The Dick Sucking Factory has Fallen on Hard Times

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > The Dick Sucking Factory has Fallen on Hard Times

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

The pandemic has hit the Dick Sucking Factory really hard and the number of dicks sucked year-over-year is down over 80%. Cum production is at an all time low and we are having to lay off employees who have been sucking dick here for over 40 years!

We applied for a government loan and were denied 4 times without explanation. Furthermore the governor is trying to close our doors saying we are a "non essential business" and vector for virus spread. Despite the fact that our employees wear specialized dick sucking masks at all times!

This is a thread for factory employees and their families to discuss the future of dick sucking and ideas for revenue generation to make it through these troubled times.

God bless!

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:55

sigher: Apr 22, 2008; My guiding Moonlight...

What a lovely way to find out I'm laid off.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:09

MikeTheCoolOne: Jul 18, 2006; Drinking heavily the night before.

We're not supposed to be the ones getting jerked around FFS

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:16

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Pawn 17 posted:

The pandemic has hit the Dick Sucking Factory really hard and the number of dicks sucked year-over-year is down over 80%. Cum production is at an all time low and we are having to lay off employees who have been sucking dick here for over 40 years!

We applied for a government loan and were denied 4 times without explanation. Furthermore the governor is trying to close our doors saying we are a "non essential business" and vector for virus spread. Despite the fact that our employees wear specialized dick sucking masks at all times!

This is a thread for factory employees and their families to discuss the future of dick sucking and ideas for revenue generation to make it through these troubled times.

God bless!

How could it suffer? You're their number one sucker!

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:19

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

It's not going very well over here at the Cunnilingus factory either, but I'm downright worried about what's going on over at the Anilingus factory. It's been radio silence from them for weeks now. I sent one of our guys over there on Monday to try to make contact but he never came back and he's not answering his phone.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:25

cnut: May 3, 2016

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:35

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Whatever. That job sucked anyways.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 07:38

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

i saw the crash coming last year and switched my focus to squeeling at nude balls. it was a rough start but with the recent turn in the market prospects are up.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 08:10

Weka: May 5, 2019; That child totally had it coming. Nobody should be able to be out at dusk except cars.

Could be worse. Could be soft times.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 09:27

The Breakfast Sampler: Jan 1, 2006

Weka posted:

Could be worse. Could be soft times.

this joke is silly and i wasn't going to make this joke and i hope you have a great day and that's it

The Breakfast Sampler fucked around with this message at 09:36 on Aug 27, 2020

# ? Aug 27, 2020 09:30

Weka: May 5, 2019; That child totally had it coming. Nobody should be able to be out at dusk except cars.

The Breakfast Sampler posted:

this joke is silly and i wasn't going to make this joke and i hope you have a great day and that's it

Oh yeah?! Well I hope you have a great day too!

# ? Aug 27, 2020 10:49

Universe Master: Jun 20, 2005; Darn Fine Pie

Eh, the rear end-eating factory has never been better. My friend got on with them with a huge salary, and now he has a poo poo-eating grin everytime I see him.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 10:52

Salacious Spy: May 29, 2010; Well the word got around they said this kid is insane, man
Banged in the mouth and now he's got AIDS, man

I don't have the stomach for that artificial assembly-line dick sucking anymore ever since I visited my local neighborhood Bespoke Blowjob Bijou and got life-changing organic dome

sure it's a little expensive, but I feel as if a new world has opened itself to me

# ? Aug 27, 2020 15:32

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Ever since the invention of the 100x dick there's simply no need for so many individual cocksuckers.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 15:38

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Jim Long-un posted:

I don't have the stomach for that artificial assembly-line dick sucking anymore ever since I visited my local neighborhood Bespoke Blowjob Bijou and got life-changing organic dome

sure it's a little expensive, but I feel as if a new world has opened itself to me

Local IPA blowjoints used to be great, but it's not the same since they stared wearing masks.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 15:47

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Don't worry, OP, you can always work from home.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 16:09

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

the dick sucking factory has fallen on hard dick. it is now the dick loving factory

# ? Aug 27, 2020 16:21

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

heard the human resources manager had to have a rib removed, yikes

# ? Aug 27, 2020 16:23

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

Thank god I smuggled all that cum home over the years.

Anybody wanna buy some cum?

# ? Aug 27, 2020 17:12

DickParasite: Dec 2, 2004; Slippery Tilde

We've never been busier at the getting hosed in the rear end factory. You guys want me to put in a good word for you?

E: the boss just asked me if I wanted some Sunday OT. That's 200%. Getting double time for getting double-timed. Hell yes!

DickParasite fucked around with this message at 17:47 on Aug 27, 2020

# ? Aug 27, 2020 17:31

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

Simar to craft beer, we're going to see dick sucking move away from large, industrial production centers, to artisanal, small-batch producers. If you can establish your brand and product at the local and regional level I think you'll find people will pay a real premium for what you're selling over the mass-produced dick sucking we're all used to.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 17:46

Johnny Aztec: Jan 30, 2005; by Hand Knit

The Bramble posted:

Simar to craft beer, we're going to see dick sucking move away from large, industrial production centers, to artisanal, small-batch producers. If you can establish your brand and product at the local and regional level I think you'll find people will pay a real premium for what you're selling over the mass-produced dick sucking we're all used to.

Can you put weed in beer

# ? Aug 27, 2020 17:57

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

as independent dick sucker im surprisingly making ends meet. i guess i have 2020 vision for cock in the mouth

# ? Aug 27, 2020 18:15

King Possum III: Feb 15, 2016

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

It's not going very well over here at the Cunnilingus factory either, but I'm downright worried about what's going on over at the Anilingus factory. It's been radio silence from them for weeks now. I sent one of our guys over there on Monday to try to make contact but he never came back and he's not answering his phone.

He's here with us in the gay blowjob facility, and he's staying.

He's learned that once you've had a sample of good gay sex, you'll lose interest in any other kind.

And before you accuse us of "recruiting," I want you to know we don't do that.

We gays are like the Jews;

We welcome converts but we don't evangelize.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 18:26

Mordja: Apr 26, 2014; Hell Gem

I guess it's not too big to fail after all.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 18:46

Radio Paranoia: Jun 27, 2010; It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Good news, I hear the jerk store is hiring!

# ? Aug 27, 2020 18:50

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

I don�t know what I�m gonna do. My family�s worked at this plant forever. Hell, my grandmother even took over my granpappy�s shift when he answered his country�s call during a little something known as WW2. I mean, you spend thirty, forty years working hog it�s too late to learn something new.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 19:04

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

i was going to make a joke about getting put on a ventilator and wheeled out onto the dick sucking line anyways because if i lost my job i'd lose my health insurance and my house but then i decided it wasn't very funny

# ? Aug 27, 2020 19:10

Baxter: Sep 13, 2000

And we�re livin here in Allendown

# ? Aug 27, 2020 19:20

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

i wish they allowed cameras in the dick sucking factory so it could be set to this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaC0vNLdLvY&t=74s

# ? Aug 27, 2020 19:21

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Jim Long-un posted:

I don't have the stomach for that artificial assembly-line dick sucking anymore ever since I visited my local neighborhood Bespoke Blowjob Bijou and got life-changing organic dome

sure it's a little expensive, but I feel as if a new world has opened itself to me

Never put your dick in the hands of amateurs! Here at the Dick Sucking Factory we have won the industry�s top safety award two years running! Sure we had some horrific accidents a few years back but thanks to our new employee training program and cutting edge technology, things have never been safer and more efficient.

# ? Aug 27, 2020 19:27