The WWE is DEAD, NJPW is BEEFY and Lethal Leap Year LIVES: Let's Play TEW 2013

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > The WWE is DEAD, NJPW is BEEFY and Lethal Leap Year LIVES: Let's Play TEW 2013

Pick your Poison
	AEW
	NXT
	IMPACT
	NJPW
	ROH
	The National Wrestling Alliance
	Stardom
	Ian Rotten's weird tiger king knockoff

RealFoxy: May 11, 2011; I'm not making a fucking QCS thread for this but seriously can we take a harder stance on Kiwifarms freaks like this guy, Jesus Christ seriously, you used to be better at knocking these creeps down. I guess ADTRW mods aren't responsible like GBS mods are.

Please be patient while I continue to update the thread. You can access the original here

:siren:

Don't forget to join our discord! :siren:

There's a lot more going on there than just fantasy booking, and we've all grown to be a community and friends who support each other. There's also a special channel ran by Rarity and it's exactly what you expect it is.

Welcome to Let's Play TEW 2013: The Death of WWE ran mostly by Hiram, with organizational and hijinks ran by yours truly. In the original thread, Hiram just wanted to play a nice, fun, quiet game of TEW with other goons but it quickly spiraled out of control as ideas were pitched for a scenario where the WWE has been run out of business and we start at the beginning of 2020 with 8 different promotions all making a mad dash to pick up all the formerly employed WWE Superstars to bolster their own rosters in an attempt to fill the massive void following the dismantlement of wrestling's largest promotion.

The Scenario
At the end of 2019, WWE has been completely dismantled and Vince McMahon has left the wrestling industry. In the vacuum that the WWE's absence has left, 8 promotions have stepped up to become the top wrestling promotion in a world without the WWE. Immediately after the dissolve of the WWE, bidding wars (A round-robin draft) was initiated to scoop up the remnants of the WWE roster (RAW, Smackdown, & NXT UK). Only NXT managed to survive because of good lawyers and vague paperwork listing Triple H as the owner of that brand, independently of the WWE. After the initial WWE bidding war, companies also started scooping up wrestlers from other promotions to bolster their roster and identity in the on-coming war for supremacy.

The Meta-game
This game is being played under pseudo Dungeons & Dragons and a TEW back-end to balance out the promotions that want to focus on either the role-playing or TEW aspect of this game. As such, viewer participation DOES play a role in this game, so make sure you cheer for your favorites and give feedback so companies can adjust accordingly. On the back-end, all results will be plugged into TEW, and every week promotions will be given 3 segments they can check the ratings on. PPVs will be run at the promotion's digression, with a maximum limit of one per month, but that promotion will be given the full TEW results for that PPV. Various challenges, quirks, and scenarios will be handed out to promotions depending on how well they're doing in the thread, TEW, or just the whim of Hiram and Real Foxy.

The Players
Each Promotion started with a quirk/perk related to their promotion. Some had fairly neutral options, while others had more serious drawbacks. Most promotions ended up getting free talent before the draft, and a handfull ended up getting wrestlers or authority figures with creative control that could dictate how they run their show.

Oh god help us they're all maniacs posted:

Mondays:

New Japan Pro Wrestling (Ran by Dr Zoggle & SuperMachoDude)
NJPW has decided their new direction in the year 2020 will be where the big boys play. Electing to draft almost exclusively the biggest, chonkiest boys that were available to them, they're planning on showing everyone exactly where the beef is.
Perk: The Bullet Club Explodes....Again - NJPW were gifted AJ Styles, Roman Reigns & The Authors of Pain before the draft started with instructions to book them in a feud involving the bullet club. The rest was left up to them.

Tuesdays:

Ring of Honor (Ran by Pinche Rudo, I Before E, and ShallNoiseUpon)
ROH, even without prompted, decided to bring the promotion back to their roots. An incredibly talented roster, supercards, and once again scooping up some of the best international wrestlers on the planet. Out of all the running promotions, ROH looks to be the most well-rounded cast of talent across the globe.
Perk: Return to Honor - ROH was gifted several returning ROH wrestlers before the draft (CM Punk, Chris Hero, Cesaro/Claudio, & Brian Danielson) with secret instructions on where the direction of some of their roster was heading. In addition, they were asked to pick up Low-Ki and Austin Aries "Of their own free will" who will constantly have their happiness in-game reset constantly so the ROH booking team has to deal with them forever.

Wednesdays:

All Elite Wrestling (Ran by KarmicKnight, Kermit The Grog, and Xerzes)
Out of all the promotions on the list, AEW probably has the biggest following and most reliable roster in the game, electing to use their draft picks to boost more semi-well known talent and boost the company like they've already succeeded in doing with MJF, Darby Allin, and Sammy Guevera in the real world.
Perk: Big Bank Tony - AEW had the oppurtunity to draft first, draft multiple times per round, and then steal 2 wrestlers from any promotion at the expense of losing several of their own talent due to "Contact Tampering". The Superstars stolen in this scenario were Zack Sabre Jr & Will Osperay, and the talent they lost were Jungle Boy (To Impact), Kip Sabien & Penelope Ford (To NXT), Proud & Powerful (To NWA), Wardlow (To NJPW), Ruby Riott (To Stardom), and Shawn Spears (To ROH)

NXT (Ran by ProjectHalaxy & Junpei Hyde)
The Wednesday Night Wars continue in our game, as the only head-to-head night still involves NXT and AEW. Rather than leaning on real life's tactic of scooping up any independent wrestler who gains even a little momentum just to keep them out of the competition's hands, NXT's new bookers have elected to focus on brawlers and shoot fighters in an attempt to start their own Fight Club.
Perk: Time to Play the Game - Triple H used some of his pull before the total dissolve of the WWE and gave NXT a handful of superstars before the draft. 5 Superstars from the WWE before anyone had a chance to draft them, but at the cost of Triple H inserting himself in booking meetings and periodically changing the results, wrestlers, or angles of random shows for the first three months.

Thursdays:

Impact Wrestling (Ran by Rarity & Shiksa)
I'm not going to sugar coat it. When Rarity first took over Impact Wrestling and started her draft, she bartered, clawed, and stepped all over every single attractive person she could get her hands on, and inserted herself as the in-game authority figure of Impact. I think she's booking a different kind of fantasy than the other promotions are playing.
Perk: The More Things Change... - Impact Wrestling was given the oppurtunity to draft 5 WWE Hall of Famers, dip them into the Fountain of Youth, and use them on their show. As of this post, the three members they've revealed so far include Edge, Christian, and Jushin Thunder Liger, with two more currently at-bat.

Fridays:

The National Wrestling Alliance (Ran by Ice Phoenix & Blooming Brilliant)
Through sheer coincidence and with very little input of their own, the NWA went from the most plain, white, vanilla promotion in America to having some of the best tag-team wrestling and culturally diverse talent in the entire game. Picking up multiple future Hall of Fame teams and some of the greatest wrestlers in the WWE, NWA went from sleeper to success basically overnight.
Perk: Becoming an International Alliance - NWA were granted several wrestlers before the draft to use for their program at at cost yet to be revealed

Saturdays:

World of Stardom (Ran by Sanguinia & Senerio)
As an all-women's promotion in Japan, Stardom is fighting an uphill battle on SA as being both a foreign promotion, and somewhat "niche" in the world of wrestling. Despite that, their bookers Sang and Senerio are two of the sharpest tacks in this game and plan on making Stardom stand out both in the scope of this game and as a promotion everyone should be following in real life. Interestingly, of their own free will, they have elected to draft both Michael Cole AND Stephanie McMahon.
Perk: Girls Run the World - Stardom's perk was two-fold. First, they could veto any other promotion's draft pick featuring a women and claim them as their own (Used on Kairi Sane), and second, they were given both Sasha Banks & Charolette Flair before the draft with creative control clauses. Flair has elected to insert her dominance as a top star, and Sasha will periodically change her own booking out of protest.

Other:

IWA-Mid South Wrestling (Ran anonymously)
The saga of IWA: MS started off as a series of joke tweets that Hiram used to lighten the mood before and during the draft, but someone pitched the idea of running it as a legitimate promotion. Since this was done after rosters were finalized, IWA picked the scraps up and built their own roster with probably the most unique quirks in the game. Ian Rotten has stumbled upon some money, and bought several streaming services to watch in his double-wide but inspired by various shows on Netflix, Hulu, and HBO has decided to take IWA in a brand-new direction. The problem is, he has more money than sense so his brand new Tiger King inspired persona leads to a loft of hijinks.
Perks: IWA Mid South will not run as a weekly TV shows like the other company. In fact, they just submit shows whenever they feel like it, which could varry between two a week, to zero a month. Additionally, because of our in-universe Ian Rotten's new fortune and general dumb-fuckary, he is able to book fictional wrestlers in his television program. The wrestlers will, of course just be the actors playing them showing up for a payday but Ian Rotten doesn't quite understand that.

RealFoxy fucked around with this message at 02:22 on Jun 18, 2020

# ? Jun 18, 2020 02:02

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 18:20

RealFoxy: May 11, 2011; I'm not making a fucking QCS thread for this but seriously can we take a harder stance on Kiwifarms freaks like this guy, Jesus Christ seriously, you used to be better at knocking these creeps down. I guess ADTRW mods aren't responsible like GBS mods are.

Reserved for show recaps and stuff

# ? Jun 18, 2020 02:03

projecthalaxy: Dec 27, 2008; Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son

NXT 1/8: Tag Team Special, by Hal P. Hyde, exclusive to thesh00tinggallery.blogspot.com

What a crazy week in the world of sports entertainment. Every company brought their A-game, there were over a dozen hours of new-era shows for fans to enjoy, and I think we can all agree that�s a very good thing. But now, it�s time for the Black and Gold Brand to set the pace again with the start of the Dusty Classic. The best division on the best show gets a spotlight. Let�s check it out.

HHH welcomes us to NXT's Tag Special
Once again, hard spotlight on The Creator to begin. Triple H puts over the history of tag team wrestling, both in and out of NXT. From legendary teams like DX, Evolution, and the Two Man Power Trip to modern classics like DIY, the Undisputed Era, and American Alpha, it is truly the gem of the business. He declares that tonight is a Tag Team Special, with all matches being contested between groups. What a treat for your intrepid reviewer.

Mark Andrews and Flash Morgan Webster vs Karrion Kross and ???
Andrews and Webster are out first, high fiving and stage diving. The fans love it, but soon it is time to fall and pray. Kross and Scarlett come out without their mystery partner. Then a storm strikes the arena, thunder and lightning raging around the Full Sail Arena. What could this mean? One final blast of thunder throws the arena into darkness. Scarlett informs us that The God of Thunder has descended upon us. Sure enough, Lashley comes out, wearing sharp new lightning bolt-emblazoned trunks. He looks like a million dollars and the two heels swarm over the unlucky Brits. You get the sense this one could end any time they wanted, but Kross and Lashley take their time, but eventually a Dominator fells Flash. I would not want to face these two in the semifinals, that�s for sure.
Winners: Karrion Kross and Lashley

Shane Thorne and Brendan Vink vs DIY
After that surprise, we get a bit more of a known quantity, at least at first. The hungry duo of Shane Thorne and Brendan Vink look to upset early favorites Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa. Gargano offers a handshake at the beginning of the match, which is refused by Thorne. This would go on to set the tone for the rest of the encounter, with Shane and Brendan disrespecting both their opponents and the rules. However, they were not the only ones to dip into the villainous playbook. At the twelve minute mark, Vink grabbed a small package on Gargano and the upset seemed to be at hand, but Ciampa was able to suddenly convince the ref that the tag rope was malfunctioning and that it needed to be taken care of right this instant, allowing Gargano to reverse the pressure and get the 1 2 3 once that crisis was resolved. After the match, Thorne offered Gargano the same handshake, with less of a smile, and received a slap in the face for his trouble. Not sure who they are facing next, but that team had better watch out. We�ve seen what these two can do when the gloves are off.
Winners: DIY

Firefly Funhouse
Bray Wyatt is shocked to see the change in DIY�s mindset. He tells that everyone has dark thoughts like that, but it�s important to never listen to them, or you�ll end up just like Him. He then starts to launch into another point, but Abby The Witch interrupts with laughter. She won�t stop laughing, what�s going on? Huskus and Ramblin� Rabbit seem very worried. We finally get a look at the cackling witch and she looks different.

After we get a few seconds to observe her new look, it fades to black. What lesson does this teach?

Tegan Nox and Toni Storm vs Dakota Kai and ???
Up next, we are promised a series of non-tournament tag matches that will feature new faces on the black and gold brand. Out first is Tegan Nox, who has secured some backup in her quest to Shiniest Wizard Dakota Kai�s head right off her body: NXT UK luminary Toni Storm. Tegan calls out Dakota for a tag match, assuming she can find a partner she hasn�t backstabbed yet. Dakota and Raquel Gonzalez make their appearance, but Raquel isn�t dressed to compete. Dakota then says she has someone she sees eye to eye with and out comes recent AEW cut Penelope Ford, with Kip Sabian in tow. It seems that the pair are still tied together, and still Superbad. It�s clear that neither Nox or Storm have scouted Penelope Ford, so they are on the back foot in this contest. Just as it appears Toni Storm is about to build a head of steam and set up a big running clothesline, Kip Sabian jumps on the apron and grabs her. A kick from Nox sweeps his legs out, but the damage is done, and Toni walks straight into a stunner for the three count. I wonder if these two villains will maintain this relationship going forward.
Winners: Dakota Kai and Penelope Ford

WALTER, Donovan Dijakovic, and ??? vs Killian Dain, Bronson Reed, and ???
We are treated to two mystery partners for this one. Out first are the heels. WALTER comes out, still without the rest of Imperium, and is joined by Dijakovic. Joining them is former indie and Impact bruiser Willie Mack, who looks like he is all business here tonight. They stand in the ring and await their opponents. Our heroes also have an international flavor, as Killian Dain begins the entrances for his side. He is joined by the colossus from Down Under, because what this match really needed was a little more weight. But who will be their partner? In response, we hear the call of The World�s Largest Love Machine. Viscera. and out comes a giant man in the familiar beige pajamas as the saxophones blare. I�m not sure who this is, but he�s got to be 400 pounds at least, and his introduction declares him El Hijo De Viscera. So that�s happening. Anyway, there�s no time to dwell on that as there is nearly a ton of humanity in the ring and we are off to the races. This is just big meaty men slapping meat, and it is glorious. Frequent tags on both sides allow for a variety of matchups, and the most impressive moment is probably Dijakovic getting El Hijo De Viscera over his head for a scoop slam. Eventually, however, WALTER keeps big Bronson down for the count. This was fun.
Winners: WALTER, Dijakovic, and Mack

Io Shirai and Candace LaRae vs Bianca Belair and Asuka
No surprise entrants here, just four of the best in the business doing their thing. I was somewhat surprised to see LaRae teaming with the villainous Shirai, but if the beginning of the show is anything to go off, the entire Garganoverse has decided it�s time to be evil and this just confirms it. The EST of NXT starts against Candace, and their match is predictably exciting, but after a few minutes, both are out of gas and it�s time to tag, bringing us a legit dream match. Asuka and Io Shirai are two of the best to come out of Japan and they bring the Joshi impact here in NXT. Stiff strikes, brutal submissions, and the most beautiful moonsault in the business follow as these two string together ten minutes of pure magic. Eventually, we get into another phase, as both teams make rapid tags to try to get the advantage, and Asuka grabs Candace in the Asuka Lock in the chaos for the submission victory. This was an absolute must-watch.
Winners: Bianca Belair and Asuka

Adam Cole vs Keith Lee Brawl
However, we don�t have time to bask in the glow of that classic, as we are sent to the back where there is some sort of scuffle going on. Once a camera can get close enough, we see that Keith Lee and Adam Cole are tearing each other apart in the hallway. This is a crazy brawl, as both men employ anything they can get their hands on to try to destroy each other. Cole finds himself without his normal backup, but makes up for it with garbage can shots, thrown cups of coffee, and more. The exclamation point however, goes the other direction as Keith Lee ends the segment by hurling Cole bodily through a glass door into an office. We see Lee dust himself off and walk away, his point made.
Winner?: Keith Lee

Matt Riddle and Chad Gable vs Two Black Guys with Tattoos
After their match last week was interrupted, it seems that Matt Riddle and Chad Gable ended up with enough respect for each other to join up and enter the Dusty Classic, but they have a tall order in front of them with the more practiced team of Ricochet and Aliester Black. This was a clash of styles, with the flying heroics and brutal strikes of the Two Guys against the pure grappling of the other two guys. A back and forth match ensued, with bursts of high speed action brought down after a takedown or suplex, only for an escape to start another sprint. Ricochet goes for a 630, but Riddle is able to twist around while the super hero flies and grab him in the Bromission for the tap. This was a fun little match.
Winners: Matt Riddle and Chad Gable

Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch vs Bobby Fish and Kyle O�Reilly
And now finally our main event of the evening. Fish and O�Reilly are against the entire idea of this tournament, so they have decided to blow it up from the inside and win the title shot against themselves to prove no one else deserves it. Lorcan and Burch are underdogs with a puncher�s chance. The smashmouth duo is clearly not intimidated at all of the champions, coming straight for them with brutal strikes. However, The Undisputed Era haven�t been champions for months because they were bad at their jobs. They quickly regain the advantage and spend a few minutes working over Danny Burch. Once the hot tag to Oney is made though, things take a turn. Lorcan is a house of fire, throwing punches and elbows with wild abandon. Finally, after taking a moment to kick a prone Burch off the apron, Bobby Fish turns around into one last elbow strike, both men collapsing spent to the mat, Lorcan on top. The ref counts the fall, and Cinderella is headed to the semi-finals! The Undisputed Era can�t believe it. Lorcan and Burch can�t believe it. I can�t believe it. Wrestling is great. That�s our show.
Winners: Lorcan and Burch

Quick Results:
Kross and Lashley def Webster and Andrews
DIY def Thorne and Vink
Kai and Ford def Nox and Storm
WALTER, Dijakovic, and Mack def Dain, Reed, and El Hijo De Viscera
Asuka and Belair def Shirai and LaRae
Riddle and Gable def Two Black Guys With Tattoos
Lorcan and Burch defeat The Undisputed Era

# ? Jun 18, 2020 02:33

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

Reposted from previous thread
ROH Newswire - Four HOT matches announced for 1/13 Worldwide!

On the next episode of Worldwide, LIVE from Philadelphia's 2300 Arena, we're bringing you 4 exciting tournament matches!

After his big Tag Wars win on the first Worldwide of 2020, John Silver goes for seconds as he takes on a mystery competitor in the quarterfinals of the Top Prospect Tournament! Will this be Paul Heyman's Beast?

In a high flying showcase, Uhaa Nation takes on Samuray Del Sol! Will Samuray be victorious in his Worldwide debut, or will Uhaa find him just Too Easy?

Fujin and Raijin will take on the Squat Team in a Tag Wars quarterfinal!

And in our main event, a mystery team will take on Generation Now of Alex Shelley and Austin Aries! Will Paul Heyman reveal two new dangerous allies on this episode?

Also in action:
Dalton Castle
The Briscoes
Psycho Clown makes his ROH debut!

Who will win? Who will be revealed? Who is THE BEAST?

# ? Jun 18, 2020 02:45

I Before E: Jul 2, 2012

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8VfziFZMGY

I Before E fucked around with this message at 03:35 on Jun 18, 2020

# ? Jun 18, 2020 03:21

Amp: Sep 10, 2010

Incredibly good thread title

# ? Jun 18, 2020 03:30

Senerio: Oct 19, 2009; Roëmænce is ælive!

Big announcement to start off the new thread

# ? Jun 18, 2020 03:33

karmicknight: Aug 21, 2011

from The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Are Suspended > FIGHT ISLAND > Spoilers thread - Rovert was right [no spoiler tags]

Xerzes posted:

AEW Dark Spoilers for Jan Week 2

+ Miyu Yamashita defeats Sadie Gibbs after a series of super stiff kicks. Match was a lot more open than you'd expect given the difference in style and experience between the two sides and AEW's clear focus on workrate. Told this match was interesting beyond just who won, as Gibbs seems to be putting together some sort of character.

+ Emi Sakura and Bea Priestley were out next, to take on a couple of the recent recruits out of Chikara, Solo Darling and Kimber Lee. They got a long while with this, and the newcomers got to show off some of their best, with Solo's groundwork and Kimber's surprising power moves, Bea and the veteran Emi ground them down, and eventually Solo took an Ice Driver and Emi got the pin.

+ Jessie McKay and KC Spears came out with Tully Blanchard in tow, and talked down every woman wrestler they could think of, how they're the best, how they'll beat the entire roster, and went on and on with it.

+ Joey Janela came to the ring, with Private Party like last week, and now with Sonny Kiss alongside. Joey talked about some of the intense partying he's done with his friends lately, that he got some play out of the way, and it's time for work. He laid out an open challenge. It was answered fast, when The Hybrid 2 came out, Jack Evans talking nonstop, which served as distraction for Pentagon Jr and Rey Fenix to jump Janela and co from behind. Aubrey Edwards was out, and the match was on.

+ Janela/Kiss/Private Party taking on Hybrid 2 and Lucha Bros went about fifteen minutes, high-energy the whole time, with all kinds of sick flips and yelled insults, and that's just Jack Evans. In the end, after an all-out brawl cleared the ring, Fenix got Janela in and hit the Fenix Driver for the pin.

from The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Are Suspended > FIGHT ISLAND > AEW Discussion for 1/8: ForDDP vs Ferrari

MasRafTer posted:

AEW Dynamite Results:

AEW Dynamite for Week 2 of 2020 is in Southhaven, Mississippi in the Landers Center. Some of the branding for the show included a celebration of Memphis wrestling that was not televised.

- - -
Christopher Daniels vs. Zack Sabre Jr

Match opens with Daniels offering up for mat work, which Sabre takes over and excels, showcasing his skills and explaining why he was introduced by Justin Roberts as the "Technical Wizard." It's only veteran canny that keeps Daniels in the match, as he uses the ropes and the outside to create some separation.

Daniels takes control with some dirty tactics, which JR and Tony justify as being the cost of doing business with someone like ZSJ who will pick you apart and focus his attack on a body-part lightning fast and has something of a sadistic side.

ZSJ regains control with a PK to Daniels after rolling out of the way of the Best Moonsault Ever. This leads into the finish as he begins working Daniels over with a combination of holds, catching him for the submission.

Result: Zack Sabre Jr submits Christohper Daniels in 15:51

- - -

Zack Sabre Jr got on the microphone and points at Daniels (who seems to be commiserating in frustration with Kazarian and Sky) and starts taunting him, saying that Chris Daniels is a wonderful warm-up for a British wrestling legend. Because it allows Zack Sabre Jr to see what happens to people who move past their prime and don't adopt a better wrestling style.

But the windy man, the long mover, ZSJ isn't here to crack jokes about an old man, see Zack Sabre Jr has a friend who is also coming to All Elite Wrestling, a friend who is also a British wrestling stand out and ZSJ wants to debut this friend, Will Ospreay, in a tag match against Daniels and Kazarian. Sky agrees on behalf of the veteran pair.

- - -

Dr. Britt Baker and Yuka Sakazaki vs. Nyla Rose and Leva Bates

Nyla Rose controls the match working with Sakazaki and then Baker before a combination of the two of them is able to get the better of Rose. There appears to be a bit of tension in both Dr. Baker and Sakazaki, but a lot of that seems to be the stress of having to work with Nyla Rose. Leva Bates spends the match on the apron cheer-leading for Rose with a book on motivational and coaching strategies open that Bates is perusing.

Eventually the double team offense of Sakazaki and Dr. Baker is able to stall Rose's advance, which causes both Sakazaki and Dr. Baker to take turns control the match and working towards a lockjaw finish (they clearly appear to be on the same page with that, working over Rose's jaw)

Rose builds back some momentum, but loses control allowing a Dr. Baker tag to Yuka Sakazaki, eliciting a blind tag from Leva Bates, who turns around and eats offense from Sakazaki leading to a pinfall over the magical girl press. Nyla Rose is very mad with Leva Bates.

Result: Yuka Sakazaki pins Leva Bates in 12:24.

- - -

Another video plays with the same tone as the previous Dark Order videos, only this one has an even heavier pitch towards the mysterious "Exalted One" as the central figure of the Dark Order and the being who will lead the weak losers to salvation. The video points to Alex Reynolds and John Silver's success elsewhere now that they have been remade into the Dark Order. It makes a point to say that "losers are not those that are defeated, they are those that let defeat be what defines them. Join the Dark Order and stop losing."

- - -

Dark Order (Evil Uno and Stu Grayson) vs. CIMA and Dustin Rhodes

Dark Order control the match from the jump, doing some fine old school tag team wrestling and holding Dustin Rhodes to their side of the ring and control the match with minimal interference of the Creepers (but it is there). Dustin Rhodes is a great babyface in peril for this, managing to tease not one, but two hot tags and leading to CIMA hot tag causing the crowd to come unglued.

CIMA hot tag is lots and lots of double knees, running, jumping, diving, as a counter to a power-bomb, after bouncing off the ropes, from the front and from behind. Eventually, Uno and Grayson get enough control to hit Fatality on CIMA, pinning him while Dustin was just too dead from earlier.

Result: Evil Uno pins CIMA in 13:04.

- - -

Chris Jericho and the Inner Circle hit the ring for the next segment, they have a table set up with A Little Bit of the Bubbly and a big banner that looks ready to be unfurled. Chris Jericho opens up talking about how everyone thought that the Inner Circle was done for when AEW decided to remove everyone from his team aside from Le Champion and the Spanish God, but Chris Jericho outsmarted EVERYONE as he found the biggest and baddest man drafted to AEW, Drew Galloway, and offered him a spot in the Inner Circle, and Galloway jumped at the chance. And to fill the Santana and Oritz shape hole in his heart, he talked to the biggest students of the tag team wrestling game, the Top Guys, the team that Follows the Rules, #FTR.

So Jericho invites Jon Moxley out to apologize to the Inner Circle, and Moxley hits the ring clearly paying attention to being outnumbered. Moxley is wearing a jacket closed to the neck, and he responds to Chris Jericho's claims, that the Inner Circle is stronger than ever, that Jon Moxley was thinking Chris Jericho and Sammy Guevara were outmatched and that was why he told Jericho to piss off, and he has turned around completely. Moxley says that he wants to dominate AEW, he wants to dominate the wrestling landscape, and the Inner Circle is all about those things.

Chris Jericho is shocked, and sends #FTR to the back to collect the banner they made for the occasion, he tells Moxley that he has some gifts, gesturing to the KhanTron to show Moxley a Ford GT he and Sammy were driving around with custom Mox license plate numbers. Jericho says that he was planning on offering the car to Moxley to get him to join, and so he will. Sammy notes that Chris was also going to give Moxley a percentage of the Inner Circle LLC (49%) and Jericho says to not be silly, clearly lying. He tosses Moxley the keys to the GT and the four men celebrate Moxley's new Inner Circle t-shirt with A Little Bit of the Bubbly. Jericho sends Galloway to the back to get more bubbly as Moxley seems to be spilling the alcohol everywhere everytime he holds a bottle.

With Galloway out of the ring, Moxley has the last bottle of the bubbly and tells Jericho there is one thing he hasn't said, and that is sorry, because he's not going to apologize, all he wants is Chris Jericho's AEW World title and he's not going to join Jericho's stupid club. Moxley proceeds to break the bottle of the bubbly over Jericho's head, Paradigm Shift Sammy Guevara while on the outside Drew Galloway is taken out by a man in a hoodie and black and white lucha mask and a chair, Moxley grabs the keys and he and the luchador retreat into the crowd taunting Jericho, Guevara, and Galloway with the quadruple birds as Moxley holds the Ford GT keys in his teeth.

- - -

A video package plays (presumably while AEW is cleaning up the mess the Moxley/Inner Circle segment caused) as Cody Rhodes, in his capacity as AEW management, talks about the young and fresh talent coming into AEW. It feels like the MJF betrayal and accusation has kind of caused Cody to stress a bit, as he is clearly talking up the young talent and mentions offhandedly that "this isn't about that, but next week I will respond to Maxwell's challenge." The talent featured were:

Danhausen: A strange goblin wearing black and white facepaint and talking like he doesn't quite get what humanity is all about.
Warhorse: Rules rear end.
Still Life With Apricots and Pears: Some sort of living art exhibit.
Chris Brookes: A British veteran who has a strong independent streak and is also a bit of a misanthrope.
Masa Takanashi: A Japanese veteran who is teaming with Chris Brookes who likes drinking.

- - -

Another video package, as Pac is shown around Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England talking about how he wants a match with Kenny Omega and he is willing to stalk Kenny Omega's every move, be Omega's shadow if it allows him to get his rubber match with Kenny Omega to prove he is the better wrestler.

- - -

Kayla Braxton is backstage with the Best Friends, Orange Cassidy, Tracy Williams and Drew Gulak, who say that before they can say anything they need to get the Lucha Brothers out here, as the Lucha Brothers join this giant gaggle of people being interviewed, Chuck Taylor starts off by saying that "we don't like you, you don't like us, I get that, I respect that. But tonight we are all that stands between the Eltie and victory."

Pentagon and Fenix try and get words in edgewise, but start arguing with Best Friends over who should be talking, eventually Chuck and Trent? relent with a seemingly passive-aggressive "fine, go" as Lucha Brothers cut a promo in Spanish before tagging in the Best Friends to handle the English portion, which leads to Trent? saying that you just saw the type of teamwork that is going to defeat the Elite tonight, also we have like, double their number of people hanging around so if we lose it is entirely going to be on us.

- - -

The Elite (Kenny Omega and Adam Page (now going by Cowboy Bebop) and The Young Bucks) vs. Best Friends (w/ Orange Cassidy, Tracy Williams, and Drew Gulak) and Lucha Brothers

An absolute clusterfuck from start to finish, but no entirely because everyone was working at top speed, more both sides were very combustible and it was only a matter of time before one of the busted first. Surprisingly, it was the Young Bucks getting frustrated with Adam Page and Kenny Omega trying to get some combination offense going that lead to the finish, as Matt Jackson blind tagged Adam Page who was cleaning house with the Best Friends, which caused an argument that Kenny Omega had to calm, allowing Trent? to make the tag to Pentgaon Jr, who caught Matt Jackson with a superkick and the pentagon driver for the pin. Also Pac was on the stage watching over the last segments of the match.

The Orange Cassiy spot (tm) was inspired, as a series of dives from both teams left everyone laid out on the floor (including Drew Gulak and Tracy Williams) Orange Cassidy wandered into the middle of the pile and laid down.

Result: Pentagon Jr pins Matt Jackson in 16:06.

- - -

Announcers hype the following for AEW Dynamite next week:

+ Main Event of Young Bucks vs. Lucha Brothers vs. Best Friends vs. Cowboy Bebop, with the winner receiving a title match on the Chris Jericho Cruise Bash at the Beach B/R Live Special.
+ Cody will respond to MJF's stipulations
+ Frankie Kazarian and Christopher Daniels vs. Zack Sabre Jr. and Will Ospreay.
+ Yuka Sakazaki and Dr. Britt Baker DMD vs. Bea Priestley and Emi Sakura
+ Nyla Rose will be in Japan (we will have video)

And for AEW Dark:
+ Miyu Yamashita vs. Sadie Gibbs
+ Solo Darling and Kimber Lee vs. Emi Sakura and Bea Priestley

They also tease a world champion AEW has been in contact who wants to present a prize for a match on the Chris Jericho Cruise, a match that will be invitation only.

- - -

AEW World Women's Championship:
Kris Statlander vs. Riho

Kris Statlander controls things at the start, maintaining her power advantage over Riho as Riho works underdog striking out from underneath Statlander and using vertan cunning to keep from getting overwhelmed by the power of the andromeda galaxy's greatest export.

Riho fights back with dropkicks and double stomps, eventually outlasting the galaxy's greatest alien who didn't have the instincts or veteran know how to ration her energy as the match entered into the stretch and continued past the stretch.

The action with hard and fast and eventually Riho was able to put Kris Statlander down for the count with a deadly doublestomp off the top.

Result: Riho pins Statlander in 18:25.

karmicknight fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Jun 18, 2020

# ? Jun 18, 2020 05:18

Rarity: Oct 21, 2010; ~*4 LIFE*~

# ? Jun 18, 2020 07:33

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

i love tna

# ? Jun 18, 2020 07:35

Rarity: Oct 21, 2010; ~*4 LIFE*~

Impact Wrestling Discussion for 01/03

Jerusalem posted:

Impact Wrestling Discussion for 01/10 is Blowing Up on Twitter

We�re back for another week of IMPACT! television, and whatever else happened I just cannot forget that ending from last week. Let�s see if they can get through a week without an unmitigated disaster, because the rest of the show was actually pretty great. This is Impact we�re talking about so I�m sure that everything will be fine

Impact World Champion: Sami Callahan
Impact Knockouts Champion: Taya Valkyrie
Impact Tag Team Champions: The North
Impact X Division Champion: Ace Austin

The show opens with a pre-filmed video from Director General Rarity apologizing for the end of last week�s show and promising that it will never happen again. Presumably this means the light bills have been paid this time.

Our first match of the evening saw new Impact signing Ember Moon going up against Tenille Dashwood. Ember�s gone back to her indie name Athena and she�s tweaked her look to be less cosplay werewolf and more Amazon warrior. It definitely works well for her. The match went the distance and ended when Athena hit Tenille with the Eclipse, now known as the Fading Embers. This was an excellent match that served as a great reminder for how strong Impact�s Knockouts division is.

Eddie Edwards cut a promo warning Sami Callahan not to be too focused on Impact�s new signings. He reminded Sami that he�d almost ended Eddie�s career once before but Eddie�s now back to his best and at the top of the card. He warned Sami that he was coming for the title and reminded him that as Sami already knows, he�s particularly Hard to Kill ughhhhhhhh

Hard to Kill is the next Impact! PPV. Oh lord they�re gonna say that a lot, aren�t they?

Kylie Rae was in the back with Jungle Boy trying to teach him maths. There was a white board set up with written �2 + 3 = 5� on it and Jungle Boy was carefully taking notes. Tenille Dashwood came past still mad at her loss to Athena and trashed the whiteboard. She warned Kylie to �never smile at her.� before storming off. Jungle Boy looks crestfallen so Kylie started cheering him up.

Ace Austin defended the X Division title against Joey Ryan, winning via small cradle in after blocking Sweet Tooth Music with... a copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare? Sure, why not?

Charly Caruso caught up with the women�s champion Taya Valkyrie, who said she had heard what Tessa Blanchard said about being the premiere female athlete in Impact and challenged her to put her money where her mouth is at Hard to Kill.

Another Jushin �Thunder� Liger promo video played and holy poo poo I cannot believe that Liger is gonna be in Impact, you guys!

Andrade �Cien� Almas and Zelina Vega were clearly not so excited. As they walked through the parking lot she demanded to know where was the fanfare and hype to announce Andrade�s signing. She described Liger as �a legend, which is a polite way of saying yesterday�s news� whereas Andrade is �the #1 draft pick, the idol of a generation, the man who will carry this brand into the future�. She then announced that Andrade was pulling out of tonight�s match against Jordan Devlin in protest. They then got into a limo and left the arena.

The unlikely pair of tag partners who might not be able to coexist turned out not to be able to coexist as EFFY and El Desperado went to a no contest with the Rascalz. This was a pretty fun, if standard, tag match with the Rascalz isolating EFFY until EFFY limped to his corner for the hot tag and Despy snapped. He attacked EFFY then grabbed chairs and kendo sticks from under the mat to attack both EFFY and The Rascalz. It�s a good thing Impact doesn�t have Young Lions or he would have probably gone for them as well!

The referee�s orders mean nothing to a former member of Suzuki-gun, as Desperado continued to deal punishment to all three men in the ring until none were left moving. Despy doesn�t seem to be in a rush to make friends.

Once Despy was gone EFFY pulled himself to his feet and grabbed a mic, letting Desperado know that he was sick of seeing that smile on his face and that he would show the world the power of his loins in pursuit of revenge. He seemed a bit confused on his whereabouts, but be fair, the man had just taken a brutal beatdown.

Oi4K, gathered in the garbage room backstage because they are garbage people. They threatened their pet enemies as they passed a camcorder between them. Jessicka Havok first threatened the career of Tessa Blanchard, Jake Crist promised to give Ace Austin his curtain call, and Sami challenged Eddie Edwards to meet him in the ring tonight, �mano a mano, no dirty tricks� and especially no bats�. He dropped the camcorder and the video ended with aluminum hitting concrete.

Michael Elgin has brought (UGH) Enzo Amore to another show and he�s constantly mouthing off to everyone he passes backstage. This includes Jungle Boy who was confused at the build instructions for a new whiteboard he and Kylie were putting together. Jungle Boy stepped up to Enzo only for Elgin to block him off. Jungle Boy wasn�t put off though and they stared down until Kylie dragged him away.

In another video package for the Grizzled Young Veterans the team talked up the great heritage they represent. Zack Gibson talked up all the great people to have come from Liverpool such as Daniel Craig, Wayne Rooney, Alexei Sayle and the Beatles. Of course, none of them were as relevant or important as Zack Gibson, Liverpool�s #1.

In a semi-final match for the #1 Contender Tag Team Tournament Moose and Rich Swann beat Aussie Open after Moose hit Fletcher with No Jackhammer Needed. The North were guests on commentary and insulted all the teams in the tournament.

Elgin and Enzo watched the show from one of the bars in the arena and were impressed with Moose and Swann�s win. Enzo started hitting on the bartenders and got knocked back. He started hitting on the girl next to him at the bar but it turned out to be Maki Itoh! Maki glared at Enzo until he went away then went back to slamming down shots of whiskey.

Charly has found Tessa Blanchard, who gladly accepts Taya�s challenge and tells her she�ll prove who is the apex of the women�s division at Hard to Kill.

Jordan Devlin beat Andrade�s replacement, TJ Perkins with a package piledriver following a lengthy technical showcase. This was just the kind of banger you�d expect if you saw these two names together.

Prince Devitt was waiting for Devlin as he got back to the locker room and playfully reminded him that he beat his man quicker last week. �True,� Devlin replies, �but I beat mine better.� before flashing a smile and going to change.

Our main event was the in-ring showdown between Impact World Champion Sami Callihan and presumptive challenger Eddie Edwards. Eddie arrived first and awaited the champ. Sami came out and true to his word, he was without his gang and his weapon. He lay the belt in the middle of the ring and turned his back to show he�s unarmed but just as Eddie lowered his guard the Crists and Madman Fulton showed up from out of nowhere and took Eddie out. Oi4K begins a classic heel stable beatdown as Sami yelled curses over a microphone before

boxcarhobo posted:
OH MY GOD ALL OF THE PYRO IS GOING OFF WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE THAT MUCH PYRO I DON'T UNDERSTAND??

They were so close, you guys. So close. The pyro just would not stop as smoke began to fill the arena and the wrestlers and crowd both started to leave to avoid disaster. I swear I heard the fire alarm going off as they cut the feed.

How does this keep happening? WHY does this happening?

KungFu Grip posted:

TNA gonna TNA

Lid posted:

I guess you could say that this week�s Impact closed� with fireworks

Thank you thank you I�ll be here all week

Cavauro posted:

Athena was always good

Gaz-L posted:

Jungle Boy made a friend

STAC Goat posted:

This is a storyline, right? This has to be a storyline. No way does a company have two absolutely huge gently caress ups in the space of two shows. And why would they have so much pyro there? It has to be a storyline. But then why is it a storyline? What the hell story are they trying to tell? Impact is bad and I should stop watching? This doesn�t make a lick of god drat sense. But no company could actually gently caress up this bad for real.

Cerebral Bore posted:

STAC Goat posted:
no company could actually gently caress up this bad for real.

Counterpoint: it�s TNA

Red posted:

Man, I really wanted to see Andrade/Devlin

Benne posted:

I want Maki Itoh to punt Enzo in the dick

22 Eargesplitten posted:

Women�s match was legit, loved seeing Athena getting a new start after WWE wasted her. And her new look is absolute fire.

Chris James 2 posted:

STAC Goat posted:
Impact is bad and I should stop watching?

It�s this

# ? Jun 18, 2020 21:50

ChrisBTY: Mar 29, 2012; this glorious monument

This game is so good friends.

# ? Jun 18, 2020 22:15

karmicknight: Aug 21, 2011

Impact Curse owns. I should clarify I mean the in-universe curse.

karmicknight fucked around with this message at 06:54 on Jun 19, 2020

# ? Jun 19, 2020 06:21

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

was in the shower thinking one day prince devitt will probably be crowned king and then he can appoint prince devlin

hmm. i didn't read that other thread well enough and missed something. i don't really want to talk about devlin at this time. i'd like to take back what i've said here. i've never showered

Cavauro fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Jun 19, 2020

# ? Jun 19, 2020 06:26

Basic Chunnel: Sep 21, 2010; Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

gently caress why wasn't I notified abt this, this is all gold

# ? Jun 19, 2020 07:07

Ad by Khad: Jul 25, 2007; Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.
I also hang out with racists.

I don't understand a lot of this thread but what I do understand is that it is an extremely good thread

# ? Jun 19, 2020 07:28

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

IT'S TIME FOR...

Corgan and Tharpe Productions posted:

TOO!
YOUNG!
FOR!
ONE�S!
CONCLUSION, THE LIFESTYLE WON,
SUCH VALUES YOU TAUGHT YOUR SON!

We start off with announcers Joe Galli and Stu Bennet running down the announced matches, additionally declaring that the NWA Women�s Championship will be defended tonight!

Bennet is excitedly bouncing in his seat as he talks about having his errand boy, John Cena, back in action. Galli segues from that announcing that the Bad Man himself, is here!

AW YOU DONE DID IT NOW,
CHAOS YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT THIS ONE IN THE VAULT MAN,
THEY NOT READY - THEY DON�T KNOW WHAT�S COMING MAN!
OH WE GONNA DROP THIS ON �EM RIGHT HERE,
Y�ALL AIN�T READY FOR THIS, Y�ALL AIN�T READY FOR NONE OF THIS!

John Cena bursts onto the NWA stage! He�s welcomed as you�d expect, by half boos and half cheers. Cena takes it in his usual stride as he takes to the podium.

Cena talks about NWA�s proud legacy. In the tradition of Lou Thesz, the Brisco Brothers and the Funks. From the Harley Races, to the Barry Windhams, to the Ric Flairs, Cena is honoured to part of this wrestling dynasty.

Cena isn�t just here to wax poetic though. Cause at the end of the day, after the talk show appearances and the Hollywood blockbusters, Cena still is and always will be one thing, a wrestler. Cena throws down a challenge to anyone in the back to come out and to put on a barn burner for the great Power audience. In short,

IF YOU WANT SOME, COME GET SOME!

A few moments pass as Cena limbers up�

�

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

Out comes NWA National Champion, Aron Stevens, making his way ringside with mic in hand. Stevens starts talking about his history with Cena when they were both up North. He brings up his loss to Cena that sent him into a downward spiral. Stevens isn�t bitter at Cena, he picked himself up and has made a name for himself here in the NWA. And if Cena is throwing down as to put on a great match for the crowd, Stevens will happily pick up the glove�

It�s a New Day yes it is!

Out come Power�s general managers, the New Day. Woods comments that things are heating up between Cena and Stevens, but what�s a bit of heat without also some SSSPPPIIICCCEEE? Kofi declares that Cena versus Stevens will be tonight�s main event, and that the National Championship will also be on the line as well.

Stevens looks to his championship, to Cena� and says fine, reaching out to Cena for a handshake. Cena returns the handshake, and tonight�s main event is set!

First Match: �Outlandish� Zicky Dice defends the NWA World Television Championship against the debuting Mustafa Ali!

The announcers tell us Dice threw down a challenge to anyone on NWA.com after his big win last week, taken up by the high-flying Ali. And high-flying he was, Ali was zooming about the ring keeping Dice on his toes. Dice gained a bit of momentum back with a Flair-esc eye poke, but this wasn�t enough to ground Ali. Ali sets up Dice with a spin kick in the corner, climbs to the top rope, and hits the 450 splash!

1! 2! 3! Ali wins! Ali is the new NWA World Television Champion!

Post-match, Ali helps Dice to his feet and offers a handshake. Dice looks pretty distraught but accepts, a good show of sportsmanship.

Straight into the Second Match: The NWA World Champion Nick Aldis (w. Kamilla) takes on Royce Issacs.

Squash match, not much else to say. Aldis wins with the MDD, a Michinoku Driver II.

Aldis retrieves his belt and preps to head backstage, when he�s cut out off by �The Viper�, Randy Orton. Orton says Aldis has a nice thing going on here, being a down market champ in a down market promotion with bargain sale fans.

Orton states the only reason he signed with the NWA was that his contract guaranteed a shot at the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. A trivial addition Orton can add to his many accomplishments, with Orton explaining that �accomplishment� is a word Aldis is unfamiliar with.

Aldis responds by admonishing Orton for his laissez-faire attitude to the wrestling industry and its history. Aldis will gladly defend his title and the NWA legacy against Orton, which doesn�t need a apathetic rear end in a top hat like Orton championing both.

I�M HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD, I�M HERE TO SHOW THE WORLD!

Ziggles storms onto stage, angrily mouthing off into his mic. He won his number one contendership match last week. Ziggles states he deserves to be treated with respect and should get a shot at the title. Ziggler says Orton previously held him down up North and Aldis should respect him for his world-famous wrestling prowess.

Aldis responds to both his opponents by declaring he�ll defend his title against both of them in February, in a Triple-Threat match. He recognises the odds will be against him, but a fighting champ takes those odds head on.

Third Match: More Tag Tourney action as Homicide and Eddie Kingston, Outlaw Inc. throw down against Air Wolf and Angel Dorado, Top Flight!

Some strong aerial action in this match. Know who else was strong? Outlaw Inc. They mostly dominated this match, with Kingston eventually picking up the win with a Backfist to the Future. A big W for Outlaw Inc. in their bracket.

Other thing of note, during the match we cut to the World Tag Team Champions, Eli Drake and James Storm. They were watching the match on a couch, mouthing off against their potential opponents, beer bottles in hand.

Nattie Neidhart also poked up from behind the couch at one point? Weird.

Backstage, Dice is in the locker room looking dishevelled. In comes Grado, saying he�s sorry Dice lost his title but that the match was excellent. Dice takes the compliment but is still downbeat.

Grado tells him he has just the cure and starts fishing around in his fanny pack. Dice remarks over Grado�s fanny pack, drawing comparisons to his own.

Grado pulls out two cans of Irn-Bru, cracks them open, and passes one to Dice. Dice takes it as the pair have an Irn-Bru bash, both taking deep swigs.

Dice begins to cough and stutter, Grado laughing at him not being able to hold his Bru.

Dice manically starts pointing to behind Grado.

Grado turns, a panicked expression crosses his face.

Scott Steiner is towering behind Grado with a fixated expression.

A few seconds pass�

The camera pans down.

Steiner is also wearing a fanny pack.

We cut away from� that, for our Fourth Match: �Hell�s Favourite Harlot� Priscilla Kelly squaring off against Nattie Neidhart!

Kelly came off really strong here, laying repeated heavy offence into Nattie. The ref even had to intervene at some points, Kelly was relentless. Despite some hope spots, Nattie eventually ate the canvas after a 333, a Half Nelson Suplex. Kelly wins in an impressive manner.

(Hi, this is the out-of-character author for this write up to warn you about clicking on the Mr. Anderson theme link. Firstly because there's a big loud screech at the start of it, second because it sucks rear end)

Fifth Match: More tag action as Jimmy and Jey, the Usos take on Mr. Anderson and Bobby Roo-

Before the ring announcer can finisher, Anderson is already in their face and taking the mic from them.

�Now that I have everyone�s attention� Let me introduce the two men that are single-handedly changing the face of Friday nights!

Introducing my tag partner, he is known the world over as the Glorious One� He weighs in at a swelt 235 lbs� He hails from Toronto, ONTARIO� Bobby� RooDE!�

�� And as for myself� I weigh in tonight at 243 lbs� I hail, from, GREENBAY WISCONSIN!...

MMMIIISSSTTTEEERRR� ANDERSON!

� Anderson��

� The Usos won after ten minutes.

Big win for the Usos in their bracket. We had more cutaways to Drake and Storm. Jeez, they�ve gone through a lot of bottles now.

Cut to the podium stage, Thunder Rosa is getting psyched up by Marti Belle and Melina Perez for her title defence� but who is it against?

We cut to Bayley and Naomi about to head ringside. Bayley says that Naomi can have the title shot, if she pinkie-swear promises that she can be Naomi�s first opponent. They pinkie-swear, Naomi heads to the ring for her title shot!

Sixth Match: NWA World Women�s Championship on the line as Thunder Rosa (w. Belle and Perez) defends against Naomi (w. It�s Bayley)!

This match had some good in-ring action. There was also some decent action outside the ring with Belle and Perez getting into Bayley�s face. Late into the match, Naomi start to pick up momentum against Rosa. She capitalised on the crowd getting behind her something fierce!

Unfortunately, timely distractions by Belle blindsiding Bayley and Perez nailing a cheap shot on Naomi led to a flash Thunderstruck Inverted DDT by Rosa. 1, 2, 3! Rosa retains, albeit from distractions against both Bayley and Naomi.

Seventh Match: Last tag bout for tonight, The Miz and John Morrison of Team Awesome (w. Maryse) against Ortiz and Santana, LAX!

We started with Miz and Ortiz in ring. Well I say started, Miz rolled out of the ring soon as the bell rang and grabbed a mic.

�Shhh� I don�t mean to throw off my opponents, and all these great fans who turned out to see me� But, tonight is a very special night for everyone in this building� Cause tonight is the tonight, that Power goes from that show you�re embarrassed to tell your friends about, to something special� Because now it has some pizazz, something worth talking about, it has Team� AAAWWWEEESSSOO-�

At that point Ortiz dived into Miz and sent him hurdling over the barricades.

That was mostly the story of the match, LAX mostly overpowered Team Awesome� well mostly Miz, JoMo got in some better shots. At least until he lost control and started to get set up for the Street Sweeper.

At that point, Maryse jumped onto the apron and distracted the ref, whilst Miz got some powder from his trunks and blinded both of LAX. JoMo took advantage of this, nailing Santana and laying him out for a Starship Pain. Team Awesome picked up an underhanded win.

We cut again to another Drake and Storm appearance, cheering at Team Awesome's underhanded tactics. They�re holding their drinks well, there�s a LOT of empty bottles scattered about their couch.

Miz and JoMo make their way backstage, celebrating.

It was at this point, the feed went out for a few seconds� then there was some static� then there was a familiar jingle...

The feed cuts back in, sitting at a blacked tarped desk are one somewhat-known-in-Utica-newsreader Lance Catamaran, and some� unknown person slumped over the desk, quietly sobbing whilst holding a mug.

�What an evening its been, filled with excitement, drama, and overarching dread� I hope that station in Albany never discovers this�

Hello wrestling fans, my name is Lance Catamaran and this is� My partner who currently would prefer, his identity to be left anonymous.�

�VENESSA!!!� shrieks the unnamed man into the cloth tarp.

�� Quite. You are watching the greatest wrestling promotion by my being employed by said promotion�s metric, Southpaw Regional Wrestling, and there is some electrifying news to announce. Through various negotiations, executive dealings� and not insubstantial bribes, Southpaw is proud to announce its acceptance into the National Wrestling Alliance.�

�What an, above average time to be a Southpaw fan, the possibilities are� truly endless for this promotion now� endless� let us hope that I don�t end up here forever��

Catamaran takes a second to stare into eternity� He�s broken out by his partner�s loud sobbing.

�Yes, well Southpaw is gearing up for its first show under the NWA brand. Lethal Leap Year, being held NOT at the County Fairgrounds! I repeat not at the Country Fairgrounds, that was a printing error handled by one of our� unpaid interns, who has now been released from, Southpaw Regional Wrestling� He�s free� not under� any contractional obligation�"

�So many exciting matches to be expected at Lethal Leap Year, such as our recently announced, main event. The NWA Champion, Nick Aldis, defending his title against, Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler� I can feel the excitement in the room� Or that�s my medication wearing off.�

�Be sure to tune into our weekly show for more exciting announcement about Lethal Leapyear, and the exhilarating, Southpaw Regional Wrestling.�

Catamaran smiles for the camera for an uncomfortable amount of time� then picks up his partner's mug.

�Can we get some coffee for him�� Catamaran takes a quick sniff, �� actually make that, mostly scotch with coffee.�

IT�S TIME FOR OUR MAIN EVENT: NWA NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE AS THE CHAMPION ARON STEVENS DEFENDS AGAINST JOHN CENA!

Pretty solid match, bit basic given who was involved, but they both played to the crowd. There was a ref bump, which a conflicted Stevens thought about capitalising on, but kept to his morals.

During a heated slugfest on the ring apron, Cena gets knocked off the apron and lands into the announce table, spilling Bennet�s drink. Bennet heatedly gets up from his seat and shouts into Cena�s face �YOU�D BETTER GET ME A NEW DRINK, RIGHT NOW MINION!� Cena ignores Bennet and returns to the match, although he was on the backfoot for the bout�s remainder.

Did look like at one point that Stevens was about to win with a Buzzsaw Kick to Cena, but Cena ducked the kick and grabbed a staggered Stevens for an Attitude Adjustment!

1, 2, 3! Cena wins and is the new NWA National Champion!

We end the show with Cena celebrating, but he calls Stevens back to the ring and rallies the crowd into a Stevens chant, praising him for the great match. The night ends with the two men shaking hands, a nice sign of respect.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 10:42 on Jun 20, 2020

# ? Jun 19, 2020 16:46

Troy Queef: Jan 12, 2013

this is the best thread and I want to join the booking committee for The National Wrestling Alliance

# ? Jun 19, 2020 23:03

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Hell yeah El Hijo De Viscera

# ? Jun 20, 2020 04:54

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 18:20

shiksa: Nov 9, 2009; i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

very excited for Southpaw Wrestling Alliance presents Lethal Leap Year

# ? Jun 20, 2020 05:49

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > The WWE is DEAD, NJPW is BEEFY and Lethal Leap Year LIVES: Let's Play TEW 2013