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I get no respec I tell you. No respec.
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Aug 24, 2020 04:35
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Eyyyyy, I just flew in from Albuquerque and boy do I need to rest for 8 hours to relearn that spell!
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Aug 24, 2020 04:36
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So I told her to take 1d12 steps off a 1d3 foot pier
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Aug 24, 2020 04:43
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 gallagher style whatever
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Aug 24, 2020 04:43
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Summoner? I barely know 'er! *Later show* Summoner? More like cum-in-er. Basically has the same effect except you have to wait 9 months. Longer for half-elves, amirite?? *light laughter from audience*
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Aug 24, 2020 04:51
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More like phoenix up, am I right? There is nothing more full of MP than a man in the depths of an ether binge,
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Aug 24, 2020 04:59
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Thanks everyone! You've been great tonight. Remember to tip your wenches and halflings. I don't mean like that, Gary! 🤣"
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Aug 24, 2020 05:09
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I don't get no respect at all. My doctor, he says I'm so old the cleric shouldn't cast cure light wounds on me 'cuz it'd deal damage.
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Aug 24, 2020 05:23
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Our druid is so horny you couldn't tell his rear end in a top hat from a bag of holding
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Aug 24, 2020 05:28
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My luck is so bad, I drew a card from a deck of many things and it hid itself up my sleeve
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Aug 24, 2020 05:30
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I thought this thread would be about the standups a questing group might have before a battle to work out their plan. Thread did not deliver.
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Aug 24, 2020 05:37
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Eyyyyy, I just flew in from Alberkirkie and boy do I need to rest for 8 hours to relearn how to spell it
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Aug 24, 2020 07:12
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Funky See Funky Do posted:I get no respec I tell you. No respec. best one in the thread, easily
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Aug 24, 2020 07:24
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When I tell some of the townfolk that I'm a comedian, they're always like "well then do tell me a joke, sir!" It's like, when you find out someone is a mage, do you immediately ask them to cast a protection spell on you?!
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Aug 24, 2020 07:29
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If the amount of swords you own is higher than your strength modifier... You might be a human fighter. If yer friends make you go through a door in a dungeon before they do... You might be a human fighter. If the words "adventuring" and "killing stuff" are the same thing to you... You might be a human fighter. If the only member of your party dumber than you is your horse... You might be a human fighter.
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Aug 24, 2020 07:46
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So I was delivering the virgin sacrifice to the altar of Alath'kar the god of dragons the other day and some guy comes up to me, looks at the virgin, looks my dragon cult robes and says to me "Oh sacrificing a virgin to Alath'kar the god of dragons again?" and I rolled my eyes and said "Nope! I'm just a lowly novice in the dragon god cult and happen to be taking my bound and comely virgin for a lovely stroll!" HEEEEERE'S YER SIGNPOST And man that reminds me, just the other day a wheel came off my cart on the way to the graveyard and a passing young fop, probably some sort of troubadour, looked and said "Sir, it appears you'll have to reattach that wheel!" and without a moments loss I said "Oh really? I thank thee for such a keen observance, I thought it might grow a new one!" HEEEEEEERE'S YER SIGNPOST
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Aug 24, 2020 07:57
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So my girlfriend's a kobold, right? And we were-- *audience boos* Yeah, yeah, you assholes, I know! Heh, believe me I know. Anyway
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Aug 24, 2020 08:37
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Whaddya call an obese bone golem? Skele-ton *Ducks to avoid thrown holy water, tomatoes & miscellanea*
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Aug 24, 2020 12:06
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Aug 24, 2020 12:10
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People say Ogres and Gnomes are mortal enemies but that's not true. I love Gnomes. They're great for when you're hungry and you want to eat a whole village of something.
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Aug 24, 2020 12:31
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*In a very Bill Burr voice* Did you ever notice all fantasy races are just, humans, with animal parts. Stretched humans with animal parts. No I don't think elves are cool, they're just humans with rat ears. Humans with rat ears.
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Aug 24, 2020 13:03
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Funky See Funky Do posted:I get no respec I tell you. No respec. 
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Aug 24, 2020 18:16
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Eyyyyy, I just flew in from Albuquerque and boy do I need to rest for 8 hours to relearn that spell!
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Aug 24, 2020 18:16
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Abbot [but like in a cleric way]: Hu are attacking the Eastern Fortress! Castellan: Tell me. Abbot: I just did... Hu are. Castellan: What's the name of the creatures attacking the Eastern Fortress? Abbot: No, Wot's the name of the creatures attacking the Northern Fortress. Castellan: I know not. Abbot: Western Fortress!
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Aug 24, 2020 18:36
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I just flew into town and boy my arms tired! Because I polymorphed into a bird you see, and now the wings are my arms.
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Aug 24, 2020 19:12
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Now I’m not saying my DM is incontinent...
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Aug 24, 2020 19:14
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Chomp8645 posted:I just flew into town and boy my arms tired! This was both amusing and boring to read, nice.
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Aug 24, 2020 19:22
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So the guy says "Gollum? It drat near killed 'em!"
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Aug 24, 2020 19:30
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You all heard about that touring carriage that crashed just outside the wall last week, eh? Cart was a total loss but the horse, this is amazing, the horse just gets up and is all fine, right? I'm thinking about this and I'm like, hey why don't they make the whole cart out of the horse, you know? Crash into a ditch, boom, cart just gets right back up! Ha! Imagine!
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Aug 24, 2020 20:27
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Of course we should travel through the Cursed Woods to stop Lord Mortar from uniting the Dread Crystals... But maybe if we just stay here at this inn and keep warm by the fire we'll get a stable government in the realm.
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Aug 24, 2020 22:09
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Thalmor? More like Thal-less, am I right? Who ARE these people? Oh, you're a high elf? Yeah, I could tell. Cut back on the skooma, my man.
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Aug 24, 2020 22:19
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:Thalmor? More like Thal-less, am I right? Who ARE these people? Seen any... elves??? Haha!
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Aug 24, 2020 22:22
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Chomp8645 posted:Seen any... elves??? Haha! Cram it in your barely healed knee-wound, ya Sweet roll! Edit: *puts up fists* I'll show YOU a cloud district! Edit 2: I partied with your mom last night. She tapped my bone flute for white mana. 
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Aug 24, 2020 22:27
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'Carry weight'?? It should be carry size!
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Aug 24, 2020 22:37
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There are some guys... they cast one of the Bigby's hand spells. Nothing wrong with that. Hell, we've all been there. But then there are those guys who cast Mordenkainen's faithful hound....
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Aug 24, 2020 22:43
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The seven words you can't say on palantir: Iä, Cthulhu, fhtagn, ph'nglui mglw'nfah, R'lyeh, wgah'nagl.
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Aug 25, 2020 00:44
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So, my wife's a little person... Sorry, I mean dwarf...
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Aug 25, 2020 00:48
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Little Boy Blue... 'Cuz he needed tha nuyen!
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Aug 25, 2020 00:53
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Standup in an RPG https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo6_VXuSKGI
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Aug 25, 2020 00:54
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You heard about the Metal Slime band? They've been trying hard, but they haven't made a hit yet.
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Aug 25, 2020 02:00
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