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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
poo poo nude crew out here representing. thank you for your service.
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Aug 24, 2020 01:57
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actually one time I took a huge poo poo and I got up and realized I had to take a piss but didn’t flush yet so I started pissing the log of poo poo in half but I got some poo splatter on my dick and I was like fml I’m just gonna take another shower and finished pissing the log of poo poo in half. It was actually p dope and I’m glad I take all my clothes off and hang them on the hook on the back of the door when I poo poo because it actually pays off when you piss a log in half.
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 07:57 |
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:poo poo nude crew out here representing. thank you for your service. gently caress yeah I’ve got a turd I want you to piss in half. 
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Aug 24, 2020 02:41
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i've got plenty of dumb stories from my time at copy shop hell, this one was one of mine. so we generally only got paper with the holes already in it in white, so whenever we need colored paper with binder punches, we have to do it ourselves, with a huge drill press. Paper drills are loving scary, its a big hollow bit, incredibly sharp, and the paper loves to get wadded up and stuck inside them. how do you clear the jam, you ask? well, you get a metal poker and jab it until it pops out. if you're lucky it didn't get too compacted, and a few little pokes and it all just slides out. if you're not so lucky...well, you're in for a good half hour of work, trying to wiggle the clump of paper bits out. one day, while working on a rather large job that needed to all be punched, i had to clear one of the bits, and it was well and truly stuck. lots of effort later and it still wouldn't come free, so i had the brilliant idea to ram the drillbit down on the poker. i got the paper free...and noticed that i'd buried that hollow drill bit about half an inch deep in my thumb. thankfully, the hospital was about a 5 minute drive from the shop, so i wrapped my profusely bleeding thumb in paper towels and went to get a whole bunch of stitches and a tetanus shot. The really amazing thing is that i don't have a scar from it anymore, but tons of other scars from far less catastrophic damage to my hands over the 10 years i worked there. i've got a huge scar across my knuckles...that i got from pulling a trash bag out of the box they came in, and bumping my hand into the shelf above. its almost 16 years later at this point, and that scar is still there.  so yeah..one of those...half an inch in my thumb. Aishlinn fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Aug 24, 2020 |
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Aug 24, 2020 02:50
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:
Again I can't argue with a single word u post.
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Aug 24, 2020 02:59
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Tulalip Tulips posted:When I was 8 I somehow got it in my head that with a enough plastic bags I could jump from a tree and float down. My brother, who's a year younger than I am, and I collected about 10 of those plastic grocery bags by asking friends or just snatching a couple from the tiny grocery store when we would run off to play during the day. This was the summer and we lived in a very small rural town, so doing dumb poo poo with no parental supervision was pretty common. He hyped my tree jump up to our friends and I stuffed all these bags together like a matroyshka doll of plastic. Haha, I'm pretty sure there have been entire "stupid poo poo you did as kids" threads. Your post reminds me though, same thing with umbrellas, me and my brother. Got 3 umbrellas, jumped from about 10' off the garage roof. It almost, kinda worked.... It slowed down your arms with a huge jerking motion, but your body goes full speed cause you just can't hang onto 3 umbrellas moving super slow relative to your overall acceleration. I lost one of them and fell half assed onto the ground, bruised but mostly okay. My older brother being older and much more wise then repeats the stunt, holding all three umbrellas with Both hands! One inverted, one pulled out of his hand, and he crashed just as hard as I did. Goddamn, now that I think about it we did lots of stupid poo poo as kids and are lucky to be alive without too many broken bones. Firework wars with the neighbor kids every 4th were always cool and resulted in substantial injuries every year.
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Aug 24, 2020 04:07
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I was like 6 going down a huge hill on a bike with no brakes and I panicked and intentionally crashed into a gravel driveway.
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Aug 24, 2020 04:24
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Internetjack posted:Haha, I'm pretty sure there have been entire "stupid poo poo you did as kids" threads. Your post reminds me though, same thing with umbrellas, me and my brother. Got 3 umbrellas, jumped from about 10' off the garage roof. It almost, kinda worked.... It slowed down your arms with a huge jerking motion, but your body goes full speed cause you just can't hang onto 3 umbrellas moving super slow relative to your overall acceleration. I lost one of them and fell half assed onto the ground, bruised but mostly okay. thinking of half the poo poo i did as a kid, if i did any of it now, i'd shatter like glass. I remember jumping off a swing, trying to leap in the air as far as i could, and i was at least five feet up, and landed straight on my back. knocked the wind out of me, but i was fine.
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Aug 24, 2020 04:35
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I posted this in the OSHA thread a while ago. My dad was OSHA. And before that he did safety for the DoD. After OSHA he did safety in the private sector. He has a lot of stories like this but here's a good one. This guy was working on the rim of an earthmover's tire on some US Army base in Germany in the 1980s. When you do anything with the tire of an earthmover, you're supposed to have a cage around the tire since it is humongous and contains an absurd amount of PSI. This fella was just sitting on the rim and when he bust a seam the force was so great as to shoot him into the roof of the warehouse. His top half was liquified and his legs were sticking out like in Looney Tunes. My dad asked an MP for his baton to get some brain off a nearby wall and the MP threw up. He also has a story about a guy falling on a belt in either a recycling plant or a paper mill and basically getting turned into a cube but I don't remember the details and need to ask. Here's some of my own stupidity: - Sold AMZN at 100 for a double. - Sold facebook at like 40 for a loss. - Sold BABA at 90. - Sold NFLX at 350 prior to the 7 for 1 split - Getting my dick caught in my zipper - Buying Dirge of Cerberus - Going to college
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Aug 24, 2020 04:52
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So now I've been reminiscing about firework wars for 10 minutes and have to share. This was in Utah, where you had 4th of July, and then a mormon holiday on the 24th or something that was also approved for fireworks. It wasn't just 2-3 weeks of firework stands, it was like 6 weeks every summer, and it was awesome. You could get most of the routine poo poo like bottle rockets and roman candles and those buzzbomb things locally. For some reason firecrackers were forbidden though. Fortunately living in a mormon neighborhood meant there was a poo poo-ton of kids, our gang was probably close to 15, or 20 if we brought in kids from the next neighborhood. There was one dude that was 17, and him and his buddy would take orders and drive to Colorado to get the firecracker bricks. They'd come back with trashbags full of firecrackers. Thousands of them. Firework wars involved dividing the kids into two teams, splitting up the neighborhood. The warzone was the entire neighborhood. Front yards, back yards, roof tops, hopping and climbing over fences, whatever. Goal was to launch fireworks at the other kids and laugh. Two main tiers of munitions were allowed. Firecrackers of course, mostly lady fingers and black cats. And bottle rockets. And you better believe the war industry was thriving. This poo poo would go on for days. For some reason cigarette lighters were hard to come by at 9-10 years old, so mostly it was strike anywhere matches, and we had thousands of those. One of the best memories was a kid with a pocket full of the strike anywhere matches having them ignite by simple friction in his rear end pocket of his jeans. Smoke coming out of his rear end, jeans on fire and scooting around on the grass to put it out. Late release on a lady finger was common, and it would leave your finger tips bruised, burned and swollen for a couple days. I remember being along a fence line, 3 of us just lighting and chucking firecrackers up and over the fence at the enemies literally a foot away on the other side of the fence. My brother took one down the shirt and that was funny as hell. The bottle rockets were more sophisticated, actually launching a missile at your opponent from a hand held/home made launcher of some sort. The bigger stuff, the roman candles and buzzbombs actually required a callout, like you had to announce you were launching one of those things, so those were usually done in huge standoffs at 100 feet where everyone had room to dodge and take cover. The buzzbombs were meant to be fired vertically and could actually be classified as "explosives". We fired them horizontally at each other and laughed our asses off. What the gently caress our parents thought of this I have no clue beyond the occasional "be more careful with your fireworks!" when they were bandaging up the occasional wound. Those were some simpler, more fun, and extremely dangerous times. *sigh*
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Aug 24, 2020 04:57
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Internetjack posted:Imagine me doing a woodworking project, really trying to make some nice high-end stuff. I'm a good 20 hours in with at least another 10 to go. So you killed and buried a man for laughing at you?
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Aug 27, 2020 20:58
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BigBadSteve posted:So you killed and buried a man for laughing at you? you say "a man" as in singular?
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Aug 27, 2020 21:10
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One day for some reason I left the car parked up the top of the driveway. My brother, decided that he'd put it back in the garage despite never having driven a car in his life. He hops in, lets off the handbrake and lets it coast into the garage with the engine off. The drive was about 30m long with maybe a 2% slope, I'd say he was going about 10 kph when he hit the bench at the back of the garage. Thankfully the bench seemed to put most of the impact back into the car and not into the wall which seemed to have been undamaged.
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Sep 8, 2020 03:07
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One time when I was a kid I lived on some property in the middle of the bush (thick eucalyptus forest with lots of conifers for scrub) and decided the build a cubby house in the middle of a groves of pine trees. What I did was sweep up all the pine needles into a big pile in the middle of the grove and decided the best way to get rid of them was to set it on fire. Thanks to the quick thinking of a guy who was there working on our dam I did not burn down the house and thousands of acres of bush along with it.
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Sep 8, 2020 03:19
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I went to throw an old, 130 or so pound gigantic gently caress-all lighting ballast into the recycling dumpster into the top of it when I was 18 and it slipped and fell literally onto my face. Someone walking by opened up the side panel I wasn't aware of until then that was at waist height that would've been so much easier to have chucked it into and helped me load it in. The pain on my face thankfully was enough and I didn't get hammered with a litany of reasons why my parents failed at raising me
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Sep 8, 2020 03:26
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Me and some friends did a bunch of dumb poo poo with fireworks and basically exploded a porta John and dumb poo poo like that. That must’ve triggered one of the kids pyromaniac tendencies because he burned a whole bunch of poo poo down on his own, like an abandoned building or two. Eventually this huge nearby wooden playground thing burned down and I have a really strong suspicion that he did it.
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Sep 8, 2020 04:06
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The only time I've ever crashed my car on a public road, I had had a long, boring day at tech and was completely zoned out. I was checking out the girl in the car next to me when I ran into the back of an SUV. I still remember the look of absolute mortification on the girl's face and the feeling of shame like I'd pissed my pants on live TV. Still makes me cringe and it happened over a decade ago. The only time I've crashed a car on private property was when attempting to hit 40kph in reverse and hit a gate post.
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Sep 8, 2020 04:46
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I rented a basement apartment from a divorced father of two who had his kids on a 50:50 basis. His wife was dating a guy who was really nice and the kids liked him. My landlord decided that he needed to up his game and decided to get his kids a puppy that would stay at his place (knowing full well that he was allergic to dogs). Christmas rolls around and the kids love the puppy. He's #1 dad and everything is great. Two weeks later the kids come to his place for their week at dad's and the puppy is gone. He explains that he had to sell it because of his allergies. The kids are heartbroken and hate him and don't talk to him at all. The boyfriend tracks down the puppy, explains the situation, and buys it back. The kids didn't talk to their dad until well into March.
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Sep 8, 2020 05:02
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worked fast food for a couple months last year because I needed a source of income asap while I looked for something better. We were short staffed one night so we called in this new guy that lived super close to the store to just wash dishes for us. We had the sinks all fresh and ready for him when he showed up, dishes mostly scraped out and rinsed off and everything. first thing he grabs is the big drip tray for the fryer oil that we had just set aside, still full of oil. he immediately plunges it into the sink without rinsing it off or anything. I just sighed and walked over and pulled the plug on the drain. it was not his first food service job. how do you not understand that you don't want to get a poo poo ton of oil in your wash water if you've got a lot of poo poo you need to wash. nevermind that large amounts of oil should be dumped into the oil waste, I remember making sure he knew that his first day because people had been rinsing a lot of oil down the drains this was a dumb story about a dumb thing
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Sep 8, 2020 05:47
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 07:57 |
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Blistex posted:I rented a basement apartment from a divorced father of two who had his kids on a 50:50 basis. His wife was dating a guy who was really nice and the kids liked him. My landlord decided that he needed to up his game and decided to get his kids a puppy that would stay at his place (knowing full well that he was allergic to dogs). Christmas rolls around and the kids love the puppy. He's #1 dad and everything is great. Two weeks later the kids come to his place for their week at dad's and the puppy is gone. He explains that he had to sell it because of his allergies. The kids are heartbroken and hate him and don't talk to him at all. That's the hardest dunk I've ever seen.
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Sep 8, 2020 06:11
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