PYF: Thing That You Can't Believe Was Made To Be Sold

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OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

^{A commodity appears, at first sight, a very trivial thing, and easily understood. Its analysis shows that it is, in reality, a very queer thing, abounding in metaphysical subtleties and theological niceties. So far as it is a value in use, there is nothing mysterious about it, whether we consider it from the point of view that by its properties it is capable of satisfying human wants, or from the point that those properties are the product of human labour. It is as clear as noon�day, that man, by his industry, changes the forms of the materials furnished by Nature, in such a way as to make them useful to him. The form of wood, for instance, is altered, by making a table out of it. Yet, for all that, the table continues to be that common, every�day thing, wood. But, so soon as it steps forth as a commodity, it is changed into something transcendent. It not only stands with its feet on the ground, but, in relation to all other commodities, it stands on its head, and evolves out of its wooden brain grotesque ideas, far more wonderful than �table�turning� ever was.}

I am sure that everybody has encountered this at some point, especially with the advent of online shopping, though the phenomenon did exist earlier, in the backs of magazines, in catalogues, the old front page series on the skymall catalogue was a great example of it. The world is full of mysterious, wonderful, terrible things, things that you can buy, things that you can have delivered to you by a human being who spends precious minutes of their finite life on this earth, just to transport an item to you.

What is the item? Is it something you need? Is it vital medication? Is it food? Is it toilet paper? Is it something necessary to maintain the basic fundamentals that allow you to continue living in a modicum of comfort and civilization? Is it just something nice, for yourself, to add a little colour and beauty to your existence? Life is not, after all, just bread and water.

But no, the item is not either of those, the item is something else. The item defies such categorizations. The item poses a philosophical question, it makes you wonder, was a human involved at any point in the production of the item? Did somebody sit down and design this thing, was somebody, somewhere, crying out for want of this item, is their life enhanced by having that need, that desire, finally fulfilled? We are often told that demand creates supply, but you are left to wonder, shaken by the question posed by the existence of this item, is that true? Or was this made first, and the desire followed after?

In this instance, the item is thus:

And who among us can say, having seen it, that we do not now know the need for a wireframe illuminated holographic image of a shrek head in a choice of colours?

What terrible things have you seen for sale? We have threads for things you bought, for terrible bootlegs, but seemingly not for just... things you saw and thought "why the gently caress does this exist to be bought?" I think it gets extra points if it's taking up precious space in an actual, physical store. Like this thing doesn't exist just in a warehouse somewhere in China, it was actually made, submitted to a buying manager at a store somewhere, and they saw it and said "yes, this is the thing our store needs" and they paid money for this item and now want to sell it to you for more money.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 00:31

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 16:43

NoEyedSquareGuy: Mar 16, 2009; Just because Liquor's dead, doesn't mean you can just roll this bitch all over town with "The Freedoms."

https://ecocandleco.com/the-MANdle/

Mandles. For men who want to buy candles that smell like dirt and motor oil instead of those dumb girl scents.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 00:41

Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

I found this at Target and I don't understand

# ? Jul 29, 2020 00:50

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

I would ask if it is a magic deck for ants but apparently yes, it is, according to the packaging.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 00:52

Eclipse12: Feb 20, 2008

This is now a thread for posting tiny versions of normal objects. Sorry!

# ? Jul 29, 2020 01:11

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

OwlFancier posted:

^{A commodity appears, at first sight, a very trivial thing, and easily understood. Its analysis shows that it is, in reality, a very queer thing, abounding in metaphysical subtleties and theological niceties. So far as it is a value in use, there is nothing mysterious about it, whether we consider it from the point of view that by its properties it is capable of satisfying human wants, or from the point that those properties are the product of human labour. It is as clear as noon�day, that man, by his industry, changes the forms of the materials furnished by Nature, in such a way as to make them useful to him. The form of wood, for instance, is altered, by making a table out of it. Yet, for all that, the table continues to be that common, every�day thing, wood. But, so soon as it steps forth as a commodity, it is changed into something transcendent. It not only stands with its feet on the ground, but, in relation to all other commodities, it stands on its head, and evolves out of its wooden brain grotesque ideas, far more wonderful than �table�turning� ever was.}

I am sure that everybody has encountered this at some point, especially with the advent of online shopping, though the phenomenon did exist earlier, in the backs of magazines, in catalogues, the old front page series on the skymall catalogue was a great example of it. The world is full of mysterious, wonderful, terrible things, things that you can buy, things that you can have delivered to you by a human being who spends precious minutes of their finite life on this earth, just to transport an item to you.

What is the item? Is it something you need? Is it vital medication? Is it food? Is it toilet paper? Is it something necessary to maintain the basic fundamentals that allow you to continue living in a modicum of comfort and civilization? Is it just something nice, for yourself, to add a little colour and beauty to your existence? Life is not, after all, just bread and water.

But no, the item is not either of those, the item is something else. The item defies such categorizations. The item poses a philosophical question, it makes you wonder, was a human involved at any point in the production of the item? Did somebody sit down and design this thing, was somebody, somewhere, crying out for want of this item, is their life enhanced by having that need, that desire, finally fulfilled? We are often told that demand creates supply, but you are left to wonder, shaken by the question posed by the existence of this item, is that true? Or was this made first, and the desire followed after?

In this instance, the item is thus:

And who among us can say, having seen it, that we do not now know the need for a wireframe illuminated holographic image of a shrek head in a choice of colours?

What terrible things have you seen for sale? We have threads for things you bought, for terrible bootlegs, but seemingly not for just... things you saw and thought "why the gently caress does this exist to be bought?" I think it gets extra points if it's taking up precious space in an actual, physical store. Like this thing doesn't exist just in a warehouse somewhere in China, it was actually made, submitted to a buying manager at a store somewhere, and they saw it and said "yes, this is the thing our store needs" and they paid money for this item and now want to sell it to you for more money.

SHREK LAMP

# ? Jul 29, 2020 01:39

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

I have a feeling wish.com will be featured in this thread a lot. I wish I could post some of the insane ads I used to get when I still gamed on my phone regularly.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 02:05

Debunk This!: Apr 12, 2011

This is such a weirdly specific and creative use of a license I'm a little amazed this is real but I also totally want a pair.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:01

Admiral Bosch: Apr 19, 2007; Who is Admiral Aken Bosch, and what is that old scoundrel up to?

Come onnn. Corn on the clawb

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:11

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

One day, my mom came home from the store with Grapples, "the grape-flavored apples." I don't remember when this was. I'm thinking high school, so before 2005, and the brand appears to still be around.
https://www.grapplefruits.com/
Just apples injected with your standard grape candy flavoring, in an egregious clam shell plastic package.

For some reason, probably the gee-whiz tone of the blurb on the packaging, it just really hit me that people have dedicated significant parts of their lives to making and marketing these.

Dr Christmas has a new favorite as of 03:25 on Jul 29, 2020

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:19

Paint Crop Pro: Mar 22, 2007; Find someone who values you like Rick Spielman values 7th round picks.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 03:25

Dareon: Apr 6, 2009; by vyelkin

Phlegmish posted:

I have a feeling wish.com will be featured in this thread a lot. I wish I could post some of the insane ads I used to get when I still gamed on my phone regularly.

I kind judged wish.com to be a scam of some sort, or at least a heavy subscription model like those "eight books for a dollar" tearout cards in magazines where you obligate to buy X more books at regular price. Mostly because I signed up for it once and they offered me such a wide selection of solid choices for a dollar that I concluded it had to be some kind of method of biting me in the rear end. I can't remember most of the offerings, but one was just a vast assortment of sex toys. I have to admit that one was tempting, because I'd just lost all my sex toys in a fire. Even if it was badly-represented merchandise, like they instead ship me a poster portraying a vast array of sex toys, I'd actually have decorated my new place with that.

Dr Christmas posted:

One day, my mom came home from the store with Grapples, "the grape-flavored apples." I don't remember when this was. I'm thinking high school, so before 2005, and the brand appears to still be around.
https://www.grapplefruits.com/
Just apples injected with your standard grape candy flavoring, in an egregious clam shell plastic package.

For some reason, probably the gee-whiz tone of the blurb on the packaging, it just really hit me that people have dedicated significant parts of their lives to making and marketing these.

I've had those. They weren't terrible. Although that's mostly thanks to the apples they used and not the flavoring.

Dareon has a new favorite as of 04:10 on Jul 29, 2020

# ? Jul 29, 2020 04:08

Rexxed: May 1, 2010; Dis is amazing!
I gotta try dis!

Wish has a lot of stuff that can go in this thread. They keep showing me these which are basically a sneeze guard for your face:

I kind of doubt it's more useful than a face shield but I guess it's the same idea but sillier looking.

Salaryman Bane is here.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 05:21

bar88537: Nov 8, 2004

Go get a realistic Will Smith head

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32856713391

# ? Jul 29, 2020 07:34

Daikloktos: Jan 1, 2020; by Cyrano4747

OwlFancier posted:

^{A commodity appears, at first sight, a very trivial thing, and easily understood. Its analysis shows that it is, in reality, a very queer thing, abounding in metaphysical subtleties and theological niceties. So far as it is a value in use, there is nothing mysterious about it, whether we consider it from the point of view that by its properties it is capable of satisfying human wants, or from the point that those properties are the product of human labour. It is as clear as noon�day, that man, by his industry, changes the forms of the materials furnished by Nature, in such a way as to make them useful to him. The form of wood, for instance, is altered, by making a table out of it. Yet, for all that, the table continues to be that common, every�day thing, wood. But, so soon as it steps forth as a commodity, it is changed into something transcendent. It not only stands with its feet on the ground, but, in relation to all other commodities, it stands on its head, and evolves out of its wooden brain grotesque ideas, far more wonderful than �table�turning� ever was.}

I am sure that everybody has encountered this at some point, especially with the advent of online shopping, though the phenomenon did exist earlier, in the backs of magazines, in catalogues, the old front page series on the skymall catalogue was a great example of it. The world is full of mysterious, wonderful, terrible things, things that you can buy, things that you can have delivered to you by a human being who spends precious minutes of their finite life on this earth, just to transport an item to you.

What is the item? Is it something you need? Is it vital medication? Is it food? Is it toilet paper? Is it something necessary to maintain the basic fundamentals that allow you to continue living in a modicum of comfort and civilization? Is it just something nice, for yourself, to add a little colour and beauty to your existence? Life is not, after all, just bread and water.

But no, the item is not either of those, the item is something else. The item defies such categorizations. The item poses a philosophical question, it makes you wonder, was a human involved at any point in the production of the item? Did somebody sit down and design this thing, was somebody, somewhere, crying out for want of this item, is their life enhanced by having that need, that desire, finally fulfilled? We are often told that demand creates supply, but you are left to wonder, shaken by the question posed by the existence of this item, is that true? Or was this made first, and the desire followed after?

In this instance, the item is thus:

And who among us can say, having seen it, that we do not now know the need for a wireframe illuminated holographic image of a shrek head in a choice of colours?

# ? Jul 29, 2020 07:48

mehall: Aug 27, 2010

Len posted:

I found this at Target and I don't understand

I need it

# ? Jul 29, 2020 08:30

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

What if you need some basic hygiene products but you're a tough, manly man who can't stand any of the girly poo poo? Well, then you can get some of these tough, manly "TRADIE" brand products! But then the company realised that they were missing out on 50% of the population, so they thought "what if we made a version for women?" So now you can get the soft, feminine version of the rugged, masculine version.

But I don't think they've reached their full potential yet. I'd like to see them take this a step further. I want to see "TRADIE LADY - FOR MEN", just to make sure everyone is thoroughly covered/marketed to.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 11:38

Flint_Paper: Jun 7, 2004; This isn't cool at all Looshkin! These are dark forces you're titting about with!

I talked about this kind of thing in my show a couple of years ago and good god drat if I don't see a new thing that could be added every drat day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pAT8MZBxGs

# ? Jul 29, 2020 12:14

Trabant: Nov 26, 2011; All systems nominal.

bar88537 posted:

Go get a realistic Will Smith head

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32856713391

Oh yes, AE is a good place for that. Posted this in the PYF Purchases thread:

Trabant posted:

I just bought a 1/6 scale John McClane's head:

The plan was (and still is) to cast it into clear resin and turn into a Christmas ornament. But, you know, life got in the way last year and ever since.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 19:26

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

I like that that implies someone took the calipers to bruce willis' head so they could figure out exactly what size to make the 1/6th scale model.

# ? Jul 29, 2020 20:13

Humphreys: Jan 26, 2013; We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

Trabant posted:

Oh yes, AE is a good place for that. Posted this in the PYF Purchases thread:

The plan was (and still is) to cast it into clear resin and turn into a Christmas ornament. But, you know, life got in the way last year and ever since.

I bought one too and did the little airvent crawling shot as a christmas decoration thing with a flickering LED.

Like this but in 3D!

# ? Jul 30, 2020 10:00

Moo the cow: Apr 30, 2020

bar88537 posted:

Go get a realistic Will Smith head

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32856713391

Why are his testicles so far apart?

# ? Jul 30, 2020 10:23

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

So they can fit in each hand

# ? Jul 30, 2020 12:00

Jestery: Aug 2, 2016; Eat a dick unicycle boy!

I made a thread some time ago

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3815866&pagenumber=1&perpage=40#post471019033

# ? Jul 30, 2020 12:10

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

Debunk This! posted:

This is such a weirdly specific and creative use of a license I'm a little amazed this is real but I also totally want a pair.

I want these too. Also note how he apparently cut his own leg off at the hip.

I would also suggest "Be careful what you (use) Wish for" as a thread title.

# ? Jul 30, 2020 16:57

Trabant: Nov 26, 2011; All systems nominal.

Humphreys posted:

I bought one too and did the little airvent crawling shot as a christmas decoration thing with a flickering LED.

Like this but in 3D!

Nice! You know that they say: great minds think alike and madmen seldom disagree.

# ? Aug 1, 2020 04:15

Humphreys: Jan 26, 2013; We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

Trabant posted:

Nice! You know that they say: great minds think alike and madmen seldom disagree.

I haven't heard that second part before but I like it!

# ? Aug 1, 2020 04:25

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

bar88537 posted:

Go get a realistic Will Smith head

https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32856713391

What the heck is that mysterious flesh lump in the middle?

# ? Aug 5, 2020 06:54

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Knormal posted:

What the heck is that mysterious flesh lump in the middle?

LOL look at this guy who didn't pass high school biology.

# ? Aug 5, 2020 06:56

Humphreys: Jan 26, 2013; We conceived a way to use my mother as a porn mule

Was going to post this in one of the retro threads but this overpriced piece of poo poo MP3 player exists here now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW0mIkzbz4g

# ? Aug 6, 2020 12:40

Aphrodite: Jun 27, 2006

Knormal posted:

What the heck is that mysterious flesh lump in the middle?

All 3 of those parts make the neck.

# ? Aug 6, 2020 14:04

Reiche: Jan 28, 2009; I like my coffee with cream and lsd.

Aphrodite posted:

All 3 of those parts make the neck.

So he�s a Ballchinian?

# ? Aug 6, 2020 17:28

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

https://twitter.com/icklenellierose/status/1292441168232493057
https://twitter.com/icklenellierose/status/1292457534532603905
PUA for women?

# ? Aug 10, 2020 05:52

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Tiggum posted:

PUA for women?

Wow, there are people who see dangling bait posts like this and are filled with curiosity rather than fatigue? :aaa:

I have a few relatives on facebook who post poo poo like that and it is exhausting. Somebody has to coax the story out of them every time, and it is always stupid. But if no one replies then in a few hours or a few days there will be a tantrum rant about how they do so much for everyone but nobody cares about them.

Maybe it works differently for boys? If someone dropped a message like that to me and didn't immediately follow up with the story it would be a huge red flag that this person is a :siren:

Black Hole of Neediness :redflag:

Run! Run away!

# ? Aug 10, 2020 06:16

Dareon: Apr 6, 2009; by vyelkin

That kind of teasing post would get eighteen different joke answers from me before they even had a chance to type the next line. "You saw a seagull steal a dude's fries?" "A ramen truck overturned on the highway, costing the company about $3.50?" "Chicken butt?" "Deadpool and Deathstroke are finally teaming up in the next Marvel/DC crossover?" "You realized that Shrek pauses long enough when introducing himself to Donkey that it's likely he lied about his name?"

# ? Aug 10, 2020 07:51

500excf type r: Mar 7, 2013; I'm as annoying as the high-pitched whine of my motorcycle, desperately compensating for the lack of substance in my life.

Dareon posted:

"You realized that Shrek pauses long enough when introducing himself to Donkey that it's likely he lied about his name?"

# ? Aug 10, 2020 13:02

mehall: Aug 27, 2010

Dareon posted:

That kind of teasing post would get eighteen different joke answers from me before they even had a chance to type the next line. "You saw a seagull steal a dude's fries?"

I met a guy at my old work who'd had this actually happen and he was just like "and, like, I saw the polis just there, but I was like, 'whits he even gonna do, eh?' so I just left it, but I was pure fuming by the way"

# ? Aug 10, 2020 13:45

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Shame it was in the UK or the copper could have gotten into a gunfight with the seagull, which seems like a win win whatever the outcome.

# ? Aug 10, 2020 14:56

Disgusting Coward: Feb 17, 2014

Dareon posted:

That kind of teasing post would get eighteen different joke answers from me before they even had a chance to type the next line. "You saw a seagull steal a dude's fries?" "A ramen truck overturned on the highway, costing the company about $3.50?" "Chicken butt?" "Deadpool and Deathstroke are finally teaming up in the next Marvel/DC crossover?" "You realized that Shrek pauses long enough when introducing himself to Donkey that it's likely he lied about his name?"

this post made me grow a fedora

# ? Aug 10, 2020 15:26

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 16:43

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Disgusting Coward posted:

this post made me grow a fedora

Really effective at shutting down someone you don't want to receive messages from, though

# ? Aug 10, 2020 16:03

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