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One of the symptoms of Asperger's is social isolation and deficiency. I often observe human behavior and communication but I don't know how to replicate it. In real life became taxing, especially when I mask, so I go online a lot to talk with others about interests. But I show lacking social graces online too. How do you personally deal with it? It's pretty sobering to come to accept that no matter where you are, no will like you for you. It's very lonely wanting to socialize but being self aware enough that no one likes you and acknowledging that you don't know how to socialize. Thankfully I have my interests to save me. What are your special interests? Jupiter Jazz fucked around with this message at 06:16 on Jun 25, 2020 |
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Jun 25, 2020 06:10
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hi op, i do not have asperger's, i hope you do not mind me posting in your thread. i do like chickens, i think that is my special interest. they're fascinating, so many different breeds, and their little personalities are great. my favorite is the buff cochin bantam, they have feathery feet  may i ask what your interests are?
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Jun 25, 2020 06:33
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City of Glompton posted:hi op, i do not have asperger's, i hope you do not mind me posting in your thread. i do like chickens, i think that is my special interest. they're fascinating, so many different breeds, and their little personalities are great. my favorite is the buff cochin bantam, they have feathery feet Hi Glompton, you are more than welcome. Chickens are interesting but also scary. I've read a bit on pecking order and it's horrific how mean chickens can be to maintain it. My interests vary. But my main ones are photography, baseball, politics, music, Final Fantasy (and jrpgs). Some of them come and go, I used to be heavy into anime, pro wrestling, and drawing, not anymore. This year I think I've had dozens of little interests. One week it was French revolution, the next it was the French language, then it was Stephen King because I got into him for the first time after years of putting it off. When impeachment was happening I was obsessed with the historicity of impeachment and studied rigorously about previous impeachments. I always have little obsessions on specific topics that randomly pop up where I have to research the entire topic until I become knowledgeable about it but the bigger interests always stay. Jupiter Jazz fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Jun 25, 2020 ---------------- |
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Jun 25, 2020 06:45
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Hi OP, I also don't have aspergers, but I do have OCD. So, I know the struggles and hardship that mental illness can cause. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing them. One of my interests is etymology. I think it's fun to think of a word, look it up and see why it is the way it is. Or, i also like picking two words that mean similar things and then seeing if they have the same etymology. For instance, heaven and haven are similar words with similar meanings, but they don't share etymology! For some reason this is cool to me. This is the site I use to look up etymology, it is a treasure trove. https://www.etymonline.com/ |
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Jun 25, 2020 07:28
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very carefully |
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Jun 25, 2020 08:30
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hi op, I work with people on the spectrum and can tell you that I honestly do really like the individuals I work with, it is possible for people to like the real you no matter what your diagnosis |
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Jun 25, 2020 16:00
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I was diagnosed with "Asperger's" when I was 15 years old, about 17 years ago. I believe the term was eventually removed in the DSM-V and the condition was integrated into Autism Spectrum Disorder. One of the things I learned in grappling with this condition for so long is that it IS possible for people to like the real you. You might even be surprised as to how many of them do. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to unmask around people and have them find you genuinely very interesting. It was harder when I was growing up because people were not aware of autism or its sub-types and telling someone you had "rear end Burgers Syndrome" was just asking to be bullied. These days though, there's more awareness and sympathy and it's actually very easy to fall into a "beautiful weirdo" role within a social group if you leverage your quirkiness just right. A couple tips though: -Practice smalltalk with strangers. Learn to take an interest in, and comment on, their general dumb mundane bullshit because the interchange is more important than the content. Resist the urge to ramble until you can tell the other half of the conversation is interested in a lecture. It is perfectly possible for an autistic person to be a good conversationalist with some desire and practice. -Diversify and broaden your interests. The autistic mind has a marvelous ability to memorize information it finds interesting. If you have very broad interests, you can become the sort of person that can have stimulating conversations about anything. -This here forum we're posting on was instrumental in developing an offbeat sense of humor that I could utilize during social interaction. This is a great skill to foster, and I am very grateful to the people of BYOB for helping me develop that over the last decade.
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Jun 25, 2020 18:05
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Luvcow posted:hi op, I work with people on the spectrum and can tell you that I honestly do really like the individuals I work with, it is possible for people to like the real you no matter what your diagnosis That's assuring. But in most cases it's been the opposite. Barco Fiesta posted:I was diagnosed with "Asperger's" when I was 15 years old, about 17 years ago. I believe the term was eventually removed in the DSM-V and the condition was integrated into Autism Spectrum Disorder. Thanks! Any help with the last one? I'm overly serious about everything and don't know when people are joking. ---------------- |
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Jun 25, 2020 22:04
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Lizard Wizard posted:very carefully
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Jun 25, 2020 22:25
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Jupiter Jazz posted:Thanks! Any help with the last one? I'm overly serious about everything and don't know when people are joking. You're equipped with a rare sidegrade in your brain that enables you to absorb huge amounts of information about a topic if it's interesting to you and arouses activity in your midbrain. If you can learn to focus your ability to do that into a study of comedy as a comprehensive art form, it will benefit you. That's a tall order because comedy is by far the least formally codified form of performance art, but you have the capacity to absorb a lot of it and intuitively find the hidden threads that tie the whole thing together. If you have small successes with it in your daily life, just like cracking a joke to a friend and making them laugh, it becomes very addictive. A good place to start if you want to go the "studying the greats" route is Mitch Hedberg. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3QLxaUufmQ As you watch this, think about the element of surprise. Mitch had a way of using clever analogies and reversals to highlight the surreal nature of daily life in unexpected places, and this made him one of the best observational comedians in history. His jokes were also very short and snappy and was able to say a lot with very few words. Those are good fundamentals to work from. Look for the weird things in life and point them out to people nearby. If you present a serious air all the time, all the better. In comedy, this is called "deadpan delivery." Barco Fiesta fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Jun 25, 2020
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Jun 25, 2020 23:35
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But being comedic isn't me. I'm very stoic on and offline. I also worry because I often lack a social filter that I'll joke in appropriate times. By doing this aren't you masking 24/7? Jupiter Jazz fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Jun 25, 2020 ---------------- |
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Jun 25, 2020 23:47
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Jupiter Jazz, thank you for making this thread and I hope you find it helpful to you. I am not on the spectrum, but I appreciate those who have the courage to talk about their own experiences with being on the spectrum. I think, or at least I hope, that better understanding can lead to interactions that you find more satisfactory. EDIT: I understand that you made this thread to address particular issues that you yourself face, I do not want to hijack your thread and turn it into something you did not intend. maybe you understand the "very carefully" joke that was posted in this thread, maybe you do not. don't feel bad if you do not get it, it is something of a catchphrase in this forum. it is slightly humorous but more a way of expressing group identity. the group identity in BYOB is generally friendly, accepting, and self-deprecating rather than rude and sarcastic, although sometimes we will pretend to be rude or sarcastic if we feel confident our friends know we are not serious. however, there is a certain humorous intent in the joke, and if you would appreciate an explanation we'd be happy to try to provide it, we don't want you to feel excluded. since you asked about special interests, I am happy to share some of mine. one interest that has become a hobby for me is learning how to use an artistic 3D computer program called "Blender." others in this forum know this is an interest of mine because I have tried to gently encourage other people to learn it. it is a complex piece of software with many capabilities, including things like creating realistic, photograph like scenes; animations and movies; special effects; and 3d objects that could be used in other programs such as video games. It would take a long time for me to learn it fully, perhaps I never will. I have also developed an interest in birds, especially parrots, and have learned a lot about them from youtube videos and other reading. I do not keep any birds myself, it would be difficult in my living situation and I have learned that parrots require a great deal of care and attention, nearly as much as a human child. there are striking similarities between human and parrot intellect and social behavior, I find this interesting and illuminating about both humans and parrots. Manifisto fucked around with this message at 00:57 on Jun 26, 2020
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Jun 26, 2020 00:38
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Jupiter Jazz posted:But being comedic isn't me. I'm very stoic on and offline. I also worry because I often lack a social filter that I'll joke in appropriate times. I know neurotypicals are being sincere when they say just be yourself, but it's more complicated than that in my opinion. I'm not even sure there is such a thing as an unfiltered self. People talk about masks being on and off, but even when it feels like they're off to a neurotypical, it may still feel a bit like a performance for someone with autism. For instance, sometimes my partner who I adore stresses me out when they worry about health stuff, but instead of responding unguarded how I naturally want to (tell them to stop talking about it so much and just get over it etc, or at my most autistic self just stand up abruptly and walk out of the room) I chose a different course of behavior (listening to them for a while and sympathising, then redirecting the conversation somewhere else). Successful social interactions are a really complex and challenging thing for everyone, neurotypicals just learn how to do it at an earlier age then we do so it feels more natural for them, and they're not usually as aware of their own personas as acutely as a socially successfully autistic person is. What I'm trying to get at is that it might feel like wearing a mask at first, but it will feel more natural as time goes by. Be yourself, but filter it through social norms - that second half is what neurotypicals often leave out when they're encouraging us 
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Jun 26, 2020 01:08
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Manifisto posted:Jupiter Jazz, thank you for making this thread and I hope you find it helpful to you. I am not on the spectrum, but I appreciate those who have the courage to talk about their own experiences with being on the spectrum. I think, or at least I hope, that better understanding can lead to interactions that you find more satisfactory. EDIT: I understand that you made this thread to address particular issues that you yourself face, I do not want to hijack your thread and turn it into something you did not intend. Thank you very much for the elaborate reply. I did not understand the very carefully joke but I've learned not to ask for details or get offended on the internet. Often when people are sarcastic on the internet I think they're being serious or have to ask for further explanation. Sprue posted:I know neurotypicals are being sincere when they say just be yourself, but it's more complicated than that in my opinion. I'm not even sure there is such a thing as an unfiltered self. People talk about masks being on and off, but even when it feels like they're off to a neurotypical, it may still feel a bit like a performance for someone with autism. For instance, sometimes my partner who I adore stresses me out when they worry about health stuff, but instead of responding unguarded how I naturally want to (tell them to stop talking about it so much and just get over it etc, or at my most autistic self just stand up abruptly and walk out of the room) I chose a different course of behavior (listening to them for a while and sympathising, then redirecting the conversation somewhere else). Thank you for this reply. Also thank to the rest of the thread. I wanted to talk about it but wasn't sure the best avenue on SA. I've always felt comfortable on BYOB, which used to be my old haunt, so I figured I'd give it a try. Jupiter Jazz fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Jun 26, 2020 ---------------- |
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Jun 26, 2020 01:10
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Jupiter Jazz posted:Thank you very much for the elaborate reply. well since you are not asking for details now, I'll just say it's absurdist humor. since you considered the yob your home before, I assume that makes sense, or I hope it does. I read your OP as implying that you are on the spectrum, if I did not understand your situation completely and made assumptions, I at least was not trying to make fun of you or mental illness. Manifisto fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Jun 26, 2020 |
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Jun 26, 2020 01:46
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Jupiter Jazz posted:But being comedic isn't me. I'm very stoic on and offline. I also worry because I often lack a social filter that I'll joke in appropriate times. Yeah I suppose learning social sensitivity skills would probably be prerequisite to learning to wield humor. As for masking, I don't know. I think maybe it started off that way and I've sort of grown into it over the years. There's less definition to the line between the two now because I've got so many coping mechanisms.
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Jun 26, 2020 04:27
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Barco Fiesta posted:You're equipped with a rare sidegrade in your brain that enables you to absorb huge amounts of information about a topic if it's interesting to you and arouses activity in your midbrain. If you can learn to focus your ability to do that into a study of comedy as a comprehensive art form, it will benefit you. That's a tall order because comedy is by far the least formally codified form of performance art, but you have the capacity to absorb a lot of it and intuitively find the hidden threads that tie the whole thing together. If you have small successes with it in your daily life, just like cracking a joke to a friend and making them laugh, it becomes very addictive. Mitch was so good, definitely my favorite standup artist. Sometimes I wonder if he completely realized how good he was at what he did.
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Jun 26, 2020 07:29
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All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; - William Shakespeare |
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Jun 26, 2020 11:02
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oliwan posted:All the world's a stage,
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Jun 26, 2020 11:16
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Twenty Four posted:Mitch was so good, definitely my favorite standup artist. Sometimes I wonder if he completely realized how good he was at what he did. I believe Dave Attell and Dane Cook had him killed.
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Jun 26, 2020 16:34
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So there are personal assistants for the rich & busy as well as life coaches for the wealthy & lost. I think that there should also be "interventional life curators" for the middle class & neurotic. Example: It bothers me that I don't have an efficient system to deal with my worn clothes. Obviously I'm not throwing them on the floor. But the cheap plastic bins cause my underwear to static zap me when I take them out. A. This is what instinctively concerns me now since I no longer have to worry about how I put food on the table. B. I do not have the time or mental energy to acquire the knowledge required to effectively solve this neurotic non-problem. I want to pay somebody to ideally make me not care or more realistically just make the problem go away by buying me a nice ethically-made laundry storage system that fits my room's aesthetics. Just charge it to my card and have it delivered for me. Either way I get the thought-time for more desirable mental struggles like an active interest in the world's troubles. With the plus plan they solve problems you didn't even know you had or thought were fixable. Like they change your shampoo to make your hair less frizzy. Basically I am someone who doesn't know how to live real life and there are others. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 05:40 on Jun 27, 2020 |
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Jun 27, 2020 05:36
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Jupiter Jazz posted:Hi Glompton, you are more than welcome. Chickens are interesting but also scary. I've read a bit on pecking order and it's horrific how mean chickens can be to maintain it. chickens can be terrible, it's true! i think that might be what makes it so special when one is nice. those are all great interests, by the way, thanks for sharing. i think if you ever wanted to make a thread about any of them specifically, byob is a pretty good place to share what you know with others. no pressure just thought i'd throw that out there
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Jun 27, 2020 20:52
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I mostly just live with parents, and live with it and the fact that due to it, most of my friendships are merely temporary, whether fault of my own or just having bad friends to begin with. |
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Jun 28, 2020 04:30
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have you tried lsd? |
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Jun 28, 2020 05:20
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abuse culture. posted:have you tried lsd? I'm too scared
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Jun 28, 2020 06:30
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Cockashocka posted:I'm too scared ___/ 
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Jun 28, 2020 11:15
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Both my daughter and I have it. I don't put any effort into mixing with people. I don't care if they like me or not, not gonna waste my time trying to get people to. That said, life is pretty nice, I work on hobbies and hang out with people and let myself be as weird as I am.
https://i.imgur.com/1qBoiAi.mp4
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Jun 28, 2020 16:22
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nesamdoom posted:Both my daughter and I have it. I don't put any effort into mixing with people. I don't care if they like me or not, not gonna waste my time trying to get people to. That said, life is pretty nice, I work on hobbies and hang out with people and let myself be as weird as I am. If i had a family and kids I'd probably be in the same boat, but I don't. I have an inkling I'll die alone. ---------------- |
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Jun 28, 2020 20:01
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Jupiter Jazz posted:If i had a family and kids I'd probably be in the same boat, but I don't. I have an inkling I'll die alone. My son just turned 2 and I'm iffy on if he does too. Will have to wait and see. And yea, alone is lovely which is why I'm glad to at least have family that's cool. |
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Sep 13, 2021 00:34
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Jupiter Jazz you are a cool cat in my eye. Some would say an erudite. I, too, enjoy photography. Out of curiosity, can you tell me what's wrong with this photo? 
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Sep 13, 2021 07:52
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friend, I’ve not been diagnosed on the spectrum and would never insult those who are by self-diagnosing, but I am definitely socially awkward and have wonderful invasive thoughts of my many awkward interactions from childhood to beyond college. It’s not the same, but I hope I can sympathize. You made a very interesting point about how coping mechanisms can be seen as just another mask. But someone else in the thread I think touched on an important point. We kinda always have some sort of mask on, I’d argue in any sort of social situation. I work with language and I think it’s a good analogy. Code-switching is how we change the way we talk when talking to different people. I don’t know if you do it, but perhaps you’ve noticed that people talk differently to their friends than to their parents, or comparing the vocabulary, grammar, and mannerisms used when giving a speech versus when having a casual conversation. The argument can be made that these are all types of masks. And to an extent we instinctively expect these masks to help smooth out the interaction process. I dunno if any of this is helpful, I just found it interesting. That doesn’t mean you should force yourself to wear a mask that doesn’t feel right, of course. e: I just now realized I seriousposted to a thread 15 months old that just recently got dug back up. I STAND BY MY POSTING. Lock fucked around with this message at 12:34 on Sep 13, 2021 https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
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Sep 13, 2021 12:20
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Lock posted:
Lol, that's on me for replying to something from awhile back. Was going through bookmarks. |
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Sep 13, 2021 23:57
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I think it’s good Byob doesn’t have rules against necroing old threads because this way we get to see old threads we may have missed before
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Sep 14, 2021 20:00
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FluffieDuckie posted:I think it’s good Byob doesn’t have rules against necroing old threads because this way we get to see old threads we may have missed before +1 this thread is a testament to byob's chill-ness |
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Sep 15, 2021 23:45
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Lock posted:friend, I’ve not been diagnosed on the spectrum and would never insult those who are by self-diagnosing, but I am definitely socially awkward and have wonderful invasive thoughts of my many awkward interactions from childhood to beyond college. It’s not the same, but I hope I can sympathize. and then the op got banned and monthered the next day. haha. these things happen sometimes in life. I have no diagnoses regarding my personality or mental health but I have a whole lot of guesses. I frequently find myself heavily relating to the things people with autism and aspergers say and how they act but I don't usually find myself acting or speaking the way they do, that is, until the moments when I do. i don't know what that means. I have always been too poor to talk to doctors about stuff like that and now i am too old. I think I would have been officially labelled as something along those lines if I had ever been in a situation where it could have happened, but I wasn't. I do well on standardized tests but I struggle when it comes to fitting in with other people and understanding the ways they move through life. I seem to have the words to explain these things out loud, which makes me seem more normal than I am on the surface sometimes. I think I am probably not alone in feeling this way. I think that's the closest I will ever get to a 'diagnosis'. ---------------- |
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Sep 16, 2021 05:05
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empty whippet box posted:and now i am too old. this certainly ain’t true. You do you, but I would imagine there are benefits to be had even as an adult https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
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Sep 16, 2021 07:02
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Would anyone say that getting a formal diagnosis was of any benefit to you personally? As mentioned in another thread I have had plenty of people in my life politely suggest I should get tested. Like, as soon as they learned what AD is they were like "yeah that's you". But I have another plausible reason for poor social skills (that being having been basically raised by wolves in a concrete jungle up until high school) and have improved just with better socialization since then. And while I have specific research interests that might bore the average person they aren't really peculiar given my profession. It's like, for someone in my situation, would a diagnosis be of benefit other than maybe knowing more about yourself? Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Sep 16, 2021 |
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Sep 16, 2021 13:13
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I have great social skills, but I am terrible at using them, like a chef with a set of very sharp knives who keeps cutting themselves while trying to chop carrots
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Sep 16, 2021 13:16
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Lock posted:this certainly ain’t true. You do you, but I would imagine there are benefits to be had even as an adult Even if there are benefits the diagnosis is very tricky for an adult. With our understanding of how most (all?) spectrum disorders develop we generally insist on seeing some evidence from childhood and this might not be readily available. There are many, many other explanations for why an adult might feel weird or lacking in social skills than these disorders and so rushing to a diagnosis of AD or anything related isn't the best course of action. |
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Sep 16, 2021 13:18
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Bright Bart posted:Even if there are benefits the diagnosis is very tricky for an adult. With our understanding of how most (all?) spectrum disorders develop we generally insist on seeing some evidence from childhood and this might not be readily available. There are many, many other explanations for why an adult might feel weird or lacking in social skills than these disorders and so rushing to a diagnosis of AD or anything related isn't the best course of action. ah, fair enough then! https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
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Sep 16, 2021 13:39
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