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Am I turning my son Gay?
Yes. Like father like son, OP.
Probably not.
It's too soon to tell.
Goku/Gohan's fusion dance was an allegory for homosexuality.
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mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


My toddler loves yogurt tubes, but he hasn't figured out how to get the last little bit out. He hasn't really learned to squeeze it from the bottom to top (like a tube of toothpaste) when there isn't much left in there.

So when he can't get any more out, he hands me the tube asking "daddy, help". Then he stands there patiently sucking the open end while I slowly run my pinched fingers up the shaft of the tube. Eventually a sudden rush of yogurt fills his mouth and he swallows it. Once he's satisfied that he's had it all, he says "thank you daddy" and carries on with his day.

It's really innocent and adorable, and I'm glad he's learning manners at such an early age. But I'm concerned that the whole activity is homoerotic, and I'm not really comfortable doing this anymore. I've tried showing him how to do it himself, but he doesn't really have the patience yet, and showing him how it's done somehow seems worse.

Help me goons. Should I be worried? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

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Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


low key sex master
May 27, 2004




Well this post was a ride I never consented to taking

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

Not your son, not your problem

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

Present him the choice of a ball or a computer screen with the forums open on a browser

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long



Wowee that's a blast from the past.

Ron Darling posted:

Well this post was a ride I never consented to taking

Hey man, I never asked for this either.

Fartington Butts
Jan 21, 2007

We're gonna have so much fun, we'll forget about how miserable we are, and how much life sucks, and how we're all gonna grow old and die someday.


고추장 DIVISION



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHf0aRpiMfI

Jawdins
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho


Please just get him tubs of yogurt from now on

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020
warning: i get triggered by extremely stupid shit

I don't think you're making him gay, but he is definitely going to be unnerved if he recalls this during puberty

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


Big Beef City posted:

Not your son, not your problem

Are you saying that I should disown my son? Or that are children never really are our own, and they'll find their own path in life?

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

Present him the choice of a ball or a computer screen with the forums open on a browser

He didn't do either. He gave me the remote and demanded I put on "Paw Patrol".

Jawdins posted:

Please just get him tubs of yogurt from now on

I think I like where this is going.

Zeluth
May 12, 2001



Taco Defender

I was never read a book as a child, but I asked for a subscription and was granted one.

Crap, I have no advice. My best teacher was hot in 3rd grade and I accidentally pissed myself in there once. Some things you don't forget.

LabyaMynora
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost


Grimey Drawer

Jawdins posted:

Please just get him tubs of yogurt from now on

This is the correct answer.

When he's almost done with the tub of yogurt, he can get the last little bit by sticking his mouth and chin into the tub and licking it out as God intended.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 12 hours!


Your son is already gay if he likes yogurt.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


Daikloktos posted:

I don't think you're making him gay, but he is definitely going to be unnerved if he recalls this during puberty

Man puberty is already a confusing time. I don't want to make it harder for the poor guy.

Zeluth posted:

I was never read a book as a child, but I asked for a subscription and was granted one.

Crap, I have no advice. My best teacher was hot in 3rd grade and I accidentally pissed myself in there once. Some things you don't forget.

I barely remember my third grade teacher. Actually grade 3 was a pretty forgettable time. For some reason I always remember it being dark outside, even though logically that would be absurd.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

mom and dad fight a lot posted:

He didn't do either. He gave me the remote and demanded I put on "Paw Patrol".

He chose the demon way in hell

LabyaMynora
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost


Grimey Drawer

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Your son is already gay if he likes yogurt.

Oh shi

Jawdins
Sep 9, 2001

Hee to the ho


LabyaMynora posted:

This is the correct answer.

When he's almost done with the tub of yogurt, he can get the last little bit by sticking his mouth and chin into the tub and licking it out as God intended.

Right and please let your young man know that while you are squeezing out the last bits of the remaining empty tubes (until you replace them with tubs) that it is the Lord that is filling the empty space as you squeeze it out. This is very important to raising a moral child.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


LabyaMynora posted:

When he's almost done with the tub of yogurt, he can get the last little bit by sticking his mouth and chin into the tub and licking it out as God intended.

Jawdins posted:

Right and please let your young man know that while you are squeezing out the last bits of the remaining empty tubes (until you replace them with tubs) that it is the Lord that is filling the empty space as you squeeze it out. This is very important to raising a moral child.

Isaiah 7:15: He shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good.

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Your son is already gay if he likes yogurt.

Does this go for women too? Because it would explain a few things about my ex-wife.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


The bacteria in yogurt actually turns people gay. It's been confirmed 100%.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.



Haha

As I read OP I'm like no

No WAY

Plus your username is the best. You should write for the new front page imo

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



Hell Gem

someones gotta do it

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

The bacteria in yogurt actually turns people gay. It's been confirmed 100%.

I honestly believe this more than the "probiotic" poo poo that the marketing departments keep insisting on.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



either your child with choose to be gay or not

but theres nothing you can do about it

kaworu
Jul 23, 2004



I never ate yogurt (or bananas, or other homoerotic food) and actually had an aversion to them when young, and I turned out gay as poo poo so, you never know.

edit: checkbox poll, clicked all options

second edit: Also Goku and Gohan never did a fusion dance they were father and son and since the dance was an allegory for homosexuality that would be pretty f. gross.. Goku did the fusion dance with VEGETA and it goTEN who did the fusion dance with TRUNKS not goHAN... GEEZ DAD STOP EMBARRASSING ME

kaworu fucked around with this message at 05:13 on Jul 2, 2020

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Your son was always gay, OP

Stop trying to take credit for things you didn't do

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


I forgot to mention that these yogurt tubes are frozen like popsicles. I don't know if that helps our analysis.

numberoneposter posted:

either your child with choose to be gay or not

but theres nothing you can do about it

I'll happily accept him either way, but I don't want to be traumatizing him by our yogurt practices. Actually the more I think about it, we get strange looks in public when we do this. For some reason the old ladies smile and nod, though.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Maybe you're turning him bi OP, setting him up to spread wings you were unwilling to flap.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


kaworu posted:

Very helpful post

You know the more I think about it, I loved the poo poo out of hotdogs, and I only sucked a guy's dick once. I'm not sure it matters how phallic the foods are. It's more so the practice of my son begging for yogurt, and me squirting it into to his mouth by massaging a tube while he calls me "daddy". Maybe it's just a "me" problem.

Thanks for the DBZ knowledgebomb. Checkbox polls should be the only polls.

AOCs Pink Pearl
Jan 20, 2012


MODS GAS THREAD OPEN FYAD BACK THIS IS A SICKNESS

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


Devils Affricate posted:

Your son was always gay, OP

Stop trying to take credit for things you didn't do

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Maybe you're turning him bi OP, setting him up to spread wings you were unwilling to flap.

This is the nature vs. nurture argument, and actually a really good thing to bring up. Was my son born gay, and that's why he's so comfortable being fed this way? Or do you discover gayness from your upbringing?

When did you choose to be straight?

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


AOCs Pink Pearl posted:

MODS GAS THREAD OPEN FYAD BACK THIS IS A SICKNESS

Your last three probations were for white noise. You're calling the kettle black from inside a glass house you moron.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



mom and dad fight a lot posted:

When did you choose to be straight?



Looking at this, it might have been a coin flip tbh.

nullEntityRNG
Jun 23, 2010

Mostly pseudo-random.


You're not turning him gay OP. But you are giving him ammunition to blackmail you into an early retirement home by claiming that his "Dad helped squirt my special yogurt into my mouth".

Better counter-sue your child now.

Synthetic Dreams
Jul 19, 2005



Stop squirting special yogurt into his mouth, you depraved fucker.

Sgt. Politeness
Sep 29, 2003

I've seen shit you people wouldn't believe. Cop cars on fire off the shoulder of I-94. I watched search lights glitter in the dark near the Ambassador Bridge. All those moments will be lost in time, like piss in the drain. Time to retch.

SilvergunSuperman posted:



Looking at this, it might have been a coin flip tbh.

Dude, I looooove Jennifer Connelly but seriously, Bowie was right there bro. How did you miss that?

Anyway OP what you're describing isn't homoerotic because your son is a child. You're thinking of pedophilia and that is definitely a "you" problem.

Ad by Khad
Jul 25, 2007

SomethingAwful's Official Karen


who among us does not say "thank you daddy" after they swallow

your toddler isnt gonna fuckin remember any of this, OP

SidneyIsTheKiller
Jul 16, 2019

She's delusional,
"where's god", etc.
Completely suicidal.
One day she snaps.
She wants to kill herself
but she realizes that
teen suicide is out this year
and homicide is a much healthier therapeutic expression.


Do you not want him to be gay?

SidneyIsTheKiller
Jul 16, 2019

She's delusional,
"where's god", etc.
Completely suicidal.
One day she snaps.
She wants to kill herself
but she realizes that
teen suicide is out this year
and homicide is a much healthier therapeutic expression.


In any case, no, OP, straight males are perfectly capable of sucking dicks, too. I should know, I pay them to do it on the regular. Expensive habit, that.

plehsistential
Jan 29, 2012

death to all avatar havers

what if this thread is turning all the posters gay

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CheeseThief
Dec 28, 2012




Ugh, OP I don't even know where to start with you.

Seriously, how can someone be so it ignorant in 2020?



Gohan never did the fusion dance you absolute fool, you bumbling buffoon, you ninny!

And furthermore, Goku only ever fused with his life partner Vegeta and only did the fusion dance in one of the movies WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT CANON.

SERIOUSLY SMDH RN

Edit: beaten to the punchline.

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