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What system are you buying this shitheap on
PC
Playstation 4/5
whatever XBox is calling their poo poo now
WiiU
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Stubear St. Pierre
Feb 22, 2006



Well folks, the weather is cooling down outside once again, and as our diurnal sojourns into the mellifluous carnage of the latest COD release wane like the ephemeral glow of a crescent moon as it yields to the blackness of winter nights, we are once again reminded of all things black and cold. Indeed, as we meld these motifs of war, coldness, darkness, and of course, Ops, into the decomposing garbage pits of our now-demolished brains, we arrive at a singular conclusion as an emerging hive mind, just as, in the nick of time, the elite minds of whatever shithole studio Activision has not managed to completely wreck yet bring this exact thing before us:



For the overwhelming majority of us who are still downloading the most recent Call of Duty game, it seems almost too soon for the next COD game to be out. However, owing to both Albert Einstein's revelatory finding that mass and energy are in fact interchangeable facets of matter, as well as Activision's new proprietary compression algorithm which stores each individual pixel as a 3 minute YouTube video with a sick dubstep intro, Call of Duty: Black Ops Goes Brrrr promises to be the most massive Call of Duty release yet.

So now that we all feel smug and smart as poo poo what with all them words I just wrote, let's get down to it and see what the gently caress awaits us in the next installment of COD so we can get our pre-orders squared away, buy external hard drives dedicated to a single pitifully optimized game which belies the fact that, shockingly, most game devs are paid significantly below the industry standard for software engineers, and prepare, just for the novelty, to sit in our homes playing video games and avoiding social contact.


Character customization promises to be colder than ever before

According to my latest Bing Search results, it appears as though whatever the gently caress they're calling this COD boasts an M1911, an M4A1, a motorcycle, and a characteristically barebones official website. Featuring a campaign loaded with "deniable operations," I have unilaterally concluded that the single-player portion of COD:CW will consist largely of going to a frat party and masturbating in front of another dude on a dare. The remainder of the plot is then largely focused on convincing your dubious fiance that it was just a joke cause they did it on South Park, and that you just watch Project Runway ironically. The second thrilling climax of the game is reached as FSB operatives threaten to release photographic proof of the fateful evening, sending your municipal comptroller re-election bid into a tailspin as it is revealed that the whole sordid affair took place while you were in blackface.


The campaign's lead protagonist about to enjoy some Fish AI

Customization abound awaits us in multiplayer, as we make a class with guns and maybe perks or something, and, hopefully, play army man dress-up to the extent necessary to convince all the little prepubescent shitbirds with their MAGA clan tags that our neon pink glowing ghillie suits are a testament to the unyielding tacticality with which we meet our divine charter of pwning noobs asslords like them. I literally don't give a gently caress at all, I'm probably going to buy it just like I bought the last one, and I will absolutely not hesitate at the chance to spend another $20 to give myself kawaii anime cat ears like I just did for COD:MW 15 minutes ago, nor will I pretend even for a loving millisecond to be ashamed of it.

Preliminary data has revealed that COD Blopcows will be up to 50% colder than all wars on record, despite resoundingly less blackness, so as not to offend aforementioned MAGA shitbirds. The data is still being compiled, as I cannot be bothered to figure out how to use Google Sheets nor walk across the room to pick up my old computer that has Excel on it, but rest assured, it is absolutely forthcoming as gently caress. To illustrate this, I have included exclusive screenshots of in-game action, each weighing in at an estimated 70GB should you choose to save them.


An arctic shitbird, one of the many killstreaks you'll never get because there are no corners in a loving igloo

So buckle the gently caress up for the 15th consecutive year or something, try not to think of the fact that you've been spending your free time doing the exact same thing that actual honest-to-god children are doing, and get ready for some cross-platform, cross-generation (in more ways than one), and, hopefully, cross-dressing carnage.

previous thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3896920

Stubear St. Pierre fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Sep 30, 2020

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Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013



ground floor

moist turtleneck
Jul 17, 2003

Represent.





Dinosaur Gum

Still on the fence but I guess if I get new stuff for warzone then cool hopefully we get 80s songs for the vehicles

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007





Grimey Drawer

Looks pretty good tbh. I am gonna pre order it.

RenegadeStyle1
Jun 7, 2005

Baby Come Back

Already preordered because of my lack of self control.

Wazzit
Jul 16, 2004

Who wants to play video games?


WAR CRIMES FOR REAGAN, LETS GOOOOOOO

Yardbomb
Jul 11, 2011

What's with the eh... bretonnian dance, sir?



If I can assassinate Raygun then I'll surrender my money.

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.




But how black are these ops, OP

Owlbear Camus
Jan 3, 2013

Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?




i will only buy this if it unlocks a reagan operator for warzone

JacksLibido
Jul 21, 2004


Owlbear Camus posted:

i will only buy this if it unlocks a reagan operator for warzone

I want Reagan-bot

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.


Slippery Tilde

If the final product is like the alpha then I'll be skipping this one. The no flinch combined with hyper-fast quickscoping sucks all the dicks (yes, even yours). It was bland and unremarkable.

faantastic
Dec 31, 2006

that dude.


SubponticatePoster posted:

If the final product is like the alpha then I'll be skipping this one. The no flinch combined with hyper-fast quickscoping sucks all the dicks (yes, even yours). It was bland and unremarkable.

Is it bad that bland cod sounds better than last cod cuz I just want to click ppl

Terminal autist
May 17, 2018


Modern Warfare is fine but I'm pretty excited to play this. Its pretty astonishing how bad the maps were in MW, like worst in the series bad. Its litteral violence they made me play hardhat again in TYOL 2020

V for Vegans
Jan 30, 2009


Terminal autist posted:

Modern Warfare is fine but I'm pretty excited to play this. Its pretty astonishing how bad the maps were in MW, like worst in the series bad. Its litteral violence they made me play hardhat again in TYOL 2020

Just wait till you see how bad the satellite map is in chilly blops once one team fills the dunes with snipers. Even the farthest lane in the caves isnít safe from those snipers when trying to get to any objective in the middle of the map.

Utgardaloki
Mar 2, 2009


they've said the snipers in alpha aren't indicative of snipers in the final game.

no flinch is still a 'won't buy this poo poo' issue though.

Yardbomb
Jul 11, 2011

What's with the eh... bretonnian dance, sir?



Terminal autist posted:

Modern Warfare is fine but I'm pretty excited to play this. Its pretty astonishing how bad the maps were in MW, like worst in the series bad. Its litteral violence they made me play hardhat again in TYOL 2020

I'd sooner play Hardhat a thousand times than Rust one more time, gently caress that lame map.

V for Vegans
Jan 30, 2009


Utgardaloki posted:

they've said the snipers in alpha aren't indicative of snipers in the final game.

no flinch is still a 'won't buy this poo poo' issue though.

My favorite part of the anti-flinch debate is that people say sometimes youíd shoot someone and the flinch would take their aim from your chest to your head and make you lose a gunfight, which seems like the dumbest excuse for losing a gunfight since the internet started blaming all their losses on SBMM

jase1
Aug 11, 2004

Flankensttein: A name given to a FPS gamer who constantly flanks to get kills.

"So I was playing COD yesterday, and some flankenstein came up from behind and shot me."

Xim.

Stairmaster
Jun 8, 2012




this game is pretty fash dont buy it.

jase1
Aug 11, 2004

Flankensttein: A name given to a FPS gamer who constantly flanks to get kills.

"So I was playing COD yesterday, and some flankenstein came up from behind and shot me."

Wait has any modern COD not been fascist?

Fallom
Sep 6, 2008




Fun Shoe

are they going to support MP better this time or should I just find another game if Iím not interested in battles royale?

VostokProgram
Feb 20, 2014



ill give bobby kotick all my money if i can play cod as astolfo

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.


Slippery Tilde

faantastic posted:

Is it bad that bland cod sounds better than last cod cuz I just want to click ppl
Not at all if you enjoy the gameplay. I just felt like it was a step backwards. The maps were generic, the gun feel and sounds were mediocre, and nothing new or interesting was added. I felt the same way about WWII and ended up buying it against my better judgment. Played it for maybe a month and went back to IW. If the beta doesn't absolutely wow me then I'll save myself the $60.

Weed Wolf
Jul 30, 2004


Stairmaster posted:

this game is pretty fash dont buy it.

is it more fash than the previous MW which had a literal Benghazi level

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002

Don't fuckle with Shuckle(s)

Like that other Shuckle, but far different.


Weed Wolf posted:

is it more fash than the previous MW which had a literal Benghazi level

playing as vile rat was the high point of mw

V for Vegans
Jan 30, 2009


Weed Wolf posted:

is it more fash than the previous MW which had a literal Benghazi level

I wonder what American war crimes it will pretend were actually committed by Russia this time. Iím thinking the My Lai Massacre.

drkeiscool
Aug 1, 2014


Soiled Meat

I just wanna run around with an orange-striped m16, Hawaiian shirt and fuzzy Russian hat. can I do that?

Theophany
Jul 22, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 13 hours!


drkeiscool posted:

I just wanna run around with an orange-striped m16, Hawaiian shirt and fuzzy Russian hat. can I do that?

All they need are your credit card details!

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.




I pre-ordered this video game

drunken officeparty
Aug 23, 2006



omg chael crash posted:

I pre-ordered this video game

Donít Preorder Video Games

eonwe
Aug 11, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

i also preordered it

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.




How dare you

drkeiscool
Aug 1, 2014


Soiled Meat

i preordered it because there is a chance i can run around with an orange-striped m16, Hawaiian shirt and fuzzy Russian hat.

Lammasu
May 8, 2019

lawful Good Monster


Stairmaster posted:

this game is pretty fash dont buy it.

I'm very conflicted about this game. I mean I stopped playing CoD because they hired Oliver North. Yet this looks cool and I played so much Original Black Ops I had Vietnam War flash backs.

Bumper Stickup
Jan 7, 2012

Mmm... Offshore Toast!




Grimey Drawer

I did not play the last call of duty and I will continue my streak of not playing by not playing this call of duty.

Thank you for your time.

RenegadeStyle1
Jun 7, 2005

Baby Come Back

I think you're all tripping anyway. It's one of those stories that's gonna be like "Reagan's the good guy but now he's secretly the bad guy the whole time????" And if y'all can't catch the hints at that trope in media (including other COD games lol) you're dense.

Terminal autist
May 17, 2018


RenegadeStyle1 posted:

I think you're all tripping anyway. It's one of those stories that's gonna be like "Reagan's the good guy but now he's secretly the bad guy the whole time????" And if y'all can't catch the hints at that trope in media (including other COD games lol) you're dense.

Yeah your right the series famous for having convicted war criminal oliver north and blaming IRL american war crimes on russia is acutally subversive and progressive. Were definitely the one's with the media literacy issue.

Housh
Jul 9, 2001






I played the alpha and initially hated it because I love mw2019 but now miss it. It was fast and arcadey and a nice change of pace.

I donít use mount ever and donít care about flinch but yeah the gun sounds and animations sucked.

Looking forward to the campaign though.

drunken officeparty
Aug 23, 2006



Housh posted:

I played the alpha and initially hated it because I love mw2019 but now miss it. It was fast and arcadey and a nice change of pace.

I donít use mount ever and donít care about flinch but yeah the gun sounds and animations sucked.

Looking forward to the campaign though.

Call of duty has a campaign?

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Utgardaloki
Mar 2, 2009


is the beta actually live or do I keep misclicking the MW menu option for the benefit of nobody?

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