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May 29th marks the 567th anniversary of the fall of Constantinople- and with it, the Byzantine Empire. So to commemorate this day, here are some FUN BYZANTINE (cata)F(r)ACTS: > the Byzantines loved books, music, architecture, and having their rivals’ noses cut off >the Byzantines would've been hugely insulted by us referring to them as Byzantines and not Romans > they fought several wars against the Ottoman Empire; this means that the Roman Empire and New Zealand are technically on the same side, having fought a common enemy > “Byzantine Cataphract” is delightful to say aloud > their bureaucracy was famously complicated, to the point where historians are unsure if their “Bureau of Barbarians” was a medieval spy agency, or just a postal service > the motto of the Emperors was “King of Kings, Ruling over Rulers” which sounds sort of awesome, but in Byzantine Greek is “Basileus basileon basileuonton basileuei” which honestly the worst possible motto > Byzantine authors liked to use less accurate but cooler-sounding “vintage” words (e.g., Thracian Rhomphaia instead of Huge Viking Axe) which indicates Princess Anna Komnena was the medieval version of an insufferable hipster If you’re wondering why you haven’t heard about such a glorious and magnificent empire, it’s because you are the victim of 150-year-old propaganda. The very existence of Byzantium was an affront to the grand narratives by which Victorian Britain understood its place in the world. A powerful, cultured and sophisticated medieval state simply did not fit with Victorian myths of endless progress- the same myths used to justify all manner of social and environmental atrocities (DO NOT google “Phossy Jaw”)- and so the Empire was treated with sneering disdain by successive scholars. Anyway, for more information about the Empire, I can recommend John Julius Norwich’s “A History of Byzantium” or, to be honest, the history thingy you can access through Age of Empires 2.
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May 29, 2020 03:10
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what were the byzantine rules re: women having tiddies out in public
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May 29, 2020 03:13
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The last emperor went out like a true g
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May 29, 2020 03:15
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Oh you mean the empire of the Greeks.
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May 29, 2020 03:46
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Glad you mentioned Age of Empires 2 in the OP. I don’t know much about the Byzantines, but they were my favorite faction to play as in that game. Of course I would just spawn a bunch of lions with the cheats and just watch my enemies get owned by my army of murder kittens anyway.
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May 29, 2020 03:52
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Everything I know about the Byzantine capital I learned from They Might Be Giants.
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May 29, 2020 03:53
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May 29, 2020 03:54
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Idk why these chumps get fire ships, what a fail unit, better stick with Vikings
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May 29, 2020 03:58
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GamingHyena posted:Everything I know about the Byzantine capital I learned from They Might Be Giants. Yeah, but that's no one's business but the Turks. Weka posted:Oh you mean the empire of the Greeks. MODS
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May 29, 2020 03:58
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Rosaliti Ice has my wooden spoon in it.
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May 29, 2020 03:59
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The original Gondor and their fortress city Constantinople. Those walls were no joke.
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May 29, 2020 04:06
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According to Prokopius’ Anecdota, Justinian’s wife got eaten out on stage by a goose they trained for the act.
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May 29, 2020 04:12
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The buy some time empire, did they ever really go away?  Or did they con the standing opal?
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May 29, 2020 04:22
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Roman Empire still stands imo
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May 29, 2020 04:23
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Romans never found their moon, and they could be said to be the vane and adulterated version of something real, a hollow and empty cast of something ancient and long dead.
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May 29, 2020 04:45
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i saw a documentary claimed that justinian was fond of having portraits of older emperors recaptioned with his own name all over greece and the balkans, pretty rude imo but also kind of coolColonel Cancer posted:Roman Empire still stands imo its true
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May 29, 2020 04:55
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I LOVE BIG BYZANTINE TITTIES!!!
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May 29, 2020 05:09
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pfft it just moved to the Third Rome
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May 29, 2020 05:10
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Colonel Cancer posted:Roman Empire still stands imo Im looking at a handful of change in my pocket. I'm seeing an emperor and a bunch of Latin alphabet. this theory checks out 
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May 29, 2020 05:13
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Byzantine in the front Jizzantine in the back imho
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May 29, 2020 05:14
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Colonel Cancer posted:Idk why these chumps get fire ships, what a fail unit, better stick with Vikings GREEK fire. Tree Bucket posted:MODS You're lucky you didn't post this thread in Ask Tell, the big cheese round there hates the name byzantium.
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May 29, 2020 06:02
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If a Byzantine Empire falls in a forest and no one hears it, did it really happen? Makes you think.
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May 29, 2020 06:04
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Weka posted:You're lucky you didn't post this thread in Ask Tell, the big cheese round there hates the name byzantium. I know, but I was interested in the unique insights that only GBS can bring. Chinatown posted:I LOVE BIG BYZANTINE TITTIES!!!
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May 29, 2020 06:08
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the last surviving Roman Imperial government office is the Pontifex, so as far as I'm concerned the empire still exists. BITCH
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May 29, 2020 06:08
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Zippy the Bummer posted:the last surviving Roman Imperial government office is the Pontifex, so as far as I'm concerned the empire still exists. BITCH correct, the last remaining Roman imperial government office is the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecumenical_Patriarch_of_Constantinople I hope you were not referring to that pretender the "pope". he was fired a long time ago, totally not legitimate any more 
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May 29, 2020 06:25
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Chinatown posted:I LOVE BIG BYZANTINE TITTIES!!! never thought about this before but youre right
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May 29, 2020 06:32
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The Greeks have Tuesday the 13th instead of Friday the 13th just because Byzantine fell on a Tuesday
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May 29, 2020 07:35
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If we consider Konstantine XI's brothers to be legitimate successors to the throne, I think Felipe the king of Spain currently holds the strongest claim to
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May 29, 2020 07:46
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As a Turk, I just wanted to say this: You're welcome 
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May 29, 2020 09:43
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I googled phossy jaw. gently caress me.
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May 29, 2020 09:48
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Weka posted:Oh you mean the
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May 29, 2020 09:51
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Where were you when the walls fell?
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May 29, 2020 10:16
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They're gone in my current ck2 game tio rip
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May 29, 2020 10:18
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quote:
Byzantine hookers sound like a very pro-active bunch, tracking down monks to gently caress.
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May 29, 2020 10:20
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Archer666 posted:Byzantine hookers sound like a very pro-active bunch, tracking down monks to gently caress. Reboot the Assassin's Creed games to this.
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May 29, 2020 10:25
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RIP  The world was never the same since.
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May 29, 2020 10:34
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From the 13th century onwards the Byzantine Empire really was just a puppet of Genoa, they supported the re-establishment of a Greek empire in Constantinople to conter the Venetians who had used the Fourth Crusade to essentially carve up the Empire for themselves gaining extensive trade and legal privileges in the resultant Latin Crusader states. The Palaiologos Emperors were pretty much just a play piece in a struggle between Venice and Genoa for control of the Mediterranean and Black Sea trade. Then the Ottomans (and eventually the Spanish and Portuguese with the discovery of America and the establishment of the new route to India and China that went around Africa) came on the scene and essentially made all of this irrelevant. Archer666 posted:Byzantine hookers sound like a very pro-active bunch, tracking down monks to gently caress. Jerusalem, after it was rebuilt, resettled and remodelled as a Christian city in the 5th century or so, essentially was hustle central. Not just prostitution but all manner of hustles and swindles and get-rich-quick schemes. Pilgrimmage brings the big bucks. And related to the hooker and monk/priest thing, Rome in the Renaissance period (before it was more or less destroyed in the sack of 1527) was probably the best (or at least most profitable) city in the world to be a prostitute in. It wasn't just the clergy though it was also because of the nature of the development going on in Rome meant that a great many of the artisans and specialists and such in the city were there temporarily and were almost all men who had their family staying behind in their home cities. So Renaissance Rome was a city full of unmarried men (or men away from their families) and prostitutes. Randarkman fucked around with this message at 10:53 on May 29, 2020 |
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May 29, 2020 10:44
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Often Abbreviated posted:Reboot the Assassin's Creed games to this. With Kassandra from Odyssey as the main character. Roaming the world looking for people to gently caress is pretty much how I played that game anyway, might as well make it canon.
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May 29, 2020 11:06
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Byzantine Empire is very annoying to play in CK2.
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May 29, 2020 11:17
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I'd be scared of showing up to work in the Byzantine Empire because a lot of people seems to have been blinded and/or castrated.
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May 29, 2020 11:24
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