someday it's real high on my list of things to do.

I went there for two weeks and everyone was pretty friendly and tolerant of my attempts at German. It was nice, would go again

# ? May 16, 2020 04:58

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

The_Continental posted:

Yes, truly a joyless fun-hating people.

There�s no way the people who came up with those clothes weren�t heavy into psychedelics. :lsd:

# ? May 16, 2020 04:59

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

I'm jsut gonna say it I love braided pigtails

# ? May 16, 2020 05:00

pnumoman: Sep 26, 2008; I never get the last word, and it makes me very sad.

Tip posted:

It's "Intim Report", but I should probably just tell the full story.

My friend didn't know about this porn, I discovered it one day after he had bragged to me that his father made music for a bunch of movies and I decided to look him up. His IMDB did include a bunch of music credits but they were almost all old German porn.

I thought that was pretty funny until I noticed he had one acting credit, also old German porn, titled "Intim Report". It was a news-themed porn from 1968, and I knew I had to find it. I spent months looking for this drat movie, trying everything I could. Eventually I posted to an online forum asking for help and someone managed to find an eMule link for it that had a single seeder at like 2 KB/s.

It took weeks to download, but when I got it it was a jackpot! I scrubbed through and very quickly spotted his dad, who as a young man looked almost exactly like my friend. In the scene his dad was loving a morbidly obese woman doggy style, her rolls knocking together like a Newton's cradle, as a woman in a hot pink dress suit interviewed him in German.

We lived together and kept our computers in the living room, so I just waited until he was out of the room and then pulled it up on my computer. When he came back he stopped behind me, staring, he said "What are we watching here?", and I said, "We're watching your dad gently caress a morbidly obese German woman."

He really tried his best to deny it, despite the fact it was obviously his dad. He said, "My dad wouldn't wear a gold necklace, that can't be him", and then he asked if he could have a copy of it. He studied it, trying to disprove it, he once ran up to me and said, "This is gonna sound weird, but, his penis doesn't look like my penis, I don't think it's him."

Several years later his dad died, and he asked his mom about the porn. She said, "I don't know, sounds like him though." At his funeral it was what everyone was whispering about, apparently the news made it to the rest of his family. They showed a tribute video with pictures of his dad over his life, but they had trouble finding pictures of him as a young man so they inserted some cropped stills of his face from "Intim Report".

I couldn't loving believe it. I still die laughing just thinking about it.

Please swear to me that this story is true because I desperately want it to be so and you saying that it is will be enough.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:06

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

ArbitraryC posted:

I've known some people who traveled or did study abroad or such in germany and had some negative feelings about them being joyless or stuckup and when I asked for specific examples I found out they mostly meant that society shunned them for inconsiderate behavior like being late to things all the time. Honestly it made me wanna travel there, I plan to someday it's real high on my list of things to do.

They say the trains run on time in Germany, the trains run on time.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:07

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Milo and POTUS posted:

I'm jsut gonna say it I love braided pigtails

Yeah those actually originated so ppl don�t get to stinkin behind the ears, reckon. :clint:

# ? May 16, 2020 05:08

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Sailor Cat posted:

I went there for two weeks and everyone was pretty friendly and tolerant of my attempts at German. It was nice, would go again

Yeah I legit can't recall a single negative example of why it was bad that wasn't mostly just someone being a self centered american and surprised that it was socially acceptable to call them out on it.

I imagine culture is a lot of the reason they have less auto accidents and such, but is also why americans who are trying to protest a virus by refusing to wear face masks might not feel like they fit in well.

ArbitraryC fucked around with this message at 05:12 on May 16, 2020

# ? May 16, 2020 05:09

Resting Lich Face: Feb 21, 2019; This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

They say the trains run on time in Germany, the trains run on time.

Thyme doesn't seem like a very efficient or ecologically friendly fuel to me :shrug:

# ? May 16, 2020 05:12

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

The_Continental posted:

Yes, truly a joyless fun-hating people.

making women serve you in degrading outfits is actually a pretty common practice among joyless assholes throughout history. Its not even that much of a leap of logic that they'd combine it with alcoholism to double up on things that balm a worthless existence.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:13

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

pnumoman posted:

Please swear to me that this story is true because I desperately want it to be so and you saying that it is will be enough.

It's all true. If you want I can link you to a podcast from a few months ago where I tell this whole story, which at least proves that if I made it up it's a story I keep telling. 😛

# ? May 16, 2020 05:19

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

Motherfucker posted:

making women serve you in degrading outfits is actually a pretty common practice among joyless assholes throughout history. Its not even that much of a leap of logic that they'd combine it with alcoholism to double up on things that balm a worthless existence.

are you German?

# ? May 16, 2020 05:26

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

They ain't called squareheads for nothing.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:32

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Zippy the Bummer posted:

are you German?

No.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:33

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Motherfucker posted:

making women serve you in degrading outfits is actually a pretty common practice among joyless assholes throughout history. Its not even that much of a leap of logic that they'd combine it with alcoholism to double up on things that balm a worthless existence.

you are truly your mother's fucker

# ? May 16, 2020 05:37

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Motherfucker posted:

No.

Guess it's not just Germans who are joyless fucks.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:40

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

lmoa at the hooters dads gettin' mad at me.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:45

Frank Dillinger: May 16, 2007; Jawohl mein herr!

Germans aren�t joyless, they�re just dorkier on average than normal people.

Germans love:

Board games
Reality TV
Frozen pizza
lovely German music
Canada
German jokes that aren�t funny to non Germans
Work
Pork

I met a German once who collected Melitta pour over coffee filter cones. He was offended when I laughed.

# ? May 16, 2020 05:56

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

GAYIDS posted:

German people are very funny. Like when they try to do things like win wars. USA USA USA!!!!!

Whoa why didn't someone tell me Grace Slick is a goon.

# ? May 16, 2020 06:01

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Motherfucker posted:

making women serve you in degrading outfits is actually a pretty common practice among joyless assholes throughout history. Its not even that much of a leap of logic that they'd combine it with alcoholism to double up on things that balm a worthless existence.

you realize that the combination of it being a stock photo, her terrible roots, and the cheap costume, that this was probably an american photoshoot of an american girl with an american concept of "german bar maids" right?

# ? May 16, 2020 06:12

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

ArbitraryC posted:

you realize that the combination of it being a stock photo, her terrible roots, and the cheap costume, that this was probably an american photoshoot of an american girl with an american concept of "german bar maids" right?

Right.

Oh... oh you thought you were making some kind've point.

# ? May 16, 2020 06:18

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

The point pretty much writes itself after you connect those dots. Getting upset about another place's culture because of your own countryman's cartoonish depiction of it is basically a textbook definition of propaganda.

# ? May 16, 2020 06:25

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Maybe she's German American :911:

# ? May 16, 2020 06:30

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 18:25

Telebite: Aug 23, 2018

nazis were german

nazis bad

therefore germans bad!

# ? May 16, 2020 06:48

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Germans: The Badgers of Europe

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