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William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



A lot of brave Americans fought in World War II. You have to be brave, very brave, to win a battle like Kursk. Big battle, Kursk, one of the biggest, but we won. The German King Panthers would come over the hill and fire, their guns were very big, very bad news, but we held firm. "Bocage!" our soldiers would cry, which was how they warned each other that the big tanks -- very big, some of the biggest -- had been sighted.

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Zugzwang
Jan 2, 2005

I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.


Ramrod XTreme

The Spanish Flu ended WW2. And we won! Are we supposed to believe pandemics are bad things?

Stunt_enby
Feb 6, 2010



im a big dumb loving baby who wears diapers and shits my pants, also World War 2

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


What do I know of this "Hitler" fellow? What do YOU know of this "Hitler" fellow huh? Nobody knows. Nobody. What a fellow.

WILDTURKEY101
Mar 7, 2005

Incredible

i am the embodiment of hate and ignorance and i keep getting fatter every day my own battle of the bulge

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


Further, let's put it this way: Germany is like Hitler's house, and it is rich with twinkies and natural deposits of X-Boxes. What would you do if someone came into your house and stole your X-Boxes and twinkies? Or if, you know, there were certain people who had demonstrated a propensity to probably stealing your x-boxes and twinkies and were on your property, what is justifiable?

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

Many people are saying we lost. That we lost the war.
But we won, folks. You were there. We were there. The generals were all there, just the best, the best generals and the biggest... and they all agreed!
They came to me and said "sir, sir! It was so dangerous, sir, the war. But we won, sir." And we did. We did.
Some people of course didn't make it and that's no good. We're looking into that still to see what happened, folks, because we need people who don't get lost to win wars against...
Some people call them Nazis, I personally think that's a little strong, maybe they're Nazis, maybe they're not, who knows? But we need to defeat them. Take em out! Is what I told the generals, and they said "sir we've already won against them sir" and we did. We did. But some say they're still out there, who knows.

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007


the holocaust - and this is the first ive heard about this - but the holocaust - i don't think it happened. the hitler i knew, and i knew him well. great man. great ideas. heard he only had one ball if you can believe that but he's a just a terrific guy

*intern whispers in trumps ear*

i never really knew hitler too well but they're saying awful, awful things about what went on over there. i don't know. never met the guy

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



maybe many jews died in the powerful holocaust, but i'm not so sure. many people are saying this.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



you have a very big, powerful army, in the form of hitler. and then on the other side you have england.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

These Germans think they can beat America? That's a big mistake. Angela Merkel, she's a nasty woman, but you know what that's ok. No, that's ok because we have nuclear weapons. Have you heard of these? Big bombs. Biggest bombs the world has ever built. Many experts have told me that America has the biggest bombs. So that's what we're gonna do.

ELI PORTER
Sep 16, 2007

I posted on Something Awful and all I got was this lousy t-shirt


This World War 2 is not very groovy baby yeah. Not very shagadelic.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


We're closely following the terrible events unfolding in Auschwitz. We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence - on many sides, on many sides.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


"It was a business trip."

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!


Dinosaur Gum

Gina War

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013


Ramrod XTreme

We have the biggest bombs, in terms of war, that Japan has ever seen. Very friendly people, the Japanese. You know I met the Emperor? Burrito? Tiny man. Very nice. But we blew 'em up! Many people are asking if we have more bombs and I say sure, sure. We really do, and we have the top people making them every day. Scientists. American workers make the bombs that we sent...Did you know the Japanese were very sneaky? I mean that. Nice people, wonderful people, ok? But sneaky. And I tell people that's why we had to bomb them so badly.

Maximum Sexy Pigeon
Jun 5, 2008

We must never speak of this!

You know who was the hero of WWII, John Wayne, I've seen heaps of beautiful footage of him in WWII, he's a big fan of me, always has been, everyone knows it. The do-nothing Democrats wanted to stop John from winning WWII.

Jeffrey Dahmer
May 21, 2017
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


Muldoon

Things that are bad in order worst to slightly less worst:

1) Trump impressions
2) Trump himself

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007


we had a guy at last week's rally saying his grandfather died in that war, he died, he fell out of a guard tower in germany. very sad story. but it's a war, well. it's what war is. and we can do it again.

food court bailiff
Oct 2, 2007

fast n furious foodstuff



Soiled Meat

Jeffrey Dahmer posted:

Things that are bad in order worst to slightly less worst:
0) Jeffrey Dahmerís godawful posts
1) Trump impressions
2) Trump himself

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


If sneaky, slippery manbaby Hirohito thinks he can take on the USA, I've got news for him! (Jan 1935)

I went to see a Noh play once. I was bored.

You know they don't cook fish, right? They eat it all raw. That's, that's what they do. The emperors spent so much on lookalikes they didn't have anything left on the poison-tasting budget. So they just fired the chef.

Iíve known Adolf for fifteen years. Terrific guy. Heís a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it ó Adolf enjoys his social life.

EVERY TIME GOING
Mar 17, 2006





Big Beef City posted:

We have the biggest bombs, in terms of war, that Japan has ever seen. Very friendly people, the Japanese. You know I met the Emperor? Burrito? Tiny man. Very nice. But we blew 'em up! Many people are asking if we have more bombs and I say sure, sure. We really do, and we have the top people making them every day. Scientists. American workers make the bombs that we sent...Did you know the Japanese were very sneaky? I mean that. Nice people, wonderful people, ok? But sneaky. And I tell people that's why we had to bomb them so badly.

That's a finely marbled cut of standup material right there. Throw it on the grill with a splash of assertive delivery and you're bringing down the house.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


"I had a nice long conversation with Hitler on the phone, and I was very impressed with his leadership. He assured me that he is working on banking reforms and I support his methods"

-Trump

Les Os
Mar 28, 2010


the mediaís treated hitler very unfairly. very unfair. almost as unfairly as theyíve treated me. can you believe it? steve here knows exactly what Iím talking about. I see you steve. but weíve been doing a bunch of big, a bunch of great things and I think youíll be very surprised to see whatís coming up in november. or maybe you wonít. thatís for the American people to decide but all I can say is everyoneís doing a terrific job in our administration. take a look at the poll numbers. the majority of Americans think weíre doing great work. all the time people come up to me and say, my business is thriving for the first time in years. thank you me president. actually Hitler would kill for our poll numbers but itís a terrible situation over there and some people are calling it president obamas biggest failure

Xaintrailles
Aug 14, 2015



One time I was throwing up a double cheeseburger and sneezed and some brains came out of my mouth but no cheeseburger puke did.

Turambar
Feb 20, 2001

A Túrin Turambar turun ambartanen

Grimey Drawer

"Very fine people on both sides"

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the President is dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin


There's a guy named Hitler, okay? And he's... they call him the Further, because he has taken the country of Germany much further than anyone thought possible. Which is incredible, quite frankly, that's a country that was doing VERY POORLY after, you know, after the... but the numbers were not good, and now? He's made the numbers much better, incredibly better. It's really something to see, I mean... he has his fans, I'll say that, a lot of people think he's doing an incredible job in a lot of ways, and I suppose there are some who don't believe that. But you know, I know all about that, I have critics of my own. I call 'em the FAKE NEWS, and I think Hitler knew a thing or two about that, in his own way.

But the FAKE NEWS will never report this, never talk about. So nobody knows it. But actually, actually? There was another country in Japan, although it's one you might not think of. It's called Japan, the islands of Japan, who we have a pretty incredible relationship with now, don't we? But back then? NOT SO MUCH. Not so good. But we dropped some bombs, we bomb the hell out of them, we dropped bombs on Tokyo and HEE-ROSS-SHE-MAH and blew the hell out of that country. And now? Now they make some incredible cars, they do a thing they call the bowling ball test on these cars and it makes them the most incredible cars, nobody knows this but it's true. So we're looking at doing the bowling ball test over here, very strongly.

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018



Pillbug

*violently shits pants so hard it breaks a hole in the pants and sprays poo and diarrhea all over the podium background*

"Hitler was a man and he -"

*another wave of poo poo turns the whole cloth into shades of brown and yellow*

"and you can't really blame"

*loud farts drown out all other sounds*

"And I say: Mission accomplished!"

*proudly raises fist and walks out of the press conference*

Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



My buddy PUTIN told me that Russia won the world war two and not America. I'm a bad president.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Folks, back in World War eye-eye or W2 as some people are calling it, you had the big, strong burly men go overseas. Some, they say, went to GINA and never returned but most went to Germany, and itís a terrible thing, tremendous loss for the Germans but also a great triumph for them. So many died, all of them in fact. The Jews. Whereís my Jews? I see you, Jared. Stand up, please.

So the Jews died in the shower and then we dropped a Fat Man on Japan. No one had ever done this before. Incredible, from the standpoint of nookular power. And? And, there was a little boy too, he cried with tears in his eyes as he fell, much like the little boys and girls who used to live on that beautiful island with my great friend Jeffery.

Have you heard about Rosie? The Riveter? Wow! Love the Rosie and love the Rivets. All the men were gone, did you know this? No men, and Rosie did all the jobs, almost as good as the men until she got sick from the CHINA VIRUS in 1917 and that ended the Great War, as itís known today.

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!


Hitler one time fed deer. Would you also feed deer? The answer is clear, people.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

The magnificent story of Dwayt al-Shrood.



Those nazis, they were the bad guys. Real bad guys. But they did great things. Look at their economy, their economy was second to none! But yeah, bad guys, that's the horror cost, right? The terrible toll the people paid to make that machine work, the horror cost we always talk about. That's why we had to fight them. It had nothing to do with japan, and we had to fight japan too, but we had to fight germany.

So we did it! America saved France and saved Hawaii, that's why they joined our great union. Great things, we did in world war 2, great things. We had the biggest army with the most courage, and we did great things. The Normandy beach landings, we did that. Iwo Jima, we did that. Great moments of american triumph, on display for the world to see. America... America is the hero. We're the good guys. The world's hero.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the President is dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin


We built a bomb, an incredible bomb from the standpoint of explosions, which we called the ADAM BOMB, after the man from the bible. He was the first man and this was the first bomb in a lot of ways, the first real bomb besides things like fireworks and others.

And we had the bomb and they built it, some great minds built that bomb, and actually? ACTUALLY? My great uncle worked on the bomb. And as a little boy I saw him working on the bomb and I said "What is this?" And my uncle, who never cried a day in his life, he had tears in his eyes. And this was a big guy, big strong scientist guy straight out of central casting. But he said "Sir, it's the Adam Bomb. And we're working on the Eve Bomb next."

And I asked why we had it, why we didn't use it to end the war, end the second World War which is a... it's actually not the 2nd time we fought a war, in fact. There's a lesser known war we fought against the British, but it's very important to us, isn't it? It's where we won our freedom, we became the United Stateshhhh on that cold day back centuries ago. But I asked about the bomb and my Uncle said "Sir, we never thought about it before. We never thought of dropping the bomb."

So, you know, they dropped the bomb and things were very bad for a while and then very good. And that's where we are today, thanks to Adam. I don't... I think we still have Eve somewhere, I don't think they ever dropped her. They talk a lot about Fat Man and Little Boy, who were the code names for Winston Churchill and the other man, the President at the time... JFK... because he was in the wheel chair of course.

I think I would have easily ended that war without the bomb, but what.... that's something to think about, isn't it? Maybe Japan would still be with us today if that was true.

Master J Plus
Apr 20, 2010
eggcup
E-G-G-C-U-P
eggcup


Who wouldn't bomb the japs???

biglads
Feb 21, 2007

I could've gone to Blatherwycke




Fun Shoe

You know, World War Eleven was a big war, one of the biggest. And we won (gestures toward flag) and it was NO THANKS to Joe Biden and the extremists in the Democratic party. Eleven world wars and the United States won them all. It's humbling to think about all of those dictators, Churchill, the French guy, maybe Castro. It's all there in the history books.

MakaVillian
Aug 15, 2003

Well, in Whoville they say - that his tiny hands grew three sizes that day.


College Slice

A Fancy Hat posted:

We built a bomb, an incredible bomb from the standpoint of explosions, which we called the ADAM BOMB, after the man from the bible. He was the first man and this was the first bomb in a lot of ways, the first real bomb besides things like fireworks and others.

And we had the bomb and they built it, some great minds built that bomb, and actually? ACTUALLY? My great uncle worked on the bomb. And as a little boy I saw him working on the bomb and I said "What is this?" And my uncle, who never cried a day in his life, he had tears in his eyes. And this was a big guy, big strong scientist guy straight out of central casting. But he said "Sir, it's the Adam Bomb. And we're working on the Eve Bomb next."

And I asked why we had it, why we didn't use it to end the war, end the second World War which is a... it's actually not the 2nd time we fought a war, in fact. There's a lesser known war we fought against the British, but it's very important to us, isn't it? It's where we won our freedom, we became the United Stateshhhh on that cold day back centuries ago. But I asked about the bomb and my Uncle said "Sir, we never thought about it before. We never thought of dropping the bomb."

So, you know, they dropped the bomb and things were very bad for a while and then very good. And that's where we are today, thanks to Adam. I don't... I think we still have Eve somewhere, I don't think they ever dropped her. They talk a lot about Fat Man and Little Boy, who were the code names for Winston Churchill and the other man, the President at the time... JFK... because he was in the wheel chair of course.

I think I would have easily ended that war without the bomb, but what.... that's something to think about, isn't it? Maybe Japan would still be with us today if that was true.

Good lord I actually pictured him saying all of this

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~


MakaVillian posted:

Good lord I actually pictured him saying all of this

A Fancy Hat has a true gift for channeling our big wetly president

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019


Hitler? Great guy. Terrific guy. I hear he likes beautiful women. Some say as much as I do. I. Very very I.

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Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good

I remember how we beat the Germans, we used the big bomb, we called it the Manhattan Project. You know, I know a lot about Manhattan projects, like how I designed and built Trump Tower, greatest building project in Manhattan, no, the world. Such a big and beautiful building, and I think it would have stopped the war just as much as the bomb, the Nazis would have seen it and be so amazed at what I did. They'll go to me and say "Mr. Trump how can we build such a great thing?", and I'll tell them that they have to stop the war and then we'll build great buildings together.

Also, Japan, they went to war with China I heard. Then I think they were losing and came up to us and asked us for protection, they begged America to place their army there and then we beat China and they kept asking us to stay there because they were so worried, they were not a very strong nation then you see. So that's how we stayed in Japan and you know they still don't pay us enough for it! I think that's what happened in Korea too, they're also next to China and they've got a history of aggression and trade manipulation. Can you believe it, we're the ones footing the bill to keep China in check with our troops and we're still losing the trade war. No more folks, it ends now!

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