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SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


Listen, I have some real bad news for you. You are in constant danger of being a victim of violence at all times (yes even in your own home!) It's a harrowing realization for sure, but don't worry! We have an answer. Tactical items. That's right. Everything in your life should be able to be immediately weaponized so that, under your expert martial arts maneuvering you will constantly have a deadly weapon within your immediate grasp. We've seen the flashlights and ice scrapers covered in blades, spikes, and straps, now it's time to come up with other tactical items with deadly stopping power.

Tactical butter knife. This butter knife has a tempered spike at the butt of the handle with a handguard covered in deadly spikes so that it could be used as a pair of brass knuckles so anyone attacks you while you're preparing your toast. Butter their bread, but good!


Tactical drawers: The handle of the drawer detaches to reveal a hidden punching dagger. The inside lip also contains a retractable wire garrote so that nobody will catch you with your pants down!

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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




Tactical Butt- my butt is so bony that sitting on your lap causes immediate, immobilizing pain.

google THIS



Tactical hot knife - Kind of drawing a blank with this one, maybe someone else will come up with something

Evil Bob

"He is BOB, eager for fun. He wears a smile, everybody run!"



Tactical tiny ball peen hammer used for breaking glass of "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" joint case - Surprise, this tiny ball peen hammer can also be used to hit intruders on sensitive parts of their body! Like the kneecap where you will inflict a blow that will cause a reflex in the attackers leg, causing them to be sent off balance!


Something strange is happening in Spoonville...(click the Sig by Luvcow to find out)

Epic and Spooky Fall sig courtesy of nut

The Voice of Labor



this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done

Finger Prince

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



I mount my toilet paper on a picatinny rail.

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


The Voice of Labor posted:

this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done



Very good

Pissed Ape Sexist



The Voice of Labor posted:

this is still one of the funniest things I've ever done



God guided your hand, friend

The Voice of Labor



tactical stainless steel takedown aerosol cream whipper. can make and dispense whipped cream with the star tip, can be used for nitrous hits with the mouthpiece tip. by swapping the n02 cartridge with a bleach cartridge and inserting the filter straw tip it can be used to filter water

magic cactus

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation


Tactical field-pooping handbook: covers all sorts of insider information from *real* operators about how to go on the go, including some techniques (such as the Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon) that just skirt line of the Geneva convention. 19.99 + s+h. Scholastic Publishing Inc.




----------------
Thanks to Pot Smoke Phoenix, Heather Papps, and Nut For The Amazing Sigs!

Macnult



tactical bidet. remember when you first tried one and it felt kinda good? intruders will not have the same experience


sig by prof. crocodile

Sham bam bamina!

ƨtupid cat




it;s 2020 and coughing is now tactical

Sham bam bamina!

ƨtupid cat




The New Tactical

owlhawk911


deploying a tactical shitpost itt



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

The Voice of Labor



tactical beer. just drink so much you can puke on your assailant

Sing Along

I'll brick your life, m8!

No hard feelings please, it's a defense mechanism...


if you're going can you pick me up a cheesy gordita crunch and a medium baja blast?

Dick Bastardly

Muttley is SKYNET!!!


I will share with any invader or adversary the gift of BYOB, thus defeating them without having to wage war. The most chill and serene victory, one that is achieved without violence. - The Art of Chill by Sun Rznv


Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

owlhawk911


Dick Bastardly posted:

I will share with any invader or adversary the gift of BYOB, thus defeating them without having to wage war. The most chill and serene victory, one that is achieved without violence. - The Art of Chill by Sun Rznv

tactical chillaxe



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

Jaguars!





Amateurs talk tactics, professionals talk logistics and BYOBers talk cats and helping each other out

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






upgrade your bandolier: take out the shotgun shells and you can fit m&ms minis tubes in there

https://giant.gfycat.com/DownrightTediousDinosaur.webm
vanisher/nut collab fall 2020 gratefulness edition

FactsAreUseless


Someone asks if I like Final Fantasy Tactics so I show them the NES cart I've taped a knife to.

aldantefax

ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

all toilet paper roll holders must have tactical quick reload https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c3N1Jzl7qw

Drink-Mix Man

You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.



Introducing the Tacticles: a unique male prosthetic that detaches to reveal a deadly set of bolas.

Bacon Taco

Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

Tactical anal beads. Chill and good for people who enjoy such things as intended. Wave those things around at an intruder, though, and it's going to be "eww, yuck, keep those things away from me" until they run away.



Prof. Crocodile



aldantefax posted:

all toilet paper roll holders must have tactical quick reload https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c3N1Jzl7qw

cross post to dude shootem thread pls


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Heather Papps


hello internet friend






don't get caught off guard this fall! buy my spearake. all the leaf gathering power of a traditional "rake" but with the home defense properties of a spear.

https://giant.gfycat.com/DownrightTediousDinosaur.webm
vanisher/nut collab fall 2020 gratefulness edition

The Voice of Labor



tactical doormat

regular doormat but it's covering a drop trap in the front steps

Nosfereefer



tactical calculator

your in school, and some bullies are after your lunch money. what do you do? roll over and probably get a wedgie as well?

not today! with a few minor adjustments, your ol' math buddy can double as a highlander claymore, and any adversary can easily be turned into a pile of viscera and broken bones

Diorama

i remember when all this was fields

tactical tic tacs

aldantefax

ALWAYS BE MECHFISHIN'

all plants, mirrors, and furniture in my domicile are laid out in order to blast evildoers with extreme qi up the yinynag

tactical feng shui

Thunder Moose

S.J.C.

Tactical Spork.

https://www.amazon.com/Ka-Bar-Tacti...9/dp/B01FYJ6ICK



https://giant.gfycat.com/MeagerExal...danmalimbe.webm

The Voice of Labor



taccafe

no one can resist the heady aroma and no bowels on earth can resist the laxative power of taccafe instant coffee.

owlhawk911


The Voice of Labor posted:

taccafe

no one can resist the heady aroma and no bowels on earth can resist the laxative power of taccafe instant coffee.

welp



sig by my fave teacher, Prof. Crocodile. seasons greeting from that blaise rascal

SweetWillyRollbar

Would an advertising executive
Understand where the homeless live?
Would he know about the bubbles in his glass?
Would the bubbles in his glass
Understand what the man's golf cart is?
Do they know you can die frozen underneath an overpass?


Tactical wristwatch: shows hours in military time!

PostsYouCanDanceTo



Doing aerobics to my Olivia Newton-John record "Tactical"

With my newfound lithe and oily body I will have the upper hand when I submission wrestle home invaders.

Jaguars!





One time I went to the science museum and went into the tactical dome instead of the tactile dome. Boy was that a rough 2 days

Prof. Crocodile



PostsYouCanDanceTo posted:

Doing aerobics to my Olivia Newton-John record "Tactical"

With my newfound lithe and oily body I will have the upper hand when I submission wrestle home invaders.


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

Prof. Crocodile



Jaguars! posted:

One time I went to the science museum and went into the tactical dome instead of the tactile dome. Boy was that a rough 2 days


thank you to vanisher for the awesome back-to-school sig!


thank you city of glompton for this glomptastic autumn sig!

google THIS



Tactical tactlessness. Telling the intruder their pants make them look fat and bluntly criticizing their entry into your home without being constructive until they flee to seek therapy.

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Finger Prince

"I think he's watching us..."

"No, it's just the Mountain Peeks."
(Source)



google THIS posted:

Tactical tactlessness. Telling the intruder their pants make them look fat and bluntly criticizing their entry into your home without being constructive until they flee to seek therapy.

I'm so jealous you can just get out of bed looking like that!

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