|
So what is the monkey's paw?evil fandom wiki posted:The Monkey's Paw is a legendary item of evil intent that allowed whoever held it to obtain wishes, at a horrific price - being prone to twist the wishes in order to unleash the worst outcomes. ITT you get to make one wish. The poster underneath you has the ability to grant that wish, but at a terrible cost. The person who grants the wish is then able to make a wish of their own, which is also granted by way of the monkey's paw by the following poster.  good luck goons, you'll need it
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 15:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 13:09 |
|
|
I wish all my wishes come true and the poster below me has to suffer the consequences |
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 17:30
|
|
|
Oh gently caress |
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 17:31
|
|
|
Gross Dude posted:I wish all my wishes come true and the poster below me has to suffer the consequences I wish to be the owner of a successful apple orchard on the outskirts of a cozy tourist town. blaise rascal fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Oct 2, 2020
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 18:02
|
|
|
|
blaise rascal posted:I wish to be the owner of a successful apple orchard on the outskirts of a cozy tourist town. Your orchard brings you great happiness at first, but you are eventually pressured into growing Honeycrisp. I wish to be immune to all diseases. |
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 19:28
|
|
|
google THIS posted:I wish to be immune to all diseases. You're indeed immune to all diseases until a global plague wipes out everything around you, animals and people, leaving you to wander a barren lifeless earth alone I want all my threads to be gold
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2020 23:37
|
|
|
|
Chewbecca posted:You're indeed immune to all diseases until a global plague wipes out everything around you, animals and people, leaving you to wander a barren lifeless earth alone your threads are gold but they’re all moved a hidden forum and not even mods can access it i wish my cat could talk |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 00:08
|
|
|
|
Macnult posted:your threads are gold but they’re all moved a hidden forum and not even mods can access it your cat can talk but all it does is repeat things from conservative talk radio and insult your cooking. I wish I didn't have a lifetime of crippling debt. |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 00:11
|
|
|
You don't have a lifetime of crippling debt, just a lifetime of being crippled. Crippled but solvent. I wish I could write the best song in history.
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 00:22
|
|
|
Diorama posted:I wish I could write the best song in history. You write the best song, a song that brings people to tears within the first few bars. A song with worldwide acclaim and celebration. Stadiums of people in rapture at your song. But you go completely deaf and never hear it. I wish to go on cruise ship and travel around the world
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 00:35
|
|
|
|
Chewbecca posted:I wish to go on cruise ship and travel around the world You do both of those things, but not simultaneously, as the cruise ship sinks halfway through the trip. Hope you're a good swimmer. e: Oh yeah I wish I could regularly both get a good night's sleep and wake up refreshed. google THIS fucked around with this message at 00:57 on Oct 3, 2020 |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 00:49
|
|
|
|
google THIS posted:You do both of those things, but not simultaneously, as the cruise ship sinks halfway through the trip. Hope you're a good swimmer. you get a good night's sleep and wake up refreshed. you are able to do this because society and its pressures have vanished leaving only the comfort of your bed. the downside is that you are rested and refreshed and have absolutely nothing to do. I want for nothing, someone else can take my monkey paw wish |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 11:30
|
|
|
|
The Voice of Labor posted:you get a good night's sleep and wake up refreshed. you are able to do this because society and its pressures have vanished leaving only the comfort of your bed. the downside is that you are rested and refreshed and have absolutely nothing to do. the monkeys paw slaps you. you hurt its feelings i wish i wasn’t so easily distracted |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 13:06
|
|
|
|
The Voice of Labor posted:you get a good night's sleep and wake up refreshed. you are able to do this because society and its pressures have vanished leaving only the comfort of your bed. the downside is that you are rested and refreshed and have absolutely nothing to do. No fair! You get nothing after putting your last dollar in a snack vending machine and the last item you really want gets stuck but try as you might you can not get it to fall and there is no one to help you. You have no choice but to leave broke and hungry. This happens every time you try your luck with a vending machine. I want a nice truck that runs forever and I never have to work on or requires any maintenance again!
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 13:13
|
|
|
|
Macnult posted:the monkeys paw slaps you. you hurt its feelings You aren't easily distracted, but constantly forget that you have a really small cut on your arm that never stops bleeding and you always forget about it until someone points it out. Twenty Four posted:I want a nice truck that runs forever and I never have to work on or requires any maintenance again!
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 13:16
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:
Words gets out about your mythical perfect truck. You need to stay on the lam with your truck as multiple governments and agencies are trying to take your truck from you. You lose your family and everything you hold dear in order to protect your perfect truck. Your truck consumes you. I wish I could visit a pumpkin patch on Halloween
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 13:20
|
|
|
Chewbecca posted:Words gets out about your mythical perfect truck. You need to stay on the lam with your truck as multiple governments and agencies are trying to take your truck from you. You lose your family and everything you hold dear in order to protect your perfect truck. Your truck consumes you. You arrive at the patch at 11:59 PM on Halloween. The patch is just a bunch of mud and hay. There are no pumpkins remaining. You should have bought your pumpkin two weeks ago! I wish I was a little bit taller. ---------------- |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 18:04
|
|
|
|
Your feet develop an inch and a half of extremely keratinized tissue that is painful to walk on, no matter how much you try to vigorously ped-egg your tortured soles it will not slough off, but at least you got an inch and a half extra height. I wish that my eye sight was 20/20. ---------------- |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 18:08
|
|
Doctor Dogballs posted:You arrive at the patch at 11:59 PM on Halloween. The patch is just a bunch of mud and hay. There are no pumpkins remaining. You should have bought your pumpkin two weeks ago! I wish my credit card had a lower APR. e: well that was poor timing. I'mma fix this, lemme think for a minute. https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 18:11
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Your feet develop an inch and a half of extremely keratinized tissue that is painful to walk on, no matter how much you try to vigorously ped-egg your tortured soles it will not slough off, but at least you got an inch and a half extra height. You wake up one day, and curse yourself for forgetting to remove your contacts the night before because you can see everything clearly. You have an eye appointment today, and you go to see your optometrist. The doctor asks you to remove your contacts. As you attempt to do so, your untrimmed fingernail comes into direct contact with your eye, leaving a deep scratch. Painful, irritating. You are distracted. Your eye doctor insists you do not have your contacts in. You panic, assuming they have somehow folded themselves up into your eyelids. You are not thinking straight because the scratch is driving you nuts; perhaps it is one of those overnight contacts? You are inconsolable; you insist they were in and you demand that the doctor remove the lenses. The unnecessary operation is a disaster; you contract a MRSA and die from sepsis. (I love semicolons.) My wish remains the same: I wish my credit card had a lower APR. https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 18:18
|
|
|
|
Lock posted:You wake up one day, and curse yourself for forgetting to remove your contacts the night before because you can see everything clearly. You have an eye appointment today, and you go to see your optometrist. The doctor asks you to remove your contacts. As you attempt to do so, your untrimmed fingernail comes into direct contact with your eye, leaving a deep scratch. Painful, irritating. You are distracted. Your eye doctor insists you do not have your contacts in. You panic, assuming they have somehow folded themselves up into your eyelids. You are not thinking straight because the scratch is driving you nuts; perhaps it is one of those overnight contacts? You are inconsolable; you insist they were in and you demand that the doctor remove the lenses. The unnecessary operation is a disaster; you contract a MRSA and die from sepsis. (I love semicolons.) Your credit card company calls you to tell you they have lowered the apr on your credit card! They have also raised the credit limit allowing you to go on a rediculous shopping spree that puts you further into debt than you were before. I wish I had a fancy sports car. |
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 18:44
|
|
|
Elmnt80 posted:I wish I had a fancy sports car. You are granted a fancy sports car: the 1976 Porsche 924. This car is renowned for being a lemon and you end up bankrupting yourself paying for its maintenance and upkeep. I wish I was a world famous author
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2020 23:29
|
|
|
|
Chewbecca posted:I wish I was a world famous author Your books are deservedly renowned but you miss some fine print on the movie deal and lose all creative control, and the horrendously lame, shallow, bubblegum pop-ridden film adaptations become your legacy. I wish I was a world famous author with a faithfully adapted, artful, and well received series of movies based on my books. |
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2020 01:36
|
|
|
google THIS posted:I wish I was a world famous author with a faithfully adapted, artful, and well received series of movies based on my books. your movie series becomes a smash hit and you become a millionaire megastar overnight! unfortunately, you are also jk rowling I wish I felt more confident in myself at my job |
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2020 03:45
|
|
|
sk posted:I wish I felt more confident in myself at my job You're more comfortable in your job, and your work performance improves. Unfortunately your boss is a narcissist and feeling threatened by your new found confidence undermines you at every opportunity until you're forced to resign or get fired I wish all posters in BYOB were online at the same time every day
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2020 07:12
|
|
Chewbecca posted:I wish all posters in BYOB were online at the same time every day You. Must. Post. It is a compulsion, driving you, forcing you to  . All your friends are online, and they are all constantly uploading new, creative, and inspirational threads. You want to be a part of IT ALL. There is not enough time in the day, the week, the month to keep up with all the creativity, but you can't stop. You are one with the YOB, and the YOB is one with you. Your fingers cramp, so you switch to voice recognition. Still, you post. Day turns to night, fall to winter. Your fingers are bloody nubs, your voice long ago gave out. Using eye-tracking input equipment (whoa, that's awesome, what did you just have that lying around for?), just before you succumb to dehydration and malnutrition, you make one last post:'goodnight byob' I wish I could post good. https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2020 13:40
|
|
|
Lock posted:I wish I could post good. You're a good poster....too good. The feds get suspicious, how can someone post such high quality threads and replies for every goddamn thread? How can that be? In the dark of night you're stolen from your bed by masked men. They hurry you away to an underground lab where they run hideous experiments on you to work out how your posting crystal is so powerful. They force you to post threads long into the night. They mock you, yell at you, drip water onto you, torture you. Yet still you post good, so they don't let you go. I want an awesome halloween costume to wear
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 11:34
|
|
|
|
Chewbecca posted:I want an awesome halloween costume to wear You have the best Halloween costume, the best in all of Australia! You have become the face of Australian Halloween, and now are expected to out do yourself every year. With nothing to go on other then the "Tell an Australian about Halloween" thread, you pick up some cheap store bought costume and disappoint your country next year, you ruin the coming of the best holiday for your country forever and they never look back. Omg Chewbecca I never want this to happen you are great and Halloween is great! I want a tasty cold beer that never goes empty!
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 12:06
|
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:You have the best Halloween costume, the best in all of Australia! You have become the face of Australian Halloween, and now are expected to out do yourself every year. With nothing to go on other then the "Tell an Australian about Halloween" thread, you pick up some cheap store bought costume and disappoint your country next year, you ruin the coming of the best holiday for your country forever and they never look back. the beer is always piping hot  I wish I could jump higher than anyone else in the world
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 13:09
|
|
|
|
nut posted:the beer is always piping hot Okay nut, you have to at least give the wish and then make it bad, it was totally a never ending cold beer! "your cold beer isn't cold" doesn't work! But! nut posted:I wish I could jump higher than anyone else in the world You can jump higher then anyone else in the world, but, you don't come down. You just stay up there, stranded, hoping that someone will bring you down. Just waiting for anyone to pull you down again to the surface so you can eat or drink, and socialize again. Once they do you eat a nice meal, get a few drinks in you, enjoy your life, and then jump for joy! Then end up stranded up in the sky again! I still want a never ending cold beer!
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 13:21
|
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:Okay nut, you have to at least give the wish and then make it bad, it was totally a never ending cold beer! "your cold beer isn't cold" doesn't work! But! I maybe can’t read, give me a break. your neverending beer comes in a workboot from a construction worker at the end of a long career  I wish I could read all the words in every post.
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 13:36
|
|
|
|
nut posted:I maybe can’t read, give me a break. You have never ending breaks from me friend, byob love  You wish you could read all the words in a post, and you can, but you can't stop reading them. You just keep reading posts over and over, and while your chill level is off the charts, byob misses your posts because you can't stop reading through old threads and the archives and goldmines. You fade away as a posting legend as you keep sifting through old threads and never get back up to date (I do this sometimes, minus the posting legend part, lol). I wish for a fridge that always has everything I want to eat or drink in it, with no prep required, every time I open the door!
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 13:51
|
|
|
your bank account is automatically billed for all of the food you gorge on and you go bankrupt and the refrigerator gets repossessed i wish for every pedophile to spontaneously combust |
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 19:10
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:i wish for every pedophile to spontaneously combust Pedophiles spontaneously combust but because it's summer in doing so they light everything else on fire. Everyone and everything burns ..including you. edited for awkward phrasing I wish there was a BYOB holiday house we could all go to whenever we want Chewbecca fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Oct 5, 2020
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2020 21:17
|
|
|
that house exists...it is an inflatable bouncy house. but for some reason you didn't get the message. you just came back from soccer practice and you have your cleats on. you're supposed to take your shoes off at the entrance. why didn't you? becuase you didn't get the message. now the house is punctured and deflating and little Bobby up there is about to get a broken neck, because you didn't decleat. I wish I knew how to make the music that exists in my heard audible to the world. https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm |
|
|
#
?
Oct 8, 2020 18:48
|
|
|
|
Lock posted:I wish I knew how to make the music that exists in my heard audible to the world. You now have essentially a brain speaker. Everyone can hear your homemade earworms, but also every other passing thought. #nofilter doesn't even begin to describe your new existence. Your attempts to silence inappropriate or insulting thoughts totally backfires and an intrusive stream of offensiveness drives everyone in your vicinity away. I wish I had a functional, high quality, competently installed, and long lasting new roof, fence, and water softener, at a reasonable and affordable cost, and without all the current bullshit with insurance and home warranty companies balking and contractors using COVID as an excuse to never return calls and scalp you at every turn. |
|
#
?
Oct 8, 2020 20:50
|
|
|
all of these things are dumped in a pile behind your lovely house i wish people were nicer |
|
#
?
Oct 8, 2020 21:02
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 13:09 |
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:
All people are a lot nicer, but in a form of cosmic balance animals become equally not nice. Pet dogs and cats start to ravage and mail their owners. Feral hamsters run the streets, and budgies swoop from the sky to pluck people's eyes out. The very nice people can't bring themselves to harm the animals so they cower inside in fear. Humans eventually die out because they're trapped inside, away from the domineering donkeys and other feral animals. I want to have magical powers, but I'm not a witch so can't be burned at the stake
|
|
#
?
Oct 9, 2020 02:26
|
|