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ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

It's been 2 poopless days. I feel that bad boy but when push comes to shove aint nutttin cumin out. I already tried eating less cheese and jumping around to unlodge it. Drank some Milk of Magnesia today and i'm drinking coffee.

Help. No poop good.

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20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017



maybe your pants are still on???

Excelzior
Jun 24, 2013

No, really, I don't.



I poop too good OP; we should trade colons

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

You need fear

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007


Excelzior posted:

I poop too good OP; we should trade colons

scam. you clearly only have a semicolon

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



can't poop well, OP

Traxis
Jul 2, 2006



If your body isn't producing poop that means you need to eat some poop until your body can catch up and start making its own

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

20 Blunts posted:

maybe your pants are still on???

oh my god...


Excelzior posted:

I poop too good OP; we should trade colons

you don't want this curse

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


Do you have a handheld shower head? Preferably one with a massage setting

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

RandomFerret posted:

Do you have a handheld shower head? Preferably one with a massage setting

I don't know how satisfying my wife has anything to do with this

LabyaMynora
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost


Grimey Drawer

Stop taking opioids.

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

"When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your quarterback's face, you'll know what to do."


Go to the grocery store or pharmacy and buy a bottle of magnesium citrate.

Drink half the bottle and wait.

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

LabyaMynora posted:

Stop taking opioids.

No

serious replies only plz

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

eat the entire fuggin bag of these op

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc

Have you tried going in to get it yourself? Why expect your poo to do all the work?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo

Silent Majority
THE DON







eat those sugar free gummie bears like a whole bag



lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004



Are you abusing opiates OP

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

I'm willing to plunger your anus for free, OP. Using the snake costs extra though

drunken officeparty
Aug 23, 2006



I poop at least 4-5 times a day and there is always blood. Yesterday was actually p. bad on the blood side. Most of the time its only spotting or streaking on the teepee, yesterday was full on arterial squirting soaking through the teep. It was like a ww1 battlefield with all the mud and the blood.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




Have you tried eating more cheese

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




drunken officeparty posted:

I poop at least 4-5 times a day and there is always blood. Yesterday was actually p. bad on the blood side. Most of the time its only spotting or streaking on the teepee, yesterday was full on arterial squirting soaking through the teep. It was like a ww1 battlefield with all the mud and the blood.

Sounds like you've got too much blood in you

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Grimey Drawer

How about a nice refreshing enema OP?

zedprime
Jun 9, 2007

yospos


Coconut oil/coconut milk and hot peppers. You can make them into a curry if you want and include some good fibrous vegetables.

Haven't found anything more reliable after my gut fauna got used to chicory root.

Cough Drop The Beat
Jan 22, 2012

by Lowtax


Eat lots and lots of fruits and vegetables. Lay off the carbs too.

slow_twitch
Sep 21, 2005



-Eat a big orange and then drink milk
-Do a hand stand to get all the gasses up and out
-Eat a lot of hot food and then go walk

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

lilbeefer posted:

Are you abusing opiates OP

I don't see how my personal life plays into this

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009



Lipstick Apathy

Prune juice is the only thing that keeps me regular. You should try it. Tastes like hell but it works.

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

bird with big dick posted:

Have you tried eating more cheese

I have. This "lactose intolerant" bull poo poo is 100% not real. They just don't want to admit they have i.b.s!

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

drunken officeparty posted:

I poop at least 4-5 times a day and there is always blood. Yesterday was actually p. bad on the blood side. Most of the time its only spotting or streaking on the teepee, yesterday was full on arterial squirting soaking through the teep. It was like a ww1 battlefield with all the mud and the blood.

This might be cancer

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

You can go to pretty much any big grocery store and buy one of those plastic bottles filled with mineral oil to stick up your butt. In case you didn't know.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


I cut back on coffee. Now when I have my morning cup of joe, I have to take an explosive poo poo about an hour later.

Works every time.

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005




everyone's so worried about the stuff that comes out there ppoo hole I say we flip the script and put some things back in there. I will go first

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005




ok I may have been a little on the ambitious side with this pinecone but I'm new to this stuff, throw me a freaking bone here

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007



BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:

ok I may have been a little on the ambitious side with this pinecone but I'm new to this stuff, throw me a freaking bone here

You usename is so geat i boke the key between e and t in a fit of jealous age

Ralph Hurley
Aug 3, 2009



Grimey Drawer

Beets do it for me. Eat some beets OP and paint the bowl magenta.

JesusLovesRonwell
Aug 12, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 11 hours!


Stop using opioids OP

Also, drink a steaming cup 'o Joe, and smoke a cig

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

you can call
but I seldom answer after all




drink the coffee with your anus

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

This could be you pictures there OP! Do it!!

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

This could be you pictures there OP! Do it!!



finally a fun solution (in my butt)

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Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun


Nap Ghost

this isn't a short-term solution but i have a tablespoon of psyllium husk mixed in 12 oz of water after breakfast every morning for months now and it's a total game changer. no poo poo (as it were)

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