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If it was, one of Stackpole's self-inserts (probably Phelan, but possibly Kai) would have to gently caress it
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Sep 13, 2020 02:31
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Far Country's just bizarre. So a crew of four mercenaries and some DEST Ninjas misjump and wind up Somewhere. Misjumps in BattleTech are a big deal. Usually just kill you, but since BattleTech's hyperspace is basically Warhammer 40000's The Warp without any deamons in it, Hyperspacet can do loving anything including dumping you into a star system in another galaxy or even shunting you off into another universe entirely if you gently caress up the space trigonometry. So these Mercs and DEST Ninjas aren't the first people to misjump and wind up at this particular Somewhere (which I will call Birbworld for no particular reason). A group of tank drivers from before the age before of BattleMechs suffered the same fate about 3 centuries earlier, so Birbworld is now populated by humans who have no poo poo founded cities that serve as an allegorical representation of greed, religion, and military might. These three allegorical (but somehow real) cities don't cooperate and wage perpetual war to kill each other with steam-powered tanks. Meanwhile, Birbworld's native inhabitants, a race of pseudo-anthropomorphic bird cavemen, are being oppressed and slaughtered by the humans because they're too stupid to just avoid them. These three allegorical (but very real) cities are somehow evenly matched even though one of them is supposed to be better at fighting than the other two. So one of the mercs dies at some point, and the other three basically pick a city to lord over in their BattleMechs while the DEST Ninjas steal a Locust and decide the mercs are crazy and go live in the jungle with the Cavebirbs. The Cavebirbs help the DEST Ninjas not get instantly murdered by the mercenaries because they think the Locust is an avatar of their god, the DEST ninjas kill one of the mercenaries and take another Locust so now they have TWO gods. Then the rough plot of Avatar happens and the DEST Ninjas decide the two surviving mercenaries are Their Problem After All and employ precisely none of the stealth ninja assassination skills they've been trained in their whole lives and don't actually do anything to eliminate the mercs even though killing them is supposedly their highest priority. Then the two surviving mercenaries kill each other, one by shooting the other's Javelin until it blows up and the other by lawn darting his Phoenix Hawk LAM into a rock moments later because he didn't realize he was running low on space jetfuel. So then the DEST Ninjas decide to take their DropShip (which was broken but it's working now DON'T ASK QUESTIONS) and go live on the moon, the results of this being: A) The Cavebirbs and the maybe twenty surviving allegorical human civilians have to work out their differences without the oversight of the only humans the Cavebirbs respect (which undoubtedly ended with the Cavebirbs poking two-meter spears through the twitching bodies of all the surviving humans) and B) The DEST Ninjas all asphyxiate on the moon. PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 03:32 on Sep 13, 2020 |
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Sep 13, 2020 03:17
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I think they use the original inhabitants' dropship to escape at the end. But yeah, it's an amazingly bizarre ride.
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Sep 13, 2020 04:00
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Aren't those also the only aliens in Battletech as well? Seems a tiny hill to drop that bombshell on?
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Sep 13, 2020 11:27
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PoptartsNinja posted:and the other by lawn darting his Phoenix Hawk LAM into a rock moments later because he didn't realize he was running low on space jetfuel. The best part of this is that the original LAM pilot traded it to the merc commander because he knew it was low on fuel and about to be useless. He took the low fuel warning bulb off the dash because he got sick of seeing it on. As the commander takes off in it, the pilot feels the bulb in his pocket and basically says "huh, guess I shoulda put that back, oh welp" Bug Squash posted:Aren't those also the only aliens in Battletech as well? Seems a tiny hill to drop that bombshell on? It's basically been full It Never Happened by all the grogs in BT who can't tolerate an affront to their space atheism
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Sep 13, 2020 16:04
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I didn't know Battlemechs needed space gas lmao
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Sep 13, 2020 17:18
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Bug Squash posted:Aren't those also the only aliens in Battletech as well? Seems a tiny hill to drop that bombshell on? There's plenty of aliens, but there's only two sapient species.
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Sep 13, 2020 17:55
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Bug Squash posted:Aren't those also the only aliens in Battletech as well? Nope! BattleTech does have other intelligent aliens, but the Cavebirbs are the most intelligent / the only ones capable of communicating with humans. It's possible the Sadly, BattleTech's version of the Genestealer isn't sapient (and doesn't steal genes). They're also three meters tall and have chameleonic skin so they're more like genestealer-shaped Lictors. PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Sep 13, 2020 |
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Sep 13, 2020 18:37
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PoptartsNinja posted:but for some reason they're not really inclined to try to communicate with anything gentler than a sharp rock. Why is that planet's flag an ink blot test?
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Sep 13, 2020 22:25
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Polaron posted:Why is that planet's flag an ink blot test? They can't all be Kooken's Pleasure Pit 
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Sep 14, 2020 00:19
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The best flag of all is New Samarkad, of course. They just put a loving NINJA on theirs because Urizen Kurita was history's greatest weeb.
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Sep 14, 2020 01:27
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 Qapla'
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Sep 14, 2020 02:28
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Pictured: the patriarch of the franchise's most prominent Black family And my boss
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Sep 14, 2020 02:37
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Sep 17, 2020 04:59
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Sep 17, 2020 12:38
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Looks like something out of Rifts.
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Sep 17, 2020 12:53
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Is that a totem mech for somebody
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Sep 17, 2020 13:39
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This loving rules, need more of this
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Sep 17, 2020 13:45
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Darn kids, get off my lawn!
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Sep 17, 2020 14:12
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Big Beef City posted:Is that a totem mech for somebody It's a Clanner protomech. Tulip posted:This loving rules, need more of this  Protomechs are baby mechs that more closely match Human physical movement. They cause neurological damage to the mechwarriors that pilot them though. NoNotTheMindProbe fucked around with this message at 08:28 on Sep 18, 2020 |
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Sep 18, 2020 08:22
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Aerospace pilots, not mechwarriors. A normally proportioned human is too big to fit in the space they had, plus pilots seem to have a higher washout rate so they had a bunch of skinny big-headed fucks lying around.
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Sep 18, 2020 09:13
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NoNotTheMindProbe posted:Protomechs are baby mechs that more closely match Human physical movement. I'm a fan of Alex Iglesias's unofficial Protomech redesigns, he really makes them look kinda neat. I'm torn though, because a big part of the charm of protomechs is how incredibly stupid they look.  Link for big
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Sep 18, 2020 14:05
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PoptartsNinja posted:I'm a fan of Alex Iglesias's unofficial Protomech redesigns, he really makes them look kinda neat. I'm torn though, because a big part of the charm of protomechs is how incredibly stupid they look. I boo these. The extremely weird protomech designs are undoubtedly my favorite battletech designs and I wish more of the other mechs were more like the minotaur and cecerops.
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Sep 18, 2020 16:12
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You'll like this one, then! It's a late-era protomech that's basically a Proto-LAM.
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Sep 18, 2020 18:15
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PoptartsNinja posted:It's a late-era protomech that's basically a Proto-LAM. Why
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Sep 18, 2020 19:02
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PoptartsNinja posted:You'll like this one, then! It's a late-era protomech that's basically a Proto-LAM. This loving rules.
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Sep 18, 2020 20:51
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Polaron posted:Why Because BattleTech.
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Sep 18, 2020 21:26
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Polaron posted:Why They're being driven by washed-out pilots anyway. Might as well see if you can use that, I guess.
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Sep 18, 2020 23:26
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PoptartsNinja posted:You'll like this one, then! It's a late-era protomech that's basically a Proto-LAM. thanks i hate it
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Sep 19, 2020 16:35
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It looks like it's wearing one of those Goa'uld masks from Stargate.
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Sep 19, 2020 19:26
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I like to play a game of "count the faces" on the Svartalfa. These are my favorite:    
PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 13:38 on Sep 20, 2020 |
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Sep 20, 2020 13:18
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how does that even walk forward? 
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Sep 20, 2020 23:12
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Like most tripodal walkers it's kinda like spinning around, but forward.
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Sep 21, 2020 01:09
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WilWheaton posted:how does that even walk forward? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHz1P5Obm0I
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Sep 21, 2020 02:40
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WilWheaton posted:how does that even walk forward? BattleTech tripods are essentially bipods with a spare leg they just lift off the ground, but they can change direction without cost by just changing which two legs they're walking with at any given time. They don't fall over if they lose a leg they just have to start paying MP to turn. They make a miniscule amount more sense with the third leg poking out the back like a tail but I figure that Triskelion pilot is making a crude innuendo.  Edit: All of the canonical tripods are also pretty hilariously bad. Two of them are superheavy (125-135 ton) "superweapons" and the other one is basically just an extremely expensive Catapult. BattleTech has a long-running trend of weird prototypes and "superweapons" actually being total poo poo, which I find refreshing. PoptartsNinja fucked around with this message at 02:55 on Sep 21, 2020 |
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Sep 21, 2020 02:44
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They know their fiction. They literally made a Tech Readout for Boondoggles. https://www.sarna.net/wiki/Experimental_Technical_Readout:_Boondoggles The running theme (besides the Enterprise Warship that was, oh my god) is "make it a LAM and watch it fail". Flying hovertanks, quad Mechs, and yes, a flying submarine.
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Sep 21, 2020 06:10
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I like Amaris's superheavy mech that has so many guns it can't walk.
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Sep 21, 2020 12:43
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NoNotTheMindProbe posted:I like Amaris's superheavy mech that has so many guns it can't walk. so, a bunker?
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Sep 21, 2020 13:16
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Putting the third leg in thr front just makes it a dick.
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Sep 21, 2020 13:45
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 13:05 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01iJiiaK5Ac
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Sep 21, 2020 14:06
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