QUESTION: Where do farts come from

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > QUESTION: Where do farts come from

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BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Tom Gorman posted:

Farts, electricity and gravity don't really make a lot of sense and I don't have the best understanding of them tbh

# ? Jun 7, 2020 10:03

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 17:41

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

I farted out my pee hole once after surgery. There was even a couple of blood bubbles.
It was a very unnerving experience.

# ? Jun 7, 2020 10:03

Whooping Crabs: Apr 13, 2010; Sorry for the derail but I fuckin love me some racoons

Farts are stored in the fiber one bar

# ? Jun 7, 2020 10:24

1000 Sweaty Rikers: Oct 13, 2005

farts are food ghosts

# ? Jun 7, 2020 13:47

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

The Real Amethyst posted:

I farted out my pee hole once after surgery. There was even a couple of blood bubbles.
It was a very unnerving experience.

Was this an indication of success/failure or just an exciting new business opportunity?

# ? Jun 7, 2020 14:20

SavageMessiah: Jan 28, 2009; Emotionally drained and spookified; Toilet Rascal

The Real Amethyst posted:

I farted out my pee hole once after surgery. There was even a couple of blood bubbles.
It was a very unnerving experience.

I, too, have experienced the piss fart. :catstare:

# ? Jun 7, 2020 17:43

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

Big Beef City posted:

Was this an indication of success/failure or just an exciting new business opportunity?

I'm honestly not sure. It's been 8 years and I still haven't come to terms with what happened.

SavageMessiah posted:

I, too, have experienced the piss fart.

was my exact reaction. Nobody told me it would happen. I just thought I had to pee but it was all gas and blood :cripes:

# ? Jun 7, 2020 19:10

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

i remember the two middle lines of a fart high ku/lynrick if somebody knows the rest of the stanzas please fill em in

"He'd fart God Save the Queen
On the strength of one bean..."

# ? Jun 7, 2020 19:14

zedprime: Jun 9, 2007; yospos

The science establishment will try to trick you with words like entrained gases and gut flora. This is a massive coverup of the fact that plants and animals have souls that slowly leave their corporeal form some time after they die and farts are the souls of your food fleeing your smelly butthole.

# ? Jun 7, 2020 19:21

Nurge: Feb 4, 2009; by Reene; Fun Shoe

zedprime posted:

The science establishment will try to trick you with words like entrained gases and gut flora. This is a massive coverup of the fact that plants and animals have souls that slowly leave their corporeal form some time after they die and farts are the souls of your food fleeing your smelly butthole.

I change my answer to this as well.

# ? Jun 7, 2020 19:42

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

It had been six days since Timothy's last bowel movement, and six days since Christine had ended things. He had previously convinced himself that the two events were uncorrelated but now as he sat on porcelain, hoping for even the smallest of nuggets to emerge, he was no longer sure. Timothy certainly didn't feel much different since then. He went to work, ate dinner, watched tv. But there was something inside his brain telling him that he should feel different after his breakup. Was his constant constipation merely a message from his body, warning him of apathy? He had many fond memories of times with his ex. Christine was the only person he would allow to shorten his name to just Tim. And as he reminisced about his ex, he suddenly felt a small pang from within. Yes, he decided. He should feel regret.

The following nights found Timothy in the exact same position in his bathroom. Fifteen days had now passed since his breakup, and not a single recorded fecal incident. He had tried to contact Christine, but she would not answer his calls. Nor would she answer the door when he knocked. His thoughts and emotions had begun to run wild the last few days, but this he allowed, even embraced. Timothy thought was what should be happening after a trauma. He began to wonder where all his food was going. He didn't feel any heavier than he used to. The conclusion was that his processed meals were being held from him. That something was being taken from him. Timothy would just have to search for it, to want it more. He would have to just do better. Now was as good a time to start as any.

Timothy began with just one finger. It was awkward, and was not done without trepidation, but by God he would carry through. He worked in a second, a third, a fourth, then finally all five. As Timothy plunged further into his anus, he thought of Christine. Where are you, he mouthed silently. It was becoming painful, but he knew that he must know, must discover. At last, Timothy thought he felt what he had been searching for. He spread apart his fingers to make way for what was once lost. His face flushed with joy as he let it come out. He would finally be PLPPPPPPPLPPPPLPPLLLLLL SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH fuuuuuuuuuuuuut

# ? Jun 7, 2020 21:37

EVIL Gibson: Mar 23, 2001; Internet of Things is just someone else's computer that people can't help attaching cameras and door locks to!; Switchblade Switcharoo

farts is the cooling system of the poop factory.

# ? Jun 7, 2020 21:42

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Farts are the real product of the digestive system, poo poo is just a toxic runoff

# ? Jun 7, 2020 22:01

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Colonel Cancer posted:

Farts are the real product of the digestive system, poo poo is just a toxic runoff

it's an evolutionary trait that enables us to move freely in crowds/zero gravity environments

# ? Jun 7, 2020 22:09

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

dee eight posted:

it's an evolutionary trait that enables us to move freely in crowds/zero gravity environments

Yuuki began to cry, her corporate mechanical angel wings no longer allowed her to fly majestically over the swarms of her enemies and through the crowds of admirers as they once did. Tears streamed from her enormous weird eyes. Gross.
Anyway Super Samurai Authuro-san rushed to help. "Yuuki! Use your evolutionary FFactory Number 2 to power your flight!" he cried Japanishly. "B-b-but the twerkers have seized the means of pooduction from me!" she said.

"Not right now they don't" came the response

# ? Jun 7, 2020 22:22

withak: Jan 15, 2003; Fun Shoe

Farts come from fermented poop. Just like the fizz in beer.

# ? Jun 7, 2020 22:23

The Real Amethyst: Apr 20, 2018; When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

It had been six days since Timothy's last bowel movement, and six days since Christine had ended things. He had previously convinced himself that the two events were uncorrelated but now as he sat on porcelain, hoping for even the smallest of nuggets to emerge, he was no longer sure. Timothy certainly didn't feel much different since then. He went to work, ate dinner, watched tv. But there was something inside his brain telling him that he should feel different after his breakup. Was his constant constipation merely a message from his body, warning him of apathy? He had many fond memories of times with his ex. Christine was the only person he would allow to shorten his name to just Tim. And as he reminisced about his ex, he suddenly felt a small pang from within. Yes, he decided. He should feel regret.

The following nights found Timothy in the exact same position in his bathroom. Fifteen days had now passed since his breakup, and not a single recorded fecal incident. He had tried to contact Christine, but she would not answer his calls. Nor would she answer the door when he knocked. His thoughts and emotions had begun to run wild the last few days, but this he allowed, even embraced. Timothy thought was what should be happening after a trauma. He began to wonder where all his food was going. He didn't feel any heavier than he used to. The conclusion was that his processed meals were being held from him. That something was being taken from him. Timothy would just have to search for it, to want it more. He would have to just do better. Now was as good a time to start as any.

Timothy began with just one finger. It was awkward, and was not done without trepidation, but by God he would carry through. He worked in a second, a third, a fourth, then finally all five. As Timothy plunged further into his anus, he thought of Christine. Where are you, he mouthed silently. It was becoming painful, but he knew that he must know, must discover. At last, Timothy thought he felt what he had been searching for. He spread apart his fingers to make way for what was once lost. His face flushed with joy as he let it come out. He would finally be PLPPPPPPPLPPPPLPPLLLLLL SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH fuuuuuuuuuuuuut

I immediately read it with this voice and bass line

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI-YiaWDgB4

# ? Jun 7, 2020 23:16

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

The Real Amethyst posted:

I immediately read it with this voice and bass line

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI-YiaWDgB4

Excellent

# ? Jun 7, 2020 23:34

Weka: May 5, 2019; That child totally had it coming. Nobody should be able to be out at dusk except cars.

withak posted:

Farts come from fermented poop. Just like the fizz in beer.

You must have a pretty messed up beer recipe.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 06:51

Zealander: Aug 3, 2006

Don't burden yourself with questions, just fart, because if you don't fart, you're dead.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 07:23

GoutPatrol: Oct 17, 2009; *Stupid Babby*

I read this while trying to hold in a massive fart inside a classroom

# ? Jun 8, 2020 08:16

Mr. Merdle: Oct 17, 2007; THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

Lol what a bunch of idiots who never took biology. Everyone knows farts are created in the appendix and when it gets full it lets them out. This is why people without appendixes are so weird: they never fart and therefore miss much of the human experience.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 08:18

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

... Timothy began with just one finger. It was awkward, and was not done without trepidation, but by God he would carry through. He worked in a second, a third, a fourth, then finally all five. As Timothy plunged further into his anus, he thought of Christine. Where are you, he mouthed silently. It was becoming painful, but he knew that he must know, must discover. At last, Timothy thought he felt what he had been searching for. He spread apart his fingers to make way for what was once lost. His face flushed with joy as he let it come out. He would finally be PLPPPPPPPLPPPPLPPLLLLLL SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH fuuuuuuuuuuuuut

I've been wondering if the finger up one's own rear end method of curing constipation actually works. Who here has tried it?

# ? Jun 8, 2020 13:34

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

withak posted:

Farts come from fermented poop. Just like the fizz in beer.

Bottoms up!

# ? Jun 8, 2020 13:36

Universe Master: Jun 20, 2005; Darn Fine Pie

Uranus

# ? Jun 8, 2020 13:48

sudonim: Oct 6, 2005

Universe Master posted:

Uranus

it's true, farts are an invisible interplanetary menace, like thetans.

Also Scientology has the cure for both. Most celebs join for the fart cure but end up brainwashed along the way.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 19:15

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

r u ready to WALK posted:

Think of your stomach like a car engine, just less efficient. It runs on liquid fuel and exhausts large amounts of gas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HejHNaNqhLw

We are actually way more efficient than car engines at extracting energy from our fuel.

Our fuel is just not nearly as dense unless your diet consists of shots of lard and oil I guess.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 20:49

Nurge: Feb 4, 2009; by Reene; Fun Shoe

ArbitraryC posted:

We are actually way more efficient than car engines at extracting energy from our fuel.

Our fuel is just not nearly as dense unless your diet consists of shots of lard and oil I guess.

Ah I see you've been to the low carb thread.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 20:51

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

ArbitraryC posted:

We are actually way more efficient than car engines at extracting energy from our fuel.

Our fuel is just not nearly as dense unless your diet consists of shots of lard and oil I guess.

I don't see you weighing 3000 lbs and running 25 miles at 60 miles an hour with just a gallon of Mt. Dew, pal. Check and MATE captain science.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 20:55

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Big Beef City posted:

I don't see you weighing 3000 lbs and running 25 miles at 60 miles an hour with just a gallon of Mt. Dew, pal. Check and MATE captain science.

Your average goon will burn around 100 calories a mile walking at a brisk pace. A gallon of canola oil has 256 tablespoons in it at 130 calories per tbsp. This means you could walk around 333 miles off the energy in 1 gallon of canola oil.

If we assume each goon weighs about 200 pounds it would take 15 of them to weigh as much as that car. If you split the oil between them they�d each go about 23 miles.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 21:09

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

ArbitraryC posted:

Your average goon will burn around 100 calories a mile walking at a brisk pace. A gallon of canola oil has 256 tablespoons in it at 130 calories per tbsp. This means you could walk around 333 miles off the energy in 1 gallon of canola oil.

If we assume each goon weighs about 200 pounds it would take 15 of them to weigh as much as that car. If you split the oil between them they’d each go about 23 miles.

Yeah?
How many tablespoons do you need to carry a printer with you you nerd?!
*Does a sick wheelie in my sports car with my bikini model girlfriend*

# ? Jun 8, 2020 22:07

The Breakfast Sampler: Jan 1, 2006

they come from sinful thoughts, OP. this is why bad people fart a lot and virtuous people don't. this is also why farting is considered rude/crude, as it signifies bad moral character. the emission is the bad thought leaving the body, and also why they are bad smelling. each fart is an opportunity to improve yourself morally and spiritually by recognizing you have become, if only briefly, a slightly better person.

# ? Jun 8, 2020 22:16