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Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.



Name: The Car
Game: Monopoly
Rank: S

let's get started with the game piece that topped tier lists worldwide for decades. the monopoly car. does it even need an introductory blurb? Nope. You know it. I know it. Even your DOG knows it, lol. This piece is fast and easy to grip, your older brother usually gets this piece before you can.



Name: Green Diver
Game: Mouse Trap
Rank: High B

Will he go into the tub? Will it make the thing happen? The Green Diver has always splashed to his own beat and isn't likely to start listening any time soon. That's unfortunate because his unreliability is the only thing holding him back from being something truly spectacular.

feel free to add more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Khanstant

HONKING IS VIOLENCE


name: plant monster
game: byob
rank: S for splant smonster

SorePotato


The thimbles way up there. You can wear it on a finger or drink little beverages out of it

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.





Name: Bill
Game: Guess Who?
Rank: A

A controversial pick to be sure. Bill was one of the most reliable tiles in Guess Who? for decades, and the star of their adverts. His racist meltdown on Twitter has overshadowed his in-game accomplishments in the eyes of some, but judged purely on performance he is the very definition of an A-tier gameboard piece.

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.

Khanstant posted:


name: plant monster
game: byob
rank: S for splant smonster

chucks but byob isnt a game. its a lifestlye


Prof. Crocodile posted:



Name: Bill
Game: Guess Who?
Rank: A

A controversial pick to be sure. Bill was one of the most reliable tiles in Guess Who? for decades, and the star of their adverts. His racist meltdown on Twitter has overshadowed his in-game accomplishments in the eyes of some, but judged purely on performance he is the very definition of an A-tier gameboard piece.

Musluk





Name: Connect Four Red Piece #22
Game: Connect Four
Rank: C

Truly an average specimen, however this particular piece is notorious for falling behind the sofa and not being discovered for roughly 6 years, accumulating an impressive amount of dust for all plastic-kind to see.

They did not return our requests for an interview.

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.



Musluk posted:



Name: Connect Four Red Piece #22
Game: Connect Four
Rank: C

Truly an average specimen, however this particular piece is notorious for falling behind the sofa and not being discovered for roughly 6 years, accumulating an impressive amount of dust for all plastic-kind to see.

They did not return our requests for an interview.

Dip Viscous




Name: Needlessly agressive d6
Game: Nard Race
Rank: 64

Like, drat, dude, cool your jets a little. Nobody is impressed.

more falafel please

forums poster




Name: Panda
Game: Takenoko
Rank: BYOB

This guy just wants to eat some bamboo you know what i mean?



sig by pot smoke phoenix

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.

Dip Viscous posted:



Name: Needlessly agressive d6
Game: Nard Race
Rank: 64

Like, drat, dude, cool your jets a little. Nobody is impressed.

lol


more falafel please posted:



Name: Panda
Game: Takenoko
Rank: BYOB

This guy just wants to eat some bamboo you know what i mean?

that's some very advanced gameboardery



Name: Rope
Game: Clue
Rank: D

It's plastic and the other pieces are metal. Getting killed with this is like getting killed by something lame like a small horse

nut




Name: Katharine
Game: Life
Rank: S+

I'll never forget when I first met Katharine. Things were looking grim. I had just gotten married to Julia and we were struggling, trying to support our life in the Blithering Heights Mansion on my pittance as a down-on-my-luck Hair Stylist. The little savings I had left from my tax refund and being chosen to ride a rocket into space into space were dwindling. Worst of all, Julia had stopped talking to me, instead opting to sit quietly in the passenger seat. By my fifth turn, I had completely forgotten the sound of her voice--did she ever talk? Then, just as easily as we had started that snail farm, Julia appeared. The emotions surrounding her conception and birth were so wrought with emotion, I assume. Frankly, I can't remember them at all. I just remember turning around and, poof, there she was. But the change was important to me. I began happily glancing into the rear view mirror, watching the next in our great lineage grow into a woman. I liked to tease her with a, "We're not there just yet, hun!" She must have been embarrassed because she never teased me back much, instead opting to sit perfectly still and say nothing at all (just like her mother, I always said hah!). But she didn't need to say anything, she just had to be there. I love Katharine and I do still love Julia (I think). They mean the world to me.

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.

Love.... the strongest game piece that e'er there was

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.



nut posted:



Name: Katharine
Game: Life
Rank: S+

I'll never forget when I first met Katharine. Things were looking grim. I had just gotten married to Julia and we were struggling, trying to support our life in the Blithering Heights Mansion on my pittance as a down-on-my-luck Hair Stylist. The little savings I had left from my tax refund and being chosen to ride a rocket into space into space were dwindling. Worst of all, Julia had stopped talking to me, instead opting to sit quietly in the passenger seat. By my fifth turn, I had completely forgotten the sound of her voice--did she ever talk? Then, just as easily as we had started that snail farm, Julia appeared. The emotions surrounding her conception and birth were so wrought with emotion, I assume. Frankly, I can't remember them at all. I just remember turning around and, poof, there she was. But the change was important to me. I began happily glancing into the rear view mirror, watching the next in our great lineage grow into a woman. I liked to tease her with a, "We're not there just yet, hun!" She must have been embarrassed because she never teased me back much, instead opting to sit perfectly still and say nothing at all (just like her mother, I always said hah!). But she didn't need to say anything, she just had to be there. I love Katharine and I do still love Julia (I think). They mean the world to me.

Pissed Ape Sexist

nut posted:



Name: Katharine
Game: Life
Rank: S+

I'll never forget when I first met Katharine. Things were looking grim. I had just gotten married to Julia and we were struggling, trying to support our life in the Blithering Heights Mansion on my pittance as a down-on-my-luck Hair Stylist. The little savings I had left from my tax refund and being chosen to ride a rocket into space into space were dwindling. Worst of all, Julia had stopped talking to me, instead opting to sit quietly in the passenger seat. By my fifth turn, I had completely forgotten the sound of her voice--did she ever talk? Then, just as easily as we had started that snail farm, Julia appeared. The emotions surrounding her conception and birth were so wrought with emotion, I assume. Frankly, I can't remember them at all. I just remember turning around and, poof, there she was. But the change was important to me. I began happily glancing into the rear view mirror, watching the next in our great lineage grow into a woman. I liked to tease her with a, "We're not there just yet, hun!" She must have been embarrassed because she never teased me back much, instead opting to sit perfectly still and say nothing at all (just like her mother, I always said hah!). But she didn't need to say anything, she just had to be there. I love Katharine and I do still love Julia (I think). They mean the world to me.

Hold them close king

Pissed Ape Sexist fucked around with this message at 19:37 on Aug 2, 2020

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.



Name: X Tile
Game: Scrabble
Tier: F

Got me grounded when I was 9 when I used it to spell the swear word "sexy". I was forced to moe the lawn day in and day out

google THIS




Name: Rook
Game: Chess
Rank: C-

While a solid piece from a gameplay perspective, and I like that funky castling move it does, it literally looks like a castle. What's up with that? The other pieces look at least vaguely like little limbless people, many of whom are wearing funny hats. Except for the Knight, which may warrant its own in-depth analysis, but even that piece looks like something a knight would ride. But the rook? It's a freaking building. Buildings don't move. Just one of Chess's many plot inconsistencies.

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.





Name: Western United States (card)
Game: Risk
Rank: D-

Due to severe design flaws, this is the only card in the Risk deck that cannot be exchanged for additional armies. Additionally, due to what can only be termed a massive oversight, the Risk rulebook requires anyone who draws this card to tuck their shirt into their underwear and remain in this state for the remainder of the game while other players mock them.

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.



Name: Orange Pie Slice
Game: Trivial Pursuit
Rank: E

I... Look I don't know anything about sports! Who won the kentucky 1972? Babe Ruth! Who claimed the title of champion in 1982 at the wimbledon championships, I don't know.. Babe Ruth? Who took home the gold medal in the 100 meter in 1996 in atlanta.... look you know where this is going... donovan bailey

oh

oh what

OH gently caress YEAH MY PIE IS COMPLETE

Rank: A

Chill la Chill

Don't lose your gay



HAIKOOLIGAN


Name: The King
Game: El Grande
Rank: 3 inches


Little known fact: A company making adult toys turned to board games when their flagship product, "El Grande", fell short of expectations.

Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan


thank you matoi and vanisher for the sigs, lovely dad for the cool av

Bottom Liner


IF I'M TALKING ABOUT ART, I'M PROBABLY WRONG, SO PLEASE REPORT ME SO I CAN BE PROBATED. AGAIN.



Chill la Chill posted:



Name: The King
Game: El Grande
Rank: 3 inches


Little known fact: A company making adult toys turned to board games when their flagship product, "El Grande", fell short of expectations.

nut


Chill la Chill posted:



Name: The King
Game: El Grande
Rank: 3 inches


Little known fact: A company making adult toys turned to board games when their flagship product, "El Grande", fell short of expectations.

Manifisto






Name: Soary piece
Game: Soary
Rank: Canada

oh I'm soary, I forgot aboot bringing food to the game. would you like some maple syrup and poutine? oh I'm soary you don't like hockey, I'll put some curling on as we play. soary, you can't buy a health care plan, all our medicine is free. soary you can't bring your semiautomatic rifle to your son's elementary school. soary. soary! I'm so, so soary!!


amazing sigs courtesy of vanisher and luvcow

Luvcow



Manifisto posted:



Name: Soary piece
Game: Soary
Rank: Canada

oh I'm soary, I forgot aboot bringing food to the game. would you like some maple syrup and poutine? oh I'm soary you don't like hockey, I'll put some curling on as we play. soary, you can't buy a health care plan, all our medicine is free. soary you can't bring your semiautomatic rifle to your son's elementary school. soary. soary! I'm so, so soary!!

shame on an IGA




Name: Trouble Guy
Game: Trouble, Pre-nerf edition
Rank: A-

Molded to perfection, this was exactly the right size to fit securely in my nostril but with a slick, flawless surface finish allowing for release and launch reliably at peak sneezing pressure. Ten yard ranges were not unheard of

nut


shame on an IGA posted:



Name: Trouble Guy
Game: Trouble, Pre-nerf edition
Rank: A-

Molded to perfection, this was exactly the right size to fit securely in my nostril but with a slick, flawless surface finish allowing for release and launch reliably at peak sneezing pressure. Ten yard ranges were not unheard of

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.



shame on an IGA posted:



Name: Trouble Guy
Game: Trouble, Pre-nerf edition
Rank: A-

Molded to perfection, this was exactly the right size to fit securely in my nostril but with a slick, flawless surface finish allowing for release and launch reliably at peak sneezing pressure. Ten yard ranges were not unheard of


Manifisto posted:



Name: Soary piece
Game: Soary
Rank: Canada

oh I'm soary, I forgot aboot bringing food to the game. would you like some maple syrup and poutine? oh I'm soary you don't like hockey, I'll put some curling on as we play. soary, you can't buy a health care plan, all our medicine is free. soary you can't bring your semiautomatic rifle to your son's elementary school. soary. soary! I'm so, so soary!!

Dip Viscous


some genius at hasbro: "kids are shooting these trouble pieces out of their nostrils, we gotta update the design so that once it's up there it STAYS up there"

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.

if you get the green ones in your nose with the flat part visible, it makes it look like you have a severe booger problem.

alnilam

Postin in the springtime





Name: Gary (multiple instances)
Game: Grabbin' Grasshoppers
Rank: B

For sure Gary's jumping prowess and sense of comedic timing is unrivaled in the 6-and-up board game world. His namesake became his downfall when the Me Too movement gained traction and the true meaning of the game's name became clear. Gary published a seemingly sincere apology in Gaming Weekly and subsequently dropped out of the public eye.



ty forums poster nut

nut


alnilam posted:



Name: Gary (multiple instances)
Game: Grabbin' Grasshoppers
Rank: B

For sure Gary's jumping prowess and sense of comedic timing is unrivaled in the 6-and-up board game world. His namesake became his downfall when the Me Too movement gained traction and the true meaning of the game's name became clear. Gary published a seemingly sincere apology in Gaming Weekly and subsequently dropped out of the public eye.

paralyzed by childhood memory torrent

Prof. Crocodile

This picture, found by typing "random image" into Google, is a more accurate representation of who I am than anything I would have consciously chosen.





Name: You (the person reading this)
Game: The very world that you--in your misinformed arrogance--think you dwell comfortably within
Rank: Wouldn't you like to know...

Well well well, what have we here? Yes it's true! Your entire life is nothing but a game--a vast orchestration--through which you have been guided, step by step, from day one. By us. Oh spare me your histrionics! I can see right through those meaningless threats of yours, right into your very soul; you have always believed it would come to this...or at least feared that it would. To what end, you say? Oh that will become clear in due time, my friend. All too clear. Ha ha ha ha!

Plant MONSTER.

you owe your life to plants. think about it.

be grateful.

Prof. Crocodile posted:



Name: You (the person reading this)
Game: The very world that you--in your misinformed arrogance--think you dwell comfortably within
Rank: Wouldn't you like to know...

Well well well, what have we here? Yes it's true! Your entire life is nothing but a game--a vast orchestration--through which you have been guided, step by step, from day one. By us. Oh spare me your histrionics! I can see right through those meaningless threats of yours, right into your very soul; you have always believed it would come to this...or at least feared that it would. To what end, you say? Oh that will become clear in due time, my friend. All too clear. Ha ha ha ha!

alnilam

Postin in the springtime



Jaguars!






Name: The Robber
Game: Settlers of Catan
Rank: Criminal scum

So, I have it all lined up, right, I got three different quotes, paid the bond, had the route surveyed, my road is all ready to go. All the lumber and clay is on the site, the contractor has turned up in the morning with a whole gang of labourers. We've just about finished the safety briefing when this **** wanders in, pulls out a gun and is like "Gimme all your lumber" I'm like you can't take that sh*t, I need it to pave my road and he points his gun at me and just tells all the workers to take the lumber away to these unmarked trucks and that's the last I see of my lumber.

Well that was all the lumber I had. I was hoping for a good havest but when I go to fell the trees he's there and he just points his gun at me and won't let me past. Later that week I go back to my work site and what do you know, f***ing MIKE is there and he's got a crew from Redonia and he's mysteriously got a bunch of lumber from nowhere which he's splitting and laying down and he's got this lovely wood paved road that will take all the traffic past his towns and funnily enough, of the robber, there's not a squeak.

This game piece ruined my life. Bluish Columbia was going to stretch from coast to coast with magnificent cities and beautiful port villages. Now Redonia is strangling it. I saw an ad for a tally clerk in an New Orangia clay pit the other day and god help me, I'm thinking of giving it all up and applying.

I wish the army would hunt him down but all the military industrial complex is interested in doing is enlarging itself. **** the robber. Shooting is too good for him.

Jaguars! fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Aug 4, 2020

Aubergine Mage

future skeleton soldier

Name: King Crab
Game: Battletech
Rating: What are you

In a universe filled with lasers and missiles and genetically engineered warriors, there's this...thing. A walking tank shaped like a giant crab. Why? I don't know!

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Finger Prince

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



Name: glass beads
Game: multiple
Rating: A++
You can use them as counters or markers or play pieces for like, Go or something, it doesn't matter because what's most important is they're very pretty and shiny and make a squeaky *shink shink* noise when you rub them together in their bag that tickles your spinal column just thinking about it.

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