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SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

We all hope it will never happen, but you know it just might. You get out of your car to stretch your legs a little or something, maybe you chase a really colorful butterfly and then BAM! You're lost in the wilderness and have to survive on your own for a while until help can arrive. Here are some tips that may just save your life.

-Try to make sure that you have a decent amount of money in small bills. This way, if you find a vending machine you can easily buy items from it without trying to find someone who can break a twenty.

-Try to get lost near a water source such as a water fountain, or possibly a garden hose.

-If you sleep a lot the time will go by faster so that you'll be rescued sooner!

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prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



dried out kit kat bars make great kindling



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

If you run into a bear try to befriend them by doing the Superbowl Shuffle. Try not to enrage them by teasing them about not having made it to the superbowl in almost 35 years.

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



your compass can be disassembled and made into a bey blade for ur amusement



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



a map makes for a great wilderness snack if u can stop being so stuck up about eating paper



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

Dip Viscous


the survival guys on tv always drink their pee but irl it actually tastes terrible

Kaiser Schnitzel

Schnitzel mit uns



Remember to keep a close eye out for poisonous snakes, plants, and insects You’re gonna need some playful friends to keep you company until you’re rescued!



ty vanisher for this wonderful sig!

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

Consider befriending some beavers so that they can help you build cabins you can rent out to tourists until you've saved up enough money to be rescued.

Kaiser Schnitzel

Schnitzel mit uns



Don’t be shy about peeing in the woods! Even if you can see other people, they can’t see you when you are peeing in the woods.



ty vanisher for this wonderful sig!

Luvcow



if you take a baby bear hostage you can use it as leverage to force a bear to show you the way out of the forest

Stunt_enby
Probation
Can't post for 10 hours!

always keep a backup gaming PC in your car so you have something to do at camp

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Pahilla the Hun

Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post




only eat the moss found on the southwestern edge of a tree's eastmost bark

never eat the moss found on the northeastern edge of a tree's westmost bark for it is pure poison


thanks vanisher, owlhawk911, manifisto, kaiser schnitzel, nut for your suggestions and help


vanisher


Use the skills you learned in Skyrim to help you survive:

- Explore every cave for loot
- If you encounter a cliff you can't climb, try doing back and forth jumps
- Practice your dragon shouts without fear of judgement



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, PSP, & Death Sext

Pahilla the Hun

Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post




prepuce repurposed posted:

your compass can be disassembled and made into a bey blade for ur amusement

if you cut your canteen in half, you can build a sweet arena


thanks vanisher, owlhawk911, manifisto, kaiser schnitzel, nut for your suggestions and help


Luvcow



unless you survived completely naked you didn't really "survive". people are often mocked and their lives ruined for still wearing clothes when they are rescued from the wilderness so it's best to discard all clothing the moment you realize you are lost.

Dip Viscous


Luvcow



one of the best ways to survive is to keep a positive outlook. an easy way to stay positive is make survival into a game:

-how many different types of mushrooms and berries can you find and eat?
-how many different types of leaves can you find and rub on your genitals?
-how do your stealth skills rate when trying to sneak up on and surprise large apex predators?

Evil Bob

I've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be believed.


If u crouch moose cant hear ur footsteps

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

If you eat a poisonous mushroom don't worry! Just find and eat a non-poisonous mushroom. Eating both will cancel out the effects of the poison.

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



there's enough neodymium in ur smartphone for a small set of dope rear end magnets. use your newfound free time to master magnet magic. it might even help u impress a potential mate!



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



if u had the foresight to bring an emergency flare, use it to shoot a wild boar. u only get one shot so make it count! in many cases this will cook the boar alive, so when it stops moving it's bbq time

feast as u laugh at all the fools settling for processed pork back in civilization. u earned it



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

Be on the lookout for woods porn. It can help you make friends and help you feel less lonely! Plus it can act as a tent for your head.

Pahilla the Hun

Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post




prepuce repurposed posted:

if u had the foresight to bring an emergency flare, use it to shoot a wild boar. u only get one shot so make it count! in many cases this will cook the boar alive, so when it stops moving it's bbq time

feast as u laugh at all the fools settling for processed pork back in civilization. u earned it


thanks vanisher, owlhawk911, manifisto, kaiser schnitzel, nut for your suggestions and help


The Mighty Moltres

Come! We must fly!


vanisher posted:

Use the skills you learned in Skyrim to help you survive:

- Explore every cave for loot
- If you encounter a cliff you can't climb, try doing back and forth jumps
- Practice your dragon shouts without fear of judgement

Climb any fence you find if there are horses on the other side.
Crouch-walk, it's comfortable to do!
Steal a horse, and do back and forth jumps up cliffs.

The Mighty Moltres

Come! We must fly!


If you find yourself in an Arctic or Antarctic sort of terrain, roll yourself a bunch of snowballs.
Wolves and polar bears hate when things are thrown at them.
If you have any left over, build a fort or maybe a bridge out of them.

Manifisto




about one in every five hundred frogs will grant wishes after being licked

the important thing is to not give up until you've found one


amazing sigs courtesy of vanisher and luvcow

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.



Fight a raccoon for good luck

Manifisto




need fire? be like this lil guy

The Mighty Moltres

Come! We must fly!


GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Fight a possum for good luck

FTFY

Manifisto




"feed a raccoon, fight a possum"

- traditional wildnerness survival saying

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?

it's spelled opossum. Just a little wilderness tip for you.

Pahilla the Hun

Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post




instead of walking or running, just jump everywhere at a ridiculous pace also constantly swat at the invisible things you just know are chasing you


thanks vanisher, owlhawk911, manifisto, kaiser schnitzel, nut for your suggestions and help


The Mighty Moltres

Come! We must fly!


climb trees

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.



O possum where it's thy sting? O marsupial where is thy victory?

The Mighty Moltres

Come! We must fly!


don't fall out of trees

prepuce repurposed

felt cute, might delete later



live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign urself to the influence of the earth.

let not ur fields go fallow but rather sew them with marihuana seeds each spring. a man's labors should result always in dankness.

seek not the civilization you've left behind, but instead the solitude before u.

look not skyward to find the heavens, for they lie beneath ur very feet



sigs by vanisher® and Barking Gecko™ DO NOT STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF A JOLLY GOOD ROGERING

Pahilla the Hun

Thinking about making a post

Think about it, make a post




prepuce repurposed posted:

live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign urself to the influence of the earth.

let not ur fields go fallow but rather sew them with marihuana seeds each spring. a man's labors should result always in dankness.

seek not the civilization you've left behind, but instead the solitude before u.

look not skyward to find the heavens, for they lie beneath ur very feet


thanks vanisher, owlhawk911, manifisto, kaiser schnitzel, nut for your suggestions and help


Manifisto




GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

O possum where it's thy sting? O marsupial where is thy victory?

prepuce repurposed posted:

live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign urself to the influence of the earth.

let not ur fields go fallow but rather sew them with marihuana seeds each spring. a man's labors should result always in dankness.

seek not the civilization you've left behind, but instead the solitude before u.

look not skyward to find the heavens, for they lie beneath ur very feet


amazing sigs courtesy of vanisher and luvcow

nut


in the wilderness, you can drink your own piss without being teased

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nut


if someone tries to tease you say "i'm dying" and then drink your own piss

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