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Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







You are Eowyn, Lady of Ithilien. You are reading a history book on the balcony of your home in Emyn Arnen, overlooking the river Anduin, with Minas Tirith in the distance, waiting for your husband Faramir to return from battle at Cair Andros; you stayed behind to watch your son Elboron, a lad of ten. You see Chad Bradford sail by, and wave to him, then return your attention to the book, a history of the first age, the tale of the Silmarils, jewels that held the light of the Two Trees. One turned into a star, another lost in a fiery chasm, and another thrown into the Sea, neither of those two ever having been found. A feeling takes you: you were a shield maiden once, and killed the Witch King; why shouldn't you try to find these gems? You are tired of relaxing here in leisure. You break open your old wooden chest and don your old armor, shield, helm and sword, and order your horse to be saddled. Your son approaches you in the yard and asks where you are going and why you bear armor. You say you are going to visit family in Rohan. He asks to come with you, to see Uncle Eomer.

You begin in Emyn Arnen.

>Deny him flatly
>Make up an excuse
>Just ride off
>Bring him along for a time
>Do something else

big map

https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/...he-middle-earth

>_

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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



Hell Gem

>Make up an excuse

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Hell yeah lie to that dummy.

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020
warning: i get triggered by extremely stupid shit

Lie to the little bastard, he's just an anchor to your loveless political union

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







drat dude, i thought eoywms and farmir married for love

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







in my defense i am prety drunk

-------------

"I will be gone for a while," you tell Elboron, "and you must be the Prince until your father comes back." He plainly hates this but nods. You leave a note with your handmaid explaining where you have gone, then ride north. After several days you cross the bridge at Osgiliath, ride the Pelannor, pass the city and cross the Entwash into Rohan. You encounter a large group of Ents walking south, and ask them for news, and water.

"We are going to Harondor to join the Entwives," one says, as you drink. The one called Quickbeam offers you a pipe and some weed.

"Have you heard of the Silmarils?" you ask.

The Ents look at each other and shrug. "Nope."

Inventory: armor, helm, sword, shield, pipe, weed

You can go any direction

>_



The Cubelodyte
Sep 1, 2006

Practicing Hypnolaw since 1990

Grimey Drawer

Go uttermost west

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



Hell Gem

>smoke weed

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Why not trade in a horse for a doggo

Derpies
Mar 10, 2014





>hack off a treants limb for good luck

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Colonel Cancer posted:

Why not trade in a horse for a doggo

i guess you could if you find a dog

edit: that someone is willing to trade for a horse



Zippy the Bummer fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Jul 2, 2020

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

>GO UP.

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







ok i'm going to need some clarification about directions becase i havnt play a game like this since i was a kid. does up mean north or does it mean actualy try to go upwards into the air sorry im drunk

feelix
Nov 27, 2016
Probation
Can't post for 8 hours!


>Go to bed (IRL)

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



>follow Chad Bradford

naem
May 29, 2011



>cast ENLARGE SMEAGOL

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


*suck my own dick

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







naem posted:

>cast ENLARGE SMEAGOL

he's dead although i forgot that for a moment

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Weka posted:

>GO UP.





The Cubelodyte posted:

Go uttermost west

I'm going to combine all these.

--------------------

You toke heavily and continue on your way, giggling to yourself. Luckily your horse knows how to follow the road. Finally you cross Rohan and reach the fords of Isen, where there is a small village with a tavern. You tie your horse outside and go in. Besides the barmaids and barkeep, there are a few dwarves and burly Rohirrim.

"Sup, dicks," you announce.

>_



Mega64
May 23, 2008

~ it's our ~

~ final fantasy ~


(just don't ask them about "the after years")



Grimey Drawer

> Outdrink and outsmoke the dwarves.

naem
May 29, 2011



>SEDUCE dwarf

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







No one recognizes you due to your helm. You walk to the nearest table and demand a drinking contest, sitting down on a stool and whipping out your pipe to pack a bowl. The dwarves look at you and each other. "Who might you be?" says one.

"The one who is going to beat your bitch asses," you say. "Buy me ale."

"You have coin to pay for it?" says one dwarf with a red beard. You draw your sword and slam it on the table.

"There's your coin. Ale, fucker. You'll all be under the table in an hour. If not, you can keep the blade."

55 minutes later everyone in the tavern has gathered around to watch. Your sword glistens with haphazardly spilled ale and wine. Four of the five dwarves are passed out, with only redbeard remaining, and a couple of Rohirrim are on the floor as well. The barkeep gives each of you another tankard.

-------------

Flip a coin. If no one does, I'll have a mod do it.



Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







GCM provided the flip.

You awake in a straw bed with the red-bearded dwarf, naked but for your helm and sword in hand. You stumble out into the common room, dragging the blade along the floor, and demand water from the barmaid working the bar, stares shocked at you. "Are you loving deaf?" you ask, "water, now. And wine." As she sets about filling some cups, you note that everyone else, including the barkeep, is still passed out. It is barely dawn. You blaze up. Some villagers enter but run away when they see you.

The red-bearded dwarf stumbles naked out of the room and vomits on the plank floor. You down a gulp of wine and water, then dress yourself and prepare to leave. The proprietor wakes up and demands payment as you step over him. The dwarf tosses some coins onto the barkeep's chest, then hikes up his trousers and follows you out the door.

"Wait!" he grunts, "I though we had somethin speshul. We could travel together."

"Where are you going?" you ask.

"The Blue Mountains," he says, "I have family there."

>_



Zombiepop
Mar 30, 2010


gently caress no, pump n dump, his tiny legs will just slow us down.

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020
warning: i get triggered by extremely stupid shit

I actually do agree a shieldmaiden of the Rohirrim, well baked, can outdrink a pack of dwarves.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

> hit dwarf with sword

naem
May 29, 2011



>give birth to HUWARF

jimmyjams
Jan 10, 2001


King Kong of Megadongs
Gobblin' them mega schlongs
Makin' sure they mega long
Stroke' 'em if they mega strong


>fart

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







You smack the dwarf in the head with the flat of your sword, knocking him out. You lean to the side and let one rip in your saddle, then ride out of the village to the west.

The Enedwaith lies before you, a vast wilderness stretching to the sea, according to your map. The Greenway Road goes north all the way to Arnor, passing Dunland. To the south are the White Mountains, the border of western Gondor.

edit: I guess it is possible for humans and dwarves to have kids, if elves and humans can, but it would be a while, presumably...we can address that later.

>_



Arcsquad12
Mar 4, 2013

I Love Satan


Mutter to yourself:
Where can I run
How can I hide the silmarils?
Gems of treelight
Their life belongs to me
Oh it's sweet how the
Darkness is floating around

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



>Write song about potatoes and sell it to the next hobbit you meet

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Did you check behind the couch for them?

If it's not there, if one of them was cast into a firey chasm, and there's that one specific volcano the hobbit had to throw the ring in because nothing else would work... maybe connected? Look in that volcano. Just dip your hand in and feel about.

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020
warning: i get triggered by extremely stupid shit

All the plot's probably up north. In fact I forgot what the hell we're even trying to do

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Bogus Adventure posted:

>Write song about potatoes and sell it to the next hobbit you meet


Arcsquad12 posted:

Mutter to yourself:
Where can I run
How can I hide the silmarils?
Gems of treelight
Their life belongs to me
Oh it's sweet how the
Darkness is floating around

i'll try to work with this might take awhile

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Outside the village, you stop to let your horse graze while you toke up. Struck by a sudden bout of creativity, you
produce some parchment and a quill.

Yeah, potatoes (x5)
You can boil them
You can...fry them!!!
You can stick them
IN A STEW

Potatoes like salt
Potatoes like bacon
Stick them in your rear end

Where can I run
How can I hide
the silmarils?
Gems of treelight
Their life belongs to me
Oh it's sweet how the
Darkness is floating around

With Potatoes from the ground

Potatoes like salt
Potatoes like bacon
Stick them in your rear end

[INSTRUMENTAL SUPER BRUTAL AND DIRTY TO CLOSE IT OUT FOR LIKE, TEN MINUTES]


You roll up the parchment and tuck it away, then mount up again.

>_



Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

"When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bartender's face. That kind of place."

-Bogus Adventure



Zippy the Bummer posted:

Outside the village, you stop to let your horse graze while you toke up. Struck by a sudden bout of creativity, you
produce some parchment and a quill.

Yeah, potatoes (x5)
You can boil them
You can...fry them!!!
You can stick them
IN A STEW

Potatoes like salt
Potatoes like bacon
Stick them in your rear end

Where can I run
How can I hide
the silmarils?
Gems of treelight
Their life belongs to me
Oh it's sweet how the
Darkness is floating around

With Potatoes from the ground

Potatoes like salt
Potatoes like bacon
Stick them in your rear end

[INSTRUMENTAL SUPER BRUTAL AND DIRTY TO CLOSE IT OUT FOR LIKE, TEN MINUTES]


You roll up the parchment and tuck it away, then mount up again.

>_

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







Daikloktos posted:

All the plot's probably up north. In fact I forgot what the hell we're even trying to do

we'll go with this then

-----------------------

You ride north up the Greenway at a casual pace. The new-made road is flanked by rocky hills and trees. In the evening you make camp beneath a tree by the road and blaze. Your weed supply is running low. Then four hill-men on scrawny horses riding south pass by and see your fire. Seeing that you are alone, they approach. The biggest one grabs the reins of your horse. "We'll be taking this, and your sword too. If you don't make a fuss, we'll let you live."

>_

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Off with his head! Pluck and eat pieces of gore to intimidate other bandits. Where we are going, no civilization remains.

naem
May 29, 2011



>SEDUCE horse

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super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009



Lipstick Apathy

Think intently about Gloin's groin.

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