Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
  • Post
  • Reply
Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




today we're cookin' with barnold. this is the thread where a delicious meal is cooked and demonstrated for all of the good users. let me introduce you to the head chef:



look at that catte. that catte knows how to eat a good loving meal, and also cook it too. it's like ratatouille but cattatouille, you know what i'm saying?



oh gently caress is that catte gonna eat the eggs????



eggs safely evacuated to a secure location. but what the hell is going on with the stove? what's gonna happen to these eggs????



FLASHBACK - do you remember when we took out the bread? no? okay. take out the bread. it's nicely sealed in this bag. white bread is good bread. it makes fine toast



let's put some bread in this thing for safekeeping. it's very convenient that this box has a handy little hiding spot for bread



2 eggs 2 furious. it's judgment day for these eggs. let's rock



boioioioioioing. one small step for egg, one giant leap for barnold hunger



the head chef ponders the meaning of life whilst cooking. cooking is a wistful pursuit. it is good to be introspective while cooking. what are your hopes and dreams? i hope you accomplish them, friend.



let's retrieve our bread from our special secret hiding place. it is perfectly toasted. you may choose to butter the bread at this juncture



now look at that. look what we have made. out of all the planets in the universe, we are here on this one, together, with dropped egg on toast, and it can be eaten.

thanks for cookin' with barnold™ and tune in next time when we make another classic meal

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Thank you, Barnhold, for the eggbread.


e. gently caress you, Nooner.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017



did you get a yolk shot im gonna need a yolk shot

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


I thought your name was tom though

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




phasmid posted:

Thank you, Barnhold, for the eggbread.

EGGBREAD CREW

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

anatomi
Jan 31, 2015


That's an incredibly obnoxious cartoon.

But the cat is very huggable.

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili

that ain't me and also it sucks imo

fake edit: the image, not the chili. chili is good as gently caress

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006


Statistically you'd think that I'd sometimes fluke into typing a decent post. Nah. Only the most tedious, shitty posts, all day every day baby!

Don't bother engaging me, I don't ever get the hints to fuck off.




Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:

that ain't me and also it sucks imo

fake edit: the image, not the chili. chili is good as gently caress

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

drink the egg water op

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


Big Beef City posted:

drink the egg water op

can I be a mod now so I can make this a mod challenge? Thanks in advance JEff!!!! (:

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

STILL ANGRY ABOUT CHEESE


It is my firm belief that man can subsist on nothing more then chili and anger.

To that end, I have decided to share my own favorite chili recipe with the lot of you, so that you may convert your shame and anger into chili and anger. In this way, I am the best humanitarian who has ever or will ever survive.

I'm going to be breaking a few sacred chili rules here. Too bad; I apologize to no one.

Ingredients:

1 & 1/2 to 2 lbs of ground PORK (perfect way to uncover jews)
2 packages of french onion soup mix (be prepared for your chili to surrender)
2 tablespoons of chili powder (less if you're a baby, more if you're a man)
4 teaspoons of ground cumin (omit this and I will devour your soul)
1 teaspoon of black pepper (slightly racist)
1/2 teaspoon of salt (or none if you're heaving a heart attack right now)
6 ejaculations (squirts) of Tabasco sauce
1 21-ounce can of red beans and 1 21-ounce can of black beans (I have a dream)
2 6-ounce cans of tomato paste with garlic (regular tomato paste = you're an rear end in a top hat)
2 8-ounce cans of tomato sauce (real men need more than just paste)
1 yellow, orange or red pepper, chopped up (green peppers are Satan's taint)
1 package of sliced mushrooms (yes, you can slice your own mushrooms, smartass)


Instructions:

Put the meat in a huge chili pot and brown it over medium heat
Add 4 cups of water and the french onion soup mix. Stir and let simmer for 10 minutes
Stir in the spices and the Tabasco and simmer for another minute or two
Add the beans, the mushrooms and the chopped pepper
Turn to low and let simmer for at least 20 minutes, 40 is better, stirring every 5-10
Call your mother and tell her she's not allowed to hug you anymore


And that's it, you're done. You just went from a pathetic, flaccid pushover to a chili-chewing boner-owner in about an hour. Your life will thank me.

Who's next? Don't even think about posting a recipe with corn in it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner



was this the "I've had people lining up to suck my cock after trying this" or whatever guy recipe?

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

STILL ANGRY ABOUT CHEESE


That's the one.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

i wish i was a chili chewing boner owner

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

or a boner chewing chili owner

either way I guess

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


Sunswipe posted:

That's the one.

I'd list the "whatever it takes to get the taste out of their mouth" as one of the top 10 burns I've seen on this site lol

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax


Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili



I don't know why people keep posting this image everywhere because it's really obnoxious.

Thanks for sharing your cooking with egg cat adventures with us, barnold!!

ChubbyChecker
Mar 25, 2018



Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

thanks for this op. i enjoyed your other photoseries where you taught us how to make chili



anything to get the taste off

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002



Hell Gem

Oh man I love Barnold

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



ChubbyChecker posted:

anything to get the taste off

that was addressed earlier, op.

barnold's chili, as portrayed alongside his charismatic stick figure drawings, does not feature onion soup mix and is therefore greatly superior

strange feelings re Daisy
Aug 2, 2000



Good cat, good bread, happy to post in a barnold thread.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

Where the hollandaise at OP

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




DeadFatDuckFat posted:

Where the hollandaise at OP

i thought about it but i was feeling really lazy. i even had hash and irish eggs benny is my preferred way to eat dropped eggy but i didn't cook it. oh well, next time I will!

Piss Meridian
Mar 25, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 3 days!


Why do you let your cat climb on the counters

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.



This is great

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



Big Beef City posted:

drink the egg water op


Nooner posted:

can I be a mod now so I can make this a mod challenge? Thanks in advance JEff!!!! (:

i'm a mod and i say drink the egg water

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006


Statistically you'd think that I'd sometimes fluke into typing a decent post. Nah. Only the most tedious, shitty posts, all day every day baby!

Don't bother engaging me, I don't ever get the hints to fuck off.




Drink. The. Egg water!

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax


Jose posted:

i'm a mod and i say drink the egg water

Heck yeah! Drink the egg water, OP.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Be nice to the cat. He prepared a fine breakfast.

Kosher Pickup Line
Jan 10, 2008



Hair Elf

How are we to assume op didn't already drink the egg water?

Maybe stop and think before you throw out wild accusations.

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




Kosher Pickup Line posted:

How are we to assume op didn't already drink the egg water?

Maybe stop and think before you throw out wild accusations.

eggwater don't last long in this household because it goes right into the terlet

Piss Meridian posted:

Why do you let your cat climb on the counters

what the gently caress you want him to cook without being able to use the counter? that's just barbaric OP

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




Jose posted:

op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

tomorrow my breakfast will consist of one large cup of coffee, and i will drink the beanwater

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Kosher Pickup Line
Jan 10, 2008



Hair Elf

Tiny Tubesteak Tom posted:

eggwater don't last long in this household because it goes right into the terlet

I sincerely apologize to all posters. I was wrong about Barnold. As such, I will be resigning my position of Lurker in Chief, effective immediately. Farewell and godspeed.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

Barnold looks like he needs an egg.

Tiny Tubesteak Tom
Dec 16, 2011

accidentally deflated my balls




Jose posted:

op you better make some more poached eggs tomorrow and drink the egg water

Jose you gotta fully loving commit to the mod challenge, son, we both know you ain't clicking that ban button til SA's checks have Jeffrey's name at the top anyway. let's make some fireworks baby. you, me, eggwater. whatchu gon do

Bum the Sad
Aug 25, 2002



Hell Gem

Still loving Barnold

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Planet X
Dec 10, 2003

GOOD MORNING

Good thread. Need more of this kinda thread

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply