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Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011



Times are tough but an old friend from HS runs a maid company. I will be having a working interview with her on Friday. What do I need to study to be a pro maid? I mean pro tips only, I know how to work a broom, mop, etc. We will be cleaning a corporate office so any tips on that specifically would be excellent. She said maids are very in demand now so this could be good.

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mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


If you work for Arnold Schwarzenegger, apparently you need to learn how to gently caress.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Michael Corleone posted:

Times are tough but an old friend from HS runs a maid company. I will be having a working interview with her on Friday. What do I need to study to be a pro maid? I mean pro tips only, I know how to work a broom, mop, etc. We will be cleaning a corporate office so any tips on that specifically would be excellent. She said maids are very in demand now so this could be good.

If this is serious you have it made since you can type, speak English, and are sober. Don't strike your friend I guess.

There are no pro tips, just a few major don'ts. Don't saturate phones or any electronics with cleaning spray. Spray the cloth, then wipe. Don't spray anything on computer screens at all, use a microfiber cloth. This includes compressed air on keyboards until you have practiced into a garbage can.

You want this job, corporate offices are the only cleaning job that isn't absolutely foul. Main thing is watch the person training you and listen. Hopefully they speak your language.

If you move things around on a desk only move what you are sure you can put right back where it was at a time.

You already know how to do this- there are no special "rules."

Ralph Crammed In
May 11, 2007

Let's get clean and smart

I've worked as a housekeeper in a few hotels before and the only requirements are 'has pulse' and 'does not obviously steal things'.

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007



Put an extra can liner inside underneath the newly replaced one after emptying. Sometimes the weekday people will mess up or throw away something shameful or otherwise use/damage/remove the liner. An extra will let them replace themselves instead of risking them chunking poo poo into the can raw. It's also helpful when attending to cans if you for whatever reason didn't have your trash bags on you or in reach.

Check under desks, legally any gum there is free to take and fist sized stone of it is worth its weight in ambergris.

Any break-room, food/drink dispensing area, gotta move poo poo around. People be cleaning up after themselves by pushing nasty poo poo just under anything they can. If here's a fridge, try to know their policy because if you can just loving throw everything away you'll save yourself some eventually gnarly fridge fudge cleaning work.

Get your hair up before working, don't wanna have to brush hair out of your eyes with dirty gloves or hands. And of course, always bring a brass knuckle

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~


Grimey Drawer

If the subject of dust comes up do a little spasm and tense up for a few seconds like you're trying to hide a pathological hatred of dust

low key sex master
May 27, 2004





if porn has taught me anything, you better be willing to clean anything in the house

and i mean anything

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Yes I've got some stories. I've done training all my life in the Hospitality industry (mostly puke, let's be real) and for a while I was training temps like you hire for the day from Labor Ready.

Imagine having to explain why wearing your razor blade necklace on the outside of your uniform is a bad idea and getting told "but my freedums."

Finding a box of condoms stashed on the main guy custodians cart and he's arrogant and grinning when confronted because they are Magnums. Same guy told me within 3 minutes of meeting him he's not Black he's Cape Verdean. We, rear end in a top hat

He was loving half the staff

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007



is razor blade necklace what it sounds like? if so, is there a context in which it isn't a bad idea? what good could possibly be wrought from such a necklace?

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator

Khanstant posted:

is razor blade necklace what it sounds like? if so, is there a context in which it isn't a bad idea? what good could possibly be wrought from such a necklace?

Think of how quickly you could shave your chest and neck area with a good shimmy and shake! I'm doing it right n

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011



Thanks for the replies. I can wear whatever I want as long as it is non-offensive so gonna have to leave my All Lives Matter shirt at home but seems like an easy gig. I am a male and have a short hair so no need for a tie up. I will be wearing a K or actually I will bust out an N95 for this one, with a face shield and a backward ball cap, all approved by the boss!

ilovebeersooomuch
May 23, 2014



Khanstant posted:

is razor blade necklace what it sounds like? if so, is there a context in which it isn't a bad idea? what good could possibly be wrought from such a necklace?

A smooth, kissable neck?

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011



Oh yeah, she said I need to have my own gloves. She wears the big yellow ones that go up to your elbows. I might just buy 2 pairs of them or go to Harbor Freight and buy a box of the thick gloves for like 10 bux! You don't NEED them but it is recommend so you don't ruin your hands with chemicals.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Khanstant posted:

is razor blade necklace what it sounds like? if so, is there a context in which it isn't a bad idea? what good could possibly be wrought from such a necklace?

Showing everyone that you are a cool hip druggie

ELI PORTER
Sep 16, 2007

I posted on Something Awful and all I got was this lousy t-shirt


Eat a big bowl of spicy chili and then blow up a toilet with the diarrhea.

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007



I had a tempo agency job one summer in college as janitor for this fake-medicine-scam business. One room I had to clean was "the powder room" and it was stacks of sacks of various powders and containers for them to go in, some kind of big vacuum tube system too, a lot of it looked kind of cartoony to me. It was supposed to be a "clean" room, so other workers weren't supposed to be in there or walk through, but the layout of the place made it a really logical place to cut-through so people still did. Even so, I wasn't always sweeping powder into trash, they'd hoover it up sometimes lol. I was also concerned b/c they didn't have masks for me to wear, but some of the pill-making workers did? They told me that powder room was non-toxic, just inert fillers or whatever. I still brought the mask I'd wear for drawing classes to avoid black-charcoal-boogers.

They eventually did have me cleaning the toxic stuff, some of which was basically the cleaning solutions being the toxicest part. It was all non-FDA "medicine," lotta homeopathic poo poo, bottles that are like "take 12 pills every 6 hours." Kind of place that also sold healing crystal pyramids and like coffee enemeas and whacky stuff like that. Anyway, hated dealing with the toxic stuff more than cleaning bathrooms so if any test tube or beaker or whatever was going to require mechanical effort to clean, I'd just toss it in the broken dirty glass hazard bin. They could buy replacements for the price of one bottle of their snake oil, gently caress em.

as a "bonus" for working there, i was given one item worth up to 25 bucks or something a month. The coffee enema and crystal healing objects were what I wanted but out of the price range, so I settled for a jar of pink rock salt one month and this jar of raw-honey with chunks of bees and hive still in it. It was good on toast but I think it also makes me immortal b/c of the royal jelly in it or whatever.

edit: Sorry, there's no actual protip there. Uh, just be safe, you don't know what those office goons are up to in the back.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun



Nap Ghost

order a french maid outfit off of ebay i'm sure there's a stringent dress code

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018




My friend's dad in high school had a once a month maid since he was a single dad and traveled all the time for work. She would clean my friends bong every time it owned she was awesome we started leaving her nugs.

pnumoman
Sep 26, 2008


Be attentive, show up on time, do what you're told. Ask if there's anything else you need to do if you find yourself with nothing to do. They're just looking for red flags, so don't be an idiot and you got it.

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011



Khanstant posted:

I had a tempo agency job one summer in college as janitor for this fake-medicine-scam business. One room I had to clean was "the powder room" and it was stacks of sacks of various powders and containers for them to go in, some kind of big vacuum tube system too, a lot of it looked kind of cartoony to me. It was supposed to be a "clean" room, so other workers weren't supposed to be in there or walk through, but the layout of the place made it a really logical place to cut-through so people still did. Even so, I wasn't always sweeping powder into trash, they'd hoover it up sometimes lol. I was also concerned b/c they didn't have masks for me to wear, but some of the pill-making workers did? They told me that powder room was non-toxic, just inert fillers or whatever. I still brought the mask I'd wear for drawing classes to avoid black-charcoal-boogers.

They eventually did have me cleaning the toxic stuff, some of which was basically the cleaning solutions being the toxicest part. It was all non-FDA "medicine," lotta homeopathic poo poo, bottles that are like "take 12 pills every 6 hours." Kind of place that also sold healing crystal pyramids and like coffee enemeas and whacky stuff like that. Anyway, hated dealing with the toxic stuff more than cleaning bathrooms so if any test tube or beaker or whatever was going to require mechanical effort to clean, I'd just toss it in the broken dirty glass hazard bin. They could buy replacements for the price of one bottle of their snake oil, gently caress em.

as a "bonus" for working there, i was given one item worth up to 25 bucks or something a month. The coffee enema and crystal healing objects were what I wanted but out of the price range, so I settled for a jar of pink rock salt one month and this jar of raw-honey with chunks of bees and hive still in it. It was good on toast but I think it also makes me immortal b/c of the royal jelly in it or whatever.

edit: Sorry, there's no actual protip there. Uh, just be safe, you don't know what those office goons are up to in the back.

Well that is pretty crazy, sorry for your lung cancer (hopefully just a funny joke) with the situation now I will be wearing an N95 for the first day I have 6 fresh ones and one only warn once. Once I get the job I will buy a box on Medident. I have 20 virgin Stables masks and 10 that are in decontamination because people are in and out of here like once a week to fix the windows, they come and do one a day ok, very smart! Anyway to the funny guy in the back there is no dress code as long as it is non offensive, you know who you are

Chomp8645
Sep 1, 2006

THIS NEW AV WILL LET ME POST LIZARD TITS TWICE AS EFFICIENTLY!

IT'S GIVING ME A FUCKING BONER RIGHT NOW!


Polish my spear.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

I thought it was time you had a new av so typed in random picture and this is what came up


Depends on whether or not you're an argonian

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I just had an epiphany: the internet is useless!






Ultra Carp

Khanstant posted:

I had a tempo agency job one summer in college as janitor for this fake-medicine-scam business. One room I had to clean was "the powder room" and it was stacks of sacks of various powders and containers for them to go in, some kind of big vacuum tube system too, a lot of it looked kind of cartoony to me. It was supposed to be a "clean" room, so other workers weren't supposed to be in there or walk through, but the layout of the place made it a really logical place to cut-through so people still did. Even so, I wasn't always sweeping powder into trash, they'd hoover it up sometimes lol. I was also concerned b/c they didn't have masks for me to wear, but some of the pill-making workers did? They told me that powder room was non-toxic, just inert fillers or whatever. I still brought the mask I'd wear for drawing classes to avoid black-charcoal-boogers.

They eventually did have me cleaning the toxic stuff, some of which was basically the cleaning solutions being the toxicest part. It was all non-FDA "medicine," lotta homeopathic poo poo, bottles that are like "take 12 pills every 6 hours." Kind of place that also sold healing crystal pyramids and like coffee enemeas and whacky stuff like that. Anyway, hated dealing with the toxic stuff more than cleaning bathrooms so if any test tube or beaker or whatever was going to require mechanical effort to clean, I'd just toss it in the broken dirty glass hazard bin. They could buy replacements for the price of one bottle of their snake oil, gently caress em.

as a "bonus" for working there, i was given one item worth up to 25 bucks or something a month. The coffee enema and crystal healing objects were what I wanted but out of the price range, so I settled for a jar of pink rock salt one month and this jar of raw-honey with chunks of bees and hive still in it. It was good on toast but I think it also makes me immortal b/c of the royal jelly in it or whatever.

edit: Sorry, there's no actual protip there. Uh, just be safe, you don't know what those office goons are up to in the back.

how was the coffee enema tho? invigorating?

NC Wyeth Death Cult
Dec 30, 2005

He lost his life in Chadds Ford, he was dancing with a train.

I know no one sets out to be a super-duper, awesome janitor but there are a few things you should do that will help.

-Vacuum tile floors before you mop. Use a barely damp mop when you do tile to keep streaks down.
-edges and corners when you vacuum
-Look for little places where dust can collect and dust it.
-Clean the toilet pedestal, esp where the bolts are, and behind it. If there are men in the house, wipe the wall next to the toilet, too.
-If it smells clean, then to the client, it is clean. Don't go nuts with bleach but a little scent at nose-height will go a long way.
-Your clients will set lovely traps to test your honesty or find ways to gently caress with you because people suck. Remember: they aren't your friend.

Last but not least- some weirdly specific advice applicable to the building I worked at: don't gently caress anyone on the job, there are cameras everywhere, and don't buy drugs off Eddie or Anthony. They deal to the guards and are in some kind of quasi war that you're best not getting on anyone's bad side. Ed will go behind you and dump coffee grounds on the floors you just waxed.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020



Shoot that good post reminds me of a genuine tip or trick

If there is anything shiny like the knobs and faucet in a bathroom and the mirror you MUST get those right, take more time on the mirror than the floor practically. We are like birds and our eyes are drawn to it. If a bathroom mirror and faucets are clean the rest could be not really that clean and seem ok, I'm serious.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

working from home


Nap Ghost

i need a maid, can't be arsed to clean anything these days, place is a mess

But i dont want anyone in my house they might steal stuff

where's the slutty robot maids

Michael Corleone
Mar 30, 2011



Supreme Allah posted:

i need a maid, can't be arsed to clean anything these days, place is a mess

But i dont want anyone in my house they might steal stuff

where's the slutty robot maids

I promise I would only steal one thing from you OP, your heart with how awesome I clean!

Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.


I was a janitor at a community college for a few months. Was a super easy and chill job actually. One of the better manual labor jobs I had. Pretty sure cleaning an office will be similar, just donít gently caress around with peoples desks by moving anything around. I donít know how your gig will work, but I think a lot of office cleaners donít even wipe down desks or screens to avoid that, just let the employees at least maintain their desk top.

snergle
Aug 3, 2013


Michael Corleone posted:

Times are tough but an old friend from HS runs a maid company. I will be having a working interview with her on Friday. What do I need to study to be a pro maid? I mean pro tips only, I know how to work a broom, mop, etc. We will be cleaning a corporate office so any tips on that specifically would be excellent. She said maids are very in demand now so this could be good.

i hope you didnt bully your "old friend from hs" because sounds like a very elaborate mean spirited prank.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Spinz posted:

If this is serious you have it made

heh

Strumpie
Dec 8, 2012


i hired a self employed maid and her work whatsapp picture was just her in a bra making duck face.

i don't think i hired a maid, yet she cleaned the house just fine.

Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.


Strumpie posted:

i hired a self employed maid and her work whatsapp picture was just her in a bra making duck face.

i don't think i hired a maid, yet she cleaned the house just fine.

What do you think you hired if not a maid?

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun



Nap Ghost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bORW_YEmHwY

Strumpie
Dec 8, 2012


Tetramin posted:

What do you think you hired if not a maid?

someone who got pregnant and stopped turning up to clean my house after a few weeks.

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006



Fun Shoe

I cleaned airbnbs and it was sick. If the work I got now dried up id do it again

Strumpie
Dec 8, 2012


Isaac posted:

I cleaned airbnbs and it was sick. If the work I got now dried up id do it again

sick as in nasty or sicknasty?

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006



Fun Shoe

It was good. The work was easy and flexible and it paid a fair bit. I billed $60 per clean and if noone hosed the place up it could be done in about an hour

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof



Michael Corleone posted:

Times are tough but an old friend from HS runs a maid company. I will be having a working interview with her on Friday. What do I need to study to be a pro maid? I mean pro tips only, I know how to work a broom, mop, etc. We will be cleaning a corporate office so any tips on that specifically would be excellent. She said maids are very in demand now so this could be good.

If you're a woman, you need to wear a stereotypical "slutty French maid" costume. If you're a guy, you need to wear a "slutty French butler" costume, consisting of a formal shirt, tie, evening coat, spats, patent leather shoes, and assless cow-pattern chaps without underwear.

you broke my grill
Jul 11, 2019



there was a mission on GTA5 where you do this

just make sure to mop when people are looking at you

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ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015


Just apply in a super tidy house and you got like 17 ways to make it there with minimal effort.

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