The Orb Shoppe

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DOPE FIEND KILLA G

orbital rotating ball

# ? Sep 3, 2020 20:41

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 17:07

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Please, sir, may I have an orb?

The Orb of Having a Meaningful Impact. That is thine orb. Now you can take solace knowing that your actions do matter! All of them. No matter how mundane. Expect people fall to their knees when they hear your words. Expect galas to be held in the name of your morning bowel movements.

Also it causes you to write with the impact font when available.

# ? Sep 3, 2020 22:03

pseudorandom

Hello, I'm looking for an orb, one that's good for a first-time orb owner without much orb experience.

# ? Sep 3, 2020 22:59

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Plant MONSTER. posted:

The Orb of Having a Meaningful Impact. That is thine orb. Now you can take solace knowing that your actions do matter! All of them. No matter how mundane. Expect people fall to their knees when they hear your words. Expect galas to be held in the name of your morning bowel movements.

Also it causes you to write with the impact font when available.

Oh thank God

# ? Sep 3, 2020 23:13

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Plant MONSTER. posted:

I'm... that's... Orb doesn't stand for that. Orb doesn't stand for anything. Orbs just are and because they are, things can be.

Oh look! Speaking of orbs, here's the Orb of Somnolence and Euphoria. With this orb you have direct control over your internal cannabinoid systems! You can now spend your days in a blissful stupor with your eyes half-lidded.

This sounds useful, can I share it with friends like l
pass it around a circle? Or does this only work for the owner?

(Also my ORB names are from the venture bros episode ORB I always think of it when someone says orb)

# ? Sep 3, 2020 23:45

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

I guess you can fill your blood with endocannabinoids and then.. like... transfer that blood into other ppl. Seems mighty dangerous though.

Manifisto posted:

these are amazing and as my first official act as IK I have stickied the thread!

also may I have an orb please?

e: maybe I will blender up whatever you suggest, since you're done drawing them

Oswald says you may have an orb. The Orb of Unexpected Grace to be exact. No longer will you awkwardly bumble about (despite your... appearances). In fact, your balletic prowess has become like nothing else this planet has seen! Anytime you trip, stumble or otherwise fall down you will instead regain your footing with a graceful arabesque.

Obviously you can no longer walk normally, instead choosing to prance, leap or shuffle about en pointe.

# ? Sep 4, 2020 01:58

alexandriao

can i have an orb that i can put up my nose? not for sexual reasons dont worry, i already have one for that

Too much is always not enough!

(Thanks to tvsveryown for the spring sig!)

# ? Sep 4, 2020 04:35

Stoner Sloth

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Stoner Sloth, with open heart and palms, receives the Orb of the Dried-up Herring. This curious orb allows its owner to dessicate any member of the genus Clupea, allowing for safe and indefinite storage of a valuable food source. The owner can also reanimate any dessicated herring and command it if in possession of the Herringbone Staff of the Occult.

powerful indeed! thanks friend!!

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Sep 4, 2020 13:07

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Barking Gecko posted:

Please orb me.

A pleasant and bright citrusy aroma permeates the air. It's the Orb of Oranges and Spring Water! This allows the owner to produce numberless oranges and infinite spring water from their body. The oranges start off as little warty nubs on the surface of the skin and they quickly ripen over a span of a few minutes. The spring water comes out of your choice of orifice and can be used as potable drinking water or in any number of ways, including offensively (like squirtle).

# ? Sep 4, 2020 19:31

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Plant MONSTER. posted:

A pleasant and bright citrusy aroma permeates the air. It's the Orb of Oranges and Spring Water! This allows the owner to produce numberless oranges and infinite spring water from their body. The oranges start off as little warty nubs on the surface of the skin and they quickly ripen over a span of a few minutes. The spring water comes out of your choice of orifice and can be used as potable drinking water or in any number of ways, including offensively (like squirtle).

Splendid! Just add vodka for an endless supply of screwdrivers. If the spring water were tonic water, it would be even better.

# ? Sep 4, 2020 21:37

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

what orifice you picking? I know I'd pick my left nostril.

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Sep 4, 2020 21:47

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

I choose to believe that I can select whichever orifice is most appropriate each time I invoke the power of the orb.

# ? Sep 4, 2020 21:51

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Barking Gecko posted:

I choose to believe that I can select whichever orifice is most appropriate each time I invoke the power of the orb.

This was the intention. you could technically spray a very fine jet of water out of a single pore at intensely high velocities. water lasers.

# ? Sep 4, 2020 22:08

alexandriao

wheres my orb :c

# ? Sep 4, 2020 23:30

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

ur on the list

# ? Sep 4, 2020 23:40

Manifisto

Plant MONSTER. posted:

I guess you can fill your blood with endocannabinoids and then.. like... transfer that blood into other ppl. Seems mighty dangerous though.

Oswald says you may have an orb. The Orb of Unexpected Grace to be exact. No longer will you awkwardly bumble about (despite your... appearances). In fact, your balletic prowess has become like nothing else this planet has seen! Anytime you trip, stumble or otherwise fall down you will instead regain your footing with a graceful arabesque.

Obviously you can no longer walk normally, instead choosing to prance, leap or shuffle about en pointe.

my so-called "awkward bumble" has what the japanese call wabi-sabi to it thank you.

but it's a nice orb

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Sep 5, 2020 01:03

Zurtilik: The Biggest Brain in Guardia

Orb me!

# ? Sep 5, 2020 02:34

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Slumpy posted:

i want the complex orb

you can have A complex orb. *sifts through list for a long one*

Ah! The Orb of the Graveman�s Crumb in the Unflattering Clench of a Cautionary Guinea Pig! The owner of the orb will meet a strange man who will offer them a crumb. This crumb causes a giant guinea pig to perpetually follow you. The guinea pig is attuned to danger and will alert the owner of any impending doom. Unfortunately, the guinea pig will do anything in its power to get at the crumb and will vanish if the crumb is consumed. So make sure to keep it somewhere safe.

# ? Sep 5, 2020 23:03

Jinh

ive walked past the entrance to the Orb Shoppe repeatedly, and this time i work up the courage to enter

^{thanks so much cda <3}

# ? Sep 6, 2020 16:17

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

orbital rotating ball

Oswald has a little something for you. It's an Orb of the Big-Hearted Pig.

I'm.... not exactly sure what it does. Something about a very generous pig with cardiomegaly?? Maybe it's your friend now???

# ? Sep 6, 2020 21:49

tradjik

*walks in abruptly and clears his throat* hi i have been waiting here for 10 minutes i guess you didnt notice me coughing but thats ok anyway because you made me wait can i have 2 orbs please

ty heather papps u da bes

# ? Sep 7, 2020 07:00

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

pseudorandom posted:

Hello, I'm looking for an orb, one that's good for a first-time orb owner without much orb experience.

Ah then the Orb of Just Desserts is a good start for you. It has nothing to do with the phrase just deserts and instead causes your body to reject all non-dessert food items. Luckily this orb has the power to convert any comestible into a sweet, sugary dessert item. Your body will also become primed to digest sugars, deriving complete nutrition off of them. Become immune to diabetes.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 15:13

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

alexandriao posted:

can i have an orb that i can put up my nose? not for sexual reasons dont worry, i already have one for that

Sorry about the many day wait! You are all valued customers. Anyway, I have the Orb of the Tough Nose Digger ready for you now. This orb converts the owner's nose into a veritable treasure trove. Simply place the orb in your nose and it'll transform hard crusty boogers into cut gemstones and slimy boogers harden into gold and platinum. Due to the geological nature of the treasures, expect your nose to harden immensely and become like stone. That's just how magic works.

Gemstones produced include but are not limited to: diamonds of any color, all types of beryls, sphenes, sphalerites, alexandrites, ambers, jadeite of any color, and corundum of any color.

Plant MONSTER. fucked around with this message at 15:20 on Sep 7, 2020

# ? Sep 7, 2020 15:18

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Jinh posted:

ive walked past the entrance to the Orb Shoppe repeatedly, and this time i work up the courage to enter

You are immediately greeted with bright flashing lights and piercing loud sirens. This frightens you greatly before Oswald rolls up to you with an orb in... Orb on his head and hands... er.. heads it over to you.

"It's the Orb of Incoherent Poems." He tells you.

This orb can generate poems on command. These poems aren't that great.

For example.

A Poem for an Orb

Orbs are Round
They Erase my Frown
Will it to be the
Orbs a day
And to my Lord and my
Father, which he have sent
And made for men.

This is my Lord and my Father,
Which sent me; that the Moon
Who sheweth my soul in the Moon
And sends its Sun
To give unto the Moon to be
To my Lord and my Father, which sheweth me.

Will this to be to my Lord and my Father.

Yeah, so. You have fun with that.

# ? Sep 8, 2020 16:16

alexandriao

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Sorry about the many day wait! You are all valued customers. Anyway, I have the Orb of the Tough Nose Digger ready for you now. This orb converts the owner's nose into a veritable treasure trove. Simply place the orb in your nose and it'll transform hard crusty boogers into cut gemstones and slimy boogers harden into gold and platinum. Due to the geological nature of the treasures, expect your nose to harden immensely and become like stone. That's just how magic works.

Gemstones produced include but are not limited to: diamonds of any color, all types of beryls, sphenes, sphalerites, alexandrites, ambers, jadeite of any color, and corundum of any color.

*dances like a texan gold digger while firing my pistols wildly, hitting some poor innocent people*

yeehaw!!!

# ? Sep 8, 2020 18:04

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

tradjik posted:

*walks in abruptly and clears his throat* hi i have been waiting here for 10 minutes i guess you didnt notice me coughing but thats ok anyway because you made me wait can i have 2 orbs please

Very well! Two is the number of orbs you shall receive!

The Orb of Reversing The Whirlwind and the Orb of The Whirlwind Reverses. With these you can reverse the course or change the direction of rotation of any cyclone, which can be used to either stop it completely or make it even more powerful by rotating it it to extreme velocities. With both orbs, you don't even need to like, see the cyclone. Just know of it. So you can control hurricanes.

Whoa poo poo that's so powerful dude

yes I got those from AI and they appeared one after another. Smart Alec much, eh computer???

# ? Sep 9, 2020 20:22

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Oswald has a little something for you. It's an Orb of the Big-Hearted Pig.

I'm.... not exactly sure what it does. Something about a very generous pig with cardiomegaly?? Maybe it's your friend now???

ah, the orb of the pig who stole christmas

# ? Sep 10, 2020 02:45

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

Orbicular! At last I have found you! From far and wide come tales of your exquisite collection. I fear I am not worthy to be considered amongst your prestigious clientele, but to be the proud caretaker, and dare I hope owner, of one of your wares would bring me delights upon delights.

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 13, 2020 16:18

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Here u go lock, have the Orb of Flogging The Knight, Destroying the Rider and Slapping the Emperor. hopefully u enjoy toppling societies!!

# ? Sep 13, 2020 20:16

Lock: hardcore sound gets you hypah

*eyes widen in awe as he accepts the offering*

my destiny...it is clear now...I always thought...but never knew...

https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!

huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!

# ? Sep 13, 2020 20:34

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

My eldritch unicorn has whispered many secrets to me older than time itself. The utter stench of this foul beast is but a small price to pay for the knowledge which I am now privy to. Yes I get strange looks from others in the coffee shop as I scream at the top my lungs

"O' YOU FOUL BEAST, YOUR PUTRID STENCH IS BESTED ONLY BY THE RANCID ODOR OF YOUR UNENDING SHITS. TELL ME AGAIN THAT WHICH LIES BEYOND THE DOORS OF PERCEPTION TO STEAL ME FROM THE HORROR THAT IS BEING YOUR MASTER."

Since acquiring this orb I have been forcibly removed from many coffee shops, however I alone hear the whisperings of the ones long forgotten, scratching and scraping at the fabric of our dimension to once again reign in chaos over our pathetic reality. We are less than dust to those who exist beyond time, from chaos this realm was created, and to chaos it shall return. Do not weep, horror is our provenance. The gate will open.

# ? Sep 15, 2020 18:55

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

yeah thats what it does for sure!

# ? Sep 15, 2020 23:09

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Orb available for orbdoption!

The Orb of the Perpetually Censored Tooth. One of your teeth will become a bad egg and start exposing itself indecently, casting away its enamel coat showing the whole world the sexy and primal dentin. This behavior earns the tooth a blurry mosaic around it at all times.

Worst yet is the tooth will take to social media as well! And here it thought there was a little something called "free speech" but no, this tooth is so horrible that his social media posts are largely censored as well.

We cannot handle the tooth.

#canceltooth2020

# ? Sep 15, 2020 23:13

Evil Bob: 've lived a thousand times. I found out what it means to be GBS.

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Orb available for orbdoption!

The Orb of the Perpetually Censored Tooth. One of your teeth will become a bad egg and start exposing itself indecently, casting away its enamel coat showing the whole world the sexy and primal dentin. This behavior earns the tooth a blurry mosaic around it at all times.

Worst yet is the tooth will take to social media as well! And here it thought there was a little something called "free speech" but no, this tooth is so horrible that his social media posts are largely censored as well.

We cannot handle the tooth.

#canceltooth2020

Subscribe to this tooth's onlyfans to see more.

Actually dear Oswald, upon further consideration i would like to adopt the orb of the perpetually censored tooth.

Posters - This orb will be for trade! However, once I have set up the onlyfans site for this tooth, 69% any proceeds earned from this revenue stream will go to me in perpetuity

Evil Bob fucked around with this message at 23:36 on Sep 15, 2020

# ? Sep 15, 2020 23:33

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Oswald buddy i think i got lost in the shuffle. still waitin' for my orb!

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Sep 16, 2020 03:35

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Whoops

my bad

here!

The Orb of Lovers Who Are Gifted With a Wonderful Ability To Hide Their Distasteful Preferences From Everyone Else. You can do gross things in bed and your secrets will forever be kept.

and for your troubles some lesser orbs

An Orb of Dropped Cereal. Adds 1 whole minute to the 5 second rule when it comes to dropped cereal products. A Orb of Chompy Chew Scabs... You're doing me a favor by taking this one and I suppose you can have the Orb of Paper Mill Shavings as well.

# ? Sep 16, 2020 03:51

corgski: Silly goose, you're here forever.

yes this speaks to me, I desire Orb

thank 2 blaise rascal for a cozy sig

# ? Sep 16, 2020 07:22

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

corgski posted:

yes this speaks to me, I desire Orb

*lifts a box revealing the Orb of the Silent Commotion of the Charging Bullfrog
*

Unsung. Unheard. The bullfrog charges into the night.

This orb gives the wielder the power to summon projectile bullfrogs from his or her palms. The bullfrogs travel silently and hit like trucks.

# ? Sep 16, 2020 17:12

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Orb for orbdoption

Orb of Neat Bookcases

Owners of this orb will have access to a secret drop down menu that will allow them to sort and place all nearby books onto a bookshelf. You can sort by author, title, dewey decimal number, ISBN, weight, word count, eroticism level and solubility in ether.

Only works if you're a nerdddd

A MUST have for the librarian in your life!

# ? Sep 16, 2020 17:52

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 17:07

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Orb for orbdoption

Orb of the Snort

all hail the Snort!

*snort*

# ? Sep 16, 2020 17:58

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The Orb Shoppe

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