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numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



hello my dear goons i have a rendezvous avec une femme and im wonder what tips you can give me

please hurry this date is in less than 12 hours

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Cubone
May 26, 2011

Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Yams Fan

pick her up and raise her over your head to prove your strength

luchajones
Jan 28, 2018
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


numberoneposter posted:

rendezvous avec une femme

this. dont do this

rain dogs
Apr 19, 2020


Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT poop your pants at any time during the date. Save it for the second date.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



luchajones posted:

this. dont do this
mais je parle le francaise??? pour quaix pas???

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Go to the arcade before the date, check every game and see which name appears most on the high score lists. Then take your date to the arcade and lie that it's you

Crimson
Nov 6, 2002


numberoneposter posted:

mais je parle le francaise??? pour quaix pas???

parce que tu est merde.

My french isn't very good but I think you get the message.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



je suis bonhomme

luchajones
Jan 28, 2018
Probation
Can't post for 24 days!


Speak a real language! Like Klingon or Gelfling

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


When you go down on her remember to blow her up like a baloon

WILDTURKEY101
Mar 7, 2005

Incredible

If u get to kiss her make a seal over her mouth and suck the air out of her lungs like a bong rip

Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014




Lipstick Apathy

Are you taking your date to the circus? In that case, just be yourself, op, you fuckin clown

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



Make sure you have her father's permission. Challenge him to a duel if you have to.

ded
Oct 27, 2005

Kooler than Jesus

be sure to wash your hand


just one

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


Jesustheastronaut! posted:

Are you taking your date to the circus? In that case, just be yourself, op, you fuckin clown


Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008


1) get your ďgame faceĒ on and donít be a creep
2) Do NOT sperg out.
3) Your fedora? Yeah, might want to leave that at home, champ.
4) surprise sex = no.
5) Throw some siracha on that bitch (edit: turns out I accidentally left this in from another of my guides but Iíve gotten some feedback saying that it is actually a really good icebreaker)

Shadow0
Jun 16, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Just be yourself!

Unless you're unlikeable, in which case, be someone else.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


Bring change. Your date isn't going to be able to break a 20 and will assume the rest is a tip.

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



Call the police beforehand to let them know there'll be trouble.

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


Both feet and both hands in the anus is called a Full Park if you want to thrill her with your sexual prowess

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

- hi

see if she wants to hold your hand. thats great

One More Fat Nerd
Apr 13, 2007
no neckbeard, though.



Nap Ghost

rain dogs posted:

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT poop your pants at any time during the date. Save it for the second date.

Right. First date, you poop HER pants. Ladies first, duh.

Also, if at all possible, be very tall. Consider showing up on stilts.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Garlic breath is considered a stereotypical nono, but it's actually super handy to assess their garlic tolerance levels. If it's not extremely high you can do better.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



Tell her you want to try pegging

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!




Surely that should wait to the third date Jose.

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


Ocean Book posted:

see if she wants to hold your hand. thats great

theres poop on the hand already, OP cant be trusted to look after himself

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



make some really good postssssssok maybe just remember to ask her questions about herself

redgubbinz
May 1, 2007



I'm assuming you haven't showered in the last few weeks. Good, this is important. Do not clean any part of your body, the natural musk of the human male contains pheromones which will make you irresistible. Roll around in some garbage to strengthen the effect, it shows you have a strong immune system which is important when choosing a mate.

Also, bring something shiny and as much nesting material as you can carry. Be sure to wear bright clothing and draw as much attention to it as possible.

Source: I am a very successful dater who has talked to literally tens of women in my 32 years, and only pissed myself and started crying like half the time.

redgubbinz fucked around with this message at 11:32 on Jul 4, 2020

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


Ask if she has stairs in her house and then do a slick one-two slender man grover house combo mention

NGC773
Sep 10, 2010


Don't treat her as a Stacey. Don't be a creep.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Take her to a coronavirus test center

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.


Introduce her to Star Citizen and help her pick out a starter pack. Remember women are more submissive and social whereas men are better leaders, so she may enjoy crewing one of your turrets or bridge stations instead of piloting a ship of her own.

The_Continental
Jan 13, 2019

My god, Winston, is that infernal sun still giving my buttocks that entirely too cool smirk?!


Make sure to eat lots to show her how strong you are.

low key sex master
May 27, 2004




When it is time to have sexual intercourse with her vagina and your penis remember to aim carefully when you powerbomb her onto your dick or serious injury may occur

Note if this is a two woman date you may powerbomb away without risk of serious injury

NGC773
Sep 10, 2010


Colonel Cancer posted:

Take her to a coronavirus test center

Now, you know how to treat a woman!

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006


Statistically you'd think that I'd sometimes fluke into typing a decent post. Nah. Only the most tedious, shitty posts, all day every day baby!

Don't bother engaging me, I don't ever get the hints to fuck off.




Do not make eye contact or smile, as these can be seen as acts of aggression.

A Grand Egg
Jan 12, 2020


E40 Neg, a Trumbo, a Level 2 Nelson, level 3 Dragon Ignore, a Python ignore and then a overt peacock, and shes yours

LOVE LOVE SKELETON
Nov 11, 2007




Lipstick Apathy

make eye contact immediately and never look away. close each eye individually, never blink, thatís when they get you.

longtimelurker
Mar 12, 2006

Powered by alcohol



College Slice

Breaking eye contact is a sign of weakness. Blink as little as possible. Use mascara to bring attention to your bold stare.

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Fray
Oct 22, 2010



College Slice

At the end of the night, kiss her on the forehead.

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