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THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

key to mastering your life.

Gravity is the enemy. Literally everything about your life short of malnutrition can be improved by maximizing your muscle and minimizing your fat. I should know, three years ago I weighed 240lbs. Now I weigh 150lbs and I'm strong and powerful, but without the burden of a heavy body. Do you wake out of bed and want to die? Did you ruin your body in your 20s? A lot of that feeling might be because of the gravity of your physical situation.

The main thing about being human is "you are what you eat" and that's very literal. You are what you eat.

How do you fix your body? Folks, it's beans.



Replace all your lunches with the beans you made on the weekend. People call it meal prep, but earlier people called it "making food for the week".

Invest in one of these:



The $60 you invest in a pressure cooker will pay itself back tenfold. Get a good pressure cooker, use it, and buy some decent food storage containers, at least 7 of them for the week. Glass, plastic, snap tops, pyrex, whatever the gently caress.

Here's simple instructions on how to make beans in a pressure cooker:

---

1lb dry beans
3 onions, chopped up however you like, it won't matter in the end. The onions are the gravy
like 10 cloves of garlic
whatever amount of salt seems reasonable to you
1 14oz (regular can) equivalent can of Vegetable Stock, Chicken Stock, whatever
1 bay leaf

60 minutes high pressure.

After it's cooked, add diced tomato cans or curry powder or whatever you're trying to do with it. You should have thought of a plan before this point you dumb bitch. After the beans are done, add more stuff and just put the cover on and cook an hour more. Vegetables to fit the theme, I would suggest.

---

Cook them the entire hour, and that's your lunch for the week. From there, walk or jog or run or just get out in the sun for a couple hours every day.

---

Realistically within the above schema you will add peppers at the end, you will add spinach, you will add ham hocks at the beginning if you're a gentile. Use common sense. You can make at least 5 different cuisines - mexican, indian, cajun, french, US midwest, and you'll never get bored if you cycle through it.

Paprika, garam masala, cumin, whatever make sense for what you're going for. Experiment, the beans will soak it up.

A lot of people give bad advice about these pressure cookers. "Beans in 30 minutes" that's a loving lie. If you like your beans gritty and awful, maybe.

---

Stop drinking on week days, drink sparkling water instead.

I hope that you too can enjoy beans, because they have changed my life.

THS has issued a correction as of 07:39 on Jul 12, 2020

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Dreylad
Jun 19, 2001


because I always forget to soak my beans I do 1 minute quick release to simulate a soak and then cook my beans for 8 minutes before putting them on the stovetop for a chili or something, but I'm guessing you haven't found the need for that if you're pressure cooking them for 60 mins?

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

Dreylad posted:

because I always forget to soak my beans I do 1 minute quick release to simulate a soak and then cook my beans for 8 minutes before putting them on the stovetop for a chili or something, but I'm guessing you haven't found the need for that if you're pressure cooking them for 60 mins?

I think it's very useful to soak your beans for a few to 20 minutes and then rinse them, but ultimately with a pressure cooker it doesn't really matter. With an actual pressure cooker you're just washing off pesticide residue until you nuke it under high pressure.

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59aXNmdUIPw

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijk4j-r7qPA

Dreylad
Jun 19, 2001


Bean update: Making beans today.

Organic Lube User
Apr 15, 2005



How do I deal with the sudden, immense power of my unstoppable farts? How can I channel this into revolutionary action?

Mrs. Dash
Apr 11, 2009


Help I became a beanitarian and now my girlfriend wants to break up with me after we went to a restuarant and I ordered chili with beans, hold the chili.

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

being straight is your 1st problem

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

anyway the farting is because your gut bacteria are actually doing some work. most people live on a diet of processed corn slurry that goes straight through them. the more beans you eat over time, the less you will fart, and you will be strong, lithe, and have a good complexion, shiny hair

Cuddly Tumblemumps
Aug 23, 2013

Postmodernity means the exhilarating freedom to pursue anything, yet mind-boggling uncertainty as to what is worth pursuing and in the name of what one should pursue it.

Organic Lube User posted:

How do I deal with the sudden, immense power of my unstoppable farts? How can I channel this into revolutionary action?

Cook the beans more thoroughly. Excessive farts are caused by undercooked beans. Normal farts caused by your terrible fiberless diet prior to bean revelation. The normal farts will rein themselves in.

Cuddly Tumblemumps has issued a correction as of 20:22 on Jul 12, 2020

twoday
May 4, 2005




humans lack the enzyme needed to process a certain sugar that is found in beans with their stomachs, so that sugar continues on to the intestine and there it is fermented by some bacteria, resulting in the creation of gas. over time your gut bacteria change and you do fart less. however, there are three things that can be added to beans which help break down that sugar and thus reduce flatulance

  • epazote - an herb used in Mexican cooking, commonly found dried in the Mexican section of many, if not most American supermarkets, tastes really good with beans too, kind of like oregano
  • summer savory - another herb that tastes kind of like thyme, more commonly used in Europe, where it is known in many languages as "bean herb"
  • baking soda - saw this recommended somewhere, never tried it

Spoondick
Jun 9, 2000



chickpeas are great... if you just soak them them chop em up in a food processor you can add herbs and spices and fry balls of it for falafel, if you cook em you can puree them with tahini, lemon juice and salt to make hummus, or add them to salads, soups and curries

THS
Sep 15, 2017



Fallen Rib

epazote is great, highly regarded Bean Herb

Dreylad
Jun 19, 2001


Spoondick posted:

chickpeas are great... if you just soak them them chop em up in a food processor you can add herbs and spices and fry balls of it for falafel, if you cook em you can puree them with tahini, lemon juice and salt to make hummus, or add them to salads, soups and curries

If you have the patience, pulling the skin off of your cooked chick peas improves the smoothness of your hummus by 100%. I do about a quarter-half of them because it can take a long time.

jetz0r
May 10, 2003

Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.





Dreylad posted:

If you have the patience, pulling the skin off of your cooked chick peas improves the smoothness of your hummus by 100%. I do about a quarter-half of them because it can take a long time.

Roll the cooked beans in a (clean) dish towel. It's not perfect either, but it gets you to good enough pretty quickly.

Dreylad
Jun 19, 2001


jetz0r posted:

Roll the cooked beans in a (clean) dish towel. It's not perfect either, but it gets you to good enough pretty quickly.

Great idea thanks!

This thread is already paying off.

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Jozy loves scoring like a fat kid loves eating cake.



College Slice

Lentils are awesome and bean-adjacent, cook up a lentil soup with a red onion and some chicken stock and a can of tomatoes and splurge for the good De Puy lentils and mmmm goddamn

also investing in a solid pasta cookbook and then learning twenty different ways to combine pasta and a can of tomatoes and a few other random ingredients changed my life

also buy a food scale, I cannot stress enough how the most important thing you can do in your life if you want to be a mindful eater is to buy a food scale and then measure your portions, with the side bonus that meals you used to devour in like one sitting will now feed you for days and you won't have to cook as often

dead gay comedy forums
Oct 21, 2011




just made chili and goddamn owns

also, protip: double your loving seasoning. No, wait, it is going to be weakass still, triple it. Beans respond really well to spices, use that to your advantage. I mean, have you seen Arab cuisine and chickpeas? Mexican food and red/black beans?

a simple, versatile and totally kickass meal:

- one or two cups of chickpeas, cook in the pressure cooker
- meanwhile chop one or two purple onions, mince garlic, squeeze the juice of half a lemon, mince chives (and/or leek), dice a couple of tomatoes into cubes for later
- drain chickpeas
- get your largest skillet ready, throw some fat on it
- stir fry the onions, garlic
- throw the chickpeas
- season salt, pepper, paprika, turmeric, any/all other seasonings and spices of preference, really, but the four here can't go wrong
- throw chives/leek
- put the lemon juice, stir well
- turn the heat off, let it hang out for a few seconds, throw the diced tomatoes, reinforce seasoning as needed

Spoondick
Jun 9, 2000



what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

there isn't a tape of garbanzo beans on trump's face

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Jacking Out; Jacking In



dead gay comedy forums posted:

just made chili and goddamn owns

also, protip: double your loving seasoning. No, wait, it is going to be weakass still, triple it. Beans respond really well to spices, use that to your advantage. I mean, have you seen Arab cuisine and chickpeas? Mexican food and red/black beans?

I have to agree. I think when most people start their hand at homecooking they feel it tastes more tasteless or not as good as restaurant quality and get bummed out because they followed allrecipee.com or healthcookedmeals.blog. There's sort of an diametrically opposed goals. People want to think they're cooking a healthy meal for themselves and recipes that seem popular must be popular because its good not because its light on poo poo; however, reality is most restaurant food has an absolutely fuckton more spices, salt, oils/butter than people would feel comfortable with if they were doing it at home because it seems like ~wow thats so much spice~. I understand they sort of want to hedge their bets for some people who dont like much flavor, but recipes really need to fuckoff with this 1/4 tsp of X, Y, and Z poo poo.

like especially if you're making some sort of curry/dal/chilli/etc, load it the gently caress up with a variety of spices . as long as it's not overloaded with salt/cayenne pepper, overloading with spice is usually very hard to do.

more cumin, tumeric, coriander, chili powder, pepper onion powder, a dash of nutmeg/cardamon/clove, etc, its all good and more the better most of the time because recipes always call for an absolute pitiful amount of it. i always add 4x the amount of garlic things call for as well. and just feel free to substitute stuff if you don't have something instead of panicking that This One Ingredient is going to make or break it--it won't.

Xaris has issued a correction as of 04:56 on Jul 13, 2020

Spoondick
Jun 9, 2000



lots of ways to get good bang for your buck with spices.... aromatic compounds in spices are sensitive to degradation through heat, oxidation and uv radiation so when possible buy whole spices, store them in airtight containers away from light and heat, and grind them right before use... get a mortar and pestle if you don't have one, it's humanities first kitchen gadget and it still gets the job done, toasting spices makes grinding a lot easier and develops complex flavors, also add some fresh ground pepper at the very end of cooking even if there's already pepper in it

GalacticAcid
Apr 8, 2013

NEW YORK VALUES


I also make beans a lot of beans OP

Cheers

dead gay comedy forums
Oct 21, 2011




Xaris posted:

I have to agree. I think when most people start their hand at homecooking they feel it tastes more tasteless or not as good as restaurant quality and get bummed out because they followed allrecipee.com or healthcookedmeals.blog. There's sort of an diametrically opposed goals. People want to think they're cooking a healthy meal for themselves and recipes that seem popular must be popular because its good not because its light on poo poo; however, reality is most restaurant food has an absolutely fuckton more spices, salt, oils/butter than people would feel comfortable with if they were doing it at home because it seems like ~wow thats so much spice~.

friend who is chef says this all the time: good food requires the good stuff

and imho this is where a lot of people get a wrong impression, like boosting up the fat content is inherently bad... But like, adding another two tablespoons of a good oil for an entire batch of stuff like stir-fried beans that have a lot of fiber to begin with is a good call in terms of taste. Better yet, reducing meat consumption, particularly more problematic ones in terms of health, gives a much better fat allowance in diets

for example, by not eating meat during weekday dinners, it is very acceptable to use lard to stir fry some veggies sichuan style, which is heavenly

DarkEuphoria
Nov 7, 2012


Spoondick posted:

lots of ways to get good bang for your buck with spices.... aromatic compounds in spices are sensitive to degradation through heat, oxidation and uv radiation so when possible buy whole spices, store them in airtight containers away from light and heat, and grind them right before use... get a mortar and pestle if you don't have one, it's humanities first kitchen gadget and it still gets the job done, toasting spices makes grinding a lot easier and develops complex flavors, also add some fresh ground pepper at the very end of cooking even if there's already pepper in it

I just started doing this with whole spices in my curries and pretty much anything else that goes into the instant pot. dry fry and grind spices, then oil + garlic ginger paste, onions, then everything else.

the whole spices really have upped the flavors to great instead of good.

the upside of buying my whole spices at the local Indian market means that the guy there knows me and has waived the qty limits on rice and flours they started for covid. keeps my stockpile looking good.

Iíve been wanting to eat less meat, and for a while I was doing great at mostly chicken and more fish, but also Iíve gotten really into using the air fryer to make meat pies and pork buns and pizzas and other things I didnít previously have the ability to cook (no oven).

I should really replace a lot of the fillings in my recipes with more beans!

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Victory Position
Mar 15, 2004

Don't call me a hero.









twoday posted:

"bean herb"

bean herb

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