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Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012





Hello and welcome to the Fight Island monthly thread for the UFC. Sorry for the delayed thread I was feeling a bit under the weather suddenly. Anyway if you want to read the last month’s thread you can check it out here.

Things have..*cough* sorry, things have *cough cough* jeez I’m sorry I swear it’s not COVID...Anyway, I *coughcoughcoughcough*

**Mekchu passes out for a few moments, but suddenly he springs to his feet like a tiger ready to pounce**

Hello, it is I, Steven Seagal.





I’ve used astral projection to leave my body and send my spirit into this vessel. I am here to enlighten you both with regards to your martial arts prowess and to strengthen your spirit with the methods I, Steven Seagal, created during my time studying the art of Aikido.

Before we begin any journey, we must first learn of the journey’s of the past. As your spiritual leader, I will guide you on the right path meaning we must begin in the past.

August Recap

The month of the summer harvest began with a visit to the UFC APEX. This building is a beautiful and magnificent structure. When the UFC built it they called me to help lead a Tibetan prayer to bless the ground and keep the warriors safe while engaging in combat. Upon the buildings completion on July 31, 2020 Dana White, a close personal friend who hired me to help protect his children during middle school, invited me to officiate UFC Fight Night: Brunson vs Shahbazyan. The first of these great warriors to fight was Bobby Green and Lando Vanata, both great pupils of students who studied under me, excelled in putting together a great contest. Using my patented movements to deflect and defend oneself with minimal damage received over the course of their contest. Green won with a judge’s decision, but in my day when we fought in the street we would simply fight to the death. Next Vicente Luque used excellent knee strikes to dispose of Randy Brown. Luque has much promise and I am confident if he studies under me he will become a great fighter. In the co-main event Jennifer Maia took on and easily submitted, using my patented Aikido Arm Breaker technique, Joana Calderwood. I am proud of my student for doing so well to spread the message of my fighting style. In the main event, Derek Brunson used his excellent striking to put away Edmen Shahbazyan after crushing his spirit thanks to the breathing techniques I was able to help him with earlier in the night.

The next event the UFC held was a fight card that featured little pupils of mine and as such is not worth mentioning. UFC Fight Night: Lewis vs Oleinik had only two fights worth discussing at this time. First there was the fight between my nephew Christopher Weidman and Omari Akhmedov. As a Russian citizen I should have cheered for Omari, but my nephew and pupil from a very early age Chris was my true choice in that fight. Chris used the techniques I, his sifu, taught him over decades to win a clear decision and become a top challenger for the title. He once defeated the great Anderson Silva and I believe he can do so again. In the main event, my student from Houston, TX Derrick Lewis was able to defeat Aleksei Oleinik in the second round. Lewis used his striking to put away Oleinik who has spent his life studying an inefficient way of choking his opponents which he relied on only to fail in this fight.

Next we witnessed the most important event for the month, UFC 252: Miocic vs Cormier 3 which was personally my favorite card. First we witness a few rookies who used their low skillset in martial arts to fight one another. Merab Dvalishvili did the better job of using movement and manipulating his opponent, John Dodson, into bad positions. Next we saw a cheater in the form of Herbert Burns who missed weight get defeated by Daniel Pineda. When I was a part time professional fighter when I wasn’t doing operations for the US Navy Seals on loan from the CIA, I never missed weight. I believe that if Herbert Burns can come to my dojo and learn from me he will not have weight issues again. Then next we had a Heavyweight fight between teammates. I have always trained my pupils never to fight one another as that will lead to infighting and disharmony within the sacred realm of our dojo. Jairzinho Rozenstruik and Junio Dos Santos however did not care about the harmony of their gym and fought ruthlessly. Their foolishness led to dos Santos losing embarrassingly to a series of strikes that I would have easily countered using my hand placements and throat grabs, however they believe that is cheating in the UFC. In the co-main event another pupil of mine, Marlon Vera, came ahead victorious against a pretender of the holy art of Aikido Sean O’Malley. Vera used great distance control, a move I taught him in his training camp only once, and broke O’Malley’s nerve endings in his leg with a single strike. This led to Vera being able to finish the fight easily in only a few moments. In the main event my star pupil to date, Stipe Miocic, was able to defend his Heavyweight Championship in his first title defense since winning the title back. He won thanks to great controlling of the wrists that ultimately allowed him to defeat his attack while take no damage. It was a remarkable display and shows a great deal of the fundamentals of Aikido.

Unfortunately I was called away to a special operations mission that the US Secret Service required me for. I can only briefly explain the important fights that followed for the remainder of the month. First at UFC Fight Night: Edgar vs Munhoz former UFC Lightweight Champion Frankie Edgar defeated Bantamweight title challenger Pedro Munhoz in a split decision. I personally was unable to guide Edgar to this victory, but know that my meditation techniques taught to his coach who then passed them on to him is why he was able to come out as the victor.

Finally in the month UFC Fight Night: Rakic vs Smith was held. On the card we saw two women fight in a fight I did not expect. It was a great affair and one that is worth watching again and again. Alexa Grasso and Ji Yeon Kim fought to a decision. Grasso’s sifu was a former pupil of mine who helped instill the philosophies of fighting that I have developed over my time as a Sheriff in the American South West fighting drug dealers on the streets. Next we saw former UFC Welterweight Champion Robbie Lawler fall to the skilled practitioner of my Aikido methodology, Neil Magny. Magny’s great ability to control the distance, which is something I allowed him to learn from me during one of my retreats into the Colorado wilderness. He took a clear victory thanks to the judge’s also agreeing with my technique methodology. Finally Anthony Smith’s failure to effectively use write control and placement of strikes is why he fell to Aleksander Rakic in the main event. Rakic was too clean with his strikes and ability to negate Smith’s mediocre positional manipulation. Overall, Rakic has shown he is a potential fighter to keep my eye on to guide on his journey to a UFC championship.

UFC events in September

Because of the current situation in the world, many of the months fights aren’t formally finalized with the UFC. However thanks to my time as a student under HH Dalai Lama, I am prepared to predict the following fights will happen.

On September 5, we will see UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs Sakai. Two of my students will be fighting on this card and are the only ones worth mentioning. In the main event Alistair Overeem will face his opponent Augusto Sakai in a Heavyweight contest of wills. Then in a Women's Bantamweight contest Sijara Eubanks will fight Karol Rosa. Truly a great night of fighting to showcase my fighting philosophies.

Then on September 12, there will be a lone fight on the whole night for UFC Fight Night: Santos vs Texeira as Thiago Santos will fight Glover Texeira in a contest at Light Heavyweight. My handlers at the NSA have told me that Roxanne Modafieri and several other fighters may also make an appearance.

On September 19, UFC Fight Night: Covington vs Woodley will also be a fight we will be treated to. Many of my pupils will be on the card but the main event is to feature Colby Covington and former UFC Welterweight Champion Tyron Woodley. Also expected on that night of martial arts is Donald Cerrone and Niko Price.

Finally on September 26 at a location classified, but I have been told where it is, the UFC will have UFC 253: Adesanya vs Costa. The main fight will feature a pupil of mine fighting. Israel Adesanya will defend his Middleweight Championship against Paulo Costa. Also on the card is another pupil of mine fighting for a Light Heavyweight Championship, as it was vacated by Jon Jones during the month at my advice. Fighting for the vacant championship is Dominick Reyes and Jan Blachowicz.

What To Enlighten Your Mind With

We have been watching old or random MMA events on the MMA Goons Discord and have floated the idea of watching some of the awful/silly 1960s martial arts movies they added to UFC Fight Pass (or potentially other stuff like Bloodsport, etc.). The link to join is here - https://discord.gg/SkR8ZeC

You can also watch an old event from the UFC Fight Pass library (or any non-Fight Pass library event) and do your own write up over in the Let's Watch: Random Old MMA Events! Thread - https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3918401


My Current Champions


Men's Heavyweight Champion - Stipe Miocic(20-3)
Having worked his way up to the Heavyweight Championship, Stipe Miocic went on to be the winningest champion in the division amassing a startling title defense record of 3 title defenses. However Stipe’s legacy was stopped short after being knocked out by Light Heavyweight Champion Daniel Cormier (who went on to be a Champ-Champ) in the first round of their fight at UFC 226. Miocic disputed the loss, even though he was cleanly knocked out, and lobbied for a rematch. This took a full year to materialize and the whole time while Cormier was riding high as a defending champion in two divisions, Miocic stayed in Cleveland working his argument via Twitter. Eventually the rematch came to be thanks in part to Brock Lesnar using his appeal to the UFC to get a better paycheck off the WWE, making a DC/Lesnar fight disappear. Miocic was put in as a new opponent for Cormier for UFC 241 in 2019, a little over a year after their first meeting. This time however, Miocic went on to get revenge on Cormier and knocked him out following a setup via body punches earning his Heavyweight Title for the second time. Given the state of the UFC Heavyweight division, Miocic’s next opponent may be Daniel Cormier for a third time and a chance for DC to finally retire from MMA. Rumors are Stipe doesn't want to fight until COVID is taken care of as he's an active duty firefighter and Dana implied Stipe may be stripped due to inactivity. DC/Stipe 3 happened and while not entirely surprising in its results, several people felt it could have gone either way.


Men's Light Heavyweight Champion - Vacant
Daniel Cormier won the belt initially in May of 2015. After a series of defenses, Cormier lost the title in a rematch against Jon Jones, who himself was stripped afterwards due to testing positive for a PED. Jones eventually settled with USADA after a 15 month investigation. Cormier was reinstated as the champion, before himself being stripped due to being a dual-weight champion and competing more recently at Heavyweight. To determine the new champion, the UFC decided to pit Jon Jones against Alexander Gustafsson in a rematch of their barn burner from 2013. Jones subsequently was able to best Gustafsson and win via third round TKO victory, becoming Light Heavyweight Champion again. Jones recently defeated Thiago Santos but another legal issue has come up for the champion involving assault at a strip club in Albuquerque so maybe Jones will be stripped of the title...again. Jones will possibly face Reyes but some people think a rematch with Santos is warranted. In March, Jones got arrested for a DWI and improper use of a firearm (read: he was drunk driving and shooting his gun off) despite the quarantine situation in the US. As usual Jones got a slap on the wrist and then shortly after mocked former opponent Anthony Smith over Smith’s home being invaded by some random dude. Jones is still somehow beloved by some idiots. Jones is currently having Twitter slapfights/rants over the UFC not letting him go to HW and fight, while also donning the GI Joe uniform and taking his guns to protect businesses during the BLM protests/riots in ABQ. Jones decided to vacate his title during July in a bid to move up to Heavyweight, conveniently announced at the end of the DC/Stipe 3 fight. Having cleared out a division, Jones probably will earn an immediate title shot. The title is now to be fought for between Jan Blachowicz and Dominick Reyes.


Men’s Middleweight Champion - Israel Adesanya (19-0)
Israel Adesanya entered the UFC for his first bout on February 11, 2018. In less than a year (by 1 day) he was headlining a UFC PPV, thanks in part to the main event falling out, against Anderson Silva. To say he was a rising star is an understatement and fate seems to be willing to back him on that notion. Following Robert Whittaker getting another injury that put him on the shelf, Whittakers initial opponent Kelvin Gastelum was paired up with Adesanya to determine who would be the Interim Middleweight Champion while Whittaker recovers. At UFC 236 Adesanya was pushed to his limits by Gastelum, but the man known as “The Last Stylebender” showed that he wasn’t all hype and nearly finished Gastelum in the final moments of the fight, which certainly helped him clinch his Unanimous Decision victory and become the UFC Interim Middleweight Champion. His followup performance was that of near perfection as he faced reigning champion Robert Whittaker, who Adesanya KO’d with a solid counter hook in just two rounds. To follow that up, Adesanya wanted to face Paulo Costa but the latter was out with injury so Yoel Romero was sent in. The two more or less half fought for 5 rounds but saw Adesanya win the Unanimous Decision. Izzy/Costa seems like the most logical booking for the champ next.


Men's Welterweight Champion - Kamaru Usman (17-1)
Debuting in the UFC back in 2015, Usman took a slow and methodical approach towards working his way up the UFC’s Welterweight division en route to a title shot. Running through opponents Damian Maia and Raphael Dos Anjos most recently with dominant performances, Usman earned the opportunity to face Tyron Woodley in Woodley’s fifth title defense. Many presumed that Woodley’s size and power would be too much for The Nigerian Nightmare, but boy were those people wrong. Throughout the entire contest, Usman controlled Woodley easily on his way to a Unanimous Decision victory with Usman winning all five rounds on all three judges' scorecards. Woodley essentially never got any offense going throughout a 25 minute fight thanks to Usman’s style of smothering pressure. The next challenger for Usman was Colby Covington, who put up a challenge but ultimately was TKO’d in the 5th round of their fight. Usman was set to fight Gilbert Burns but Burns tested positive for COVID19 and instead Usman fought Jorge Masvidal who he beat soundly. A Burns fight is still expected to happen as his next bout.



Men's Lightweight Champion - Khabib Nurmagomedov (28-0)
Finally, it's Khabib Time. At the UFC 25th anniversary press conference, it was announced that Conor McGregor would be Nurmagomedov’s first opponent as champion. The bout went down at UFC 229 and, surprising some, Khabib dropped McGregor early in the fight but unsurprisingly relied on his wrestling to keep the Irishman down before submitting him with a crank. Post-fight however, chaos erupted as both teams got into various brawls. Khabib has said he would sit out his suspension, which he did until September before handily schooling Interim Champion Dustin Poirier. We really want Tony vs Khabib to actually happen this time as it’s scheduled to take place in April but because of Coronavirus Khabib is in lockdown in Russia. He will next face Justin Gaethje this month.


Men's Interim Lightweight Champion - Justin Gaethje (22-2)
Justin Gaethje came into the UFC off the winning streak he accumulated at WSOF. He put on a FOTY performance with Michael Johnson in his first fight and then would go on to become a household name thanks to his never boring fights. When he was paired up with Tony Ferguson to fight for the Interim Lightweight Championship we all knew there was a chance The Highlight would beat El Cucuy but we all hoped both guys would be better off regardless of the outcome. In just 7 fights with the UFC, Gaethje captured Championship Gold (yes its Interim but loving come on). He's won so many performance bonuses in just those 7 fights its insane. His wrestling is good, and his striking (when he is composed and patient) is hard to beat at the Lightweight Division. If Ferguson wasn't your pick to beat Khabib, Justin probably would be the next likely guy. He's likely to fight Khabib by the end of the year should things not blow up between now and then.



Men's Featherweight Champion - Alexander Volkanovski (22-1)
Quietly working his way up the ranks over the past year or so, Volkanovski finally assumed the throne of Featherweights in the UFC at the tail end of 2019. Besting Max Holloway in a 5 round banger by solid gameplanning and scouting of his opponent, Volkanovski was as humble in his victory as Holloway was in his defeat and promised to be a respectful champion. Alex and Holloway ran it back and Volkanovski came out ahead on the scorecards again despite having some trouble early on. Next up is anyone's guess but I think Volkanovski is gonna be a great champion. I don’t think it was personally.


Men’s Bantamweight Champion - Petr Yan (16-1)
A new addition to the UFC in mid-2018, Yan quickly made a name for himself with impressive finishes and victories over an ever growing number of ranked opponents. This all came to a climax for the Russian fighter when he faced off against former WEC Featherweight Champion Urijah Faber and won rather lopsidedly with a KO victory in the third round. Yan was then possibly the next to take on Henry Cejudo but Cejudo’s retirement thrust Yan into immediate discussions about who will get a shot at claiming the belt. Rather than face other ranked opponents like Aljamain Sterling, Yan was scheduled to fight against Jose Aldo for the vacant belt and took the fight towards the end of the scheduled time via TKO. A fight versus the aforementioned Sterling, given Sterling also won recently in declarative fashion, would be a good first test for the new champion.


Men's Flyweight Champion - Deiveson Figueiredo (19-1)
Joining the UFC with a 12-0 record, Deiveson would go on to make quick work of his early opponents before suffering a decision loss to Jussier Formiga. Bouncing back, Deiveson then went on to win two fights, one being a victory over former Flyweight title Challenger Tim Elliott. This earned the Brazilian a chance to fight for the vacant Flyweight Championship but missing weight by 2 ½ pounds meant that despite his eventual KO win over Joseph Benavidez, Figueiredo did not claim the title gold just yet. It would take another 5 months for Figueiredo to get a chance to fight for the gold in another fight with Joseph Benavidez, this time making the championship weight and winning again in clear fashion becoming the 3rd ever man to hold the Flyweight Championship.


Women's Featherweight Champion - Amanda Nunes(20-4)
Amanda Nunes claimed the Featherweight Championship with relative ease given the opponent she was facing was the long time problem known as Cristiane “Cyborg” Justino. After a quick KO in the first round we’re now left wondering “What is the Featherweight Division really for now that Cyborg is dethroned?” With Cyborg no longer in the UFC, and Nunes seemingly more interested in fighting at Bantamweight we’ll probably see the 145lbs division for women shut down. Just kidding the UFC put together a Featherweight bout for UFC 250 rather quickly so this division is somehow still alive. Nunes again dominated her opponent and we’re all left wondering “so really who is next for the GOAT?”



Women's Bantamweight Champion - Amanda Nunes (20-4)
Nunes headlined UFC 200 in July of 2016, putting a vicious beating on Miesha Tate and securing a rear-naked choke victory in a little over three minutes. She backed this up with a brutal 48-second TKO victory against former Women's Bantamweight Champion and WMMA pioneer Ronda Rousey in late December 2016. Nunes was slated to take on Valentina Shevchenko in a rematch of their March 2016 fight, with that match being moved to UFC 215 in September 2017. Nunes retained by a razor-thin split decision. Her next fight was against Raquel Pennington at UFC 224, which was held this month in Rio de Janeiro. Nunes spent four rounds mauling Pennington, then pounded out a clearly already finished Pennington in the fifth, to retain her Championship. Nunes then faced Cyborg for the UFC Women’s Featherweight Championship and much to the surprise of pretty much everyone, beat the long time feared Featherweight with relative ease. With her victory, Nunes became the first two division champion in Women’s UFC History as well as the first Champ-Champ in UFC Women’s History. Nunes next defeated Germaine de Randamie at Bantamweight and Felice Spencer and has basically cleared out two divisions at this point..


Women’s Flyweight Champion - Valentina Shevchenko(17-3)
The UFC’s Women’s Flyweight title was vacanted after Nicco Montaño failed to make it to the weigh-ins at UFC 228, citing a need to visit the hospital. This, in turn, left her bout with Valentina Shevchenko nullified. Having not fought in roughly 9 months, the UFC decided Montaño was no longer the champion of the division that they just made 10 months ago and instead opted to vacate the title. As a result of this, Shevchenko faced Former Strawweight Champion Joanna (Jędrzejczyk) at UFC 231 winning a clear decision victory. The next opponent for “Bullet” was Jessica Eye at UFC 238, who Shevchenko basically murdered and it was not a fun KO. Seriously, it was pretty heartbreaking if you have an ounce of sympathy in your body. Following this up, “Bullet” faced and avenged a loss to Liz Carmouche in a showdown in South America that nobody really remembers. Shevchenko then faced and defeated Katlyn Chookagian at UFC 247. Flyweight is a bit of a wasteland and thus a new challenger has yet to amerge, and an injury has put Shevchenko on the sidelines for the time being until one can step up and stake a claim.


Women's Strawweight Champion - Zhang Weili (21-1)
With the fall of Joanna Jędrzejczyk, Strawweight seemed to be lost with anyone who could serve as a dominant champion. Rose Namajunas had the best run with two bouts as a champion but fell to Jessica Andrade via a powerful slam. So understandably the idea Andrade is the new ruler of the division and would be for a while was held. However Andrade’s reign came rather abruptly short when she took on Zhang Weili in her first defense. The Chinese fighter has been on a tear since arriving in the UFC. Defeating the likes of Tecia Torres and Jessica Aguilar, the UFC promoted her to be the first challenger as they began their push further into China’s entertainment market. The gamble paid off as Zhang won in less than a minute. However, Zhang is not just a fluke fighter. She’s been undefeated in 20 fights in a row, with her lone loss being her professional debut back in 2013. Zhang then called out former champion Joanna, with the two facing off in an all out barn burner of a fight at UFC 248. Zhang was tested but persevered and ended up taking home the victory extending her win streak to 21. In happy news, Zhang got back home to China about 3 weeks after the event due to the coronavirus issues to be with her family.




Other Things to Ponder and Meditate On

In the ever crazy landscape that is MMA fight rosters, you can always head over to the B-League MMA: Grand Prixs and Untested Pee thread by CommonShore if your favorite fighter is unceremoniously fired via Twitter by Dana White.

Head over to the 2020 Best & Worst of MMA thread to post your memorable moments of 2020.

We have the Let's Watch: Random Old MMA Events! Thread thread which has been great to read about/relive events through other people’s eyes and worth getting in on yourself if you like writing.

Finally, shout out to DumbWhiteGuy for providing details for the MMA IRC channel.

irc.synirc.net #mma

Join your fellow MMA fans in discussing all things MMA in a place probably secure against nuclear armageddon - IRC has been around for so long I'm not convinced anything could kill it.

As previously mentioned there is also the MMA Goons Discord if you no longer use IRC because you are living in the 21st century - https://discord.gg/SkR8ZeC

As usual if there’s any mistakes please let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as I can.

Mekchu fucked around with this message at 23:27 on Sep 1, 2020

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Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Nap Ghost

i enjoyed the pictures very much in your op, op.

moctopus
Nov 28, 2005



Thank you for this op. It is beautiful.

A Salty Affair
Oct 9, 2012

Salt Bae

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY RICHIE DID BOBBY LUPO!?

Duzzy Funlop
Jan 13, 2010


We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.


God, that is one beautiful op.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Nap Ghost

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2nt61c

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

Oh, pretty, pretty, Blue Bongo!
Bongo-Bongo Blue!! Yah!


Buglord

Duzzy Funlop posted:

God, that is one beautiful op.

smertrioslol
Apr 4, 2010


I mean it’s good, but it’s no Segal eating a carrot .

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

FishBowlRobot
Mar 21, 2006





I was expecting skinny Seagal pictures for the lighter weight divisions, like “Above the Law” era. Then you could move on to “On Deadly Ground” and after that you’re in LHW or HW. But all fat all the time is good too.

Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

lol judo gene choked segal out and steve poo poo his pants

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012





smertrioslol posted:

I mean it’s good, but it’s no Segal eating a carrot .

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)


You guys think you're above the law. Well, you ain't above mine.

Scapegoat
Sep 18, 2004


Mekchu posted:



Men's Featherweight Champion - Alexander Volkanovski (22-1)
Quietly working his way up the ranks over the past year or so, Volkanovski finally assumed the throne of Featherweights in the UFC at the tail end of 2019. Besting Max Holloway in a 5 round banger by solid gameplanning and scouting of his opponent, Volkanovski was as humble in his victory as Holloway was in his defeat and promised to be a respectful champion. Alex and Holloway are gonna run it back 1 more time and see if the initial fight was a fluke or not. I don’t think it was personally.


This needs to be updated Mekchu

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Clapping Larry

Great OP. Just missed the best Steven Seagal work of all.

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I

SuppressdPuberty93
Nov 11, 2013


Oklahoma is southwest

Flaskraven
Nov 20, 2012

I hope you get crushed to death by a fat guy trying to commit suicide by falling out of a window and when the paramedics answer the local bystander asking if you'll live, he just says "fat chance" and laughs.

Ortega will probably beat KZ. He's durable, has great cardio, hits hard and he doesn't give up.
Also, before Max and his layoff he got continually better each fight. He just improved more and more. I'm imagining he's probably going to be better now that he's back.
Finally, steroids is the best base for MMA.

When Ortega beats KZ, who will get the title shot? FW is so screwed up now.

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

and she walked in
looking like dynamite




Flaskraven posted:

Ortega will probably beat KZ. He's durable, has great cardio, hits hard and he doesn't give up.
Also, before Max and his layoff he got continually better each fight. He just improved more and more. I'm imagining he's probably going to be better now that he's back.
Finally, steroids is the best base for MMA.

When Ortega beats KZ, who will get the title shot? FW is so screwed up now.

Ortega/TKZ (zombie gonna win) and Yair/Zabit are taking place within seven days of each other, so the hopeful answer is whichever winner of those two fights wins in the most impressive fashion.

but the real answer is the winners fight each other sometime next March while the UFC books Volkanovski/Holloway III

CarlCX fucked around with this message at 00:37 on Sep 2, 2020

FishBowlRobot
Mar 21, 2006





Memento posted:

Great OP. Just missed the best Steven Seagal work of all.



gently caress you, Bert


Steven Seagal’s music is rivaled only by Macho Man’s rap. You picked the best example, though. I can tell you’re a true fan.

evobatman
Jul 30, 2006

it means nothing, but says everything!

Pillbug

So UFC 224 was this month?

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Clapping Larry

evobatman posted:

So UFC 224 was this month?

Every month since April 2019 my goon

it's really on us for not noticing it before now

Forceholy
Nov 10, 2007

My Voice Just Echoes Off These Walls


Isn't Segal in Russia on the lam for getting me too'd into oblivion?

Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012





evobatman posted:

So UFC 224 was this month?

When you are a reincarnated tulku like I, Steven Seagal, am time is not a thing we need to worry about.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


The most impressive thing about Steven Seagal is that he's near 70 and yet his hair retains the natural vibrant color of his youth

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Clapping Larry

Clothes by Cultural Appropriation

Hair by Kiwi boot polish

Mekchu
Apr 10, 2012





Forceholy posted:

Isn't Segal in Russia on the lam for getting me too'd into oblivion?


Dunno about being in Russia atm, but he did get Me Too'd to nobody's surprise.

BlindSite
Feb 8, 2009



Memento posted:

Clothes by Cultural Appropriation

Hair by Kiwi boot polish

I listened to a podcast once with a former (I think recon) Marine who worked as a consultant for one of Segal's movies. He also worked as close protection for him and helped him learn how to shoot guns etc. One time he went to a jewelry shop with Segal and he was trying on gold chains. When he was taking one off the chain took a chunk of his hair off from his widows peak. So they had the owner of the store clear the staff out and lock the door while his driver went out to the car and returned with a messenger bag that contained some glue and some fibers and some spray on poo poo to rebuild his hair.

He also tried to brag to the dude about doing recon work when he was with the CIA in Vietnam in 1970 which would have made him 18 at the time.

Hollandia
Jul 27, 2007

rattus rattus



Grimey Drawer

Forceholy posted:

Isn't Segal in Russia on the lam for getting me too'd into oblivion?

There's a behind the bastards on him, kinda a me too plus human trafficking situation.

Foul Fowl
Sep 12, 2008

Like a snail that melteth away into slime, they shall be taken away; like a dead-born child, they shall not see the sun.

Flaskraven posted:

Ortega will probably beat KZ. He's durable, has great cardio, hits hard and he doesn't give up.
Also, before Max and his layoff he got continually better each fight. He just improved more and more. I'm imagining he's probably going to be better now that he's back.
Finally, steroids is the best base for MMA.

When Ortega beats KZ, who will get the title shot? FW is so screwed up now.

i think ortega is gonna get smashed by tkz. probably over several rounds because he’s so tough.

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man



Pillbug

Tkz wins by first round bus driver punch

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006





TKZ is going to destroy Ortega on the feet, Ortega just always has that hail mary submission chance.

Dr. Abysmal
Feb 17, 2010

We're all doomed

Steven Seagal taught a kick to Lyoto Machida which he used to end the career of Randy Couture. For that he deserves respect.

nordichammer
Oct 11, 2013


I think Ortega wins but I desperately want Zombie to break him

DumbWhiteGuy
Jul 4, 2007

You need haters. Fellas if you got 20 haters, you need 40 of them motherfuckers. If there's any haters in here that don't have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me


https://twitter.com/immolations/sta...343184742342663

Aye Doc
Jul 19, 2007

my name is john carter



i expect ortega to spend the first round and a half getting his rear end beat as is his normal, and then also the remaining three and a half rounds getting his rear end beat, in a most entertaining way. then after the bell rings and TKZ is declared the winner, Jay Park should get to come into the octagon and kick brian ortega in the nads

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

The magnificent story of Dwayt al-Shrood.




The city background looks super fake, but very cool

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


ortega is definitely dangerous, he has 2 solid bases for mma: bullying and steroids, plus his jiu-jitsu is pretty good

he was also able to knock out an old man v impressively

on the flip side, zombie is Cool and Good, and thus will win

JaySB
Nov 16, 2006






I love how obvious the body/stunt double is on the zoomed out shots, like Seagal can't even be bothered to do realistic looking action scenes anymore.

Duzzy Funlop
Jan 13, 2010


We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.


JaySB posted:

I love how obvious the body/stunt double is on the zoomed out shots, like Seagal can't even be bothered to do realistic looking action scenes anymore.

I'm not sure that "can't be bothered" is entirely accurate considering his...uh, bodily condition.

Radical 90s Wizard
Aug 5, 2008

~SS-18 burning bright,
Bathe me in your cleansing light~


I really hope tkz beats ortega in a humiliating fashion and maybe slaps him a few times also, which means ortega will probably get a 1st rd ko or some bullshit.

Amazing op sir, truly blessed

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piratepilates
Mar 28, 2004

So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it. I can live with it.





JaySB posted:

I love how obvious the body/stunt double is on the zoomed out shots, like Seagal can't even be bothered to do realistic looking action scenes anymore.

I believe the twist of that movie is that Steven Seagal and the (thinner) FBI agent chasing him are actually the same person, in a Tyler Durden-esque twist where the FBI agent has been committing the action scenes in the alter persona of Seagal

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