Starting to think my baby doesnt have superpowers

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Starting to think my baby doesnt have superpowers

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

It�s been several months and I�m not seeing any signs of super abilities of any kind, unless you consider the ability to produce endless drool a super power. Is this baby defective? Is there something I should be doing as a parent to improve this?

# ? Sep 6, 2020 20:45

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 08:16

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Ask the father

# ? Sep 6, 2020 20:47

Internetjack: Sep 15, 2007; oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers; Top Cop

Dunk it in a vat of chemicals or chuck it in a nuclear reactor; that should do it.

# ? Sep 6, 2020 20:55

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Maybe it got bit by a radioactive but otherwise superpowerless baby and gained its powers :shrug:

poo poo just overwrites things y'know

# ? Sep 6, 2020 20:58

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

for sale:
baby's supersuit,
never worn

# ? Sep 6, 2020 20:59

Cobalt-60: Oct 11, 2016; by Azathoth

Obviously the Fair Folk have stolen your real child, and left you with a useless changeling. Are there any large hills nearby? Particularly with circular mushroom formations?

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:06

Kingo Ligma: Aug 24, 2019; Fuck yeah cinema is finally dead

You know how you have to drop a baby in the water to teach it to swim? The same principle applies to rooftops and flying.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:11

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Have you drop kicked it in the face yet to check re: invulnerability?

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:13

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If you can dodge a bullet you can dodge anything!

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:13

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

after countless experiments
all testing proves negative
no enhanced abilities, no physical mutations- no nothing!

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:15

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Do u know who the mother is? :thunkher:

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:17

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

radon gas is radioactive and its everywhere. just infect any creature or person of your choice with the radon gas and then have them bite your child, its not rocket science. i suggest a praying mantis, maybe a eagle. i was going to try it with a puma but big cats are firstly hard to capture and secondly they really dont like radon gas.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:23

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Oh no I think I was bitten by a radioactive mosquito

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:24

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

...and my performance at the blowjob factory has never been better!

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:24

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

90% of people's kids turn out to be just as lovely and boring as they are. Grats on being in the majority.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:49

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Wait maybe your kids superpower is being a super letdown.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 02:50

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Aug 15, 2007; Smoke 'em if you gottem!; Dinosaur Gum

Have you considered channeling the Grand Majesty of the Cosmos into the vessel of your offspring, burning yourself out in the process to immortalize your genes through them?

It's called being a parent I think.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:09

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Getting bitten by a radioactive anything is for adults. You don�t want to be bitten as a baby, it�ll significantly screw up your development. Having a baby that is half spider is not what I�m looking for. I tried flinging the baby in the air, but no flight tendencies appeared. I didn�t test for invulnerability because it was pretty obviously not there.

I�m not going to say I�m disappointed, but I had big plans and this baby doesn�t seem like it�s going to make them work out.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:36

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

The Management posted:

I�m not going to say I�m disappointed, but I had big plans and this baby doesn�t seem like it�s going to make them work out.

Your parents said the same thing and you turned out fine

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:38

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Now now let's not get too unreasonable itt

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:38

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr: Dec 22, 2018; I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

EvilJoven posted:

Wait maybe your kids superpower is being a super letdown.

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:45

Wall Balls: Jun 3, 2007; Spanish Castle Magic

only one way to find out

# ? Sep 7, 2020 03:51

Cobalt-60: Oct 11, 2016; by Azathoth

It seems your child's life has not been difficult or stimulating enough to bring forth their true strength. You must provide them with life-changing experiences, sufficient to propel them on a lifelong course of adventure and/or vigilantism. The best way to do this is to die. Preferably in front of them.
There is disagreement on the matter and method.. Some say that true character development requires actual death, while others hold that faking death/leaving things ambiguous opens the prospect of an unexpected reunion later on, at the dramatically appropriate moment. (And then there is the "launch them into interstellar space" camp, but you have not indicated you have the funds/tech to do so.)

# ? Sep 7, 2020 04:05

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

He could be batman you know. Just use your wealth to set up a trustfund for your babby and go get killed in an ally :shrug:

# ? Sep 7, 2020 04:06

Cobalt-60: Oct 11, 2016; by Azathoth

Colonel Cancer posted:

He could be batman you know. Just use your wealth to set up a trustfund for your babby and go get killed in an ally

Bah, any plebian can get murdered in an alley. At least have some STYLE. Die at sea, or in battle with mysterious adversaries. Or just disappear and leave cryptic notes behind.

# ? Sep 8, 2020 05:40

upgunned shitpost: Jan 21, 2015

Bad Purchase posted:

for sale:
baby's supersuit,
never worn

shouldn't they keep the suit? next baby might not be useless

# ? Sep 8, 2020 05:47

bossy lady: Jul 9, 1983

upgunned shitpost posted:

shouldn't they keep the suit? next baby might not be useless

If someone had one failure non-super baby, why would they have more in the hopes that they would be super? Their weak, human seed clearly cannot produce super babies.

# ? Sep 8, 2020 05:57