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Look at me right now!  I am Forums Sergeant Buglord. This is the Moderator Regional Receiving Center 273. From now on the only words I want to hear out of your mouths are "Yes sir, no sir" when spoken to. Do you understand? Get off my bus and form two lines, goons on the left pink line, goonettes on the right pink line. You are to take your receiving paperwork out of the envelope you've brought with you today. Post history in right hand, rap sheet in left hand. You will open your laptops and place them on the bag at your feet, monitors left OFF. Face left forward. Do I make myself clear? Get out of my bus! Hurry up!  What did I just tell you? Monitors off! Was I not clear? Don't look at me, face forward! By posting here, you've made the first step in becoming the finest moderators in Something Awful Forums history. Your days of shitposting are over. Should you stay in this program and do what we ask of you, you will be able to moderate and ban posters keeping our forums safe fro-  You in the back you were NOT told to adjust your hair! Everyone put their papers down on their laptops and begin pushups until I say stop!
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Jun 20, 2020 00:35
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Yes sir thank you sir
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Jun 20, 2020 00:36
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hi i'm here because i'm poor and i heard that after a few years of service SA will pay for college
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Jun 20, 2020 00:38
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Sitting Here posted:hi i'm here because i'm poor and i heard that after a few years of service SA will pay for college Everyone else, squatting positions. Do not leave this position until spoken to!
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Jun 20, 2020 00:44
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how do i get out of this chickenshit outfit?
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Jun 20, 2020 00:45
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buglord posted:Sitting Here has decided that it was their turn to speak without the permission of forums moderators. You are NOT to speak unless spoken to! I gave you SIMPLE instructions, what is complicated about this? Sitting Here, stand up. Look at the other posters in your unit. sir standing up is extremely off brand for me sir
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Jun 20, 2020 00:46
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Hi how did I end up here somethings gone horribly wrong
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Jun 20, 2020 00:46
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The moderators should have to run through an obstacle course, but instead of tires it's goatse.
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Jun 20, 2020 00:47
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E A T A S S ! ! !
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Jun 20, 2020 00:47
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*Stares at the 12 year old in front of me, wondering if this initiation is meant to test my commitment or my moral fortitude*
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Jun 20, 2020 00:48
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Officers club is really nice here. 
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Jun 20, 2020 00:49
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dee eight posted:how do i get out of this chickenshit outfit? SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT THE HELL UP! LAPTOP ABOVE HEAD, YOU DECIDED TO POST HERE AND YOU CANT KEEP THE LAPTOP ABOVE YOUR HEAD? Derpies posted:Hi how did I end up here somethings gone horribly wrong
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Jun 20, 2020 00:49
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In basic training we had a guy named Jackson who talked baby talk. The best way I can describe his accent was he sounded like Elmer Fudd, "ok gwuis we ish gonna go do dis ting". He managed to get a hold of bug spray one of the night in basic and I remember him soaking the burlap strips on his helmet the before we climbed into our Bivvys. I mean he was loving dousing that poo poo. The next day we are standing in the hot sun on a range and he is giving the stink eye to this string hanging loose in his face away from the rest of his burlap. After a moment he pulls out a pack of mre matches and tries to burn away that string. A second later his whole loving helmet lights up with flames. It's so hard to adequately describe how funny the next few seconds were. First he stared straight ahead with this dumb look on his face trying to figure out what had just happened. Then he starts running back and forth failing to get his helmet off, tugging at the chin strap screaming "MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH! MY BURWAP IS ON FIYAH!" The drill sergeants all run over to him and right as they get there he manages to get his helmet off but as he threw it to the ground he kicks it, it rolls across the range and lights the field on fire. The drill sgts and the rest of us were all laughing to hard to put it out so when we all finally stopped hyperventilating we had to evacuate the range.
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Jun 20, 2020 00:50
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way up on an alabama hill WAY UP ON AN ALABAMA HILL little bird sat on my window sill LITTLE BIRD SAT ON MY WINDOW SILL coaxed him in with a piece of bread COAXED HIM IN WITH A PIECE OF BREAD then i asked did you get head THEN I ASKED DID YOU GET HEAD?
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Jun 20, 2020 00:52
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It's immoral to gently caress a child, yet you're not allowed to wield moral authority until you've hosed a child?!?
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Jun 20, 2020 00:53
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Where's the thread to post in if we never want to be a moderator. I am a conscientious objector to the posting wars and think state sanctioned posting should be abolished. Thank you I will take my answer off the air.
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Jun 20, 2020 00:55
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Last time I used my lap top games goons bullied me can I be our conscientious objector
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Jun 20, 2020 00:56
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* does push-ups but the girl kind where you use your knees*
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Jun 20, 2020 00:56
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Daikloktos posted:It's immoral to gently caress a child, yet you're not allowed to wield moral authority until you've hosed a child?!? Daikloktos here has made a joke at his unit's expense. Those in front of and behind Daikloktos will perform burpees. Daikloktos, you are to head to 124 and report to Sergeant Literally a Bird for probationary duty.
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Jun 20, 2020 00:58
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_iiZMo3Vas
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Jun 20, 2020 01:00
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buglord posted:Daikloktos here has made a joke at his unit's expense. Those in front of and behind Daikloktos will perform burpees. Daikloktos, you are to head to 124 and report to Sergeant Literally a Bird for probationary duty. Sir I am trying to burp but I cannot request beer sir
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Jun 20, 2020 01:02
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so uh is there a don’t ask don’t tell policy in place here or
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Jun 20, 2020 01:06
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Alien Sex Manual posted:so uh is there a don’t ask don’t tell policy in place here or ask
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Jun 20, 2020 01:08
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Where do I sign up for the thinly-veiled homoerotic hazing rituals?
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Jun 20, 2020 01:17
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Rad-daddio posted:Where do I sign up for the thinly-veiled homoerotic hazing rituals? buddy, that's life
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Jun 20, 2020 01:25
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Rad-daddio posted:Where do I sign up for the thinly-veiled homoerotic hazing rituals? You have pms
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Jun 20, 2020 01:28
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Buddy I got so many rituals
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Jun 20, 2020 01:35
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Uh, sir
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Jun 20, 2020 01:35
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Alien Sex Manual posted:so uh is there a don’t ask don’t tell policy in place here or no but there is a don't ask/tell policy.
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Jun 20, 2020 01:51
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what if I have brain spurs
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Jun 20, 2020 01:55
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:what if I have brain spurs it's okay, the commander in cheese has bone worms
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Jun 20, 2020 01:56
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is it ok if i go home for lunch? my mom made my favorite (grilled cheese!!)
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Jun 20, 2020 02:10
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Get free hubcaps in here, he should be the next mod
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Jun 20, 2020 02:13
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gently caress SNEEP posted:is it ok if i go home for lunch? my mom made my favorite (grilled cheese!!) Can I come? I'll do the dishes. Its the only physical activity my physician will allow me to do. On account of all my brain spurs. Did I mention I have an extra half-toe too? I'm sure it won't be a problem, if anything it makes me more agile
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Jun 20, 2020 02:13
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:Can I come? I'll do the dishes. Its the only physical activity my physician will allow me to do. On account of all my brain spurs. Did I mention I have an extra half-toe too? I'm sure it won't be a problem, if anything it makes me more agile yeah sure! i'll ask mr. officer if he has any change so i can use the payphone and tell her to make TWO grilled cheeses! 
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Jun 20, 2020 02:15
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LET ME SEE YOUR PROBE FACE!
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Jun 20, 2020 02:17
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Spinz posted:Get free hubcaps in here, he should be the next mod I’m not disagreeing but I’m not burning out fast as y’all expected. I went through boot camp and bird gave me a patch.
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Jun 20, 2020 02:21
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*faaaaarrrrrtttttttt* (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jun 20, 2020 02:28
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will the GI (goon issue) Bill pay for my student loans?
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Jun 20, 2020 02:34
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drat hope the mods suck you off , kings. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jun 20, 2020 02:55
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