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It's simple. Everyone in this thread will have their fortunes read by myself (or other goon psychics that come by) in graphic detail. Just comment what part of your life you want to learn about and maybe the spirits will have something interesting to tell you. I hope you ate your lucky charms this morning.
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Jul 12, 2020 07:49
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Nigmaetcetera posted:I want to know about my horrible death. The spirits have spoken. You will dive into a large vat of chocolate pudding. Unfortunately, you did so on the shallow end. The results were sad, but in good taste.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:15
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Serious Party Gods posted:I need a hard verdict on my sexual preference. The spirits have spoken. Your sexual preferences are now to be determined by the first person that adds you on LinkedIn within the next 72 hours. Be wary if you smell anything resembling citrus. Your lucky numbers are 4 and 7. Your sign this month is Yield so watch out for traffic.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:17
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Devils Affricate posted:What should I have for lunch tomorrow The spirits are whispering to me. Tomorrow for lunch you will have a disappointing wrap due to a lack of access to proper burrito distributors. You will however receive free chips and a little extra soda in your cup. Be wary of anyone with straight hair who smells like strawberry vape. Your lucky sign is yellow: prepare to slow down.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:20
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:thank you wise Weka, I will sleep easy tonight with this weight off my shoulders. The spirits are screaming at me. Be sure to rub some chili powder on your shoulders before bed tonight or else that weight will follow you everywhere. The chili powder is incredibly spicy and the spirit chewing on your shoulder should be deterred from further bad behavior unless you picked it up from a chili manufacturing facility, then you will need a specialist.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:23
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Shithouse Dave posted:I’d like to know about whether my general health will improve or whether I will die in eighty years with an impressive collection of minor ailments or what The spirits are compelling me to pass this message along: if you refuse to stop having sex with attractive people and living a fun and fulfilling life, then you will probably die at 79 surrounded by family and friends in relative comfort. You're lucky sign is green: Go.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:54
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Bronze Fonz posted:Will massive amounts of people purchase my soundcloud rap album and if so, why? The spirits are spitting bars at me and they are more interested in you accessing their soundclouds and giving them a chance. I am not sure what they have to gain from it but if you have bluetooth headphones they should interface with a Ouija board if you rub some iron on it. Your lucky sign is red: Its time to stop.
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Jul 12, 2020 10:03
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Genesplicer posted:I'm a middle school teacher. In light of Coronavirus, what does the 2020/2021 school year look like? The spirits are a screaming at me. They say to keep fighting for your right to be safe while doing your job even if you need to resist idiots that force you to cram 40 kids into a classroom before a vaccine is properly rolled out. On the lighter side of things sneezing on your enemies may reap great fortune. Be ware of WASPs. Your lucky sign is the children crossing sign: do not exceed 25 mph in a school zone.
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Jul 12, 2020 10:07
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el dingo posted:What's going on with my right buttcheek The spirits have spoken. Your right buttcheek is merely experiencing a consistent, gentle caress from a phantom fat bottomed spiritus glutonious. It is probably harmless, but if it interferes with your daily activity a firm declaration that it does not have your consent should get it to leave you. Beware your left buttcheek as it can manifest all kinds of dark energy without any supervision as your attention is being drawn so easily to the other. Your lucky color is pink: use wet wipes and lotion to keep it that way.
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Jul 13, 2020 23:22
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verbal enema posted:should i stop drinking The spirits have gathered in a circle and keep looking at me strangely for asking them this. They are looking at you sternly and want to know why should you? Drinking is loving awesome. One of them is doing a bare naked keg stand which would be kind of hot except it looks like Henry the 8th which is causing me to feel the impulse to stab out my third eye to avoid seeing it. I am not sure if that is an anomalous/hypnotic effect to get back at me for using the spirits for online clout or because of how thoroughly horrified I am at watching all of this jiggling, but I digress. Alcoholism is pretty serious and if you feel like you are in the headspace to give it up, go for it. The spirits also discourage anyone from using anime girls as their avatars as that invites misfortune into your computer. Your lucky sign is one of those drunk driving billboards: Don't do that.
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Jul 13, 2020 23:27
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Sid Vicious posted:will they chang etheir mind and make me a mod The spirits have asked that I dial 911 and request you an ambulance since it appears you are having a stroke. Unfortunately they do not know your address so if you want medical assistance send me your credit card numbers from the front and back of the card and I should be able to take it from there. Your lucky sign is one of those "No Loitering" posters: keep on moving.
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Jul 13, 2020 23:29
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Chewbecca posted:Am I doomed to terrible jobs forever goonspirits? The spirits have alerted me to your plight. I myself will offer you some advice since these jabronis died clueless, penniless, and without smashing as much supernatural puss as me. Terrible jobs are loving awful, but sometimes necessary to get by in life. There are two avenues of escape I practice to keep myself sane. First and foremost: job hunt as much as possible. Now that process is a goddamn bitch and not to be taken lightly unless you are a boomer with a pension (you probably aren't) so here's my advice on making it easier: Every day set aside 30 minutes (maybe during a lunch break) for job searching. Don't worry about applying, just browse and bookmark what interests you and figure out what qualities you can improve about yourself to get some of the more difficult ones. Then once a week, take five of the jobs you felt were the best fit and apply. This is a lengthy process, but I find I get more call backs when I take the time to research and zero in on jobs that look like a very close fit for me. While you are doing that, I also suggest you take part in the second avenue of escape: hobbies. By hobbies I do not mean sitting on your rear end and eating rear end and watching porn with the tag rear end on it every day. I mean something that will result in you producing a new thing in the world. Think artsy/creative stuff. You may not get famous or fabulously rich off of what you do, but everyday you spend on your creative hobby will eventually culminate in you developing skills in fields that genuinely interest you. Further, it gives you the chance to self actualize and feel better about yourself. You can say, I am an artist who funds their work by flipping burgers at chic fil A and sucking dick in the parking lot after hours. While the last two things might be what is making you money (seriously how much for a suck job btw) you can lead with what makes you feel human. The art. The cool poo poo you like to make. This all requires extra time away from vidya, masturbating, and all of the other fun ways to kill time during lunch or weekends, BUT it is time spent chipping away at the bullshit in your life. Little by little until one day things turn out a little better than they were before. Your lucky sign is an ad for Pen15: That show is unfunny beware of people suggesting that you watch it.
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Jul 14, 2020 00:34
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Who What Now posted:Good fortune telling is like the female orgasm. It's definitely real, but OP has never seen one. To be fair, my nut is my priority. Your lucky sign is a fire warning sign: sick burn.
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Jul 16, 2020 07:01
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rap music posted:don’t you dare even think about my fortune, charlatan The spirits have spoken: sonic has no future and neither does its fans. Reject the blue, godless critter and embrace our true lord and savior: ugandan knuckles. The spirits tend to enjoy dead memes so take their advice with a grain of salt.
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Jul 16, 2020 07:04
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