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Cop: Sir, are you aware how fast you were going?

Me: Uh, 10mph?

Cop: Exactly. That's faster than you were going before you switched lanes. Can I see your license and registration, please?

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Stewardess: Are you enjoying your in-flight meal, sir?

Me: Y- (notices multiple other passengers starting to rise from their seats) I mean no no, not in the least, it's awful.

Macnult



google THIS posted:

Stewardess: Are you enjoying your in-flight meal, sir?

Me: Y- (notices multiple other passengers starting to rise from their seats) I mean no no, not in the least, it's awful.


sig by prof. crocodile

google THIS



Sky Marshal: (to another passenger) Ma'am, do you have a permit for that quiet baby?

Macnult



*police dragging me out of the menís bathroom*

it was only two!!! i swear!! that was a shudder, not a shake!!!


sig by prof. crocodile

nut



desperately trying to read the expression on the officers face as he peers in over the wall of the stall and I vacillate the toilet seat from an up to down to back up, terrified to let it go

https://i.imgur.com/nKtUXWf.mp4


god bless the dca, manu, loov, blaiser, and chooby

Evil Bob

"He is BOB, eager for fun. He wears a smile, everybody run!"



The judge throws the book at me for taking the last slice of pizza. 10 years in the slammer (the pog slammer)


Something strange is happening in Spoonville...(click the Sig by Luvcow to find out)

Epic and Spooky Fall sig courtesy of nut

Pot Smoke Phoenix


The more you're going to soil your pants the faster over the speed limit you can justify to yourself going



Sig sandwich by Manifisto Luvcow and Barking Gecko, some very fine BYOB people Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Evil Bob

"He is BOB, eager for fun. He wears a smile, everybody run!"



The police waiting for me outside the church after I mix up the departed's mistress and wife in my eulogy.


Something strange is happening in Spoonville...(click the Sig by Luvcow to find out)

Epic and Spooky Fall sig courtesy of nut

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you


you have been found guilty of picking the m&ms out of the trail mix. you are sentenced to finish the rest of the bag of nuts and salty raisins, though you can never truly pay for such an awful crime.

super sweet best pal



Death's too good for double dippers.

Evil Bob

"He is BOB, eager for fun. He wears a smile, everybody run!"



Upon taking 3 hits and passing the dutchie to the right hand side, a man and women dressed in sharp black suits with matching sunglasses materialize infront of you. "We just received a report of someone hitting a joint more than twice and starting the roto in the wrong direction. Do you know what the punishment for such a crime is?"

Shocked and scared you shake your head "no"

"You're coming with us where you will be put into a circle of heads who have been sentenced to smoking a quadra-blunt of bammer weed. By the time that quadra-blunt is a roach you will never again forget that you hit it two times and pass it to the left."


Something strange is happening in Spoonville...(click the Sig by Luvcow to find out)

Epic and Spooky Fall sig courtesy of nut

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you


there are three open urinals but someone takes the one right next to a dude who was already there
they both hear glass shattering and a loud bang as a SWAT team rappels down from the ceiling

super sweet best pal



On the run. Farted and forgot to say "excuse me"

alnilam




Stadium security dragging me out for crying at the baseball game, until i begin kicking and screaming and they say "that's more like it"and let me go



ty manifisto

Rags to Liches

future skeleton soldier


in witness protection, forgot to turn on the fan after pooping

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


Waking up in a dark cell, my head throbbing. The last thing I remember was picking up a chip from the floor after I dropped it 31 seconds earlier and putting it in my mouth...

google THIS



"But really I think it was Edward Norton's best film and..."

(sirens in the distance)

"Cheese it, it's the unwritten fuzz!"

xcheopis




Placed on a PIP and a note in my HR file after chiming in on lunchtime period talk "Actually, mine have never been more than just annoying"

Prof. Crocodile



canyoneer posted:

there are three open urinals but someone takes the one right next to a dude who was already there
they both hear glass shattering and a loud bang as a SWAT team rappels down from the ceiling


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Christoph


Me? I'm in for putting an empty pizza box back in the fridge. That's why I can't walk the yard without getting shivved.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

more falafel please

forums poster




alnilam posted:

Stadium security dragging me out for crying at the baseball game, until i begin kicking and screaming and they say "that's more like it"and let me go

my sentence for swinging at a 3-0 fastball while we were up by 6 was reduced to 10 years because of the mitigating circumstances (I grounded into a double play)



sig by prof. crocodile!

Rags to Liches

future skeleton soldier


more falafel please posted:

my sentence for swinging at a 3-0 fastball while we were up by 6 was reduced to 10 years because of the mitigating circumstances (I grounded into a double play)

Stole second base up by 9, broke my toe, confined to solitary confinement and 7 years hard labor

Chewbecca

Just thrillin' : )


I'm serving time in the big house for standing too close to the person in front of me in line at the grocery store





sigs by Professor Crocodile, luvcow and Khanstant.
Click on Spoonville for a neat surprise!

more falafel please

forums poster




Chewbecca posted:

I'm serving time in the big house for standing too close to the person in front of me in line at the grocery store

these days it really cheeses me off when people do this



sig by prof. crocodile!

Chewbecca

Just thrillin' : )


A red laser dot appearing between the eyes of the guy who pretends he didn't notice his dog took a dump on the footpath





sigs by Professor Crocodile, luvcow and Khanstant.
Click on Spoonville for a neat surprise!

google THIS



Chewbecca posted:

A red laser dot appearing between the eyes of the guy who pretends he didn't notice his dog took a dump on the footpath

Tough, but fair

google THIS



Creepy guy with a sledgehammer: Your sentence has been decided. This will teach your to tread on sidewalks so carelessly.

Me: P-please don't hurt me!

CGWAS: (sneering) Oh no, young man. Not you.

My mother: !!!

Chewbecca

Just thrillin' : )


Men in dark suits with sunglasses and ear pieces monitoring all entrances to ensure people say thank you and do the little run when someone holds the door open for them





sigs by Professor Crocodile, luvcow and Khanstant.
Click on Spoonville for a neat surprise!

alexandriao

"What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."


nut posted:

desperately trying to read the expression on the officers face as he peers in over the wall of the stall and I vacillate the toilet seat from an up to down to back up, terrified to let it go

Evil Bob

"He is BOB, eager for fun. He wears a smile, everybody run!"



Chewbecca posted:

Men in dark suits with sunglasses and ear pieces monitoring all entrances to ensure people say thank you and do the little run when someone holds the door open for them


Something strange is happening in Spoonville...(click the Sig by Luvcow to find out)

Epic and Spooky Fall sig courtesy of nut

canyoneer


I only have canyoneyes for you


a tourist in philadelphia gets in line at a cheesesteak shop, and a uniformed food police officer gets in line behind him. tourist decides not to risk it, and steps out of the line and walks across the street to a mcdonalds

alnilam




canyoneer posted:

a tourist in philadelphia gets in line at a cheesesteak shop, and a uniformed food police officer gets in line behind him. tourist decides not to risk it, and steps out of the line and walks across the street to a mcdonalds

In a new york pizza shop, dragged away while trying to use a fork and knife on my pizza, i quietly slip the fork into my sleeve in the shuffle. I may be going to pizza jail but there's no way I'm using my hands to eat pizza like some kind of heathen.



ty manifisto

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Rags to Liches

future skeleton soldier


On my way to death row for calling Sonic a drive thru and not a drive in

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