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sign up here and a federal agency will select for you a new wife and a new job. if the wife lives somewhere far away then you have to meet her halfway and live there, wherever that may be. the government will then find you a job in that area. participants must be 18+. by posting ITT you are volunteering for a state sanctioned marriage and relocation. wife selection is based upon your browser history and the current pool of available wives. every wife comes with a knife. you have the right to opt out of this part |
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Jun 22, 2020 20:32
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what about the gays
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Jun 22, 2020 20:43
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jpeg posted:what about the gays citizens of any gender or sexual orientation are welcome but we only have wives so think carefully before posting ITT. some wives may be gay
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Jun 22, 2020 20:46
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jpeg posted:what about the gays  please live happily ever after. you are now the custodian for the Williamsburg chapter rotary club |
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Jun 22, 2020 20:52
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me complaining to the government worker: look she's beautiful and funny and smart and everything you'd want, but by the time i met her the knife was room temperature at best my new wife from the seating area: hey, what are you telling him about me? me back to my new wife: I was just saying how scorching hot the hot knife was and how you do such a good job of keeping the hot knife hot me turning back to the worker and whispering: you gotta help me man
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Jun 22, 2020 21:30
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nut posted:me complaining to the government worker: look she's beautiful and funny and smart and everything you'd want, but by the time i met her the knife was room temperature at best  her name is Tabitha. You're a Kansas boilermaker now |
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Jun 22, 2020 21:35
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| wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife | |
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Jun 22, 2020 21:37
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wow it's suprisingly easy to cut into a boiler with a scalding hot knife *leans in close and whispers* and very very difficult to do it with a room temp one
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Jun 22, 2020 21:37
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"hello NEW WIFE NEW LIFE office? yeah uh... the midpoint between my wife and i is in the middle of lake huron and it's going to be real had to find work... oh. okay!" *excited whisper* "jenny we get to be MERMAIDS"
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Jun 22, 2020 21:41
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Putty posted:wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife  Pawn shop broker. Salt Lake City |
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Jun 22, 2020 21:44
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Heather Papps posted:"hello NEW WIFE NEW LIFE office? yeah uh... the midpoint between my wife and i is in the middle of lake huron and it's going to be real had to find work... oh. okay!"  USPS driver. Gary, Indiana |
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Jun 22, 2020 21:49
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nut posted:me complaining to the government worker: look she's beautiful and funny and smart and everything you'd want, but by the time i met her the knife was room temperature at best
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Jun 22, 2020 22:45
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it's that scene in the movie ghost but instead of coming up behind my wife while she's at the pottery wheel i tenderly lay my hand on top of hers and play the weird knife game from that one scene in aliens
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Jun 22, 2020 23:10
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me, sitting in a florida swamp with my federally mandated alligator wife, a shining knife clutched in her jaws: sweet |
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Jun 22, 2020 23:37
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magic cactus posted:it's that scene in the movie ghost but instead of coming up behind my wife while she's at the pottery wheel i tenderly lay my hand on top of hers and play the weird knife game from that one scene in aliens  street busker, eastern Bulgaria Areola Grande fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Jun 22, 2020 |
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Jun 22, 2020 23:48
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Manifisto posted:me, sitting in a florida swamp with my federally mandated alligator wife, a shining knife clutched in her jaws: sweet  Accountant. Belize |
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Jun 22, 2020 23:51
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Do you keep all your student loan and credit card debt? If so, is the provided wife both loaded and generous? If so, are her other attractive qualities inversely proportionate to the above? |
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Jun 23, 2020 00:47
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Bright Bart posted:Do you keep all your student loan and credit card debt?  you be the judge. all we promise is that she will live with you and love you a lot, even though you're but a humble Newfoundland longshoreman |
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Jun 23, 2020 00:59
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Well I was hoping for a husband but I'm not getting any younger or any cuter so I will accept a federally funded new wife
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Jun 23, 2020 02:05
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prepuce repurposed posted:
The ol' ball and chain looks just like how I feel haha
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Jun 23, 2020 02:07
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Kaiser Schnitzel posted:Well I was hoping for a husband but I'm not getting any younger or any cuter so I will accept a federally funded new wife  this one is high maintenance but she'll have to do. Move to Missoula, Montana to claim this wife. the carwash on 5th and University Street says you can start on monday |
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Jun 23, 2020 02:24
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prepuce repurposed posted:wife selection is based upon your browser history yobbers get a nearly 50/50 split between coconuts and banh mi sandwiches
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Jun 23, 2020 02:34
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magic cactus posted:it's that scene in the movie ghost but instead of coming up behind my wife while she's at the pottery wheel i tenderly lay my hand on top of hers and play the weird knife game from that one scene in aliens it’s such a good game! |
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Jun 23, 2020 03:43
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Subjunctive posted:it’s such a good game! Lol. Nice |
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Jun 23, 2020 03:45
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Subjunctive posted:it’s such a good game!  trust us, this one's all bark no bite. report to the US Bank executive building in Duluth for your new CFO position asap |
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Jun 23, 2020 03:49
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free knife? sign me up!
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Jun 23, 2020 04:15
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Stoner Sloth posted:free knife? sign me up!  haha j/k. it's a typical American cheap shot but you know we just can't resist it real wife:  pick her up in Perth. Scotland. You're a whiskey distiller. Unionization is mandatory |
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Jun 23, 2020 04:29
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hello i would like 1 wife, please
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Jun 23, 2020 05:48
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Do I need a trade in (a gently used wife)? Or am I to understand that the government and Lowtax's spine put together the funds to provide me with a complimentary wife and knife? It just sounds too good to be true, OP.
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Jun 23, 2020 06:02
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Manifisto posted:yobbers get a nearly 50/50 split between coconuts and banh mi sandwiches those both pose a threat to all the wives we have patiently waiting. pls desist
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Jun 23, 2020 06:17
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I noticed nobody ITT has requested a knifeless wife. go figure |
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Jun 23, 2020 06:18
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City of Glompton posted:hello i would like 1 wife, please  apologies in advance on behalf of us at NWNL. Stabby Abby is the only surviving kin of Sticky Vicky™ and she can be...a challenge. Blame your v telling browser history   Las Vegas sandwich artist. Pick your favorite subway and bring 2 forms of valid photo ID |
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Jun 23, 2020 06:24
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rear end-penny posted:Do I need a trade in (a gently used wife)? Or am I to understand that the government and Lowtax's spine put together the funds to provide me with a complimentary wife and knife? It just sounds too good to be true, OP. way too many questions here. pls send all *GENTLY* used wives to our publicly available back office address btw. we need them back when possible  farmer Kimmons in Cass county Missouri needs a hostler. Wife is waiting there at the Super 8 |
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Jun 23, 2020 06:32
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prepuce repurposed posted:
im blessed, thank u |
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Jun 23, 2020 07:02
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prepuce repurposed posted:I noticed nobody ITT has requested a knifeless wife. go figure I would actually like to request extra knives if possible. I hope she understands that I want to live in Japan again eventually. |
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Jun 23, 2020 07:03
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prepuce repurposed posted:way too many questions here. pls send all *GENTLY* used wives to our publicly available back office address btw. we need them back when possible I'm just saying I have no wives, gently used or otherwise to return to the wife pool. Kimmons looks pretty legit, we can meet half way. prepuce repurposed posted:I noticed nobody ITT has requested a knifeless wife. go figure What kind of sad sack you expect to just turn down a free knife? That's just good economics.
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Jun 23, 2020 07:49
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No knife, no wife imho |
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Jun 23, 2020 08:02
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Of all the women that walked into that office, why did it have to be her. She sashayed into my detectives office, holding a knife and a large cherry pie. This broad was 6"2, had legs that could give you directions to Mexico, with an rear end that screamed "Yes, I certainly am a sizable rump".
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Jun 23, 2020 08:11
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Cherchez la femme with a knife |
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Jun 23, 2020 08:16
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:No knife, no wife imho perhaps the real wife were the knives we acquired along the way
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Jun 23, 2020 08:39
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