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mrmcd
Feb 22, 2003

Pictured: The only good cop (a fictional one).



Hello,

as many of you know, the conference has been moved to a virtual conference because of the ongoing covid-19 situation. We want everyone to be safe and healthy, even as we discuss these important and exciting topics! Although we cannot meet in person, (I too miss the traditional outing to senor frogs!) we have arraigned an exciting line up of talks and content for everyone to enjoy at home. Slippers and tea are totally optional.

to better help everyone get the most out of this conference, we have organized the content into 5 different tracks:

  • research track - the only remotely qualified academics at this conference will present their papers "your ml model is lovely, overfit, and trained on garbage data. it's bad and you should feel bad". note that this track will have a large amount of actual math, but knowing math is not strictly necessary, as it exists largely for our presenters to juice the publishing and conference numbers on their tenure applications.

  • future societies - a curated selection of professional grifters from the TEDx circuit will use the word 'sigularity' a lot, and show us their fan art for a kickass vending machine that's also a rocket motorcycle.

  • transportation revolutions - some dweebs will read their tesla fanfic and present their speculative snuff films involving robot cars. The phrase 'trolly problem' will almost certainly make an appearance.

  • quantum horizons - a researcher from google will present a slideshow of their billion dollar 'thing we've been tinkering with in the garage'. The other speakers will then give their thoughts, in the hopes of getting a job at google, as apparently the health plan and 401k are quite nice.

  • liberating ethics with blockchain - the goals of this track are two fold: first, it's the easiest way to get the most annoying people on twitter to stop talking to me, and to quarantine them from the rest of the conference. second, many of you have said it's way easier to get your dumb as gently caress manager to pay for your ticket with company money if it's on the agenda.


In addition, we have a number of attendee guided breakout sessions. We still need more people to sign up though! Normally we'd have a sign up board in the main hallways, but since it's virtual, just let one of our organizers know on slack if you'd like to lead a breakout group. So far we have:

  • ai after dark - The creepy people at the conference will meet to discuss sexbots. Later, following several complaints to the safety committee, they will be asked to not attend future conferences
  • tensorflow for poets - a volunteer will teach python basics to people who have never written code before, followed by a link to a tensorflow tutorial
  • ai home automation - a hobbyist will present how he made his doorbell racist, and also automatically tweet pictures of squirrels.
  • <your talk here!!!> - please sign up if you have any great ideas! lots of open slots still!!

looking forward to your (virtual) attendance, and hoping we can learn and share so many ideas together! Registrations are now open!

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The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?


hell yeah. sign up for my talk on my new ML-based classifier “Quicksort”. once you implement this in your code, you can put an ML bullet point in your marketing text. your boss will be impressed.

Cat Face Joe
Feb 20, 2005

where did you come from
where did you go
where did you come from,
cat face joe

Doctor Rope

"what if i told you i could change the way you think about computers forever"

the crowd murmurs suspiciously as i stand on stage with a smug smile

slowly the word 'racism' appears on the screen only to be quickly crossed. the crowd explodes into applause and i go on to explain a machine learning system that is extremely racist

qirex
Feb 15, 2001



we even used a generative algorithm from your badge picture to create new people
*500 headshots of lily white folks slowly scroll past*

Deep Dish Fuckfest
Sep 6, 2006


Fucking computers...


Toilet Rascal

ok so which track does my computational phrenology paper go in?

a neurotic ai
Mar 22, 2012


This thread hits way too close to home and I am extremely offended

mrmcd
Feb 22, 2003

Pictured: The only good cop (a fictional one).



Deep Dish Fuckfest posted:

ok so which track does my computational phrenology paper go in?

is the bump map of my tensor matrix hashed to the blockchain?

Asleep Style
Oct 20, 2010



mrmcd posted:

[*]transportation revolutions - some dweebs will read their tesla fanfic and present their speculative snuff films involving robot cars. The phrase 'trolly problem' will almost certainly make an appearance.

As the founder and CEO of a self-driving car start up, I prefer to think of it as a trolly opportunity

Fib
Mar 3, 2005

~ Goodbye, real world ~





Fun Shoe

Please come to me talk about human robot interaction where I present yet another “social robot” that is way dumber than Siri and costs $500. Ah dang sorry we shut down the company and the robot is useless now.

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001



Asleep Style posted:

As the founder and CEO of a self-driving car start up, I prefer to think of it as a trolly opportunity

DuckConference
May 27, 2004



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXARrMadTKk

Displeased Moo Cow
Jun 15, 2009

Office Worker



I for one welcome our new robot overlords

mrmcd
Feb 22, 2003

Pictured: The only good cop (a fictional one).




Lol. I went to undergrad with Julia Galef and my friend was friends with her. Always funny when I'm reminded she's a ai cultist of some note now.

Deep Dish Fuckfest
Sep 6, 2006


Fucking computers...


Toilet Rascal

mrmcd posted:

is the bump map of my tensor matrix hashed to the blockchain?

yeah i guess we could add a blockchain so that you can add a fresh scan to it every year and if you want to get hired anywhere you need to provide at least 10 years worth of criminally-negative scans or something

animist
Aug 28, 2018

yeet



as you can see, our AI has reached nearly human-level understanding of natural images:

https://twitter.com/normalcatpics/s...166806699663360

we aim to phase out all human employees in favor of the AI by 2022

Cybernetic Vermin
Apr 18, 2005



animist posted:

as you can see, our AI has reached nearly human-level understanding of natural images:

https://twitter.com/normalcatpics/s...166806699663360

we aim to phase out all human employees in favor of the AI by 2022

otoh i kind of like the ones that are obviously not either curated or transparently an instance of the dataset slightly distorted.

the pseudo-psychedelic stuff coming out of ml is also the one thing that continues to convince me that it is a hugely significant development, if perturbing it fucks with your brain it is almost necessarily a model which bears some relationship to how your brain does things.

suffix
Jul 27, 2013

Wheeee!


in my talk we will consider the companys responsibility to its shareholders and show that it would be immoral to not fire your workers and replace them with a haphazard bag of simulated neurons

refleks
Nov 21, 2006




We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all ai are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are racism, bias and the pursuit of profit to the detriment of the world.

refleks
Nov 21, 2006




thank you for coming to my talk. slides and code will be available at github afterwards

Soricidus
Oct 20, 2010
freedom-hating statist shill

Pillbug

hello good to see so many people in chat. today I’m going to be talking about how we trained the wrong model on the wrong data, with hilarious consequences

refleks
Nov 21, 2006




Soricidus posted:

hello good to see so many people in chat. today I’m going to be talking about how we trained the wrong model on the wrong data, with hilarious consequences

did black people get disproportionately get impacted by your model?

Best Bi Geek Squid
Mar 25, 2016


which conference room has the ais with hot evil sexy voices who insult me and my squish meat body?

Sweevo
Nov 8, 2007




mrmcd posted:


  • ai after dark - The creepy people at the conference will meet to discuss sexbots.

if they tell me how to build my own Cherry 2000 then sign me the gently caress up

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001



sexbots is a terrible idea, like robots needed yet another reason to resent humanity

psiox
Oct 15, 2001

Babylon 5 Street Team


well, no sandwiches for him

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pram
Jun 10, 2001


mrmcd posted:


[*]quantum horizons - a researcher from google will present a slideshow of their billion dollar 'thing we've been tinkering with in the garage'. The other speakers will then give their thoughts, in the hopes of getting a job at google, as apparently the health plan and 401k are quite nice.


lol

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