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Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


The root of the issue has little to do with being gifted money. The issue is feeling like a failure, from which all other issues are compounded. It's pretty telling that you relate a story about lacking trust in your parents that circumnavigates straight into vague childhood preoccupations with feeling pressured to perform and feeling like you are being questioned/evaluated by your parents on 'sensitive' topics - the usual suspects being life direction, love life, other general personal issues etc.

The funny thing about these sensitive topics is that to somebody who is feeling grounded and confident, they really are nothing but chit-chat, but to somebody with rock-bottom self-worth, they feel like a dreaded inquisition or even almost personal attacks.

You feel like you're a failure in their eyes, whether it's true or not, and you feel like a failure yourself. That makes you depressed and poisons how you think others think and will react to you, and all the other ramifications you touch upon about how you're feeling. It's why you'd hide losing your job and putting yourself in a precarious financial situation. It's a pretty typical toxic combination of fear and pride, and it happens a lot in lot in prototypically supportive and wealthy families, often due to self-recognition of failing despite having advantages, parental expectations (and established successful parents to compare to), and a lack of drive due to a lack of necessity.

But anyway, rather than just ramble on about the why of it, as to what to do about it, in your shoes I'd put a pin in telling your parents about being out of work since June and come back to it later. Understand you may not have emotionally resolved it yet, but now is not the time. Focus entirely on turning your new job into a success. Establish stable financial footing with it, and try and grab a little bit of direction, whether that be through career, relationships or hobbies. You need to rebuild your self-esteem brick by brick. When you feel more secure and in a better state of mind, you can re-evaluate the merits of telling your parents about it or not. I honestly think obsessing about telling them now has a confessional self-loathing aspect to it. Will it help you? Will it help them? All it will do from my POV is just mess with how you perceive they think of you, and probably make them even more concerned and inquisitive into your personal affairs (meaning well), but that's not what you need right now.

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Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


Fruits of the sea posted:

Jeza came at the situation with a different angle than I did, but definitely agree that it is also advice worth listening to.

Yeah I didn't really mean to come across quite as curtly as that at the start but I couldn't edit my post, so, sorry about that.

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