Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
  • Post
  • Reply
mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009

"You are the best poster... do not let anyone say otherwise."


Well hello E/N.

So lately I've felt that everything was going fine, relatively young by SA standards, healthy, a good job, etc. Being your normal introverted goon, I was glad to have an excuse to sit at home and catch up on a huge list of "to-read" books and other crap without missing something. But pretty soon I realized that even though I used to go to the office and work out daily, other than WFH and no workouts, almost nothing changed for me otherwise.

Aand that wasn't a great realization. Of course I've noticed less social interaction over the past couple of years as some friends moved or got babies, but we still had weekly football games and I could socialize a bit at work so it didn't feel too bad. But this made it very clear that I never just hang out with friends any more. I was never into large loud parties but I do like just sitting around and shooting the poo poo with a couple of friends at someone's home or a pub. This wouldn’t be so bad if I had a girlfriend to go experience things with, but I don't. And without friends to hang out and network with (and not loving around at work) I'm basically down to Tinder where my bald head, Roman nose and foreign name don't particularly blow up my inbox.

But this wasn't a huge surprise. Worse, I was watching The Last Dance during the lockdown and a few episodes in realized that I've never cared about anything in my life as much as MJ (and others) cared about throwing balls through the hoops. And since I was stuck at home, I had all the time in the world to reflect on this realization and drag up all the poo poo from the past. Why couldn’t I just finish my thesis after completing 4 years of college? Why didn't I immediately try to get a job, and instead was stuck in this "The Graduate" daze for months? Why do I have to scramble to clean up my apartment when someone (very rarely) comes over and why I'm still neglecting my teeth? Am I just a lazy piece of poo poo? Was I always depressed?


I did land a decent corporate job, and I’m glad I did end up somewhere I could develop and progress, because I get a feeling if I had to start at something like a gas station I'd be still cleaning up loads in the bathroom today. But although I've changed teams and departments, got raises and promotions, I now realized I'm nowhere near where I could and should have been by this point. I'm single and child free, I could've done another degree or worked abroad for experience or ran a side business, etc.

I've also realized that this is kind of what my parents are now in too, just in a worse position. Mom loves to teach so I'm glad she can barely make a living doing something she likes but dad hasn't done anything particularly productive in years. They should've been at the heights of their careers and ready for comfortable retirement, but instead they're broke. Worse, I don't think they have any plans for anything. They're paying insurance on a car that hasn't moved from their driveway in a two years because it needs a $100 exhaust.

It's not that everything is horrible, but I guess it comes down to that things could've been much better if I knew wtf I was doing instead of just going with what (I thought) made sense at that one point of time. Is this what depression looks like, or is this just life for an adult? What the gently caress do I do now that I've had this moment of clarity? I think I'll try therapy, although mental health isn't as much of a thing as it is in the US so who knows what that would do. So far I made a list of important things I want to fix ASAP, starting with therapist, dentist, fixing body damage on my car I've been neglecting forever, etc. Hopefully this post will help motivate myself to make progress, but maybe see if someone also went through something similar.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Shadowlz
Oct 3, 2011

Oh it's gonna happen one way or the other, pal.





The coulda shoulda woulda bullshit like "I could have done moreeee" is pointless. Everyone could have done more, they didn't and life goes on. Just focus on the future and what you want in life.

For going through the same thing, I'm not sure if what I've gone through is exactly the same because this post is a lot to dissect. At 23 I felt like I missed out on a ton of poo poo but on the other side of the coin. I basically had a midlife crisis at 23. I felt I missed out on fun. I went to community college and missed out on the fun rear end college parties at real universities. I didn't do poo poo but play games and work. I wasted 6 years playing loving video games and working instead of living life. I had tens of thousands of dollars in the bank and nothing to spend it on because I wanted for nothing but a $60 game once a month to be content. I wallowed in that for a few months and then worked towards actually finding new things I could enjoy and actually meet real living people. I had some cash to blow so I bought a motorcycle and a mountain bike, the former of which was destroyed by at goonmeet years later. I went to music festivals, concerts, and raves all on my lonesome and met awesome people that I still hang out with like every week. I've generated tons of interesting stories to tell people that isn't just "The weekend? Yeah I just played Counter Strike." which gives you a huge advantage towards people enjoying your company. I found that the hardest thing to overcome is that I just wasn't interesting, I did nothing of interest to tell before then.

Not sure if any of this is even useful to you because I'm not sure what you want. You said "progress" but you're sitting pretty with a 4 year degree and a full time job with promotions. I'm 28 and I dropped out of highschool, got my GED and promptly dropped out of community college. I'm stuck at a IT job I can't get promoted at because I work at a college(the irony is not lost on me) and they want me to get a degree to move up but I'm a lazy gently caress. I'm guessing you want to be at the same level as your peers socially. You want the wife and the kids, but your social network isn't capable of producing suitable courtees. Step out of your comfort zone and meet some new people. Since you work out on the reg I take it you are relatively fit maybe take up mountain biking and join a group or join a rock climbing group. Obviously you can't do meetups really right now but you can start to see what you'll even enjoy. Modern life is kind of a boring drag since we don't need to fight for survival. Just fill it up with stupid poo poo to keep yourself distracted and make friends that can help you with that.

Also yeah, talk to your therapist.

Another Bill
Sep 27, 2018

I wish I had a son to kick me in the nuts.




Think about what you would regret not doing with your life, when lying on your deathbed, and do that. BOOM I just saved you tons of time and money.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.



Dinosaur Gum

mobby_6kl posted:

I could've done another degree or worked abroad for experience or ran a side business, etc

I find it odd that these are the things you're wondering about when you also realize you're basically without friends.

You have a good stable job by the sounds of it and I'm not sure what an extra degree or side business would have done for you. A different but equal way to have had money in your bank account isn't changing your social life.

dsf
Jul 1, 2004


well you're definitely not alone in feeling like that as im pretty much going through the same thing. I think its normal to see your social life slow down as you get older for the reasons you mentioned. Ive never had many friends but now im in my 30s and they're all busy with work and starting families and socializing is just simply not a priority for most of them now. And trying to make new friends as a single guy feels almost impossible as you get older. Even before covid I was actively trying to build my social life back up but it just seemed like every time I would ask people over or send over info on an event going on everyone was too busy with their own poo poo or just too exhausted to go out. My therapist and some other people recommended I try online dating but that ended up going very poorly and just made me even more depressed in the end.

Sorry if this post isnt very helpful its just I think your story is pretty common nowadays (and of course covid has just made the situation worse for everyone) I do think your plan to improve yourself is a great idea but its also important to stick with it long term even if you dont get any immediate "results" because really the only other option is further despair and hopelessness. Regretting the past and comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. Oh yeah and dont try to self medicate those feelings with drugs / alcohol because it just makes everything so much worse long term believe me.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin.

The fact that you're fretting about this stuff means that on some level you consider the things you're fretting about to be realistic possibilities (and that they're technically possible in the future).

If this sounds weird, think of it this way. Do you get upset over the fact that you can't fly, or that you don't have superpowers (or whatever impossible thing you think would be cool if it happened)? I would imagine not, even though those things would probably be at least as enjoyable as getting to work abroad or have a social/romantic life you want.

Knowing this obviously isn't that helpful, but I can at least assure you that being upset about these things is better than the alternative of not caring about them.

DemonDarkhorse
Nov 5, 2011

It's probably not tobacco. You just need to start wiping front-to-back from now on.

it sounds like youve got the time and money now, op, to pick up an online class or two. youll be able to meet some new people.

i didnt go to the dentist for 7 years, hadnt been to the doctor in longer. worked in retail making $13.50 as a MANAGER until 5 years ago. never finished my bachelors degree, even though i was probably a semester away.

im 38. i just went back to school this past fall. i can only take one class at a time due to work/budget, but ill get there. theres so many people in the same boat

Puppy Galaxy
Aug 1, 2004



Lipstick Apathy

mobby_6kl posted:

Worse, I was watching The Last Dance during the lockdown and a few episodes in realized that I've never cared about anything in my life as much as MJ (and others) cared about throwing balls through the hoops.

I know this is kind of an aside, but no one has ever cared about anything as much as MJ cared about basketball, so you are not alone there

mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009

"You are the best poster... do not let anyone say otherwise."


Sorry if that was a bit rambling, there was a lot of stuff on my mind that had plenty of time to brew into all kinds of directions.

Shadowlz posted:

The coulda shoulda woulda bullshit like "I could have done moreeee" is pointless. Everyone could have done more, they didn't and life goes on. Just focus on the future and what you want in life.

For going through the same thing, I'm not sure if what I've gone through is exactly the same because this post is a lot to dissect. At 23 I felt like I missed out on a ton of poo poo but on the other side of the coin. I basically had a midlife crisis at 23. I felt I missed out on fun. I went to community college and missed out on the fun rear end college parties at real universities. I didn't do poo poo but play games and work. I wasted 6 years playing loving video games and working instead of living life. I had tens of thousands of dollars in the bank and nothing to spend it on because I wanted for nothing but a $60 game once a month to be content. I wallowed in that for a few months and then worked towards actually finding new things I could enjoy and actually meet real living people. I had some cash to blow so I bought a motorcycle and a mountain bike, the former of which was destroyed by at goonmeet years later. I went to music festivals, concerts, and raves all on my lonesome and met awesome people that I still hang out with like every week. I've generated tons of interesting stories to tell people that isn't just "The weekend? Yeah I just played Counter Strike." which gives you a huge advantage towards people enjoying your company. I found that the hardest thing to overcome is that I just wasn't interesting, I did nothing of interest to tell before then.
Of course.. it sucks but I don't want to whine too much about the past, I think I'm just realizing this wasn't satisfying and I want to do better going forward.

Sounds like we had similar thing going in college. I went to a small local one with no dorms so the routine basically was go to classes, get lunch, go home and do homework and play Unreal Tournament. I can count the number of parties I was at on two hands. I had a couple of good friends and we did hang out occasionally. Unfortunately for my social life, the most extroverted one moved across the world so I was stuck with some fellow goony fucks in my social circle.

After getting a job and some money I did realize I was boring too, it might've even been goons trying to fix my dating life. I got into travel, photography, diving, motorsports, drones/electronics, etc. I have some nice photos from vacations, maybe two dozen dives and some time on the track but it's all kind of... empty? I dunno. Socially, you just chat for 15 minutes on the boat/ at the track, and then go your own ways. The "friends" I made travelling haven't replied when I asked how they're doing during the covid poo poo (maybe they're dead).

quote:

Not sure if any of this is even useful to you because I'm not sure what you want. You said "progress" but you're sitting pretty with a 4 year degree and a full time job with promotions. I'm 28 and I dropped out of highschool, got my GED and promptly dropped out of community college. I'm stuck at a IT job I can't get promoted at because I work at a college(the irony is not lost on me) and they want me to get a degree to move up but I'm a lazy gently caress. I'm guessing you want to be at the same level as your peers socially. You want the wife and the kids, but your social network isn't capable of producing suitable courtees. Step out of your comfort zone and meet some new people. Since you work out on the reg I take it you are relatively fit maybe take up mountain biking and join a group or join a rock climbing group. Obviously you can't do meetups really right now but you can start to see what you'll even enjoy. Modern life is kind of a boring drag since we don't need to fight for survival. Just fill it up with stupid poo poo to keep yourself distracted and make friends that can help you with that.

Also yeah, talk to your therapist.
Well I don't know what I want either, I think that's one of the problems. Certainly a 4 year degree and a job is a success in some ways but I don't want this to be the end of it. "Got a degree and then went through the motions for 40 years" sounds terrible. I was kind of getting at this with the Last Dance thing. Watching it, it's clear they love basketball, they must win, and they work towards that goal and when they succeed it's a big accomplishment. Hell maybe they were/are all miserable, Rodman certainly seemed to have some issues. But I just don't care about anything that much and that's kind of what bothers me.

I don't necessarily want wife & kids (just yet) but I don't want it to be out of the realm of possibility, as it is right now, and I'd like just someone to go out/do stuff with. There aren't many meetups here for some reason (maybe everyone uses a different site) but I did actually look up a hiking group a few weeks ago. They had a 5-day hike planned for last week but only for existing members so I went on a small roadtrip alone. That gave me some more time to think about stuff .

That's what I've been thinking recently too, our lives are generally so safe it's only the existential questions that remain. I've definitely been filling up my time doing "stuff", I don't really watch reality TV all day or anything. At the time it can be satisfying but in retrospect I just don't know what it was all about. Maybe that's normal.

Scudworth posted:

I find it odd that these are the things you're wondering about when you also realize you're basically without friends.

You have a good stable job by the sounds of it and I'm not sure what an extra degree or side business would have done for you. A different but equal way to have had money in your bank account isn't changing your social life.
Oh no my social life probably bothers me more now, but I see it as inevitable to some degree as people grow up and get kids and responsibilities and what not. Although yeah I should be trying to get out more.

The career stuff just feels entirely on me for not doing something more proactively, and one reason that bothers me is that if I'm spending 8+ hours a day dealing with corporate bullshit, it could at least be on a higher level with more impact (and better compensation). The other is that getting a degree or business would make it feel like I've done something concrete with the time.

dsf posted:

well you're definitely not alone in feeling like that as im pretty much going through the same thing. I think its normal to see your social life slow down as you get older for the reasons you mentioned. Ive never had many friends but now im in my 30s and they're all busy with work and starting families and socializing is just simply not a priority for most of them now. And trying to make new friends as a single guy feels almost impossible as you get older. Even before covid I was actively trying to build my social life back up but it just seemed like every time I would ask people over or send over info on an event going on everyone was too busy with their own poo poo or just too exhausted to go out. My therapist and some other people recommended I try online dating but that ended up going very poorly and just made me even more depressed in the end.

Sorry if this post isnt very helpful its just I think your story is pretty common nowadays (and of course covid has just made the situation worse for everyone) I do think your plan to improve yourself is a great idea but its also important to stick with it long term even if you dont get any immediate "results" because really the only other option is further despair and hopelessness. Regretting the past and comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. Oh yeah and dont try to self medicate those feelings with drugs / alcohol because it just makes everything so much worse long term believe me.
Yep, I've used to have just enough social interaction to feel normal but it went over the cliff the last couple of years. I've been trying to reconnect more with some school friends too, we did have these weekly football games I mentioned. They'd post an event on facebook (I had to finally bite the bullet on this) and I'd be like oh cool let's go. And then they're not actually going. I've invited people to the movies, concerts or races weeks or even months in advance, and there's (almost) always something in the way. The last time I was successful but everything got canceled due to covid

It's not like I'm super goony/antisocial either, people seem to actually enjoy my company. At work there were several women who'd just ask me to join them for lunch because (I think) I'm a good listener and can keep a conversation going on any topic. But they'd always make up excuses not to hang out outside of work even if I make it very clear it's purely platonic.

I do hope these goals would help. For now most of them are really small/short term poo poo could've been done ages ago but didn't because there was no immediate or significant consequences and . Like fixing the peeling bumper I've been driving around with for years. It makes no real difference but just kind of clogs up my mental to-do list and makes it easier to procrastinate on other stuff. The upside is that these should be relatively easy to knock out and feel better, hopefully, about the shrinking list. Thankfully I don't drink or do drugs regularly so that's not going to be a problem.

While I do regret some things and that felt very bad for a few days, that's not the goal, I want to learn from it so that I don't look back at today and feel like poo poo about it again. Having had some more time to think (and while writing this reply) maybe the issue could be a lack of strong vision or ambition to motivate and direct me. I just don't know if that's something I can work through myself or there's some underlying issue that's getting in the way, but I hope to figure it out soon.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

[all this applies once lockdown is over; timing depends on your country]

I'm in a not dissimilar situation, though without the "good" job (but with relative financial stability from other sources so it balances). Late 30s, no partner, diminished passion for old hobbies due to not being surrounded by people who share that passion, relative lack of local non-flake friends, family lovely but physically distant. I feel goalless, directionless and comfortably numb in my boring bubble

I have a post lockdown plan, and I'm hoping my ideas might resonate with you too.

Free up time by reducing formal work hours to minimum viable to keep a roof over my head and basic rations on the table. I'm fortunate in that some of my hobbies are crafty and can be monetized (I was self employed for some time doing this, money was crap and the aforementioned external financial stability kept me alive, I ramped it down and got formal work because sewing alone in a room ten hours a day is very isolating), I intend to do more of this again but in a more creative and less repetitive and rigid capacity than when it was full time, and with more social and team based elements

volunteer volunteer volunteer. Including stuff outside my comfort zone which involves strong person-to-person contact like teaching, work with kids, fundraising, food charities as well as stuff I know I like such as nature conservation. My hope is that I'll find a passion that can be turned into a career, but even if it can't I'm still hoping to get a lot out of it and to be able to GIVE something of myself to these causes and community needs.

Goal based clubs and team sports. NOT just singular "personal development" stuff like a class or competitive solo sport, but something where you are relying on others and they are relying on you. You may never care as much about basketball as the pros, but that doesn't mean you won't care at all if you're pulling together with a team. Join an actual team sport club, not just an informal sunday kickaround. I'm actually already in a sports club but it's got a high skill base to even join the team and I've been smashing into the last few necessary skills for several years now, post-lockdown I intend to put more time into this but if it keeps not working I'll either quit or add a second, less onerous sport where I actually get to play rather than endlessly repeating drills only to fail the final test. Teams bond, and you make friends. Sport, Choir, am-dram shows, even goofy poo poo like live action roleplay groups. It gives you goals, the social bonding that comes from working towards COMMON goals, and a sense of accomplishment when you hit those goals.

Just go hell for leather with the friending, brute force it. It's rare for me to find someone I click with in a group, and I have a lot of problems reading a room and adjusting to a dynamic (my sister thinks I might even be mildly on the spectrum), but I figure the more people I meet and the more I see people I already mildly know, the more likely I am to hit more of those rare "clicks", and the better I'll be able to practice not loving up and being the annoying person people don't want around in group situations. Invite more people over, make it casual, but more goal based hanging out too: help people decorate, have a dinner party round-robin where you take turns hosting. Be flexible, if your friends have kids, suggest child friendly stuff. Offer to babysit sometimes.

finally, and most importantly I think: gonna have a chat with my GP. I don't know if I'm depressed, or on the spectrum, or just in a bad place and in need of therapy, or none of the above, but I at least KNOW that I don't know. I'm not a mental health professional, they are, and I need to talk to them


anyway, that's me and this post might say more about me than it is useful to you OP, but hey, this is E/N. also gonna recommend the E/N discord we set up to keep ourselves sane in lockdown, it's been nice to have somewhere to unload in real time and help other folks with their issues too, hit me up in PM if interested

81sidewinder
Sep 8, 2014

Buying stocks on the day of the crash

mobby_6kl posted:

I was watching The Last Dance during the lockdown and a few episodes in realized that I've never cared about anything in my life as much as MJ (and others) cared about throwing balls through the hoops.

MJ is a horrible life model, unless your goal is to destroy all your relationships to succeed at your career.

The Last Dance glamorized MJ's obsessive tenancies, and totally left off his horrible divorce. He is clearly a gambling addict, and constantly alienates his peers. He's extremely lucky he didn't end his entire career in 1987 because he was unwilling to rest his injury. He ignored the common-sense game theory of tanking that year and the show acts like it's this heroic thing.

mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009

"You are the best poster... do not let anyone say otherwise."


Ytlaya posted:

The fact that you're fretting about this stuff means that on some level you consider the things you're fretting about to be realistic possibilities (and that they're technically possible in the future).

If this sounds weird, think of it this way. Do you get upset over the fact that you can't fly, or that you don't have superpowers (or whatever impossible thing you think would be cool if it happened)? I would imagine not, even though those things would probably be at least as enjoyable as getting to work abroad or have a social/romantic life you want.

Knowing this obviously isn't that helpful, but I can at least assure you that being upset about these things is better than the alternative of not caring about them.
Thanks, yeah that makes sense. For a while though I definitely either didn't care or didn't really realize what was missing.

DemonDarkhorse posted:

it sounds like youve got the time and money now, op, to pick up an online class or two. youll be able to meet some new people.

i didnt go to the dentist for 7 years, hadnt been to the doctor in longer. worked in retail making $13.50 as a MANAGER until 5 years ago. never finished my bachelors degree, even though i was probably a semester away.

im 38. i just went back to school this past fall. i can only take one class at a time due to work/budget, but ill get there. theres so many people in the same boat
Meet people from an online class? A few years ago I did at least three classes at once while working full time and I think that completely burned me out because it was pretty serious CS and statistics stuff that was a bit above my level and I had to spend a lot of time and effort to keep up. I registered for a few classes that started in June (?) and haven't actually opened one yet though I definitely should because I feel like I need some specific skills to advance my career.

Great that you're going back to finish your degree! Have you tried therapy or are just powering through?

Puppy Galaxy posted:

I know this is kind of an aside, but no one has ever cared about anything as much as MJ cared about basketball, so you are not alone there

81sidewinder posted:

MJ is a horrible life model, unless your goal is to destroy all your relationships to succeed at your career.
...
Yeah he's an extreme case and it seemed clear that despite his success, it was not all rosy. But it was just a very obvious example of what I've felt was missing that slapped me in the face.


The first paragraph feels pretty spot on. I really like your plan and I'm gonna steal some of it!

I already try not to work more than is necessary. It's 8hr/day though I can usually cheat a bit and take care of some personal poo poo. Part-time might be an option if sell my manager on going back to school. That's actually something I should consider a bit more.

I've done a bit of volunteering the last couple of years, there's a kind of support network organized through our office. It's been quite satisfying but I don't know if I could spend any more time at the expense of some other pursuits. As great as it was working with guide dogs I don't think it's a particularly viable career move here that would enable me to do some of the other things I want. It's definitely pretty good socially though!

The goal-based club/team seems like a great idea. As I mentioned we did have weekly kickarounds where I did try very had but sucked What kind of sport are you doing if it's not a secret? I feel like I'm pretty far from being useful in any actual club, although I'm really looking forward to going back to our games and working out regularly. But I think maybe a band would be a good substitute. I've picked up the guitar again during the lockdown and made way more progress in these few months than in the last years. Another sadbrain friend also got a guitar recently and we tried playing together a few times, so maybe we could do this more like the real thing with goals to learn songs and rehearsals and poo poo.

Friends like dating could be a numbers thing. It's definitely been a problem in the sense that the more friends drop off, the few opportunities I have to hand out and make new friends. But I've started trying to improve the situation. I already reached out to a guy I haven't seen since HS (we've been FB "friends" for 5 years though I've no idea why). We went for a beer yesterday and going racing/drifting on Monday. Next step is a college friend for whom I was his best man (and only friend) at his wedding a few years ago but pretty much ghosted me since then. Again good idea making it goal oriented!

Yeah the GP/therapy thing seems like the most important thing. It's great that we've (finally!) seen the issue and have a plan but underlying depression/autism/whatever could be making everything much more difficult and perhaps could be treated professionally. I haven't done this yet but I'll try to schedule it next week.

I don't have PM but what's the discord for e/n?

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

glad to have been of some small service, it's not easy and I'm still struggling every day, having a plan that can't be fully put into effect yet is tough. I'm trying to do at least one thing a day to make progress towards moving onwards and upwards in life, today's was picking up a couple of secondhand textbooks about teaching, since that is one of the potential career paths I'm interested in and I figure getting some background info will help me get a feel for what it might entail.

https://discord.gg/nkCFCH is the server, it's not enormously busy but people seem to be finding it useful.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

mobby_6kl
Aug 9, 2009

"You are the best poster... do not let anyone say otherwise."


Fatkraken posted:

glad to have been of some small service, it's not easy and I'm still struggling every day, having a plan that can't be fully put into effect yet is tough. I'm trying to do at least one thing a day to make progress towards moving onwards and upwards in life, today's was picking up a couple of secondhand textbooks about teaching, since that is one of the potential career paths I'm interested in and I figure getting some background info will help me get a feel for what it might entail.

https://discord.gg/nkCFCH is the server, it's not enormously busy but people seem to be finding it useful.
Yep, all this piecemeal progress is really frustrating. You're doing stuff but the problem is still there. I went to the dentist and he did a check and asked to come back for another appointment two weeks later. I've had surfer's ear for a few years now so I finally decided to have it checked out professionally. The surgeon is only available in September. All hopes of career change are undermined by covid uncertainty. I've had a few matches on tinder but no one is actually agreeing to meet. My college buddy I wanted to see replied to my text after 2 days saying that he'll get back to me soon when he has time (so based on prior experience, never). So all of this is still on the list as "in progress".

Talked to my parents. We have a good relationship but usually just talk about news, politics and stuff like that so everything seems fine. I knew they were struggling because of covid (mom is a math teacher and dad does fitness coaching/therapy) but they had literally no money this time. Dad seemed super depressed. I'm not surprised of course, he used to be managing international trade but hadn't had a real job in like 15 years. Fitness is his passion but, especially when there are no clients, I can't imagine he feels he has any agency (or money). Probably needs therapy more than I do.

I scheduled an appointment with a therapist for next week. But in the meantime I wonder if I just haven't been depressed since forever. I think there are signs going back probably to end of high school, but maybe I'm just trying to find an easy explanation. Jeza made some interesting points in another thread regarding growing up with successful and supportive parents and feeling like poo poo when something doesn't turn out perfectly. Let's see how therapy goes.

ps. could you repost that discord link? The first time I opened it it worked but now it says it's expired. I guess I didn't register it properly or something, I'm not good at discord

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply