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Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008




Grimey Drawer

Pick posted:

SMALL PASTRY!!

I think The White Swan(??) still posts here

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Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Dang dicknose don't tuck that money under your eyelids!


Pillbug

Aesop Poprock posted:

I think The White Swan(??) still posts here

The White Crane, yeah, they do. They still have a shrimp av.

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 11, 2015

by Cyrano4747


vyelkin posted:

I should mention that I'm pretty certain this was a real game because I played it as a kid. I haven't read the thread and don't know how much of the thread might have been embellishing on the game itself, but the game was definitely real.

OP was riffing on a real game called Alter Ego, you can find it if you google (including modern browser versions of it that cost money)

Moments itself, however, is not real, iirc OP admitted they made the entire thing up top-to-bottom

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Jozy loves scoring like a fat kid loves eating cake.





WeedlordGoku69 posted:

OP was riffing on a real game called Alter Ego, you can find it if you google (including modern browser versions of it that cost money)

Moments itself, however, is not real, iirc OP admitted they made the entire thing up top-to-bottom

Right, yeah, that's what it was called.

Bible Ian Black
Jul 16, 2009

I'M THE GUY
WHO SUCKS

PLUS I GOT
DEPRESSION


Remember that time that a goon whose username I can't remember and only remember him as Back Panther (because of the tattoo of a panther covering his entire back) got into a motorcycle accident, lost an arm, and then used the settlement money to buy another motorcycle? Because I can't find anything about him anymore and I really would love to share the story in more detail.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012

I just couldn't look at your old avatar anymore
Fucking nauseating!


Bible Ian Black posted:

Remember that time that a goon whose username I can't remember and only remember him as Back Panther (because of the tattoo of a panther covering his entire back) got into a motorcycle accident, lost an arm, and then used the settlement money to buy another motorcycle? Because I can't find anything about him anymore and I really would love to share the story in more detail.

He bought a manual corvette or something.

a kitten
Aug 5, 2006



Bible Ian Black posted:

Remember that time that a goon whose username I can't remember and only remember him as Back Panther (because of the tattoo of a panther covering his entire back) got into a motorcycle accident, lost an arm, and then used the settlement money to buy another motorcycle? Because I can't find anything about him anymore and I really would love to share the story in more detail.

It's in the goldmine so i can't quote it, but here's an old goons.jpg post that features Back Panther and also a post-accident pic.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3610276&pagenumber=18&perpage=40#post426184987

Doesn't have his username (unless it's actually backpanther i guess)


As an aside, searching for back panther right now that Chadwick Boseman has passed away made it a chore trying to convince google that's what i actually mean


e: that thread also has pictures of doc evil (aka @fart) getting owned by a guy in a shark costume, Guy Fieri, and Smashmouth


eat the egg

a kitten has a new favorite as of 03:27 on Aug 30, 2020

El_Elegante
Jul 3, 2004


Biscuit Hider

Bible Ian Black posted:

Remember that time that a goon whose username I can't remember and only remember him as Back Panther (because of the tattoo of a panther covering his entire back) got into a motorcycle accident, lost an arm, and then used the settlement money to buy another motorcycle? Because I can't find anything about him anymore and I really would love to share the story in more detail.

Synchronicity-I just came here to ask about this. I dont know why backpanther popped into my head out of nowhere.

Bible Ian Black
Jul 16, 2009

I'M THE GUY
WHO SUCKS

PLUS I GOT
DEPRESSION


pentyne posted:

He bought a manual corvette or something.

Holy poo poo that's what it was, whatever car it was was absolutely manual transmission. God what an incredible story.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 2 hours!


Smellrose

Bible Ian Black posted:

Remember that time that a goon whose username I can't remember and only remember him as Back Panther (because of the tattoo of a panther covering his entire back) got into a motorcycle accident, lost an arm, and then used the settlement money to buy another motorcycle? Because I can't find anything about him anymore and I really would love to share the story in more detail.

His username was abunchofnumbers which I remember because Helldump dubbed him abackofpanthers.

Elitist Bitch
Sep 13, 2007





Here's the "CPS took my kid" thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3453028

Len
Jan 21, 2008

Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!



pentyne posted:


The Kheldragar-Call Now love dump.
One of them was 16 and the other was much older
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3594991&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1



I've heard about this but never read it, holy poo poo that was creepy

vyelkin posted:

I should mention that I'm pretty certain this was a real game because I played it as a kid. I haven't read the thread and don't know how much of the thread might have been embellishing on the game itself, but the game was definitely real.

No it wasn't.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Is anyone able to find the Nikolaus Pacione vs 50ft Ant thread? The original one - all I can find is a gassed recap.

Zerilan
Jan 11, 2008

I have to believe I can do this.





vyelkin posted:

Hiking Across America is one of the ones that occasionally spontaneously pops into my head, a goon tried to walk across America and didn't even make it out of the park he started in because he brought nothing to eat except gorp even though experienced hikers had repeatedly told him to bring actual food otherwise he could literally die.

This is still my favorite saga because there were so many good informative posts made on hiking that I learned a lot of cool poo poo from that the goon just stubbornly ignored despite everyone telling him it would end in failure if he didn't take some of that poo poo to heart, only to end with him failing even harder than everyone's expectations.

It's like the goon in a well parable except everyone's shouting advice at him before he even starts digging yet he still ends up at the bottom of a hole wondering how he ended up there.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



I think that was one of the first threads I posted in after a decade of mostly lurking bc his plan to hike down the highway across the Texas prairie in June was just that dumb

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Dang dicknose don't tuck that money under your eyelids!


Pillbug

Funky See Funky Do posted:

Is anyone able to find the Nikolaus Pacione vs 50ft Ant thread? The original one - all I can find is a gassed recap.

I thought he threw down with autoaim.cfg.

E:used remembering that to dig up the original thread.


https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2931645&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Ugly In The Morning has a new favorite as of 14:40 on Aug 30, 2020

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



New saga thread new chance to whine about how his "brother" humper monkey ruined all the ghost story threads with his dumbass novel.

Keru
Aug 2, 2004

'n suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us 'n the sky was full of what looked like 'uge bats, all swooping 'n screeching 'n divin' around the ute.


Moon Slayer posted:


NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP, DAD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OYZ04mCGCo

Original Thread: ***link goes here***



"NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP, DAD" didn't actually happen on the forums, but is adjacent to it. Back in the day when GBS-FM was still new and had a large userbase, there was a member named Kuuenbu. Kuuenbu is genuinely autistic and has severe issues with a) anger, b) modulating his voice and c) really loving loves metal, like too much. At the time, GBS-FM had radio DJ slots on the weekend where a user could run a show for an hour or so, playing whatever they liked and talking in between; most of the time this was great and we had some really good and chill shows.

Kuuenbu was for the most part okay, just very loud and way too enthusiastic about metal, to the point anything that wasn't metal "wasn't music". One weekend, he'd mistakenly taken someone else's slot on the dj rooster, and instead of going "oh, my bad, I'll back out and you can take over and we'll figure out something to make up for the time I accidentally took, given his issues he had a meltdown. I'll admit, since I was around for it and in the IRC-channel for the station, we did our best to egg him on because 00's goons didn't exactly have good graces, which definitely made it much worse than it should've been.

The audio in the youtube is about midway through, by that point he'd started freaking out hard because people were voting his show 1, his dad comes in and tells him to please stop screaming so loudly at which point "NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD" happens. Kuuenbu still hung around after the incident and despite all our best efforts to get him to a place where he'd manage to start talking in an indoors voice, it fell on deaf ears and he slowly drifted away. Last I heard he was a raging racist because why not?

I believe he got helldumped at some point, but I never read that forum so I don't know how true that is. There's no real thread about him, unless someone can dig up the ancient GBS-FM thread from around 2004-2006, or look around in NME, since he posted a lot about The Loudness War in the metal thread there.

Overall, the main consensus from those of us who talked to him is that he never had any real chance because his dad is as bad as he is and his mom is "my precious angel never do anything bad", so he's never gotten any professional help.

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

I canne has csebuf?


I've seen GBS-FM pop up numerous times, yet have no idea what it was.

Heath
Apr 29, 2008



Captain Hygiene posted:

I've seen GBS-FM pop up numerous times, yet have no idea what it was.

A streaming radio station, basically.

Mr. Fall Down Terror
Jan 24, 2018


SneezeOfTheDecade posted:

I was sure that "fecal lasagna" was one of Joey Vapes's stories, but a) I can't actually find Joey Vapes's thread, and b) a search indicates that it comes from this thread. Any suggestions on the Joey Vapes thread?

Cervixalot posted:

Wasnt fecal lasagna Martin Random or something along those lines?

right, fecal lasagna was a Martin Random story. he also made a small splash back during the bush admin by posting in LF as a white house insider dishing on all the weird behavior of the cabinet. i remember he claimed condoleeza rice just smelled extremely nice, like a master of perfume, and john ashcroft would nap on top of his desk wearing a spandex body suit with a fan blowing cool air over him

Keru
Aug 2, 2004

'n suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us 'n the sky was full of what looked like 'uge bats, all swooping 'n screeching 'n divin' around the ute.


Captain Hygiene posted:

I've seen GBS-FM pop up numerous times, yet have no idea what it was.


Heath posted:

A streaming radio station, basically.

This, but add in 'goon taste' and you get a wild assortment of incredibly bad music, hilariously bad but intentionally so music, very good music and anything in between.

One time we even invented fake genre's for a joke and ended up creating Post-Rave. Specifically, Uzbeki Post-Rave because that was hilarious to us for some reason. It consisted of really terrible drumbeats overlaid with Star Fox samples.

Heath
Apr 29, 2008



Keru posted:

One time we even invented fake genre's for a joke and ended up creating Post-Rave. Specifically, Uzbeki Post-Rave because that was hilarious to us for some reason. It consisted of really terrible drumbeats overlaid with Star Fox samples.

Worthleast
Nov 25, 2012

Possibly the only speedboat jumps I've planned



Mr. Water

Smith

The Naked King of Shoreditch is not afraid!

Beartaco
Apr 10, 2007



Hi, sorry I'm sure this probably got brought up a bunch in the old thread. Did we ever get an update to the guy who's lawyer wife had a perpetually owned stalker? The thread got deleted somewhat abruptly I want to say last year?

Famethrowa
Oct 5, 2012



Beartaco posted:

Hi, sorry I'm sure this probably got brought up a bunch in the old thread. Did we ever get an update to the guy who's lawyer wife had a perpetually owned stalker? The thread got deleted somewhat abruptly I want to say last year?

The stalker was so obsessive he found the thread and it risked endangering some legal processes. Think there was some risk of poop touching by goons and it was not a good situation

twistedmentat
Nov 21, 2003

What's a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?



I just watched a vid from the Down The Rabbit Hole guy about Groverhaus and my favorite part was Grover telling goons the DIY guy told him to hire a professional.

Glad I know where those pictures came from too.

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

I just wasted all my charitable impulse for the day on a wet lump of fuzz.






Some blurry knowledge, so maybe someone else can fill in the gaps:

"Lost fingat" was a (or some) goon(s) devising increasingly deranged ways to get rid of a non working console, I think it was used as a toilet at some point? He'd post pictures of each step. So in the end he used something to make it explode, but he miscalculated and blew up his hand. The title is the mispelled text message he presumably sent from the ER. I think he later admitted to making some or all of it up.

"Mermaid Shelly" was part of a group and made incredibly well-made mermaid costumes, for unclear purposes. She wouldn't stop talking about mermaids (I think that was the isssue) though, and at some point she got mod-challenged to snap some pics of herself as a mermaid, sporting that exact phrase on a visible part of the pic, or get banned. She was an incredible good sport about that, and did a SA photoshoot with her costume near a pool, which won her the thread.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001



Passion’s Wrench

Keru posted:

"NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP, DAD" didn't actually happen on the forums, but is adjacent to it. Back in the day when GBS-FM was still new and had a large userbase, there was a member named Kuuenbu. Kuuenbu is genuinely autistic and has severe issues with a) anger, b) modulating his voice and c) really loving loves metal, like too much. At the time, GBS-FM had radio DJ slots on the weekend where a user could run a show for an hour or so, playing whatever they liked and talking in between; most of the time this was great and we had some really good and chill shows.

Kuuenbu was for the most part okay, just very loud and way too enthusiastic about metal, to the point anything that wasn't metal "wasn't music". One weekend, he'd mistakenly taken someone else's slot on the dj rooster, and instead of going "oh, my bad, I'll back out and you can take over and we'll figure out something to make up for the time I accidentally took, given his issues he had a meltdown. I'll admit, since I was around for it and in the IRC-channel for the station, we did our best to egg him on because 00's goons didn't exactly have good graces, which definitely made it much worse than it should've been.

The audio in the youtube is about midway through, by that point he'd started freaking out hard because people were voting his show 1, his dad comes in and tells him to please stop screaming so loudly at which point "NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD" happens. Kuuenbu still hung around after the incident and despite all our best efforts to get him to a place where he'd manage to start talking in an indoors voice, it fell on deaf ears and he slowly drifted away. Last I heard he was a raging racist because why not?

I believe he got helldumped at some point, but I never read that forum so I don't know how true that is. There's no real thread about him, unless someone can dig up the ancient GBS-FM thread from around 2004-2006, or look around in NME, since he posted a lot about The Loudness War in the metal thread there.

Overall, the main consensus from those of us who talked to him is that he never had any real chance because his dad is as bad as he is and his mom is "my precious angel never do anything bad", so he's never gotten any professional help.
Someone took the original audio where it cuts out and even though he muted the mic evidently the speakers picked up some of the sound and Kuuenbu is just screaming at the top of his lungs. I don't have it and I don't want it because it was genuinely scary.

Jiru posted:

Some blurry knowledge, so maybe someone else can fill in the gaps:

"Mermaid Shelly" was part of a group and made incredibly well-made mermaid costumes, for unclear purposes. She wouldn't stop talking about mermaids (I think that was the isssue) though, and at some point she got mod-challenged to snap some pics of herself as a mermaid, sporting that exact phrase on a visible part of the pic, or get banned. She was an incredible good sport about that, and did a SA photoshoot with her costume near a pool, which won her the thread.
Actually the thread was started by Sponrad where he posted her webpage in a "Hey look at this weirdo" way and everyone in the thread was "That's fine, she's doing something she likes" and then the Mod challenge was actually for everyone else to dress as a mermaid holding a "Sponrad is better down where it's wetter" sign to get a probe or ban for Sponrad. Mermaid Shelly noticed the traffic to her site, signed up to say Hi, and then took part in the challenge. At some point the challenge included "in a mermaid outfit while holding a fat blunt" but she went classy with the long cigarette holder.

Later she took part in a mod challenge where people had to hold things on their head. That thread also had Shine holding a cat on his head but all of the comments were about his rockin quads and later he became mod of the workout section of YLLS.

CannonFodder has a new favorite as of 21:30 on Aug 30, 2020

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

Ugly In The Morning posted:

I thought he threw down with autoaim.cfg.

E:used remembering that to dig up the original thread.


https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2931645&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Oh awesome, thanks! Didn't autoaim.cfg go down in flames for something in the past few years?

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Dang dicknose don't tuck that money under your eyelids!


Pillbug

Funky See Funky Do posted:

Oh awesome, thanks! Didn't autoaim.cfg go down in flames for something in the past few years?

He lost his poo poo about a pretty mild probe and never came back.

Heath
Apr 29, 2008



CannonFodder posted:

Someone took the original audio where it cuts out and even though he muted the mic evidently the speakers picked up some of the sound and Kuuenbu is just screaming at the top of his lungs. I don't have it and I don't want it because it was genuinely scary.


My cousin has some pretty severe Asperger's and my aunt referred to outbursts like that as "meltdowns." The emotion just boils over into pure rage. My cousin at least had them pretty rarely and they were never directed at another person, but I do remember his worst one was when he dropped his Game Boy Advance under the car seat and she slid it forward to retrieve it and crushed the screen. The fury was unreal, like someone had just killed his dog in front of him.

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

I just wasted all my charitable impulse for the day on a wet lump of fuzz.






CannonFodder posted:

Actually the thread was started by Sponrad where he posted her webpage in a "Hey look at this weirdo" way and everyone in the thread was "That's fine, she's doing something she likes" and then the Mod challenge was actually for everyone else to dress as a mermaid holding a "Sponrad is better down where it's wetter" sign to get a probe or ban for Sponrad. Mermaid Shelly noticed the traffic to her site, signed up to say Hi, and then took part in the challenge. At some point the challenge included "in a mermaid outfit while holding a fat blunt" but she went classy with the long cigarette holder.

Later she took part in a mod challenge where people had to hold things on their head. That thread also had Shine holding a cat on his head but all of the comments were about his rockin quads and later he became mod of the workout section of YLLS.

Fair enough, thanks! Now that you mention it, I remember the mock thread too, yeah. Here's the link to it (goldmined): https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3449232

Edit: on reading the thread, it seems like she wanted to say "hi" but also shelled up her website to goons. Abe did not like that and re-challenged her to participate or get review-bombed by goons. She took it remarkably well!

Shellception has a new favorite as of 21:58 on Aug 30, 2020

promising carl
Sep 9, 2002



Speaking of Abe, this is one of my favorite threads and the best thing to come out of GBS 2.0:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3578905

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

I just wasted all my charitable impulse for the day on a wet lump of fuzz.






https://www.somethingawful.com/comedy-goldmine/gamecube-challenge-fingat/

The Fingat saga was recorded in a front-page article, too.

Quarterroys
Jul 1, 2008



Who was the goon that got sent a Dreamcast full of mealworms as part of some secret santa?

Charles
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom


Toilet Rascal


Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"




the sagas keep comin and they don't stop comin

Charles
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom


Toilet Rascal

Off again. Phew.

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Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

I canne has csebuf?


Phew, glad you remembered to put blood on your profile page's doorframe

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