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theironjef
Aug 11, 2009

The archmage of unexpected stinks.



"Why didn't you tell me Kong knew sign language?"

"Frankly I assumed that you built the giant technodome he lives in with at least some cameras so you could observe him, as he is the giant ape in there. My bad for realizing you just weren't studying him at all."

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Blockhouse
Sep 7, 2014

You Win!



I would have rather had Charles Dance back than the awful Apex CEO guy

ImpAtom posted:

I will take the tiny adorable girl's friendship with King Kong 10 times out of 10 over one minute of any of the awful awful human characters in KotM.

Yeah the collective five minutes she was in the movie was cute too bad about the rest of the forty minutes worth of assholes sniping at each other and hacky conspiracy theorist jokes

Blockhouse fucked around with this message at 22:24 on Apr 4, 2021

Open Marriage Night
Sep 18, 2009

"Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"




Putting Cranston opposite of Dance would have been pretty great.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

I don't know if Skaaarsgard was in the previous movie but he seemed like a good character here. The hollow earth was his theory, he has a couple of heroic moments like letting Kong free and defibrillating him, had good chemistry with lady doctor though the film was surprisingly restrained enough to not explicitly pair them romantically.

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.




Sanschel posted:

I legitimately forgot Brian Cranston was in the 2014 Godzilla until it was mentioned in a GvK review I saw this weekend, and I can only imagine how much better all of these movies would’ve been if he’d been around for more than those first 20 minutes.

His character is the only person in all these movies I felt a connection to.

Retro Futurist
Aug 8, 2007

Yesterday's Tomorrow,
Today!




They should have brought in MechaCranston

Macdeo Lurjtux
Jul 5, 2011

BRRREADSTOOORRM!


Blockhouse posted:


I didn't care for the human material in KOTM but GvK did what the human segments in a kaiju movie should never do, which is grate. I also don't think the fights or kaiju animation were as good as KOTM either, so it didn't even really have that going for it, though I did enjoy the final fight a bit.

You say that like awful human scenes aren't part and parcel of kaiju movies.

Blockhouse
Sep 7, 2014

You Win!



Macdeo Lurjtux posted:

You say that like awful human scenes aren't part and parcel of kaiju movies.

They absolutely are but for the most part there's degrees of human scenes. They're all the same level of bad. Mostly they're inoffensive an sometimes actually even fun!

There's zero fun in the human bits of GvK., especially in the Madison subplot. Not to invoke the dread name of Michael Bay again but that felt exactly like a human subplot in a Transformers movie in all the worst ways. Good actors in wasted roles, bad comedy, and basically disconnected from the rest of the story. Nothing changes because of what happens in that plotline other than something that doesn't actually make a whole lot of sense in the final fight, to the degree I feel like the entire bit was written in after the script was finished.

Blockhouse fucked around with this message at 01:25 on Apr 5, 2021

BrianWilly
Apr 24, 2007

There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

My personal favorite dumbest part was when the Apex lady was like "Alright let's start drilling for samples" and the bleeding heart scientist lady is like "WHAT NO YOU CANT DO THAT!"

Were you...not at the Zoom meetings? What did you think this entire mission was for?

The film really falls rear end-first into the pit where the so-called "bad guys" are actually completely in the right but we have to dislike them somehow so we just have to have a scene where they randomly shoot Kong for no reason.

JT Smiley
Mar 3, 2006
Thats whats up!

I'm still trying to figure out why the Bond villain with unlimited resources would send his daughter on a suicide mission.

Blockhouse
Sep 7, 2014

You Win!



The APEX CEO is such a terrible villain I kept waiting for some kind of twist in his motives like maybe he lost someone in Boston and hates Titans now, or maybe if you want to go full capitalist the Titans' rejuvenating effects on the environment is cutting into his bottom line but nope he just.. wants to build a giant biomechanical robot to kill Godzilla, whose last interaction with humanity was literally saving the planet like three years ago.

Like there's not even a "what do you do then" that's it that's the end of his plan. Even the most bare bones Showa take-over-the-world alien at least had a "our planet is dead and we need yours" angle.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

His motivation is a little more than that, it's that he wants humanity(and specifically him if you get right down to it) to be the Apex predator. He wants to kill Godzilla because he's loving jealous

BrianWilly
Apr 24, 2007

There is no homosexual terrorist Johnny Silverhand

I just think it's weird that the Apex guys were completely upfront and earnest about their intentions right from the outset and then an hour into things the plucky good guys were still like WHAT you wanna build a superweapon to fight the Titans????????

Of course they do! Where did we lose you on this!

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.




Trying to portray drilling an extremely tiny sample out of the ground and scanning it as some kind of reckless desecration was pretty lol.

"You can't just take soil samples from Mars! It's an ancient planet!"

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

Lurdiak posted:

Trying to portray drilling an extremely tiny sample out of the ground and scanning it as some kind of reckless desecration was pretty lol.

"You can't just take soil samples from Mars! It's an ancient planet!"

You know what's an excellent idea? Let's point guns at the one girl Kong has an unbreakable bond with while he's looking right at us

duck trucker
Oct 14, 2017

YOSPOS



I loved that Kong looked into their ship to make sure the little girl wasn't in there and once he confirmed she wasn't. *squish*

Drakyn
Dec 26, 2012



John Wick of Dogs posted:

His motivation is a little more than that, it's that he wants humanity(and specifically him if you get right down to it) to be the Apex predator. He wants to kill Godzilla because he's loving jealous
I haven't seen this movie, but from what you're saying here it sounds like the human story would've been improved if they'd made incredibly-bad-wolf-science-guy from the last film fulfill this role.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





Drakyn posted:

I haven't seen this movie, but from what you're saying here it sounds like the human story would've been improved if they'd made incredibly-bad-wolf-science-guy from the last film fulfill this role.

No that would have been absolute nonsense because in the previous movie his entire arc was about not hating Titans anymore. It being a fake Jeff Bezos/Elon Musk was much, much better.

E: The real improvement would have been making him and Serezawas kid the same character.

Vince MechMahon fucked around with this message at 14:59 on Apr 5, 2021

Drakyn
Dec 26, 2012



Vince MechMahon posted:

No that would have been absolute nonsense because in the previous movie his entire arc was about not hating Titans anymore. It being a fake Jeff Bezos/Elon Musk was much, much better.

E: The real improvement would have been making him and Serezawas kid the same character.

I mean, him slowly becoming envious that Godzilla is the 'alpha' over him so he makes a robot monster to unseat/battle/possibly gently caress him would be funny to me, but your point's clear.

Drakyn fucked around with this message at 17:11 on Apr 5, 2021

ImpAtom
May 24, 2007



I didn't have a problem with the villain because "Elon Musk gets pissy that there is a giant lizard who his money can't defeat and tries to solve the problem with a poorly designed machine" is 100% something that would happen in real life.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Lurdiak posted:

Trying to portray drilling an extremely tiny sample out of the ground and scanning it as some kind of reckless desecration was pretty lol.
Alien biome with gravity-defying rocks and battery-activated pillars.

Oh yeah let's throw a laser and a drill at it brrrrrrr

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

All they need was one tiny rock. The villain lady could have just said "Oh ok I'll stop drilling, no problem", the drat thing pretty much had the rock already.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





ImpAtom posted:

I didn't have a problem with the villain because "Elon Musk gets pissy that there is a giant lizard who his money can't defeat and tries to solve the problem with a poorly designed machine" is 100% something that would happen in real life.

In real life mechagodzilla would have to be recalled because it keeps exploding, though.

Arist
Feb 13, 2012

who, me?



Oven Wrangler

No, in real life they'd just put out videos of Mechagodzilla exploding and triumphantly exclaim that they got so much data from this explosion, you guys don't even know

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

I love that the movie starts with Godzilla attacking Pensacola, destroying a ton of poo poo, killing several people and injuring dozens(lol at that by the way) and the moral position of the film is this was provoked and justified self defense.

Tell that to random janitor's family, Millie!

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





John Wick of Dogs posted:

I love that the movie starts with Godzilla attacking Pensacola, destroying a ton of poo poo, killing several people and injuring dozens(lol at that by the way) and the moral position of the film is this was provoked and justified self defense.

Tell that to random janitor's family, Millie!

It's independent contractors on the death star. They knew what they were signing up for. Even if they didn't know they were making a mechagodzilla, they were still working for a sleazy military contractor.

Retro Futurist
Aug 8, 2007

Yesterday's Tomorrow,
Today!




ImpAtom posted:

I didn't have a problem with the villain because "Elon Musk gets pissy that there is a giant lizard who his money can't defeat and tries to solve the problem with a poorly designed machine" is 100% something that would happen in real life.

Well, can't rely on pedo-ape to do it

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008





Retro Futurist posted:

Well, can't rely on pedo-ape to do it

Kong loses the lawsuit and responds by throwing a giant turd at Musk, crushing him to death. A happy ending.

Aphrodite
Jun 27, 2006



Vince MechMahon posted:

Kong loses the lawsuit and responds by throwing a giant turd at Musk, crushing him to death. A happy ending.

I think cloning Musk is a bit too much even for a kaiju movie.

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004




Vince MechMahon posted:

Kong loses the lawsuit and responds by throwing a giant turd at Musk, crushing him to death. A happy ending.

Yes, Kong lobbing Jeff Besos at Musk and both of them turning to mush from the impact would be a good ending.

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.




John Wick of Dogs posted:

I love that the movie starts with Godzilla attacking Pensacola, destroying a ton of poo poo, killing several people and injuring dozens(lol at that by the way) and the moral position of the film is this was provoked and justified self defense.

Tell that to random janitor's family, Millie!

The characters in all of these movies seem so unconcerned with the massive loss of life. As long as not everyone dies it's a huge win and let's have a party. Kong just uses a boat with dozens of people on it as a stepping stone, clearly killing everyone inside, and we're only supposed to care about the 5 people on the big boat who might drown because they're played by actors who get lines. Godzilla kills thousands of people because he was "provoked" by people turning on glowy things that he doesn't like.

Oh no Mecha-Godzilla don't kill the nice monkey and giant lizard who've killed more people than 9/11!

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

No Godzilla only killed like 6 people and injured dozens, did you not see the headline on screen

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



You people are joy-less.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002



Godzilla’s giant brain calculate his every move around humans so he wouldn’t kill anyone. Even the jets were hit in such a way that the pilots were able to eject.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Godzilla’s giant brain calculate his every move around humans so he wouldn’t kill anyone.
The two security guys in the Apex lab were Planet X-ians

Lurdiak
Feb 25, 2006

I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.




FilthyImp posted:

You people are joy-less.

I get plenty of joy, just from other places.



Although to be clear, I don't really care about the collateral damage and incidental deaths in kaiju films, at least not ones that are very silly. But it's a little strange that none of the characters do, either.

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Godzilla's giant brain calculate his every move around humans so he wouldn’t kill anyone. Even the jets were hit in such a way that the pilots were able to eject.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

Only Accused Of STATUTORY Rape

The Kong is dead. Next time you craft a spear and see your dome is a fake sky, don't throw to it. Consider this mercy.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Lurdiak posted:

But it's a little strange that none of the characters do, either.
In a world where giant beasts roam freely, you just resign yourself to live your best life.

JordanKai
Aug 19, 2011

Get high and think of me.




Godzilla obliterates Elon Musk in approximately six seconds like he does American Godzilla in Final Wars.

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Dawgstar
Jul 15, 2017





JordanKai posted:

Godzilla obliterates Elon Musk in approximately six seconds like he does American Godzilla in Final Wars.

And still to a Blink 182 song.

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