- Prof. Crocodile
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by popular demand this thrad is being created for all yobbers to livepost together all at once in a joyous cacophony of jokes, serious commentary, gifs, and emptyquotes
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Aug 14, 2020 15:42
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Apr 19, 2024 12:04
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- Prof. Crocodile
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it's a live thread, like cnn but in text format basically
i believe this is exactly what GaG had in mind when he suggested it
at least i hope so cuz that's what he's gettin
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Aug 14, 2020 15:54
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- Prof. Crocodile
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i wanna photoshop something but idk what
i would suggest wilfred brimley aheago but i don't think the world is ready
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Aug 14, 2020 17:10
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- Prof. Crocodile
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here we go, firing up hard target right now, and you can tell by the first 45 seconds of the titles that it is a 90's action movie
allo allo trashed crew
enjoying some dank bourbon toinght, and during my liveposting of hard target imma take a drink every time someone says a line that I can't understand because of their accent (real or fake)
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Aug 15, 2020 00:00
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- Prof. Crocodile
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kasi lemmons? Star of fear of a black hat and director of harriet? how do I not remember her in this movie?
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Aug 15, 2020 00:01
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- Prof. Crocodile
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fcuk me van damme has spoken 6 words so far and every one was unintelligible, but i am counting that as one line
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Aug 15, 2020 00:08
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- Prof. Crocodile
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okay i got like 90% of what jcvd said there so i am only taking a small drink
oh and here we go with the kicking
kick kick kick kick kick kick kick punch kick kick break-arm-over-shoulder
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Aug 15, 2020 00:11
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- Prof. Crocodile
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gonna crack a beer if there are more photoshop ideas maybe something to do with that forklin
can you make forklin rear up and gallop like a might steed?
i hope other orbs will have better ideas cuz that's all i've got now
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Aug 15, 2020 00:12
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- Prof. Crocodile
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just now realizing that yancy butler is NOT the chick from in the mouth of madness. i had been operating under that assumption for years
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Aug 15, 2020 00:19
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Good luck with understanding the big bad's right hand man. I nicknamed him count duckula
it's the dude who played the mummy in the mummy!
they just introduced him. i wonder if there's a term for when the hero of an action movie sees the villain really early on and they give each other that look that says 'yes i just met you but i know that soon we will be kicking each other to death.'
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Aug 15, 2020 00:26
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Good luck with understanding the big bad's right hand man. I nicknamed him count duckula
oh you're right though his accent is pretty thick. that's one more drink. i am averaging a drink of bourbon every six minutes this is unsustainable
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Aug 15, 2020 00:28
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- Prof. Crocodile
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trademark john woo fluttering dove at 30:00:00
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Aug 15, 2020 00:30
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- Prof. Crocodile
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heck yes, count duckula just shot the crooked doctor through a peephole.
that doesn't sound incredible now, but when this movie came out american action films were pretty artless punch-fests
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Aug 15, 2020 00:43
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Just finished a cup of tea and a mandarin, now trying to decide between reading airport trash and playing a video game
which video game and which airport trash? this decision is not as easy as it might seem at first blush...
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Aug 15, 2020 00:44
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- Prof. Crocodile
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this movie really shows john woo's ability to orchestrate all the aspects of a film under constraints. Van damme's accent too prominent? Film it in new orleans and say he's creole. Hyper-violent premise too unbelievable? Set it during a police strike in the notoriously lawless state of Louisiana. Low budget? Make the most of picturesque public locations and use a combination of talented young actors and solid character actors.
e: story a little light, just make every other scene is slow motion to get to 90-minute runtime
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 00:54 on Aug 15, 2020
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Aug 15, 2020 00:50
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- Prof. Crocodile
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you see a guy in black leather and a motorcycle helmet standing in front of a bunch of cardboard boxes and you just know that dude is getting kicked into them boxes
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Aug 15, 2020 00:57
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- Prof. Crocodile
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homegirl thought van damme was going to kiss her, but instead she got to see him punch a rattlesnake, which is like 1000 times better
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Aug 15, 2020 01:02
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- Prof. Crocodile
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rip wilfred brimley now god only has the second best facial hair in heaven
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Aug 15, 2020 01:04
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- Prof. Crocodile
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I think the overuse of slow-motion is my favorite part of this movie.
i kind of agree
there is kind of an artistry to it. john woo uses slow motion like monet used light, like it's an integral part of the storytelling not just a cinematic flourish
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Aug 15, 2020 01:07
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- Prof. Crocodile
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"you are a loving buffalo" - Lance Henriksen, apropos to nothing
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Aug 15, 2020 01:09
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- Prof. Crocodile
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lance henriksen use a thompson contender in the movie, which I think is meant to be a tribute to a character from john woo's masterwork hard boiled who used a smilar target pistol.
A target pistol seemed kinda out of place in hard boiled with all the hihg-octane gunplay but it really fits the hunting motif of this film and the character of the villain
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Aug 15, 2020 01:18
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- Prof. Crocodile
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In his Hong Kong era stuff, for sure. Here I was more thinking that the overuse causes an unintentional comedic effect. Like that one scene where the female lead (forgot her name rn) stumbles and it plays the scene over from like three angles in slow-motion.
Although all this made me reach a conclusion I'm not entirely thrilled about : John woo is arthouse Michael Bay.
i mean yeah this may be jcvd's best film but is like john woo's 10th best film
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Aug 15, 2020 01:20
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- Prof. Crocodile
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also now realizing that i always picture van damme with a mullet even though i think this is the only movie in he had a mullet
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Aug 15, 2020 01:22
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Yeah I noticed that too! He really likes that gun. Hard Boiled is great. I might livepost it next weekend, since your thread gave me the idea.
well use this thrad that is what it is here for
that and forbidden aheago 'shops
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Aug 15, 2020 01:23
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- Prof. Crocodile
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jean claude van damme, eh... hmmm
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Aug 15, 2020 01:28
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- Prof. Crocodile
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ok ok ... i'm just spitballing here but... i'm thinking a buddy cop movie with aged but classic french action star jcvd and current gbs darling forklin...
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Aug 15, 2020 01:31
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- Prof. Crocodile
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lance henriksen is the best grimacer in show business, and i will not hear otherwise
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Aug 15, 2020 01:31
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- Prof. Crocodile
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fukcen lol I forgot the grenade scene
one of the most underrated villain death in action cinema
e: and ending on a credence song is a nice touch
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Aug 15, 2020 01:33
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Thank u for this insight into jcvd, who has not previously touched my life much
Muffin splits for lunch w/ butter, wholegrain mustard, trying to make it through to monday on my current supplies
Considering liveblogging interstella 5555 now, it's not like i've got better to do on a lockdown saturday afternoon
what is interstalla 5555? might as well use this thrad for its intended purpose and 
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Aug 15, 2020 01:56
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- Prof. Crocodile
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idk if i want to watch these videos now or just keep reading your posting because this sounds weird as f in my imagination and i almost don't want to encounter the reality right now
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Aug 15, 2020 02:31
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- Prof. Crocodile
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okay this is now at the top of my list of things to watch/listen to
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Aug 15, 2020 02:52
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- Prof. Crocodile
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It's 2.30 pm and I have no idea what to do with the rest of my afternoon
i would roping in another goon to livepost itt
it worked for me 
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Aug 15, 2020 03:46
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Hey what's up guys, it's ya boy, Finger Prince. I'm here, in this thread, reading all the posts, laughing my rear end off at every one. Yo this poo poo is lit! Woo I can't keep up!
drat I wish I knew this thread was here before I blind watched Seinfeld episode 1.
welcome friend feel free to use this thrad for all your liveposting needs but be warned: there are powerful aheago spirits that dwell herein
actually perhaps it is best you didn't post here i don't know if we can handle george costanza aheago
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Aug 15, 2020 04:31
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- Prof. Crocodile
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That's a fun little shooter. Can I ask what your role was?
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 22:35 on Aug 15, 2020
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Aug 15, 2020 22:32
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Ryan Gosling gets hit in the face a lot here. Everyone hits his face, and that lady also kicks his balls. He does not have an easy job
i had written this movie off but you make it sound like a 3 stooges short and now i want to see it
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Aug 27, 2020 21:36
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- Prof. Crocodile
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This makes me very glad that the live posting concept lives on
Not quite live posting: This morning I put breakfast in the microwave, went round and opened my curtains and put weet-bix in another bowl and was poised to put the milk in before I realized that breakfast was in the microwave
did you at any point kick jared leto in the balls? this is important.
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Aug 28, 2020 00:37
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Apr 19, 2024 12:04
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- Prof. Crocodile
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sorry im late op i meant to warn you about girl-on-ant violence
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Aug 28, 2020 22:51
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Aug 14, 2020 15:42
