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Samuel L. Hacksaw posted:She ended up divorcing her army man and cheated on me with a 400lb 7ft tall dude who ended up not being able to get it up, so some schadenfruede there. Turn your monitor on? Wait how does this go A Fancy Hat posted:it was my fault she cheated on me anyway.
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Sep 22, 2020 00:29
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Only on the Kobayashi Maru
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Sep 22, 2020 00:44
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For the record I never cheated or have been cheated on, although there was some crazy chick I was casually seeing for a little bit who kept acting like she wanted to be in a relationship and one night she got drunk and called me and said she doesn't deserve me because she was still banging her ex. That doesn't count, though, because I never had any expectations of exclusivity, but I did never talk to her again on principle. A few months later she randomly showed up at my door and wrote me an apology letter and then called me like every friday night for months. I never answered. She had a drinking problem. I think she married some short hairy bald guy who manages a pizza shop.
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Sep 22, 2020 00:54
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Mulaney Power Move posted:For the record I never cheated or have been cheated on, although there was some crazy chick I was casually seeing for a little bit who kept acting like she wanted to be in a relationship and one night she got drunk and called me and said she doesn't deserve me because she was still banging her ex. That doesn't count, though, because I never had any expectations of exclusivity, but I did never talk to her again on principle. A few months later she randomly showed up at my door and wrote me an apology letter and then called me like every friday night for months. I never answered. She had a drinking problem. I wonder if she is emailing someone she thinks is you. Maybe this happens a lot.
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Sep 22, 2020 00:55
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I did a few times when I was younger, it's not something I've ever been proud of and haunts me to this day. I grew up in a sheltered, abusive, toxic environment and it instilled upon me an unhealthy attitude towards women. It's one of those situations where I tried to blame my mum at one point for not doing more but grew up realising she was dealing with things herself and still is. It's still a presence to this day. I got into drink, drugs and self destruction and I met a lot of lovely people who got caught up in it all. I was suffering with full blown PTSD and was doing nothing to help myself until a few years ago.
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Sep 22, 2020 01:00
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Who What Now posted:I really don't think cheating is all that normalized outside of actual cheaters twisting themselves into knots to justify their cheating. counterpoint: the french
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Sep 22, 2020 01:04
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Yes, growing up I learned via my interpersonal relationships that cheating is what people just did so when I became an adult I thought it was normal. I never sought out to seduce anyone but I never turned the opportunity down when it presented itself. How I found the time and the energy to do so eludes me because now I just want to get to sleep by 10 pm. I had super low self esteem so I didn't think I deserved awesome relationships with people who saw good in me and valued me. It felt like I fooled people into being attracted to me and the second we got together a timer started and it was only a matter of time before I was exposed as the loser I was. I am much better and happier now.
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Sep 22, 2020 01:09
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Never done a sex stuff cheat, but I did exchange inappropriate texts (of an emotional variety) with my ex-long term GF about a year into a relationship. Dumbest loving thing ever. I was caught because I left my e-mail open and there was a long winded cringe inducing e-mail written by me that my current GF found. My life would be so much shittier if I had somehow gotten back together with my ex. I regret wasting that emotional energy when my current GF was literally better in every way. I'm cringing hard right now thinking about it. One time I had sex with a girl who had a boyfriend. Prior to that we had been casual friends that had been known to have a crush on each other. We were at a party and got hosed up and there was no stopping her, and poo poo I didn't want anyone stopping her lol. In the end it was a bummer though because she cheated on her boyfriend and it was pretty well known so we were pretty expressly forbidden to be around each other from then on out. That was also very dumb but I don't cringe nearly as hard thinking about it. I feel more guilty about her eating sausage the morning after and breaking her vegetarianism because she knew she hosed up than the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend. Evil Bob fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Sep 22, 2020 |
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Sep 22, 2020 01:09
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i go by lord horatio viscount nelsons maxim that it's not cheating once your south of Gibraltar
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Sep 22, 2020 01:10
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Rocket Baby Dolls posted:I did a few times when I was younger, it's not something I've ever been proud of and haunts me to this day. I grew up in a sheltered, abusive, toxic environment and it instilled upon me an unhealthy attitude towards women. It's one of those situations where I tried to blame my mum at one point for not doing more but grew up realising she was dealing with things herself and still is. It's still a presence to this day. Glad to know you are better now. I am sorry that happened to you. I hope the people that got caught up got some closure if they needed it. This really has nothing to do with you, but this makes me think about closure. I think people deserve closure if they need it. It seems it is common now for people to just cut and run and especially after they do hosed up things to another person. Maybe I am old fashioned but I think if you commit to another person you have an emotional responsibility to them and to leave without closure is just pure cruelty and a power trip. I brought this up to someone recently and they said a lot of relationships revolve around power trips. I don't want relationships like that. I would not want to have power over someone. I'd want the person I am with to feel equal to me and i would make sacrifices and compromises to make sure they are given what they need and if i left I would definitely provide them closure so they could move on. Do a lot of people think relationships are about who has the power and people do not deserve closure and they don't have to provide that and by not doing so they gain a sense of power? That makes me sad if a lot of people feel that way. What are people's thoughts on closure? Esp providing closure after cheating or other hosed up things have happened and you're ready to end the relationship?
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Sep 22, 2020 01:12
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does being with a lady in a open marriage count?
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Sep 22, 2020 01:26
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Star Me Kitten posted:Do a lot of people think relationships are about who has the power and people do not deserve closure and they don't have to provide that and by not doing so they gain a sense of power? That makes me sad if a lot of people feel that way. What are people's thoughts on closure? Esp providing closure after cheating or other hosed up things have happened and you're ready to end the relationship? Like, if you apply for a job and you don't get it, you're probably never hearing back. The company isn't getting off on hurting you, it just doesn't care you exist. LargeHadron posted:Seems like a lot of people in this thread think that the person someone is cheating *with* is, in fact, doing something lovely. I wonder if this anecdote is indicative of a culture shift, or if it’s a difference between E/N and GBS posters, or something else.
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Sep 22, 2020 01:38
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i like nice words
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eSports Chaebol posted:counterpoint: the french The french don't count.
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Sep 22, 2020 01:41
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feelix posted:only ugly people don't cheat you are kinda right. and its not that "ugly people never cheat" because a few do, but its that "attractive people cheat often" (because its fun)
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Sep 22, 2020 01:46
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Anne Whateley posted:I don't think a lot of people do it on purpose to power-trip. I think people just do it because it's easier for them and they don't care about the other person. But shouldn't they care? This is what I mean about emotional responsibility. I see people are lacking this a lot these days. They are so cavalier about entering into an intimate relationship with someone. People change people. If another person is that vulnerable with me, that does give me the power to hurt them if I was so inclined. I would want to protect that vulnerability. And if i ended the relationship i'd still "care." So I would want to make sure they had closure.
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Sep 22, 2020 01:53
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actually, that's none of your fuckin business op
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Sep 22, 2020 02:08
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Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:I have a common first/last name at gmail.com so when I received an email from some lady I didn't know with an ultimatum about our relationship I figured it was just misaddressing. Instead of ignoring it I apologized while defending some of behavior as a defense mechanism because I care so deeply for her. i'm convinced after reading this that this is the only way a relationship can ever possibly work, with a benevolent, sexually uninvolved third party.
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Sep 22, 2020 02:33
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Hell Yeah posted:i'm convinced after reading this that this is the only way a relationship can ever possibly work, with a benevolent, sexually uninvolved third party. gonna get this guy to email my wife after sex when she turns into a bag of weed, a six pack, and a dreamcast complete with every street fighter game
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Sep 22, 2020 02:51
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Never cheated on anyone. My early high school girlfriend made out with some other guy and I was loving pissed when I found out. Shortly after this incident she dumped me. Lol. At that point in my life I had zero self esteem. My first real girlfriend moved across the country to go to college and we idiotically decided to try long distance and she hosed some other dude there and then came back and hosed one of our mutual friends within three days and then broke up with me but this time I didn't know about the cheating until after we broke up. I didn't really end up with any issues as a result of these experiences, I just attributed it to both of them being garbage as individuals and moved on.
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Sep 22, 2020 03:15
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Star Me Kitten posted:Glad to know you are better now. I am sorry that happened to you. I hope the people that got caught up got some closure if they needed it. I've come to learn that some (maybe many) people prefer, or even thrive with adversarial relationships. There are lots of structures and institutions in culture that encourage and reward negative behavior, and sometimes these attitudes permeate into spaces where they can cause a lot of harm. It sucks, in my opinion.
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Sep 22, 2020 03:46
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hell astro course posted:I've come to learn that some (maybe many) people prefer, or even thrive with adversarial relationships. There are lots of structures and institutions in culture that encourage and reward negative behavior, and sometimes these attitudes permeate into spaces where they can cause a lot of harm. It sucks, in my opinion. I agree with you. I notice this a lot. I like knowing I’m not the only one noticing this and shaking my head.
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Sep 22, 2020 04:13
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hell astro course posted:I've come to learn that some (maybe many) people prefer, or even thrive with adversarial relationships. There are lots of structures and institutions in culture that encourage and reward negative behavior, and sometimes these attitudes permeate into spaces where they can cause a lot of harm. It sucks, in my opinion. This was every relationship I was in until my current one. The last one was with a Spanish woman who just loved arguing about inconsequential stuff, and well, we did it a lot. My current girlfriend who I'm sure is going to be the one I marry is instead incredibly calm, sweet and regularly asks me why the gently caress I'm trying to start a dumb argument. It's unsurprisingly the best relationship I've had to date and way more loving and supportive than anything I've experienced before. I'd also rather punch myself in the dick for an hour instead of even thinking of cheating on her, go figure!
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Sep 22, 2020 06:48
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Haven't cheated, have been cheated with multiple times. It's basically not worth it and loving your ex behind her new boyfriend's back is usually a bad decision no matter what.Anne Whateley posted:I don't think a lot of people do it on purpose to power-trip. I think people just do it because it's easier for them and they don't care about the other person. Agree w/ this, people deny closure and ghost etc because they just don't give a poo poo - people who do it pathologically are usually the kind of people who don't give a poo poo about anything - and are trying to avoid confrontation. Power dynamics are part of like 100% of social interaction unavoidably, tho; the important thing is considering how you wield the power you have over others, not attempting to remove power dynamics, which is impossible (Star Me basically answers their own question on that, letting someone in IS giving them some measure of power). Sometimes people who are repeatedly denied closure in multiple relationships should probably look inward and ask why other people might be afraid to confront them; it could reflect a personal flaw like having a bad temper, being manipulative, etc. I think sometimes we try to pretend "ideal" utopian socialization and relationships wouldn't involve power at all, but I really don't think that's sinister when you consider that in a healthy interaction, the power exchange isn't unilateral.
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Sep 22, 2020 07:14
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I could cheat, if I wanted to. Tinder is just an app-download away and last time I had great success on it. I don't actually feel the temptation though, because this relationship is so good. Whenever my mind (my penismind) goes there, thinking about "...but what if other women???" I just end up at the same conclusion; I could never do that sort of betrayal to my woman because I love her too much. I think temptations will always be around for most people, but they are easier to dismiss if you are in a healthy relationship and/or if you're not a person with self destructive tendencies
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Sep 22, 2020 07:39
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but really, no. I've had a grey area or two and I didn't like that. I can't handle the personal/internal conflict/confusion or w/e. so if it ever got close, kinda? but I would not recommend it. not for me. I have been cheated on and at the end of the day, retrospect and all, I guess that was a favor. it's not a bridge worth trying to rebuild, basically ever. too much trouble.
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Sep 22, 2020 08:27
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My first girlfriend, asked me straight away if I was into threesomes and whether I'd be okay with bi stuff. Should have been a red flag, but I was young & dumb, and she was not only super into me, but also what I believe is called a "big tiddy goth gf". I could probably make good money of some juicy stories for cuck/threesome fetishists I kid you not. Anyway, I am proud to say I dumped her in the fiercest way possible, at the end. So there's that.
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Sep 22, 2020 08:46
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I cheated on my high school girlfriend, but at the time justified it because we were going to break up anyway. Then years later the universe got me back really good when my first serious girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me. I say "girlfriend" but I would have already asked her to marry me had I not been too poor to buy a ring. I was in a post-college depression, stuck in a job I didn't like in a place I didn't want to live with no friends or family around, and I'd just spent around a tenth of my net worth on a non-refundable plane ticket to visit her. This was about two weeks before my birthday too. I stupidly tried to be friends for a few months after but her obvious happiness in her new relationship was making my depression worse (imagine that). Despite her repeatedly assuring me that she felt bad for me, she never apologized because she was sure this was what God wanted. She was (probably still is) very Christian, so this was All Part of The Plan. Finally I pulled the trigger and told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. That night I randomly hooked up with a coworker, which was not a good relationship but at least started me on the path to healing. The whole thing left a scar. tl; dr: don't cheat, the universe will gently caress you back.
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Sep 22, 2020 09:06
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lotta my friends are cheaters so im very used to being witness to it. I guess im in the morally grey zone of not doing anything about it. Havent cheated emotionally/physically on anyone and want to keep it that way. i'm kind a jerk I think but thats one area I want to keep some level of morality in. I've been cheated on once and for some reason that is a source of shame for me.
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Sep 22, 2020 22:16
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my first pets were two goldfish and i named them patrick and annette after my parents' best friends at the time. cut to 20 years in the future when my mom told me that patrick and anne got a divorce because he cheated on her. i never had a goldfish ever again after that.
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Sep 22, 2020 22:31
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I'm already a horrible and repulsive person to begin with, OP. 
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Sep 23, 2020 18:41
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Waterbed Wendy posted:my first pets were two goldfish and i named them patrick and annette after my parents' best friends at the time. Didn’t read the whole thing but tbh Patrick sounds like an a-hole
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Sep 23, 2020 19:27
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Yep, and I hurt a lot of people including myself and now I’m in counseling. It was selfish and lovely and while the cheating experience was exhilarating I would not do it again if I had a redo.
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Sep 23, 2020 19:41
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yes and I still feel awful about it to this day like 12 years later. tiny little redhead I worked with. when she found out I was in an LTR she wasn't even mad, just sad. my gf never found out. I am a real piece of poo poo.
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Sep 23, 2020 20:06
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The Walrus posted:yes and I still feel awful about it to this day like 12 years later. tiny little redhead I worked with. when she found out I was in an LTR she wasn't even mad, just sad. my gf never found out. I am a real piece of poo poo. Huh so one woman didn’t know you were in an LTR and the other didn’t know you were in a TLR
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Sep 23, 2020 20:10
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LargeHadron posted:Huh so one woman didn’t know you were in an LTR and the other didn’t know you were in a TLR drat
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Sep 23, 2020 20:12
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LargeHadron posted:Huh so one woman didn’t know you were in an LTR and the other didn’t know you were in a TLR 
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Sep 23, 2020 20:16
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I have cheated and been cheated on and both suck mega rear end OP. I have also been the other man a bunch, that basically also sucks. Secret boning is the worst boning.
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Sep 23, 2020 22:25
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LargeHadron posted:Huh so one woman didn’t know you were in an LTR and the other didn’t know you were in a TLR 
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Sep 23, 2020 22:42
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LargeHadron posted:Didn’t read the whole thing but tbh Patrick sounds like an a-hole Jesus man it’s just a goldfish.
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Sep 23, 2020 22:51
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