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i could never love anyone except my wife. if you could, what does wife even mean to you? |
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Jun 24, 2020 22:56
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tangie posted:i could never love anyone except my wife. if you could, what does wife even mean to you? Did she come with a knife? |
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Jun 24, 2020 23:09
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huh? |
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Jun 24, 2020 23:15
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Fredrik1 posted:Did she come with a knife? |
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Jun 24, 2020 23:20
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Wife with a knife for life. |
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Jun 24, 2020 23:22
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tangie posted:whenever i stumble, my wife is there ok well we don't really condone polygamy but THESE WIVES HAVE GOT TO GO  Sharon is our most determined wife by far. Be good to her. You'll be working at her side at the Supercuts location #1173 in baton rouge. You both start monday congratulations |
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Jun 25, 2020 00:33
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ok dude... |
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Jun 25, 2020 00:39
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Fredrik1 posted:Did she come with a knife?  yeah but she's not thrilled about it. Your new wife is Phoebe. She's a bit of a greenhorn as wives go but she's all yours now. She will arrive via UPS at your new workplace on monday. Enjoy your new career as a Popeye's cashier in Marfa, Texas. |
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Jun 25, 2020 00:47
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Barking Gecko posted:Wife with a knife for life. I couldn't agree more. Emphasis on the "for life" part.  You'll be helping the elderly to suck on chili dogs behind, in front of, and on both sides of the Tastee Freeze in Arlington, Virginia. Lorelei is not easy to live with but as they say, suck it up |
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Jun 25, 2020 01:03
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can I swap my clown wife for someone a little less stabby? or at least send me another knife wife who can defend me
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Jun 25, 2020 08:40
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Stooge posted:had legs that could give you directions to Mexico 48 hours later i'm still lmaoing at this line
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Jun 25, 2020 18:51
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Stooge posted:can I swap my clown wife for someone a little less stabby? I'm going to level w/ u. Nobody ever keeps the clown wife for more than a day, but we had to try. We'll find the right partner for her eventually. We're sending you a prepaid return shipping label and a replacement wife. No more trades after this! 
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Jun 25, 2020 18:58
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ya my husband's hat is pretty big. mine's bigger
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Jun 25, 2020 20:19
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Gimme dat sweet wife and knife, OP. |
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Jun 25, 2020 20:31
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prepuce repurposed posted:I'm going to level w/ u. Nobody ever keeps the clown wife for more than a day, but we had to try. We'll find the right partner for her eventually. any advice on getting clown wife in the shipping crate? before you ask, I have already tried the "using a knife as bait under box propped up with a stick tied to a piece of string" method
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Jun 25, 2020 20:38
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Stooge posted:any advice on getting clown wife in the shipping crate? iirc, clown wife needs to be commanded in booming german
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Jun 25, 2020 21:13
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Ice Phisherman posted:Gimme dat sweet wife and knife, OP.  this wife HATES amiibo and Gundam figurines, so maybe don't even bother unpacking them when you arrive at your new dwelling in Rio. we hope your new career in hot yoga will be a rewarding one. |
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Jun 25, 2020 21:25
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prepuce repurposed posted:
I am enthused with my wife, knife, location and job. Shame about the amiibos tho. 9/10. Would recommend. |
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Jun 25, 2020 22:51
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June 25, 2020 Mr. K. Schnitzel, Esq. 42069 Chillin Ave Byob, Main forumid268 NEW WIFE NEW LIFE Program Executive Office Building 1650 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20502 RE: NEW WIFE To Whom it May Concern, I am writing in regards to my new wife and new life, recently provided to me through the NEW WIFE NEW LIFE Program. On the 22nd of this month, I made an application (per form NWNL W-69) for a new wife and a new life, and was impressed by the speed with which my application was processed, approved, and a New Wife and New Life provided for me. On the 23rd of this month, I received both my New Wife and New Life. As a lifelong skeptic on matters of government efficiency, I was very pleasantly surprised and initially found Natalya Kremlinovich a suitable New Wife and my New Life at the carwash in Montana a welcome change. The excellent quality of the supplied cutlery far exceeded my expectations for a Federal Program. However, I regret to inform you that this marital bliss has proved short lived, and that entire program appears in fact to be yet another instance of bureaucratic bungling. It would be inappropriate to go into the details of the various incidents involved, but I must assure you that Natalya Kremlinovich and I are completely and utterly incompatible. 'Irreconcilable differences' does not begin to cover it. I did not even know the things she wanted us to do were possible. I must request, nay demand, that you accept the return of this wife, and restore me to me old life. I have sent a copy of this letter to my congressperson, and I look forward to your reply and learning of your swift action to correct this situation. Cordially, K.Schnitzel, Esq.
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Jun 26, 2020 01:27
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Kaiser Schnitzel posted:June 25, 2020 the suits are gonna need some deets. we don't normally accept international returns. what is the current condition of your gubment bride |
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Jun 26, 2020 01:54
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prepuce repurposed posted:the suits are gonna need some deets. we don't normally accept international returns. what is the current condition of your gubment bride She is currently grilling 4 raccoons over the ashes of the carwash where I was formerly employed. She seems unhurt by the multiple explosions she has caused throughout the day. Again I request this matter be handled most urgently.
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Jun 26, 2020 02:04
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 there's a dead drop behind the Carmichael area dollar general in Butte. Look under the blue dumpster. if you can capture the rogue bride and deliver her there intact we will consider further steps. NWNL accepts no responsibility for bodily injuries sustained upon your person during this most regrettable wife return. also, you know the deal citizen. no knife return, no wife return. may god have mercy on you |
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Jun 26, 2020 02:17
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rolling my new wife up intoa ball so i can maximize my "one bag travel" rule |
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Jun 26, 2020 02:42
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idiotsavant posted:rolling my new wife up intoa ball so i can maximize my "one bag travel" rule  wife. knife. for the rest of your life report to the Gyung Dang spa in Bangkok. you'll be wiping up the loads until further notice |
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Jun 26, 2020 03:59
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New WiFi? yeah I could go for an internet upgrade, sign me up, here's my info. Wait wife??? Oh my what have i gotten myself into? *crosses fingers and hopes for the best*
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Jun 26, 2020 06:56
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Twenty Four posted:New WiFi? yeah I could go for an internet upgrade, sign me up, here's my info. Wait wife??? Oh my what have i gotten myself into? *crosses fingers and hopes for the best*  this wife doesn't like her knife very much. Can't win em all! report to the Tehran public bathhouse on Al-shabab street Monday. You'll be their new towel boy |
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Jun 26, 2020 22:50
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Can I get some wife and life?
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Jun 28, 2020 17:37
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otaku69 posted:Can I get some wife and life?  doujinshi storyboard editor, Kyoto |
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Jun 28, 2020 23:48
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ALL OUT OF WIVES thanks to BYOB our wife pool is now depleted. good job performing your civic duty. now accepting feedback on how this thread could have been better
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Jun 29, 2020 04:07
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prepuce repurposed posted:ALL OUT OF WIVES 
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Jun 29, 2020 08:09
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prepuce repurposed posted:ALL OUT OF WIVES My wife hasn't tried to stab me even once! She's just really good at making snacks. Rio is cool and I'm figuring out Hot Yoga, thought it's more lukewarm at present. So you may be all out of wives, but I'm not all out of fives.
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Jun 29, 2020 12:25
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Jun 29, 2020 14:03
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i think my wife and i are starting to understand hot knife, u don't need to call 911 when the hits cauterize themselves
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Jun 29, 2020 17:01
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jpeg posted:what about the gays 
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Jun 29, 2020 17:12
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prepuce repurposed posted:report to the Tehran public bathhouse on Al-shabab street Monday. You'll be their new towel boy That's it, I'm throwing in the towel!
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Jun 30, 2020 00:55
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Twenty Four posted:That's it, I'm throwing in the towel! 
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Jun 30, 2020 01:02
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this thread is inherently sexist and only serves the male gaze |
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Jun 30, 2020 02:59
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what if im under 18? will my new wife be an adult? will i be forced to be raped? what if i think shes kind of hot and its not rape but under the law it is because shes a senior citizen? what kind of democracy is this? who is donald trump? (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) |
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Jun 30, 2020 03:01
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thank god we ran out of wives |
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Jun 30, 2020 03:14
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prepuce repurposed posted:thank god we ran out of wives I will add myself to the "wife with knife" pool. I don't have a knife but I do have a wife with a knife.
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Jun 30, 2020 09:23
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