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Chewbecca
Feb 13, 2005

Just chillin' : )

goon?

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Riotgrrill
Sep 3, 2004



ive made mistakes in life

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


A retirement home for the early internet.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

aging misanthropes making bad jokes

astral
Apr 26, 2004



That depends; do we want this hypothetical non-goon to become a goon or not?

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

In a world gone mad,
we will not spank the monkey,
but the monkey will spank us.

Before or after I murder them?

Chewbecca
Feb 13, 2005

Just chillin' : )

astral posted:

That depends; do we want this hypothetical non-goon to become a goon or not?

I'm thinking this is more of a legal deposition scenario

BigBadSteve posted:

Before or after I murder them?

Exhibit A.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011


if they're like older family or acquaintances? "uhh, they're just a place i ran into with a sense of humor i liked and neat people doing neat things." *desperately changes subject to something less awkward*

someone my age who's asking from actual interest and not polite fake interest? ...well, if i ever end up in that kind of conversation i'll post the result

astral
Apr 26, 2004



Chewbecca posted:

I'm thinking this is more of a legal deposition scenario

Do we have a lawyer present? Are they any good?

Fagmaster
Aug 21, 2004



no jokes allowed Stalin fun club

Chewbecca
Feb 13, 2005

Just chillin' : )

astral posted:

Do we have a lawyer present? Are they any good?

Court appointed

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


Like Reddit, but you have to pay for it... (Important to be smug about it)

astral
Apr 26, 2004



Chewbecca posted:

Court appointed

"It's, uhh, a forum, on the internet. You pay ten bucks to join it, which may sound a little strange at first, but most people consider it worthwhile to keep the quality of posts higher than average. You can also pay for some extra features, like a little picture under your user name or the ability to create a checkbox poll with Goku in it. If you get banned, though, you lose those features (and you would have to pay another ten bucks to re-register, too) so posting can be a little risky."

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

I just call it an internet comedy forum, nobody has ever wanted to know more.

Zombiepop
Mar 30, 2010


The best place on the internet.

Serious Party Gods
Apr 2, 2009



Edit: This is the worst post I've ever made. Let me make it up to you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LfghRelcgk

Serious Party Gods fucked around with this message at 07:42 on Jul 12, 2020

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Feb 17, 2011

meat


I got hosed

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


They're pretty bad. These forums, I mean. You could even say they're something awful.

Serious Party Gods
Apr 2, 2009




Like carnal fulfillment or u feel cheated?

Serious Party Gods
Apr 2, 2009



Serious Party Gods posted:

Like carnal fulfillment or u feel cheated?
What a crumb bum post... sorry.

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkNg2RrM_Gg


Edit: keep firing, assholes!

astral
Apr 26, 2004



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdUHDDj7fhk

Tick posted:

Kevin: All right, if it's floating around the 'net and it's funny chances are it came from SomethingAwful. And today I am joined by one of the main perpetrators writer David Thorpe -excuse me- Dr., Dr. David Thorpe.

Thorpe: It's a pleasure to be here, Kenneth.

Kevin: Uh, it's Kevin, and it's a pleasure to have you here. I am a big big fan of your site.

Thorpe: Thank you, I'm glad to hear that.

Kevin: So for those who are uninitiated this SomethingAwful.com has been around for a little while it is a website on the internet.

Thorpe: Yeah, you could say that. I guess you'd be right about that. Internet. Yeah.

Kevin: It is on the worldwide web, freely available.

Thorpe: Umm, well if you want to join the forums you have to pay about 80 bucks a month but you can browse the site for free, yeah.

Kevin: So if people are browsing the site what are they going to find? What is SomethingAwful all about?

Thorpe: Popups. Popups, popunders, flash ads, porn ads, porn ads with sound, umm...

Kevin: Full screen flash ads?

Thorpe: Oh yeah, yeah. It's going to take a while for you to find any content in the site. Often there is none.

Kevin: Great.

Thorpe: So if you like popups, though, it is a huge depository of popups.

Kevin: Now, the internet used to now be filled with so many popups, was there a time when SomethingAwful wasn't completely cluttered with useless crap?

Thorpe: Well it started in about 1999 as a monster truck rally newsletter and it was pretty popular. A guy named Lowtax did it in his basement and distributed it to his friends but it got slightly less high-brow since then. So now-a-days it's, I don't know, the humor's a little sort of juvenile. People don't "like it", you know what I mean?

Kevin: Yeah, understandable. It's not "popular".

Thorpe: No, no. It's not popular, people don't like it, it's not original. We steal most of our content from a guy named Maddox.

Kevin: Oh yeah, the "Best drat Page in the Universe" or something like that. Or so it says.

Thorpe: Yeah, most of it is stolen from him.

Kevin: Very nice. Now you mentioned the forums, people actually pay to use a message board on the internet?

Thorpe: They pay ridiculous amounts of money for what amounts to basically nothing.

Kevin: Wow. Why would any goon want to do that?

Thorpe: I guess you could call it the legitimate front for a cult. They promise you eternal salvation.

Kevin: "Join Us", right there. I mean, it's telling you.

Thorpe: Yeah, it's pretty transparent but it's basically a cult.

Kevin: You'll clearly follow any man that looks like that. [picture of Lowtax]

Thorpe: Yes, that's actually him before the incarceration.

Kevin: Oh so he's currently locked up.

Thorpe: He is, he is locked up. He is in jail for selling prescription drugs over the internet. Which used to be what the site was about before the FBI put the nix on that whole thing.

Kevin: They tend to squash the fun.

Thorpe: Yeah, it was a lot of fun buying Valium from them. That's why I'm called Dr. David Thorpe, in fact, because they decided that they needed somebody with the title Dr. even though I'm not actually a medical doctor. They just decided to pretend that I was one.

Kevin: Nice, good, good. The interesting thing about the forums, even for the people that pay, I almost see the SomethingAwful crowd as trendsetters. Like they influence a good population or good portion of the internet. All Your Base really is kind of credited to SomethingAwful, even Goatse, everything, they kind of gear it towards SomethingAwful. I mean, is that...?

Thorpe: Yeah, yeah. Anything that's sort of played out and kind of uncool about the internet, things that have been around for a long time and everyone hates them by now and the joke is dead, SomethingAwful is still beating that dead horse. All Your Base jokes all the time on SomethingAwful.

Kevin: Great.

Thorpe: Goatse jokes all the time. If people don't know what Goatse is it's a photo of a man sort of elaborately manipulating himself in a really strange way.

Kevin: Yeah, that's one way to describe the Goatse, yes.

Thorpe: Yeah, it's a fun little site.

Kevin: So you're not an actual doctor but you play one on the internet. What do you do for SomethingAwful? You write columns about bands that suck and bad fashion?

Thorpe: Yeah, basically my homeboy Zach and I write a thing called Fashion SWAT every couple of weeks where we make fun of old clothes. We get pictures from all over. Old clothes, clothes that are strange. We had some strange Japanese fashion a while ago. Basically they're really ridiculous clothes on the surface and making fun of them is like shooting fish in a barrel. There's nothing particularly interesting or innovative about it. But it's what we do, you know.

Kevin: It's where you get your kicks.


Thorpe: Yeah, we get our cheap laughs that way. Cheap, juvenile laughs.

Kevin: [silence]

Kevin: All right, David. Thanks for coming on the show! It's great having you.

Thorpe: Thanks very much, Ken.

Kevin: Folks, for more information on SomethingAwful just enter "SomethingAwful.com" in your browser's address bar and press Enter and you'll be taken to that magical and disturbing place.

Thorpe: It's actually "SomethingISAwful.com".

Kevin: SomethingISAwful.com

Kevin: All right, coming up next we've got the Attack of the Show equivalent of a cage match. In this corner, wearing the Bedazzled shorts and diamond-encrusted gloves, is Sarah's drat Good Download. And in the other corner, wearing half a pair of Speedos and muttering to itself, is It Came From Ebay. They're coming out swinging, right after this.

Moo the cow
Apr 30, 2020



"A forum with a character limit for thread titles"

Dell_Zincht
Nov 5, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 18 days!


SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Like Reddit, but you have to pay for it... (Important to be smug about it)

Coolness Averted
Feb 20, 2007

oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!



That reminds me, I went on a date with a person ages ago who worked at one of the magazines Thorpe went on to write for.
I remember one of the awkward icebreakers was "Oh I used to read articles, another guy who worked there wrote for a site, do you know David Thorpe?" and luckily they didn't know him, or knew to just say he worked there after her. So I didn't have to then explain what SA was.

empty whippet box
Jun 9, 2004

buy some buttons, support a goon




it's better than other forums but it's still bad because it is still a forum

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



Hell Gem

i go to gbs graveyard and discreetly set the archives date to 2015 2014 2013 2012 and let the interesting high-content threads speak for themselves




gary oldmans diary fucked around with this message at 10:37 on Jul 12, 2020

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

If I am ever in a situation where I have to I'm going to say I have malware.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Sincere answer I have actually given: Digital Nursing Home for the autistic.

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?


After all this time I never figured it out

Chewbecca
Feb 13, 2005

Just chillin' : )

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

aging misanthropes making bad jokes

mind the walrus posted:

Sincere answer I have actually given: Digital Nursing Home for the autistic.

These are the correct responses imo

Statutory Ape
Sep 12, 2017



lol. i just did this actually and basically said "a relic from when the internet was different and uh, anyway"

Slippery
May 16, 2004



Muscles Boxcar

I try not to if I can help it

screamin and creamin
Sep 15, 2003



"Something Awful".

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

Weird cult that worships goatse.cx

TheAardvark
Mar 3, 2019



"that weird forum i post on"

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



it's where I laugh

Vincent Valentine
Feb 28, 2006

Murdertime


"would you believe there's a place where you can look at someone's post history for twenty years and at the start it was exclusively slurs and Hitler jokes and now they just tell everyone how neat they think birds are?"

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

Party Time! Be excellent to each other.



This matters now

Use intellectual snobbery and exclusiveness. A message board full of smart people trying to be funny or interesting. Lotta weirdos but who isn't

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Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970



Spinz posted:

This matters now

Use intellectual snobbery and exclusiveness. A message board full of smart people trying to be funny or interesting. Lotta weirdos but who isn't

Plus I'm here !

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