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Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl

Starship Enterprise, somewhere in the vicinity of the Horsehead Nebula…

A great crashing sound filled the crew’s ears as the starship bucked and heaved under their feet, tossing a hapless ensign or two to the deck. Captain Kirk’s eyes were wide with astonishment – and, yes, a little fear – as he called out.

“Report!”

“The other ship has collided with us, Captain.” Spock’s voice, steady as ever, soothed the jangled nerves of the bridge crew. “Their fore section appears to have lodged itself in our shuttlebay, and the blade extending from their prow has penetrated multiple bulkheads into our cargo holds, but overall structural integrity is holding… for now.”

Chekov spoke out. “I thought for sure we’d had it.”

“Indeed. Sensors indicate they applied retro-thrust moments before impact. It seems destruction was not their objective.”

A groaning sound reverberated throughout the bridge, punctuated by a flashing light on the helm.

“Captain!” Sulu’s eyes were locked on his console. “That blade… it’s retracting into their hull!”

“I’m reading an aperture in their prow… possibly a hatch. We may be at risk of being boarded.”

Captain Kirk slammed his fist down on the intercom. “Security teams, to the shuttlebay. Prepare to repel boarders.”

Another groaning noise. “The blade’s extending again, Captain.”

“What is their game? Maybe we can take advantage of this… indecision. Scotty, can we break away?”

“It’s no use, Captain. The impulse engines are a hopeless mess, and they’ve knocked the warp engines out of alignment!”

“drat!”

“Captain,” Spock said, “I may have an idea.”


Meanwhile, aboard the bridge of the space pirate battleship Arcadia...

“Reverse engines! Break us free of the Earth Federation starship.”

“The engines won’t answer, Captain! The computer is negating our commands!”

Captain Harlock strode to the great helm at the center of the bridge, and took hold… to his astonishment, it resisted him! He pulled harder, but the wheel would not budge; meanwhile, the ship keened as its mighty blade ram retracted and extended again.

My friend… why are you doing this??

An alarm sounded on the bridge: intruder alert!

“Captain! We have intruders in the main computer room!”

Daiba looked in astonishment. “Impossible! They haven’t launched any fighters or boarding craft.”

Captain Harlock’s face cleared, his usually extraordinary perception having delivered the answer to him again. “They must have a matter-teleportation device on their ship.”

“Then they must be the reason Arcadia won’t answer the helm; they’ve taken over the main computer!"

Unlikely… and yet…

Captain Harlock turned to run towards the exit. “Keep trying to break us free!” Daiba followed him out the door.


Arcadia’s main computer room

Spock’s hands splayed out across the great bulk of the Arcadia’s main computer core. Kirk’s face was contorted with worry as he watched Spock become more and more flushed, his breathing heavier; the broken cadence which mind-meld usually brought was even more disjointed and confused than normal.

“so long… such… elegant lines… yes…”

The door to the computer chamber slid open as Captain Harlock, Daiba, and a handful of other Arcadia crewmen poured in. “You!” shouted Daiba,
“This is your fault!”

“We’re unarmed!” said Kirk, his hands out.

Daiba moved to aim his Cosmo Dragoon at Spock, but Harlock’s arm came down on his gun. “Daiba! You would shoot unarmed men, and hurt… damage our main computer?”

Kirk exhaled. Another close call. Harlock stepped forward. “What are you doing here, Captain Kirk?”

“Captain Harlock. As a Starfleet officer, it is my duty to… request your surrender.”

“Your request is denied.”

A smile. “Fair enough. Captain… my first officer, Mr. Spock, is in contact with your ship’s main computer. It seems that his… needs have not been met for some time.”

Daiba’s eyes narrowed. “What does your officer’s needs have to do with this intrusion on our ship?”

“Daiba,” Harlock’s eyes widened slightly, “take the others and return to your posts. Stand down until you hear from me.”

“Captain!”

“Do as I say.”

Daiba hesitated for a moment, for two moments, and then led the others back into the corridor, the door clanging shut behind them. Kirk gestured towards the door.

“They don’t know about the computer, do they? About him.”

“No. Only I and one other know the true nature of this ship.”

Spock walked up beside Kirk. At the edge of human perception were the signs of exhaustion. Kirk noticed. “Spock… are you alright?”

Spock nodded. “Yes, Captain. The experience was… draining. It is as I suspected. Captain Harlock… I believe your friend will release control of the ship shortly. His… needs have been met.”

“I’m relieved to hear it.” The tension lifting from Harlock’s face and shoulders was almost as tangible as steam. “We have an important appointment to make with the Mazone base up ahead.”

“Hold on a minute. We’ve got our own itinerary to make – and technically, you’re still a wanted fugitive, Harlock, but I’m willing to set that aside for the moment – but your ship has left my ship in total disarray. My shuttlebay is wrecked, and my chief engineer will be swearing at our impulse drive for weeks, not to mention the shambles that blade of yours left our cargo decks.”

“I can call up our mobile base Deathshadow. Your engineer should be able to easily adapt the automatic repair facilities to your specifications, and your crew can enjoy shore leave on the artificial beach. And perhaps our crews will learn something from one another.”

“That’s all well and good. But what are we going to do until then?”

Harlock thought about this for a moment. “Tell me, Captain Kirk… do you enjoy fencing?”

Spock’s eyebrow rose.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Farmer Crack-Ass fucked around with this message at 06:06 on Jul 17, 2020

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Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

this is me posting irl

Lux Animus posted:

Leto and Padme were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!

the baby looked at you? uhura, get me admiral adama.

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