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EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


Who the gently caress wakes up in the morning going "Boy I love printers so much! I can't wait to use my printer to print something!" This person does not exist. Look at these loving pieces of poo poo:


Printers are the deer of electronic devices: utterly useless and miserable and they smell bad and make godawful noises and do nothing beneficial

Proposal: I want to print black text on a sheet of paper for a report

Reality: A piece of paper falls through the internet and into Parisian printers. Taking a LED from the nearby wall, it spies rows upon rows of black ink cartridges. Grabbing the nearest one, it shakes it madly by the shoulders, shouting "THE COLOR INK CARTRIDGE IS LOW "

And that's even assuming the fucker will even take the printer signal and start rolling paper through it. Only for it to chug along taking 40 seconds and the print quality looks like somebody tried erasing crayons or it just spits out a completely blank page regardless. Or say it's not connected to the internet despite a brand new ethernet cable and wireless signal option. Or thinking the paper is empty when there are at least 60 sheets in the tray. Or it's permanently stuck "configuring" and making noises like a typewriter violently masturbating in garbage bin while having a temper tantrum over no longer being able to eat pizza rolls for every meal.

What the gently caress is the point of printers in 2020?

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SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



when I used to do tech support nothing was worse than trying to figure out why a stupid loving wireless printer wasn't connecting.

SO DEMANDING
Dec 27, 2003




Unlockable Ben

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018




i loving hate sprinters why dont they run for longer

caleb
Jul 17, 2004
...rough day at the orifice.

Straight up, I ain't got no conversation for ya,
----- talk to the (Canon)
Have a few words with the (Canon)
Tell it to my mother fuckin' (Canon)
Straight up, I ain't got no conversation for ya,
----- talk to the (Canon)
Have a few words with the (Canon)
Tell it to my mother fuckin' (Canon)

Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

One Potato to rule them all,
One Potato to find them,
One Potato to bring them all
And in the darkness bind them.





Bread Liar

All printers should come with a button that, when you open it up to change the ink, immediately stops the print heads from just wildly sliding back and forth for no goddamn reason for a billion years.

It could be called the SPFA override - Stop Piss -Farting About.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

The paperless office has been imminent for decades now and that's why printers are made by the dumbest fattest losers

Strumpie
Dec 8, 2012


HugeGrossBurrito posted:

i loving hate sprinters why dont they run for longer

would you rather spend hours running cross country, or finish in 10 seconds?

i'm a 10 second man, myself.

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018




Strumpie posted:

would you rather spend hours running cross country, or finish in 10 seconds?

i'm a 10 second man, myself.

drat you're right

here's a picture of shaq

Horace
Apr 17, 2007

Gone Skiin'



EorayMel posted:

Who the gently caress wakes up in the morning going "Boy I love printers so much! I can't wait to use my printer to print something!" This person does not exist. Look at these loving pieces of poo poo:

you still mad you carried that deskjet all the way to that girls house for nothing?

Jim Long-un
May 28, 2010

Well the word got around they said this kid is insane, man
Banged in the mouth and now he's got AIDS, man


laser printers are actually really cool from a mechanical standpoint and are also a great example of how amazing technology can be rendered noxious by the droll incompetence of consumer manufacturing and/or bloodless calculus of capitalism

bandaid.friend
Apr 25, 2017



I was trying to buy something in a store last week (it was warhammers, keep it secret, I don't want to look like a huge nerd) but I couldn't pay because their sales process required a printout. The machine just sat there, laughing

Also I learned recently from some other thread, printers are all snitches? They print tiny yellow dots on the paper with location information or something https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machi...tification_Code

Jim Long-un
May 28, 2010

Well the word got around they said this kid is insane, man
Banged in the mouth and now he's got AIDS, man


let's take this device that literally precision-glues and melts individual grains of colored plastic dust onto paper eternally and cut as many corners as possible so it's prone to mechanical failure and then package it with a half-assed driver program to ensure the user spends at least half of its lifetime troubleshooting spooler errors

Mystery Steve
Nov 9, 2006


Fun Shoe

Buy a cheap printer use once or twice, sits there for a year or two, try and use it again nope. Full set of replacment inks is more expensive than printer itself. Buy another cheap printer.

I think I've done 4 times so far.

je1 healthcare
Sep 29, 2015


Me in 1998: "Printers suck, but at least computer technology is advancing so rapidly that printer jams will soon be a thing of the past!"

Toplowtech
Aug 31, 2004



je1 healthcare posted:

Me in 1998: "Printers suck, but at least computer technology is advancing so rapidly that printer jams will soon be a thing of the past!"
Yeah i guess we will start to print on pure air in 2080 so no more air jams.

zer0spunk
Nov 6, 2000

devil never even lived


Jim Long-un posted:

laser printers are actually really cool from a mechanical standpoint and are also a great example of how amazing technology can be rendered noxious by the droll incompetence of consumer manufacturing and/or bloodless calculus of capitalism

my brother b/w laser was less than 100 bucks and has been going strong for a decade. only suckers buy ink printers

caleb
Jul 17, 2004
...rough day at the orifice.

Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam

Pussy Quipped
Jan 29, 2009



Why the gently caress do I need a subsciption service for ink

RandomFerret
Apr 18, 2008

WHAT IS A JUGGALO?
A HULKAMANIAC

HE POWERBOMBS MOTHERFUCKERS INTO THUMBTACKS


The millions of people who died of covid will be remembered as heroes for finally forcing in the paperless office we've been promised since the nineties

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Pussy Quipped posted:

Why the gently caress do I need a subsciption service for ink

Snackula
Aug 1, 2013

hedgefund wizard


EorayMel posted:

What the gently caress is the point of printers in 2020?

Printing customs paperwork in quintuplicate (in addition to the digital PDF copies you're required to supply to the carrier, of course).

I do feel they suck a lot less now than they used to, like as demand for the things dwindles further and further manufacturers are struggling to survive because there's no longer an endless stream of suckers to scam into buying into any old shite attached to a costly cartridge racket and their desperation is increasingly driving them to do the unthinkable and offer products that aren't terrible and overtly consumer hostile for the first time since maybe the late 80s.

edit: I only have experience with modern Samsung and Epson poo poo though, HP and Canon might still be the garbage fires they've always been.

nullEntityRNG
Jun 23, 2010

Mostly pseudo-random.


There is one good thing about printers. The fact that the business and the issue around ink cartridges were so hosed up that it brought consumer right groups to sue the companies and set precedents around some shady practices.

I mean most of them have been eroded away but still!

piratepilates
Mar 28, 2004

So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it.





je1 healthcare posted:

Me in 1998: "Printers suck, but at least computer technology is advancing so rapidly that printer jams will soon be a thing of the past!"

At this point I'm thinking it's more likely that printer woes will be solved by tablets getting cheap enough to be disposable than for the printer industry to wake up and make something not lovely. You ever watch that star trek? Not a piece of paper in sight*, they all have multiple iPads they all just throw around and give to people.


*don't fact check this

Tom Gorman
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts




Buglord

Mystery Steve posted:

Buy a cheap printer use once or twice, sits there for a year or two, try and use it again nope. Full set of replacment inks is more expensive than printer itself. Buy another cheap printer.

I think I've done 4 times so far.

Hell, I've done this at least 3 times with expensive, GOOD printers. Last 3 printers I've bought I said "I'm gonna get a really good one so maybe I never have to buy one again."

I wanted the cast iron skillet of printers. But those all had mechanical problems and broke eventually. The lesson is that you had it right. Treat them like nonstick pans - get cheap ones and accept that you're just gonna replace them every couple years.

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001



Taco Defender

Jim Long-un posted:

let's take this device that literally precision-glues and melts individual grains of colored plastic dust onto paper eternally and cut as many corners as possible so it's prone to mechanical failure and then package it with a half-assed driver program to ensure the user spends at least half of its lifetime troubleshooting spooler errors
Never install the full driver package. Get the barebones PCL/PS or universal driver from the company's website, or if they don't provide one then use the "add driver" option ahead of time and point it to the INF file in the driver package directory structure, then plug in the printer and let it auto-install. Never run a printer company's EXE.

Unless it's a printer/scanner all-in-one where you have to install the software to use the scanner, then you're screwed.

JonathonSpectre
Jul 23, 2003

I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck


Soiled Meat

je1 healthcare posted:

Me in 1998: "Printers suck, but at least computer technology is advancing so rapidly that printer jams will soon be a thing of the past!"

Me in 1998: "Jesus loving Christ why does every single printer need its own special driver? And why are there fifty different kinds of chargers? At least at some point we'll just get a standard for these things, surely."

I once had a bid on a contract to put a network together for a local business. It all looked pretty good until the owner told me that it was non-negotiable that every single person (100+) have their own individual networked printer. I thought about it for a minute and realized I didn't want to spend literally the rest of my life doing tech support for 100+ individual wireless printers, 90% of whom were being manned by people 50 and older who struggled to remember how to turn poo poo on.

I know the guy who took the contract. It made him visibly age.

edit: i is not b

battlepigeon
Aug 3, 2008



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQGtucrJ8hM

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008




Lipstick Apathy

Printers doo suck. Especially ones that don't want to connect to my office p.c even though we are in the same room !

Jim Long-un
May 28, 2010

Well the word got around they said this kid is insane, man
Banged in the mouth and now he's got AIDS, man


zer0spunk posted:

my brother b/w laser was less than 100 bucks and has been going strong for a decade. only suckers buy ink printers

in theory laser printers should be cheap, easy-to-maintain modular machines that Just Work for a nearly infinite amount of time. they're made out of common materials and devices and their principal parts can easily be constructed for reliability. in reality everything you buy is intended to break itself because you can't maintain an income stream off of a product that never needs to be replaced. that said inkjets are 5000x worse than laser printers for everything except extremely specific applications and if you let Best Buy or whatever sell you one of those pieces of poo poo you're a chump just like your fuckin grandma

Pick
Jul 19, 2009




Nap Ghost

Printers are bad, except in the one way that they are good. A lot of printers come with built-in scanners, so you can always get a really cheap scanner by going to Goodwill and buying a broken printer. The scanner part almost always works.

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007

Ask me about the hate crime perpetrated against a gay black man, and how it was a real hate crime and totally not fabricated. I am well acquainted with the facts of this actual hate crime which actually took place in actuality.

i'm sure i can't be the only person here who spent a lot of time troubleshooting printers for elderly relatives. it's horrible, and now i will always fundamentally printers.

Khorne
May 1, 2002

Goonstone Champ x2

I refuse to buy a printer and it's a big point of contention with my wife the once per year or two we need to print something. We both can print stuff freely at work, and we have a library a 3 minute walk away, and we have fedex and staples really close also. The cost:benefit ratio doesn't work in buying a printer's favor.

I did offer to buy a label printer because that would actually be useful and we have a few bins of crap we have that we labeled as "to sell". I'd also buy a printer if I could buy it, do nothing for 10 years, and it'd still work. That's never how it goes though. It's always ink cartridges, constant firmware/software nightmares, oh you didn't use it for 30 months now it just doesn't work, and all that kind of printer life stuff.

Pick posted:

Printers are bad, except in the one way that they are good. A lot of printers come with built-in scanners, so you can always get a really cheap scanner by going to Goodwill and buying a broken printer. The scanner part almost always works.
You can get good quality scans with most phone cameras now. Scanners are fine in general. It's printers that suck because they have moving, clog-prone, dry-out parts and somehow they always have car manufacturer-tier incompetent firmware/software.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Jul 15, 2020

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Unnnngggghhhh


Bleak Gremlin


lmao

zer0spunk
Nov 6, 2000

devil never even lived


Pick posted:

Printers are bad, except in the one way that they are good. A lot of printers come with built-in scanners, so you can always get a really cheap scanner by going to Goodwill and buying a broken printer. The scanner part almost always works.

or you can buy a decent flatbed scanner instead of having a bolted on dead printer? my canon flatbed is also from 2012 and has been a tank (and comes with a bunch of negative holders for different formats on top of it)

there's a whole rear end giant printer sh/sc thread, y'all could have saved yourself some money and listened to that thread, they know printers sadly

Printer Questions Threat: All Printers Must Die

e: the tldr from the decades long printer threads, get a durable rear end cheap b/w laser and call it a day. go to a copy shop if you sometimes need color and don't want to spend money on a color laser, or go for the pro ink stuff ($$$$) if you need to print color professionally for work..anything else is going to be a bad time

zer0spunk fucked around with this message at 18:16 on Jul 15, 2020

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017



Johannes Gutenberg ruined the world imo

Pick
Jul 19, 2009




Nap Ghost

Well I use the body part of it for a foot rest under my desk, so it does that too.

WilWheaton
Oct 11, 2006

Oh my god it's Hitler's dog!

greybeards using printers passively aggressively is amazing though

oh you had a question? I just printed out the page from wikipedia and put it on ur desk

im going to print out this thread tyvm

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



A scanner seems just as useless as a printer these days, even when submitting documents you can usually just take a picture.

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Bro Dad
Mar 26, 2010


welcome to the greatest thread in gbs history

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