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Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


Try suggin a ton o dicks

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Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

what if i gave you something to eat instead, like a tomato

If you give me some food I might give you money for it.

Do you think there's a business idea in there somewhere?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Get robot parts for most of your poo poo, sink all your money into mutual funds, rent a broom closet on Wall Street and hit the off switch with a timer to turn your poo poo back on in 200 years. Buy new black market organs, pawn the cyborg parts, buy as much land as you can, corner the melon market.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

Les Os
Mar 28, 2010


I saw on television if you wear a suit with money signs on it the government tells you where the secret money at

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Les Os posted:

I saw on television if you wear a suit with money signs on it the government tells you where the secret money at

If you wear that suit people will give you money to go away.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 15 days!


wait a minute

what if you just took other peoples money when they werent looking or something

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



i think it really would be cool to have lots and lots of money. i wouldnt even work anymore. like instead of my briefcase papers there would be briefcase money. and my mop bucket would be a money bucket instead

Fredrik1
Jan 22, 2005

Gopherslayer


Fallen Rib

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Hi guys. I've been thinking about my problems and I've realized that almost all of them could be solved if I just became rich.


I'm brainstorming ideas on how to do it right now and one that I really think has legs is if I got a job with a 7 or 8 figure salary but kept my expenses fairly low and invested the difference.

I'm open to any other ideas-

Just make your coffee at home and don't spend it on overpriced starbucks latte

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

Klomping endlessly thru the gray void...





Fun Shoe

Maybe I'm getting my thread mixed up, or something, but my advice is to keep a close eye on their comings and goings, find a pattern, then, strike when they are least aware.

You may have up to a couple of days to successfully extract all of the information you need from Rich, then just make a suit out of their skin, fool enough people, then suddenly decide to go live in a different country.
Voila, you have become Rich. although avoiding his exes might be a problem.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 15 days!


gary oldmans diary posted:

i think it really would be cool to have lots and lots of money. i wouldnt even work anymore. like instead of my briefcase papers there would be briefcase money. and my mop bucket would be a money bucket instead

Imagine going to the bank and just transferring money from one account into the other and maybe taking some money out of the bank and stuffing it into your pockets. Then as you're wrapping up, the teller says "Anything else, we can help you with today?" and you say "Well yes." and when they look at you expectantly, you look around at everyone and smile and say "I'd LIKE. SOME. MORE. MONEY!" and then point down at the counter where you want them to put the money you want them to give you, and then they do, right there.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Why bother with money at all? Anything you can get with money you can get with a gun. If you buy an apple with $100 note then that money is gone forever. If you buy that apple with a gun you still have the gun.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 15 days!


Not if you put the gun down to eat the apple

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Finally the thread where I tricked Big Beef City into admitting to eating apples two handed.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




Fredrik1 posted:

Just make your coffee at home and don't spend it on overpriced starbucks latte

I'm trying to become rich because i want to drink overpriced starbucks lattes

zedprime
Jun 9, 2007

yospos


You must forgo the Starbucks and avocado toast in order to become rich enough to have the Starbucks and avocado toast. One of the great mysteries of our lifetime but it works.

vandalism
Aug 4, 2003


Massage Jeffrey Epsteins feet.

Or go to a trade school and become a pipe fitter, welder, millwright, carpenter.

Or go to school to become a stem type of person.

Or invent the next facebook or amazon.

There are a lot of ways to make money.

Tiberius Christ
Mar 3, 2009


I thought this was someone trying to gorge themselves into the form of Rich Evans

prophet45
Aug 26, 2008


Have you considered crime?
But not poor people crime, rich people crime.

prophet45
Aug 26, 2008


Or just goto Syria or wherever and get held for ransom, then write a breast seeker about your experience when you get out.
It's foolproof.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

The first step to becoming rich is to get your toes real warm so you work up a good toe sweat, OP

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 15 days!


I want to write a breast seeker

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


OP banks have lots of money

have you tried going in with a bag and nicely asking them if they can fill it with money for you?

They might be willing to help you out if you ask nicely enough. Just ask worst case they say no.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.




I'm already a breast seeker

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.



Marry rich. Trick someone into giving it to you in a way that they can’t get it back. Spend a lot of time on potentially high return spaghetti flinging on YouTube or Twitch. Design your own currency on the photocopier. Make something everyone wants.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



do something that as a job has a completely ridiculous function no non-wealthy person would even consider paying for thus creating your own job position that works exclusively for the wealthy
for example a poor person wouldnt pay you anything to pet their dogs but a rich person might pay upwards of 1 gold coin or ruby per hour for that service

Zeniel
Oct 18, 2013


Kill the old pawn broker woman. Her life is over and she makes everyone else life miserable. Her money is better spend to aid you as you are more deserving of it Rodion. Why should she, an old miserly pawnbroker profit, when you, a poor university student, are down to their last kopeck?

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 15 days!


Carry a shovel in your hands and if it vibrates or glows near some landmark, dig. Chances are you will find a treasure or a quest item leading to an even larger treasure or your horrifying death. Possibly and hopefully both, op.

teardrop
Dec 20, 2004



vandalism posted:

Massage Jeffrey Epsteins feet.

Or go to a trade school and become a pipe fitter, welder, millwright, carpenter.

Or go to school to become a stem type of person.

Or invent the next facebook or amazon.

There are a lot of ways to make money.

He said Rich, not Middle Class

fist4jesus
Nov 24, 2002



Lowtax is single isnt he? Could also get in on the ground floor of his new forum. Shhh.

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010



Puppy rent business. Rent out puppies to people and once they dont get a certain amount of facebook\instagram likes you can trade it in for a new one. Rent 10 puppies and get a free coat!

Fredrik1
Jan 22, 2005

Gopherslayer


Fallen Rib

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

I'm trying to become rich because i want to drink overpriced starbucks lattes

Marry and divorse Jeff Bezos?

Novo
May 13, 2003

Stercorem pro cerebro habes

Soiled Meat

you have to want to become rich

in this country, if you are not rich, you just didn't want it badly enough

some people think it's sad how many people are poor

i think its shameful

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers


Top Cop

Raid a dungeon, there is always gold and magic loot at the bottom.
Get a sword and shield, or learn some wizard spells. Meet up with a thief and a cleric at a pub or something. You'll have to split the loot, so don't get too many people on your team.
You'll have to stab some monsters and undead, but just hang back a bit at each fight and let the wizard and cleric do most of the fighting, then jump in for the killing blow.
Repeat a few times on various dungeons, ancient castles, etc, and you should be pretty set up.

vandalism
Aug 4, 2003


teardrop posted:

He said Rich, not Middle Class

Just get a small loan of a million dollars.

Also being middle class owns. It's the top tier socioeconomic rank. Only plebs are poor or rich.

Fojar38
Sep 1, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->


You can't just "become" Rich Evans op

A CRAB IRL
May 6, 2009

The Deadliest Crotch



Grimey Drawer

Borrowed Ladder posted:

Rich people say it doesn't solve the problems that really matter and they would know

They can ram that up their collective hoops, my biggest problem is having to have a job that eats 50 hours of my life per week and that really, really loving matters

nullEntityRNG
Jun 23, 2010

Mostly pseudo-random.


So first you're gonna have to start out with money op. Probably 1 million dollars. Got to invest money to make money afterall

So you're gonna buy suburban households and get yourself a few properties. You won't use the million here, but rather use it as leverage for loans to buy the houses. This will get you a low rate. Now rent out those houses to people and use that money to pay off the loans. Don't go hog wild though, you're gonna just pay off the minimum and the rest invested in improving it.

Now you get these houses re-evaluated at a higher worth. You'll go back to the bank and take out another loan agaisnt the houses' new wealth. This should net you another 500k. Since you have all this property, you'll basically pay pennies on these loans.

Then you invest that money in strong businesses that provide dividends. Companies that would get bailed out when they inevitably fail.

Now that you have the stronger stock portfolio and all these assets you can reuse that million as more leverage for another loan for larger homes that you can repeat the process indefinitely, moving up to larger and larger properties.

Its real easy op. Can't see why no one else does it.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

OP just mooch off the OP when the OP becomes rich.

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1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


just make sure you don’t “die tryin’” or you’ll make 50 cent sad

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