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Apr 27, 2013

Do not attempt to interact with the hogs.


1. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries
2. Frosted Flakes
3. Honey Bunches of Oats
4. Chocolate Chex
5. Special K Chocolately Delight


Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

I canne has cîsebœuf?

1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
2. All Others

Cable Guy
Jul 18, 2005

I don't expect any trouble, but we'll be handing these out later...

Slippery Tilde

1. Rice Bubbles (Rice Crispies).... with Milo
2. Corn Flakes... with Milo.

edit: 3. Nutri Grain

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017

Quoth James Cameron,


TF2 classes in order of how respectable they are in a pub payload match:


Mister Kingdom
Dec 14, 2005

And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

My top three Beatles songs and solo efforts.

1. Here Comes the Sun
2. A Day in the Life
3. Eleanor Rigby

John Lennon
1. Whatever Gets You Through the Night
2. Watching the Wheels
3. (Just Like) Starting Over

Paul McCartney
1. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey
2. Nineteen Hundred and Eight-Five
3. Listen to What the Man Said

George Harrison
1. What is Life?
2. Blow Away
3. Crackerbox Palace

Ringo Starr
1. It Don't Come Easy
2. Photograph
3. Back Off Boogaloo

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of Fancy Woodlice I Own in Order of How Much I Like Them, With Pictures

1) Armadillidium maculatum

2) Armadillidium klugii montenegro

3) Armadillidium vulgare

4) Porcellio laevis "orange"

5) Cubaris murina

6) Porcellio laevis "dairy cow"

Source of Happyness
Mar 2, 2007

you should come outside sometime, it is great out here

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Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 1 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1990

1. Goodbye England’s Roads. Following the death of long-term manager Cecil Roads the staff at busy Watchef Motorway Services await the arrival of their new boss.

2. Spit & Polish. After an argument leaves Eastern European labourer Tomaz in need of a shower and a place to stay, manager Alan Manager offers him a job - as long as Tomaz can prove his worth.

3. Reservation. Works on the motorway play havoc as a group of Native Americans are booked to arrive at the Sunshine Inn hotel.

4. Backed up. Caretaker Norman has his hands full trying to unblock a toilet while the rest of the staff are left bored when the motorway comes to a standstill.

5. Breakdown. Manager Alan Manager can’t make it into work due to a mechanical fault, so supervisor Sally steps up when a disturbed customer climbs onto the roof.

6. End of the Road. When the services are threatened with closure following a surprise hygiene check, the crew must find some way of dealing with the inspector before he files his report.

Easter Special: Easter Ex. Manager Alan Manager’s planned egg hunt is disrupted when former manager Cecil’s widow arrives at Watchef.

Christmas Special: Stuffing. It’s all hands to the kitchen when heavy snow traps hundreds of festive travellers at the services, and Tomaz finds himself stuck while cleaning out the cuddly toy machine.

Sanford has a new favorite as of 21:26 on Mar 1, 2021

Feb 3, 2021

Favorite sexual positions.
  1. Left hand
  2. Left hand inverted
  3. Right hand inverted

Favorite cereals
  • Donkey Kong
  • Honey Bunches of Oats w/ Almonds
  • Captain Crunch

Temperatures that have existed
  • 41
  • 38
  • 60
  • -20
  • 77
  • 8
  • 30
  • 65
  • 8

Aug 6, 2008

Reasons why Today Has Been a Good Day
  • Got a good night's sleep
  • Didn't have to scrape my car's windshield in the dark at 5:30am before I go to work, for the first time in like a month
  • Boss at my kitchen was trying out some new seafood dishes, so I got fed all the scraps of sushi-grade tuna and salmon for breakfast, because none of my co-workers like raw fish
  • Boss actually listened to one of my suggestions for kitchen equipment and ordered it
  • Pitched an idea for new work T-shirts, which was met with enthusiasm
  • Got off work early
  • Diggin' this Amelie Lens mix
  • Cleared the PYF reports so that's done and I can be a poster, not a mod (for now)
  • Enjoying the last afternoon of sunny, springy (high 50's F) weather before it rains for the next eight days
  • Re-potted a beautiful begonia that was given to me as a housewarming present back in November
  • Husband did all the laundry last night, so I have clean socks for days

Reasons why Today Will Suck, But Just For a Bit
  • Man, I hate collating socks

JacquelineDempsey has a new favorite as of 19:23 on Feb 25, 2021

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 2 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1991

1. Drivers Lucozade. In this light-hearted episode Norman invites everyone to join him in enjoying a special fizzy drink he found discarded in the lorry park.

2. Norman Conquest. When an attractive young woman joins the crew, one staff member in particular has radical ideas on how to claim her for his own.

3. Irish Madness. Manager Alan Manager has his work cut out when travellers arrive in the lorry park – and seem intent on settling in.

4. Proper Tea is Theft. Manager Alan Manager has noticed the supply of tea bags dwindling and has crew member Frank Sky, a known communist, in his firing line.

5. Pothole. Manager Alan Manager is furious about the state of the car park, while Tomas believes he’s found the perfect spot for a crafty smoke.

6. Norman's Wisdom. In this follow up to Norman Conquest the staff at Watchef tire of workplace Lothario Norman and his love-life advice.

Easter Special: Easter Rising. Some staff are happy with the takeover of part of the site, but some want the services to stay as one.

Christmas Special: Carole’s Service. When a Holy esteemed customer goes down with food poisoning after being served by Claggy Carole, a bizarre chain of events is sparked leading to the possibility of Carole herself having to deliver Christmas mass! Guest starring the very Reverend George Carey, Archbishop of Canterbury.

Sanford has a new favorite as of 15:20 on Mar 6, 2021

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 3 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1992

1. OK Computer Manager Alan Manager begrudgingly agrees to attend what promises to be some very boring IT training. Meanwhile back at the services Radiohead pop in to play an impromptu gig.

2. Build a Little Birdhouse Norman has an idea to make the site more inviting to wildlife, while They Might Be Giants pop in to play an impromptu gig.

3. A Hard Day's Night Frank is annoyed that he is expected to work an absent Norman's day shift, straight off the back of his night shift. He soon changes his tune when The Beatles pop in to play an impromptu gig.

4. Wish You Were Here When a bunch of holidaymakers are stranded at Watchef the melancholy mood sparks memories of former manager Cecil. Spirits are lifted when Pink Floyd drop in for an impromptu gig.

5. Greensleeves Norman is expected to take over gardening duties, but his new consignment of gardening gloves are far too long. Later, Henry VIII pops in to play an impromptu gig.

6. Get in the Ring Things come to a head with the traveller camp when manager Alan Manager accidentally challenges their leader to a bare-knuckle fist fight. Meanwhile Guns 'n' Roses pop in to play an impromptu gig.

Easter Special: Sign of the Cross Tomaz celebrates his Eastern Orthodox heritage by erecting a large, stylised metal cross in the carpark, but the local neo-nazi group get the wrong idea. It looks like violence is inevitable until Iron Maiden drop in for an impromptu gig.

Christmas Special: Do They Know It’s Christmas Time At All? Opening the services on Christmas morning manager Alan Manager is dismayed at his colleagues lack of festive spirit, and determined to do everything he can to lighten the mood. Later, Adam Clayton, Phil Collins, Bob Geldof, Steve Norman, Chris Cross, John Taylor, Paul Young, Tony Hadley, Glenn Gregory, Simon Le Bon, Simon Crowe, Marilyn, Keren Woodward, Martin Kemp, Jody Watley, Bono, Paul Weller, James 'J.T.' Taylor, George Michael, Midge Ure, Martyn Ware, John Keeble, Gary Kemp, Roger Taylor, Sarah Dallin, Siobhan Fahey, Pete Briquette, Francis Rossi, Robert 'Kool' Bell, Dennis J. T. Thomas, Andy Taylor, Jon Moss, Sting, Rick Parfitt, Nick Rhodes, Johnny Fingers, David Bowie, Boy George, Holly Johnson, Paul Mccartney, Stuart Adamson, Bruce Watson, Tony Butler and Mark Brzezicki drop in to play an impromptu gig.

Sanford has a new favorite as of 07:22 on Mar 2, 2021

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 4 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1993

1. Full English. Manager Alan Manager finds himself in hot water after new hire Rashid is told he doesn’t have the right background to work on the breakfast counter.

2. Moors the Merrier. The services are closed whilst the staff help police search local fields and dig up part of the lorry park following the death and final confession of a murderer. But does Norman know more than he's letting on?

3. Middle of the Road. After Watchef is described as ‘mediocre’ in a review, manager Alan Manager begins a one-man protest on the motorway central reservation.

4. Red Dawn. When communist sympathiser Frank persuades cleaner Dawn Menses to go on strike, no-one notices until the sanitary disposal bins begin to overflow.

5. Shed Skin. Pt 2 of "Moors the Merrier." When a selection of grisly trophies are found in Norman's shed, police suspect they may have made a mistake.

6. White Lines. The newly-surfaced car park is repainted, while Norman has discovered a way to stay sharp all night long - and turn a profit.

Easter Special: Gardener Gethsemane. The local police force approach new site gardener Ian Gethsemane and ask for his support in catching a local rabble-rouser.

Christmas Special: Christmas Mourning. Heart-warming festive episode. Following a disappointing performance review manager Alan Manager insists everyone work a full Christmas Day shift. Meanwhile Claggy Carole struggles to cope after learning of yet another death in the family.

Sanford has a new favorite as of 20:02 on Mar 4, 2021

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 5 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1994

1. Take the Nee. Irish lorry driver Paddy O’day confesses to the staff that he has been paid to bring Chinese student Nee Yong into the country. The team rally round to make things right.

2. Fly. This high-concept episode is presented from the POV of a single bluebottle and was largely filmed using a specially adapted compound lens fitted to a remote-controlled aeroplane. When Norman returns to work with his trousers undone he sets off a chain of events that soon has every part of Watchef buzzing with gossip. Warning: several scenes in this episode are known to cause seizures.

3. Woking Glass Hero. After a storm damages the glass roof on the same day that the Woking head office inspector is due to visit it’s up to Communist sympathiser Frank to step up and save the day.

4. Korea Prospects. Manager Alan Manager takes part in an exchange programme with a Korean Motorway Service Station and is dismayed to find that it runs well and efficiently with absolutely no bumbling or ineptitude.

5. Brands Hatch. Overcrowding in the car park causes manager Alan Manager to open the emergency parking to the rear of Watchef, but suspicions are raised when Norman spots lorry driver Ian Brand dropping a rolled-up carpet down a mysterious trapdoor.

6. In Terror Gate. A squeaky gate startles Norman so severely he shits himself, and manager Alan Manager’s questioning of a shoplifter gets badly, badly out of hand.

Comic Relief Red Nose Day Special: Lady Ma’doner. Can the team keep the smell of a quickly defrosting HGV load of doner meat away from Her Royal Highness during an unexpected visit? Special guest appearance by Princess Anne.

Christmas Special: Mass. Heart-warming Christmas episode. The festive mood is soured when manager Alan Manager discovers a large growth in one of his testicles.

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 6 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1995

1. King of Pop. During a heat wave the team must carry a delivery of ice cold soft drinks back to the services when local grocer Mike Jack & Sons breaks down on the hard shoulder.

2. Literally a Bird. When Frank informs the staff that a large and attractive bird is trapped in the roof space, lover-boy Norman gets the wrong idea and arrives for his shift dressed to impress.

3. Sausage Van. Hilarity ensues when manager Alan Manager mistakes a travelling gay disco for his new fast food concession.

4. Chinese Takeaway. Manager Alan Manager rewards the crew with a slap-up feast when Border Force finally arrives to remove Nee, who has been held captive in a cupboard for eleven months.

5. Red Sky At Night. The regular team are suspicious when Communist sympathiser Frank is suddenly promoted to night shift manager.

6. Stowaways. The team find a confused African family in the car park while the incredibly popular sausages from the new van have given everyone worms. This episode, originally titled “Parasites,” was re-named for the VHS release & subsequent broadcastings following a string of complaints.

Easter Special: Hash Wednesday. Norman and Tomaz are doing a roaring trade in their home-made Easter eggs, but manager Alan Manager thinks there's more to it than meets the eye.

Christmas Special: Decorations. Frank and Tomaz compete against Norman and Sally to put up the best Christmas display, while manager Alan Manager burns a lot of bridges after being mistakenly informed that he is to be awarded an OBE in the New Years Honours list.

Sanford has a new favorite as of 20:56 on Mar 5, 2021

Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

List of Posters Providing Television Synopses the Veracity of Which I Am Beginning to Grow Suspicious:

  • Sanford

Jun 11, 2006

Who are you to doubt El Vago?

List of Posters Providing Television Synopses the Veracity of Which Is Unimpeachable:

  • Sanford

Oct 9, 2012

When I kill you with a motor-car, you should have the common decency to stay dead, you horrid little object

List of Posters Providing Television Synopses That I Remember Watching and am Certain it's not the Mandela Effect:

  • Sanford

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of episodes in series 7 of BBC2 sitcom Service Stations! first shown 1996

1. It’s Raining, Men! When a violent storm breaks out the local territorial army take shelter at Watchef, but the services are soon overcrowded when The Weather Girls drop in to play an impromptu gig.

2. Who Let the Dogs Out? When Norman boards a coach in search of puppies, the resulting dog stampede causes a 16-vehicle collision and launches a major investigation which is somewhat disrupted when the Baha Men drop in to play an impromptu gig.

3. Two Little Boys. When two unaccompanied children are spotted in the Watchef cafeteria the crew work together to try and find their parents. Later the police are called when Rolf Harris drops in to play an impromptu gig.

4. Highway to Heil. A tense standoff with the local neo-nazi group is diffused without violence when AC/DC drop in for an impromptu gig.

5. Ball Room Blitz. Expect an explosion of laughs when the team find that new uniform trousers are all too tight. Meanwhile 70’s proto metal and glam legends Sweet drop in for an impromptu gig.

6. The Origin of the Faeces. Frank and Norman begin a forensic investigation to discover who is behind repeated vandalism of the women’s toilets. Later, Type O Negative drop in to play an impromptu gig.

Special Halloween Episode: The Monster Mash. The delivery of new uniforms cheers everyone but Norman, who still needs to use special equipment to squash his truly enormous genitals inside his trousers. Meanwhile Bobby Pickett and The Crypt Kickers drop in for an impromptu gig.

Christmas Special: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day. In this poorly-received festive clip show everything is peaceful and with only the two of them on duty, Frank and Norman take the chance to relax and reminisce. Later, Wizzard pop in to play an impromptu gig.

Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of items found this morning in the long-sealed roof space of a service station that may or may not have been the inspiration for a sitcom.

A gross of children's novelty eye patches.

A hundred weight of party poppers. Water damaged; unpoppable.

A hundred weight of Christmas Crackers. Water damaged; uncrackable.

A box of Dr Beaks uniforms (soiled with unidentified substance).

At least two thousand fortune telling fish.

A Mr Strong soap set.

The Best of Joyce Grenfell strung over two cds.

Two wine glasses inscribed 'Here's to the Millennium!'.

A selection of 90's gangster films on dvd.

A crocheted mouse.

A tissue pouch.

A gents watch in presentation box.

Make-em-Yourself child's paper crown kit.

A selection of badly worn low-quality Christmas decorations.

A bag of Bash Street Kids toffee that went off in 2006.

A cracked set of children's imitation duelling pistols.

Jul 8, 2007

Sugar free Monster energy drink rankings by colour:


Mister Kingdom
Dec 14, 2005

And the tears that fall
On the city wall
Will fade away
With the rays of morning light

Some over the top 70s tragedy songs:

1. "Timothy" - The Bouys
Three men (Joe, Timothy, unnamed singer) are trapped in a mine cave-in. Joe and the singer emerge seemingly unscathed. Timothy leaves inside their bellies. The song was written by Rupert Holmes who also gave us "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" and the ballad "You Got It All" (by The Jets). Song would be referenced on MST3K.

2. "Run, Joey, Run" - David Geddes
Julie gets knocked up(?) by the singer. Julie's daddy does not take kindly to this and goes gunning for the singer. Julie jumps in front of the bullet and takes one for the team.

3. "Back Street" - R. Dean Taylor
Guy and a girl are in love. Girl gets knocked up by another guy who abandons her. The guy, her family, and her friends all bail on her, too. To support her baby, she becomes a hooker in the slums. One day she's had enough and leaves the baby at the guy's doorstep. She is later found dead on the street. Merry Christmas!

Mister Kingdom has a new favorite as of 00:55 on Apr 8, 2021


Jun 30, 2007

...and rarely post!

List of things Brian on the allotment had to say regarding the passing of Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh:

1. I couldn't gi a gently caress.
2. Why have I got to see this, the fucker wunt have come to my funeral.
3. Gi oer firing guns, it waint bring the c*** back.
4.I had a heart attack and loving snuffed it, they warnt all this fuss for me. Mind you I came back.
5. I couldn't gi a gently caress (again).

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