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Ccs
Feb 25, 2011


I'm looking for feedback on the opening section of my novel. A lot of people have looked at it and I got a few sparse notes but I had one recent viewer that had an issue with almost every line. I was so thrown by the reaction that I'm now second guessing my ability to string a sentence together or construct a scene at all. Wondering if people here will have similar reactions.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Feel free to comment on the doc or quote sections here, though as I just learned trying to copy from Google Docs into a forum post leads to very strange formatting issues.
I'll also take a look at the next few things posted in this thread that people are looking for feedback on, as long as they're not too many pages.

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Ccs
Feb 25, 2011


Sitting Here posted:

I left a few comments on the doc.

In general, I enjoyed this! It's punchy and funny. Cantus is really legible as someone who really really wants his job to be more exciting than it is. I had a few nitpicks, but I am having trouble figuring out what was so egregious in the mind of your other reader.

Thanks! Your critique is useful and gives me some confidence back. The other reviewer basically had an issue with everything, from the idea that doors crashing to the ground would create a lot of of noise, that there would be dust created by them falling ("how old would the doors have to be to send up a cloud of dust?") to the magic system not being clarified when "astral world" is mentioned, to not understanding why there was a fight happening, finding fault with the tone of sentences ("clumsy suggests a value judgement that a third person narrator shouldn't have, describe instead") and so forth. I can understand some of the critiques but in my opinion providing a lot of clarification would bog down the pacing with extraneous information that isn't pertinent to the story. Oh well.

Ccs
Feb 25, 2011


Leng posted:

Thirding that I really liked this. I didn't have much to add on top of what has already been commented inline, so I just made two notes of my reactions as a reader. If you need beta readers later, let me know, I'd be game for this.

Hey thanks! I don't have private messaging so I can't really send you the full thing through PMs. I added my email address to the end of the document though so send me an email if you'd like to read the full thing, and I'll add you to the google doc!

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