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Smiling Mandrill
Jan 19, 2015



Here on SA we have a wide variety of people with a variable wealth of life experience. So I ask fellow goons what is the dumbest thing you have ever done? Here is mine.

I used to paint bridges for a living, and this particular bridge happened to be over a river. So, I'm out on the scaffold all day with my foreman Mike. Mike was a colorful guy who looked like a burnt match, he was in his late 50s, and had been painting bridges his whole life. Mike would always talk about how when he was younger after a hard days work in 90-110 degree heat he'd end his day by jumping into the river, and swimming to shore.

Anyway the end of the day comes and we are ready to wrap it up. I start talking about how hot I am and Mike point blank says jump in the river it'll cool you off. The guy driving the scaffold truck overhears and immediately starts yelling to all the other guys on site "Mandrill is about to jump into the river!" The thing is that this bridge is 70 feet in the air, maybe closer to 60-65 after you account for the scaffold which we were standing on. Everyone comes rushing over, and I tell them "gently caress you guys I ain't jumping." Cut to a bunch of dumb, bored, early 20 somethings who making the first real money they'd ever have reaching into there wallets and pulling out money.

By the time the negotiations had ended there was 250 dollars on the line if I'd make the plunge. Being young, and dumb myself I told the driver to take the scaffold out to the middle of the river where it was deepest. Lucky for me it happened to be a very narrow river that was also pretty deep, even during the dog days of summer. If the river had been less than 20 feet deep I don't know that I'd be writing this post. My main concern before jumping was the distance from the middle of the river to the shore which I figured was about 150-200 yards. I just wanted to make sure I could easily swim to shore once I was in the water, never once taking into account how loving high the jump was, or how fast rivers flow.

So, there I was in the middle of bridge about to jump, stupid as poo poo, and surrounded by even bigger morons hooting, and hollering encouragement. I looked down one last time gauged the distance to the shore. Turned around, and threatened the other men on the crew what would happen if I jumped and they didn't pay up. Mike assured me that everyone would pay. So, with that assurance I unbuckled my harness took off everything but my underwear. Then I took a little running start, and launched myself off the scaffold, and nearly into oblivion.

Looking down from 60 feet up you really don't appreciate how high you truly are. The first and maybe only thought I had during the fall was, wow this is taking forever. Next thing I knew I hit a wall. To this day I have no idea how I didn't break any bones or knock myself out. I hit the water, and immediately had all the breath leave my lungs even though I went in like a pencil. I breathed in a ton of water, and kept plunging down thinking I'd just killed myself. I never hit the bottom of the river thank god, and finally stopped gong down, and started to struggle toward the surface.

I fought tooth, and nail to get up to air. Honestly I have no idea how long I was down it was probably seconds, but it felt like hours. When I finally reached the top I went to take a big breath of air but the first thing I did was start puking water. By the time I gathered myself I'd already been swept so far down stream that I could barley hear my friends on the bridge yelling at me. I remember wiping my nose and realizing it was bleeding like a stuck hog. My ears were also ringing, and I felt like I did the day after a football game. I kinda just floated down stream for a bit happy to be breathing, an trying to muster up movement in my limbs.

After catching my breath I finally started my swim to shore. It took me nearly a half hour to get there, and by the time I did I had drifted nearly two, and a half miles. Shortly after making it to shore I walked up onto the road just in time for one of our trucks to zoom by turn around and pick me up. My co worker got out white as a ghost, and said we thought you were dead. He radioed Mike who was having a conniption fit thinking he'd just killed one of his crew workers. Apparently they were about to call the police just before I was found.

In the end I got the 250, and Mike gave me another 350 to never tell the boss what happened. Surprisingly everyone on the site kept their mouths shut about it too, and eventually the whole incident became a company legend. To this day I have no idea how I survived, but I can honestly say without a doubt jumping off that bridge was the single stupidest thing I've ever done in my life so far.

Smiling Mandrill fucked around with this message at 20:33 on May 25, 2020

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Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



gently caress if i can pick just one, OP

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




Statutory Ape posted:

gently caress if i can pick just one, OP

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


Great thread idea. Mine is extremely reckless and dumb the thread isn't about well thought out smart things .

Road rage incident when I was 18 or 19, extremely unstable, and absolutely had a death wish. I was driving home at night after work, soaked because I ran a pressure washer for a "living" back then, and pissed off because that was my only emotion during that miserable period of time. I'd recently stopped smoking a bowl before driving home because I'd gotten pulled over speeding like a week prior and only avoided a DUI by sheer luck (I told you this was reckless and dumb and self-centered - nowadays the only thing I do that I shouldn't while intoxicated is post) so I was extra cranky to be both sober and driving the speed limit.

Anyway I was passing a long line of trucks on a interstate rather slowly because I didn't want to get popped for speeding again and some guy behind me is tailgating me like a motherfucker and eventually flashed his high beams to get me to move out of the way. A) I'm going the speed limit and B) what am I gonna do merge into a truck so you can keep speeding? I speed up like he wants so I can get around the trucks faster, whip over into the right lane to let him pass, then slot in behind him and flash my high beams repeatedly right on his bumper (I made contact at least once). I think we got up to about 90 or 100 and he got off at an exit.

Could have ended up in a serious accident, shot, arrested, who the gently caress knows. Really dumb and probably the low point of the shittiest part of my life so far (hopefully ever). I still have my problems but I'm a way less poo poo human now because I at least try to not suck.

Second most stupid thing was getting myself hooked on booze. Drunk me loving sucks.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

I've been to Japan a few times. Each time I come back to the US is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



lol i used to think "japanese people" were retarded assholes for wearing masks all the time

haha ah man


i am such a retarded rear end in a top hat

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard



op at least you make a profit

mine cost me

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.


I used to mix huge amounts of psychedelics, stimulants, and depressants to see what would happen. Pretty stupid and I did it pretty often, but I donít anymore and thatís the important thing.

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



Nigmaetcetera posted:

I donít anymore and thatís the important thing.

thats p much what i plan to say on my death bed

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie


Paid $1600 for a 1080p HD rear projection TV about two years before flatscreens became easily affordable. And it was about four years before I could watch anything HD.

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


Buglord

Stole some potent painkillers from my grandmother for my GF, who was complaining about really bad back pains. She later used those pills to try to commit suicide by overdosing.

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



laserghost posted:

Stole some potent painkillers from my grandmother for my GF, who was complaining about really bad back pains. She later used those pills to try to commit suicide by overdosing.

wow that fuckin sux


Universe Master posted:

Paid $1600 for a 1080p HD rear projection TV about two years before flatscreens became easily affordable. And it was about four years before I could watch anything HD.

is that like the huge sony one that my parents tricked me and like 72 of my friends into moving once up a flight of stairs

because god drat those things were heavy

Smiling Mandrill
Jan 19, 2015



A funny one that happened to a guy I worked with at that same job.

Dude got drunk as hell one night with some high school buddies. They started talking about one of the Native American tribes where boys had to cut off half of their pinkie in order to become braves . He starts bragging about how that wouldn't even be that big of deal, and long story short when I met him he only had half a little finger on his left hand. Moral is construction workers are dumb as hell.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004


laserghost posted:

Stole some potent painkillers from my grandmother for my GF, who was complaining about really bad back pains. She later used those pills to try to commit suicide by overdosing.

Did they ever discover how she got the pills?

laserghost
Feb 12, 2014

trust me, I'm a cat.


Buglord

Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

Did they ever discover how she got the pills?

They didn't. She had a stash of various meds for her ailments (depression, Hashimoto etc.), so I guess they either decided she just had them on her from some earlier prescription, or just didn't ask questions. I definitely wasn't asked about it by paramedics.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.


Smiling Mandrill posted:

A funny one that happened to a guy I worked with at that same job.

Dude got drunk as hell one night with some high school buddies. They started talking about one of the Native American tribes where boys had to cut off half of their pinkie in order to become braves . He starts bragging about how that wouldn't even be that big of deal, and long story short when I met him he only had half a little finger on his left hand. Moral is construction workers are dumb as hell.

Every male on my momís side of the family did that, going back 5 generations. They were/are filthy welsh coal miners working in West Virginia, the filthiest US state, which you should donate used tennis shoes to every day because I hear they find that especially patronizing and condescending.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


Switchblade Switcharoo

Accepting a mod role.

But really, we used to jump from a cliff 70 foot into waterfalls as a kid all the time like 5 or six times in a row. Point your toes and hold your arms in. Nbd?

Smiling Mandrill
Jan 19, 2015



Burt Sexual posted:

Accepting a mod role.

But really, we used to jump from a cliff 70 foot into waterfalls as a kid all the time like 5 or six times in a row. Point your toes and hold your arms in. Nbd?

Good, go do it into a swift moving river off a bridge, and report back.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

I don't think it's fair to call her a thing, but she was really stupid...

Dont Touch ME
Apr 1, 2018



Smiling Mandrill posted:

Good, go do it into a swift moving river off a bridge, and report back.

probation incoming...

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

A lot of smaller stupid things. I'm not sure thats any better than one hugely stupid thing though.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

I once tried to walk up a down escalator in a prom dress and kitten heels. Didn't go very well!

Tom Gorman
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts




Buglord

Stupidest thing: started smoking at 14

Smartest thing: quit smoking

Took about 20 years though

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011



Resting Lich Face posted:

Great thread idea. Mine is extremely reckless and dumb the thread isn't about well thought out smart things .

Road rage incident when I was 18 or 19, extremely unstable, and absolutely had a death wish. I was driving home at night after work, soaked because I ran a pressure washer for a "living" back then, and pissed off because that was my only emotion during that miserable period of time. I'd recently stopped smoking a bowl before driving home because I'd gotten pulled over speeding like a week prior and only avoided a DUI by sheer luck (I told you this was reckless and dumb and self-centered - nowadays the only thing I do that I shouldn't while intoxicated is post) so I was extra cranky to be both sober and driving the speed limit.

Anyway I was passing a long line of trucks on a interstate rather slowly because I didn't want to get popped for speeding again and some guy behind me is tailgating me like a motherfucker and eventually flashed his high beams to get me to move out of the way. A) I'm going the speed limit and B) what am I gonna do merge into a truck so you can keep speeding? I speed up like he wants so I can get around the trucks faster, whip over into the right lane to let him pass, then slot in behind him and flash my high beams repeatedly right on his bumper (I made contact at least once). I think we got up to about 90 or 100 and he got off at an exit.

Could have ended up in a serious accident, shot, arrested, who the gently caress knows. Really dumb and probably the low point of the shittiest part of my life so far (hopefully ever). I still have my problems but I'm a way less poo poo human now because I at least try to not suck.

Second most stupid thing was getting myself hooked on booze. Drunk me loving sucks.

All yous loving suck you slow bitch

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


It was you op, youíre mother and I should have had an abortion.

LabyaMynora
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost


Grimey Drawer

Went to college. Majored in Music. Didn't know what to do afterwards, so I stuck around and got a Masters Degree (in Music). Drifted around for a few years, and ended up working in call centers. Now I work an office job where I am part of a team that coordinates call center operations. A lot of my coworkers have similarly bullshit degrees, but a college degree is not required for this position.

I worry that if I were ever laid off, I wouldn't be able to find a similar job, and would basically have to start all over at the entry level in my 40s.

I wish I had majored in Computer Science. I feel like if I had, I'd make a lot more money, and would be able to move jobs much more easily.

Bingo Bango
Jan 7, 2020

Hoagiefest is here again


The stupidest thing I've ever done was when I was about 8 and decided to prove a point to my mom. I was mad about something that was probably incredibly stupid and stuck my tongue out at her which, naturally, got no reaction because it's like the least interesting thing you can do as a pissed off child. So I just left it out there until she reacted. Unfortunately for me, we were at the beach and after about 15 minutes of lying on my towel with my arms crossed, dumb rear end tongue hanging out, I fell asleep. When I awoke, I discovered that my tongue had become extremely dry and lightly sunburned.

Lemon
May 22, 2003



When I was a kid I purposely touched a knife against the glowing red toaster element to see what would happen. The circuit breaker did it's job, thankfully.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


Switchblade Switcharoo

Dont Touch ME posted:

probation incoming...

Ready?

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




Poasty
Nov 17, 2017


Ultra Carp

When I was like six or seven I licked a 100w lightbulb and severely burned my tongue

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007

Friend to Crows
Lover of Fungi
Queen of Blood


Clapping Larry

When I was ten, I tried to ding-dong-ditch my own house on mother's day. To do this, I snuck out into the back yard, around the side of the house, and attempted to climb over the big locked gate separating the back yard from the front. Instead of gracefully hopping the fence like I envisioned, the leg of my shorts snagged on a fence post and I got strung up by the seat of my pants.

I hung there for a while yelling, until my whole family finally came outside and laughed at me.

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




Poasty posted:

When I was like six or seven I licked a 100w lightbulb and severely burned my tongue

That reminds me when I was very young, must've been before 10, I splashed some water on one of the exposed lightbulbs above and around our bathroom mirror and it made a little "tshhhhh" when it landed, the lights were hot.
I had just taken off a wet bandaid so I started rubbing it on the hot light, "tsssssshhhhhhhh" gently caress that's amazing when you're that young. I'd pour some water on the bandaid and rub it again.

Apparently that wasn't a bright idea as the loving lightbulb exploded while my stupid face was about a feet from it. To this day it still blows my mind that I'm not disfigured and have 2 functional eyes. Pieces went flying everwhere except my face, which was occupying the vast majority of [where the pieces could possibly go].

Thanks Jesus!

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




I've done much stupider things but I don't think Lowtax can host that much data.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.



drat got a few

By far tho the worst was dating a BAD GUY. I knew he was a BAD GUY but he was exciting and streetsmart and fearless and had marvelously flashing dark eyes and perfect teeth and was fabulous in bed and I knew I shouldn't date him. I had a moment in the parking lot when we were going to hook up thinking I shouldn't do this...

But he was so EXCITING AND POWERFUL sigh

His mother no poo poo actually seriously warned me about him the first night I met her. She was Japanese (he was half Japanese, his dead alcoholic father was in US military and brought her to US) and she only had broken English after 50 years. Late that first night when he had gone somewhere leaving me alone with her she said, "*** is not for you. You good girl. He is not for you."

I didn't listen oc.

A couple years later my crew at work which were my only girlfriends too all wrote me a letter saying I should leave him. I didn't.

Of course he destroyed my life in the end.
I'm waiting to see if I can have a happy coda and now we get this pandemic. I need a vaccine.

Heated Gaming Moment
Feb 27, 2016

YOSPOS



Started drinking at 21. Waited and wish I didnít ever bother.

dev286
Nov 30, 2006

Let it be all the best.


Bronze Fonz posted:

That reminds me when I was very young, must've been before 10, I splashed some water on one of the exposed lightbulbs above and around our bathroom mirror and it made a little "tshhhhh" when it landed, the lights were hot.
I had just taken off a wet bandaid so I started rubbing it on the hot light, "tsssssshhhhhhhh" gently caress that's amazing when you're that young. I'd pour some water on the bandaid and rub it again.

Apparently that wasn't a bright idea as the loving lightbulb exploded while my stupid face was about a feet from it. To this day it still blows my mind that I'm not disfigured and have 2 functional eyes. Pieces went flying everwhere except my face, which was occupying the vast majority of [where the pieces could possibly go].

Thanks Jesus!

I was probably 10 as well and wanted to do some "experiment" using the microwave to melt a plastic toy. I put it in a glass juice bottle with a little bit of water the screwed the metal lid on real tight. Then I put it in the microwave for like 10 mins. The water bubbled a little then stopped. Nothing happened to the toy. I took the bottle out then slowly unscrewed the lid. Of course I learned at that moment that the water was superheated and turned immediately to steam which exploded out of the bottle and over my hand and face. I was up all night with my dad who had to keep the bags of ice on my burns and he never said once what a dumb loving idiot I was for doing that.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


Drove a dirt bike around a farm that was having fresh construction done around the different animal enclosures. The brakes on the bike were total poo poo and my friend's dad who owned the farm told us not to use it until he fixed it.

But we were loving kids and wanted to ride a dirt bike around on a huge tract of land so we did it anyway.

It went fine, we swapped off a couple of times and would just let it run down as we kept the speed low, up until I decided to go too fast and like Akira swung my foot around in the dirt while slowing down from a spurt on the throttle but misjudged the speed I was going and tumbled right into a bunch of chicken wire which proceeded to slash up my arms a fuckton and my chest. There was blood everywhere.

To this day I have weird criss-crossing patterns of scars on my chest and arms, my left arm is basically nothing but cross-hatched scars, most of which I've covered up with tattoos but you can still feel the bumps.

People think it's cool af once I tell them they're not self harm scars but man that poo poo could have ended far worse if it wasn't just my arms and torso that got shredded.

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017




ppl seem so willing to take advantage of somebody's vulnerability

it's very bothersome

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Nuts and Gum
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

LabyaMynora posted:

Went to college. Majored in Music. Didn't know what to do afterwards, so I stuck around and got a Masters Degree (in Music). Drifted around for a few years, and ended up working in call centers. Now I work an office job where I am part of a team that coordinates call center operations. A lot of my coworkers have similarly bullshit degrees, but a college degree is not required for this position.

I worry that if I were ever laid off, I wouldn't be able to find a similar job, and would basically have to start all over at the entry level in my 40s.

I wish I had majored in Computer Science. I feel like if I had, I'd make a lot more money, and would be able to move jobs much more easily.

Did the college have any kind of placement options within an industry or anything?

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